confused

[Caryh 5,206]

People people... I'm an extremely nice person...And just because I am from Canada doesn't mean I don't have experience with different cultures. I have friends from all over the place and I love ethnic food...In no way was I comparing the poster's relationship to my own.

What I am saying... is if you are in a relationship.... and you are in love...

Being mad about what the other person cooks.... seems silly

and being mad about your significant other using their first language to communicate with his family... seems strange.

If I was in a relationship with someone from a different culture.. I would encourage both of those thing...

and if the smell of something he cooked bother me... I would say "Hey.. I don't like the smell of that.. mind if we don't cook that inside anymore? K LOVE YOU"

and if I felt like he was talking about me in his own language to his family.. I would say "Hey.. were you talking about me to your family?...or what were you guys talking about? or..It felt like you were talking about me to your family it made me uncomfortable." ETC

This should be a simple fix... it doesn't make sense to me that this needs to be an issue discussed on a public forum when it is your private relationship issues...

I can understand if you are in an abusive relationship... or something serious is happening... but why post little disagreements on here when you can just work on resolving it with your wife?

I don't think the op knew how to handle the situation, and came here for input if others ran into this. People react differently, and I get the feeling the mother in law being in the home, maybe its even her home, throws another aspect into this situation. We could wish everyone reacted like you say you would, I react pretty much the same way myself. What's done is done, make your wishes for changes for future similar events, but don't get all upset about the past, because its not going to change it.

I can easily see his wife having a bad day at work, getting jumped on by her mother over the smell and foreign language being spoken, not liking the smell herself, and jumping on her husband, who then felt hurt and confused.

[Emily and Nathan 39]

I missed that the Mother was in home.

My bad.

I don't think the op knew how to handle the situation, and came here for input if others ran into this. People react differently, and I get the feeling the mother in law being in the home, maybe its even her home, throws another aspect into this situation. We could wish everyone reacted like you say you would, I react pretty much the same way myself. What's done is done, make your wishes for changes for future similar events, but don't get all upset about the past, because its not going to change it.

I can easily see his wife having a bad day at work, getting jumped on by her mother over the smell and foreign language being spoken, not liking the smell herself, and jumping on her husband, who then felt hurt and confused.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

One inappropriate comment has been removed. The OP has asked a question that is important to him and is seeking your advice. If you cannot participate in this thread constructively, then do not participate at all.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

We dated for 2 years before we got married..when she visited me in Nigeria she ate Nigerian food and she liked it..I live in Nebraska and it's very cold outside that's why I can't cook outside cos of the weather..I feel she is insecured and it really bothers me..about the language..she said her mum doest like when I talk to my parents with my native language cos they feel we talk about them..which doesn't make any sense to me. I don't have any friends here in Nebraska and I speak English all the time except wen my family calls from Nigeria. And I also explain to her what I discuss with my family each time they call

It certainly sounds like a certain level of insecurity on the mother in law's part. I imagine your wife is voicing the concerns of her mother more so then her own, does that sound right since she never had a problem before?

Perhaps as you develop a closer relationship with the MIL she will come to know that it makes you feel at home to be able to speak Igbo with your family. She may not be aware that some of your family don't speak English either so that is your only choice when speaking to them - yes there are some people who really don't understand that the whole world doesn't speak english!

Good luck, I hope this situation smooths itself out

[Dusty345 3]

Thanks everyone for all your advice.God bless

[doublebng 7]

My spouse always cooks fish and I hate it. He is on the computer and phone (sometimes at the same time) talking Farsi to his family. Just part of the package when you marry someone from another area. Sometimes I get irritated but that's life.

lol.......really funny. "FARSI". Anyways, am happy you could bear with him. Thanks for that. Like you said; ITS JUST PART OF THE PACKAGE.

[doublebng 7]

My wife knows not to cook the stinky food in the house. Its kind of a matter of respecting who you live with. She may be able to handle those smells inside the house, but she knows I couldn't handle it, even if I enjoy the taste. Heck I even cook some of those foul smelling things, but always outside so the entire house doesn't reek with the smell for days.

As to her speaking her native tongue with family, she's totally welcome to. I just joke with her that if makes me brains leak out my nose if I'm exposed to it for too many hours. Although I know some people feel you should speak in a language all understand when together, technically she's not part of the conversation when you're talking on the phone to family, and she should accept you wanting to speak your native language when on the phone with them. But if her name is coming up frequently, you might want to switch to English for a bit, so she knows negative things are not being said, or she's not being talked about behind her back.

Nice advice.

[doublebng 7]

We dated for 2 years before we got married..when she visited me in Nigeria she ate Nigerian food and she liked it..I live in Nebraska and it's very cold outside that's why I can't cook outside cos of the weather..I feel she is insecured and it really bothers me..about the language..she said her mum doest like when I talk to my parents with my native language cos they feel we talk about them..which doesn't make any sense to me. I don't have any friends here in Nebraska and I speak English all the time except wen my family calls from Nigeria. And I also explain to her what I discuss with my family each time they call

Nwanne, its crazy, cos i understand how you feel. But not to worry, just keep reassuring her abt your love for her, so it'll help btake the insecurity thing away. As regards the food, Its shocking. But since she doesnt like it, try to fix yourself up with some other food. I had same problems, getting used to the American style of food, but i think am fine now. Lastly, dont forget how we "NIGERIAN MEN" love, (Anything For Our Ladies)..........lol Nuff love, stay safe.

[doublebng 7]

What exactly did you cook? Hope you didn't dare "ogiri" lol

@justojai: Please dnt make me fall off my chair, in laughter.

[doublebng 7]

Your wife needs to understand the sacrifice you have made. You have left everything familiar to you to be with her . So if cooking some food familiar to you (even if it stinks) or talking to your family who may or may not speak English well so you have to talk the language. Ask her if she was in Nigeria how would she feel if you got mad. My husband is from Nigeria and he talks Yoruba to his family all the time. I hear it so much I start to pick up the language a little and when his family calls they get so tickled to hear me say some words which gives them reassurance their son is being taking care. As for the food yes it does stink but it really good and she just needs to accept it. Life is too short to get mad on little things especially the journey we all had to get our loved ones here. Wish you well and don't change who you are because that's probably one of the reason she was attracted to you anyway.

Now, that was so sweet. Thanks for that.

[Angel012110 19]

Everyone has a different opinion about everything. So I don't Know about the Angry Parts but I think Respect should never be lost. If She's not being disrespectful then what the heck, my fiancée hates my Uruguayan food but when I cook it he just says eww and walks away....I just Laugh.

Edited March 29, 2014 by Angel012110