long distance relationship struggles

[AugstAngelFelix 5]

I wish I could skype with my sweetie, internet in south Africa is $#!/, we barely can get what's app to work properly, he's working long hours and the communication is becoming non existent and straining our relationship even more. Even today we broke up to make up all over again, it's not we don't love each other, it's the distance between us. I'm scheduled to go meet his family in January for his birthday, and I can't wait!!!

that's great you get to visit him. I'm sorry to hear that about the apps there :/ but hang in there things will work out if you both are patient and keep busy with work or art etc ❤️❤️❤️

[RLOVESA 1]

totally agree with the long distance relationship struggles i hope to be with my husband soon!

[Grace & Irfan 6]

I wanted to ask or survey so to speak, how many of you,(K1) and me, deal with no seeing your fiancee for months at a time?

I met my fiancee Sept 2012 on Facebook, it didn't take us long yo fall in love, February 2013 was our first face to face meeting, it was like being with an old friend, I returned again in May and became engaged, (no Ring But tattoos of our names over our heart) I've gone to see him 2 other times, once with my son, so as you all may know this becomes very expensive.

The question here is phone calls and texting isn't always enough, or even possible, due to time difference, work schedule, and expenses, how do you keep from fighting or feeling completely miserable going through this?

My fiancee and I know we love each other, its the distance between us and this process that gets in our way, and causes us to just lose it!

Have anyone here experienced this too?

KTich ♥

Yes it was the same with me and my fiance . We saw each other for one week in the last 18 months because of my hectic work schedule . It caused a lot of problems between us , but when there is love ..... there is a way . This process is only temporary , just remember what you are working towards

[JoannaV 173]

Sometimes, when you are unable to have reliable quality communication, it can help to decide to schedule certain times and methods of communicating and other than that NOT communicate. So instead of having lots of missed opportunities and failed phone calls and conversations where your connection is poor and half your words get lost, instead of that you communicate via reliable means (maybe write long emails to each other) and schedule in advance phone calls for when you KNOW you both will be available.

Sometimes it is easier to know that it will be this exact amount of time before you next hear each others voice rather than to be perpetually hoping to speak to them within the next few hours.

[altonbebe 48]

I wanted to add something to the post.

I laid out some ground rules when Bear ( Bebe ) and I started talking. Actually they were more like promises.

Here they are :

1) I promise I will never simply HANG UP on you. This applies to both phone calles, chat sessisons (yahoo messenger), or video chats (skype). If I suddenly disappear, it is because of the technical issues i.e. lap top battery went empty, lost internet, lost power due to electrical i.e. storm.

The last thing a couple needs is to be upset with each other and then suddenly lose the call because of technical issues.

2) I promise to always practice patience between cultural and linquistic differences. We are from different parts of the world. If you say something that hurts my feelings or upsets me, I promise to not become angry quickly. I will ask you to clarify and talk to me about it. I ask you to do the same to me. You will be surprised how well this works.

There will be times when I do not understand something you say. Please be patient with me while we learn each others linquistic dialects. This will take time.

3) I promise to always be true to you. I know and understand that you may have had failed long distant relationship in the past. Please understand that I am different. I am ALWAYS true to this relationship. Please give me the time to not only TELL you I am true, but to SHOW you that I am true.

4) I promise I will always be patient with you. I will show you unconditional love while you grow to learn and know who I am. Yes, there will be times that you will do something that will really upset me or hurt me, but I will be true, slow to anger, fast to forgive, and hold steadfast in our relationship. This I promise you.

5) I promise you that I have both male and female freinds. That is what they are. You will see photos of us together. Both myself with male AND myself with female. They are my freinds. They have been my freinds in the past and in the present. I am WITH YOU. They ( my friends) all know this. I neither hide you nor deny you during conversations with my freind. I openly present you to all my freinds. I openly express my feelings I have for you to all my freinds. I know there will be time you may feel jeolous. Remember, when you come to the day in your heart that you feel " He is my man/woman and I trust him/her totally" That is the day you will feel peace and security within you. Jeolousy will have no place to hide within you.

6) I promise to always support you. This comes in all forms of support no matter the cost.

It took Bear a long time before she finally beleived in everything I promised her. I stuck in there. I never deviated from those promises. I always remained calm, patient, and true to her.

We now have a relationship that is both strong and forgiving. We have a SOLID foundation between the two of us.

This foundation makes a long distant relationship between the two of us possible.

Sorry for mispelled words. I am rather tired this evening.

Edited November 29, 2013 by altonbebe

[JanaC 0]

Hello everyone. I met my husband while I was working in another country as a professor. We had a relationship abroad for a year. When my work ended I came back to my country and so does he. We continued having an online relationship for a year. That time we were talking about getting married. A year have past of long distance relationship and we start with the wedding preparations. He came here to my country and we got married 2010. After two months, he came back to the US and we continued our long distance communications. He decided to petition me to US so we can live there since he prioritizes his work there. And thinks that it would be better to build a family in his country than mine.

A year after we started processing the immigrant visa petition, things got sour. Distance started affecting us. I got tired of communicating through phone everyday and him talking over skype every weekend. Little by little, communication got lesser and lesser. He stopped processing the papers 2012. We are on the stage of filing for affidavit of support. He said that he needs to prove first his financial capacity to support me before we continue with the processing of the paperworks. He worked double time and I keep myself busy at work. We are texting almost every day but eventually it got less frequent.

Year 2013 is the worst year because we never chat nor called each other anymore. Financial support have been discontinued. And even the option of visiting me in my country have not materialized. We texted each other only once a month. I decided to propose to not continue with the immigrant application for me if things is just not going good between us. He said that he still loves me but he just dont have any means to bring me there. He needs to work more and finish his two more terms in school. I got tired of waiting coz I don't feel that I am important to him anymore.

I asked for a divorce several times so I could use again my maiden name in all my legal documents. But he said that he would deal with it at the right time. I don't think it is worth waiting for him to finish all his plans when he doesn't show any affection anymore in his text. I wanted to move on with my life and have my own family and children. But the marriage I had with him is hindering me to engage in another relationship.

How can I divorce him when my country doesn't have divorce. I wanted to move on with my life and not wait for someone who does not have concrete plans about our marriage and about our future. I am thankful that we decided not to have a child yet while we are in this situation. I know there are still great things ahead of me. And if ever I re-marry and raise my own family, I wanted to clear everything from my past with him in a proper way.

If there is anyone who could give me an honest and concerned advice about the legal steps that I need to do so I could file for a legal separation if not divorce. Which is cheaper and which is more realistic approach?

[HoussemAnna 20]

make videos in youtube of pictures with a favorite song, record your self singing, Do little things that make your partner smile in a photo and send it to them, mail little cards or packages, edit photos of you both together and send them( like pizap), be creative and write them a poem, draw them a picture of your last name, I have done henna tattoos with my husband's name and design, i had shirt airbrushed saying Mrs. ( our married last name), had a necklace made i wear says ( our married last name), call at randoms times when i feel low and say " Habibi (my love ) did I tell you today I love you so much?" , send texts of love and support, skype alot, wear your wedding clothes in skype and talk about memories of wedding or trip, dress up and look pretty in clothes our significant other likes, let them watch u in skype doing normal things around house while talking to them, make them presents and send them.. i made my husband a necklace. I actually also got a dresser put it in my room and it is my husband's for once he is here and since we married I have put articles of clothing that are for him inside and nik knacks he would like on the top ... there is many creative ideas just always think of something u would love and do that for them

[NicholasNissel 2]

Me and my fiance talk everyday when he gets home from work.On his days off we talk all day and night long lol.The last time we saw each other was March 6 2013.We will see each other on feb cause his coming to be with us on the interview date too and travel around here.

We don't fight or argue much I think we had a misunderstanding like 3 times which didn't lasted for 10 minutes the longest argument we had lol. If we get so depressed cause of not seeing each other we just tell how much we love each other and we will never give up till we get it.Fighting in a LDR is not gonna help.Instead talk about what you will do when you meet again, when you finally get the visa, things you will do etc etc.Make each other feel loved and no matter how far you are from the love of your life or even how long you can't see each other it's very important to make each other feel that you have nothing to worry about cause when you deeply love someone you are willing to wait no matter how long it takes for you to be together for the rest of your life, and if you won't get it this time then simply do it all over again until you get it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, we will all gonna be with the love of our lives forever if we don't give up.So try to be positive cause all of this suffering and sacrifices will end and it's all gonna be worth it.I will do it again in a flash if I had to.

Hang in there people we will get through this.This is just the first step.Be strong and get on with your daily lives for now find a hobby or anything just get busy so you don't get frustrated so much.Don't read so much on VJ too sometimes it will make your head go crazy hehehehe.

Good luck to all of us Fight fight fight!!!

[Lady Petunia 1]

Skype at night time (my time) and Facebook chat twice a day. Though we talk in skype everyday we still sends pictures pertaining to our daily activities. He took pictures any part of the house especially after he re-arranged the furnitures, took pictures of his vegetable garden, the front yard garden.....etc...etc. it feels like we are together everyday. Everytime we skype, he shows me around the house, sometimes plays music for me. We keep working on thoughtfulness everyday, trust and honesty, these are essential for a long distance relationship works. And we keep reminding ourselves "it is worth the wait"

[Boy&Bell 1]

We sail the same boat.

The processing time defines patience and a lot of prayer. As long as we hold on to God and believe,,,,tomorrow promises the most awaited time to be together endlessly.

Spend the most of each day while skype, fb, viber, whatsapp,etc till they last. Soon, we'll tell ourselves when you read someone post the same way you did before, that we passed that way and we made it through.

Our heart goes to this wonderful website where we can share our feelings with.

God bless us all..

We sail the same boat.

The processing time defines patience and a lot of prayer. As long as we hold on to God and believe,,,,tomorrow promises the most awaited time to be together endlessly.

Spend the most of each day while skype, fb, viber, whatsapp,etc till they last. Soon, we'll tell ourselves when you read someone post the same way you did before, that we passed that way and we made it through.

Our heart goes to this wonderful website where we can share our feelings with.

God bless us all..

We sail the same boat.

The processing time defines patience and a lot of prayer. As long as we hold on to God and believe,,,,tomorrow promises the most awaited time to be together endlessly.

Spend the most of each day while skype, fb, viber, whatsapp,etc till they last. Soon, we'll tell ourselves when you read someone post the same way you did before, that we passed that way and we made it through.

Our heart goes to this wonderful website where we can share our feelings with.

God bless us all..

[NickD 202]

It all boils down to money, or lack of it, not being the son of a billionaire, couldn't hop in my private jet and see her anytime I wanted to.

To get that money, had to take on extra jobs, not only working 16 hours a day, but also on weekends. Ha, told myself, was fat, dumb, and kind of happy before I met her. Not only a pile of it for our USCIS, they sure know how to rob us blind, we do all the work and give them a pile of forms to glance over, but also for their USCIS doctors that rob you blind to fill out a simple form.

But was even worse on her side with crooked judges and notaries to get the required documents we needed to make the USCIS happy. Without stipends to their Miami bank accounts, would take years to get anything done. Then plane tickets.

Our USCIS seems to be more honest in this respect, don't have anything like you may call and expedient fee. With them, you just have to wait your turn in line, and that line is very very long.

And when you make that extra money, the state and federal IRS, and FICA taxes want a huge chunk of it, none of this immigration stuff is tax deducible.

We were also in the same boat as anyone else, living from paycheck to paycheck, had to get our finances in order, get rid of debts, worthless junk we have accumulated realizing the only thing to true happiness was being together. Our entire life structure was altered. So we both had plenty of things to do while waiting.

Ha, was going through this right now, we both sat down and looked over all these Black Friday ads, no way did we want to wait in long lines in cold weather to get into a store. Just ordered one 80 buck item off the internet that we would use both together. When we first got married, wanted to keep her happy, so remodeled our home to her liking. But just purchased the materials and did all the work myself. Didn't go in further debt, we changed each others life.

Never believed in soulmates until I met her. For what we had to go through to be together was a lot of cooperation and hard work and wasn't fun dealing with the USCIS to be automatically guilty of fraud until we proved ourselves innocent.

If you truly want to be together, it takes plenty of hard work, money, and patience, and also lots of study, and both of you have to make this commitment if you really want to be together. We learned in this long process, we could work together, never an argument, but a serious discussion on solving problems, together. And both working hard to get there, together.

[tEe328cEe 12]

You are not alone... i'm on a long distance relationship for almost 3 years already.. and hopefully retiring next year if my visa gets approved and finally be with my love.

We do video calls EVERYDAY..when he's driving on his way to work (he has this thing that holds his phone and he uses speaker phone lol), even if he's at work (if not too busy), when he sleeps, when he goes to the grocery..etc

We eat together through video call too (i'm having lunch and he's having dinner). And we also exercise together (he's on treadmill and i'm exercising through kinect ). It's as if we're together

if Skype fails, we use Facetime (it eats up more battery that's why it's our 2nd option).. if both fail, we switch to voice call using Viber. If the internet connection gets crappy we use iMessage and viber to text each other. We also do have Facebook where i post our screenshots in our video calls (especially the funny one )

We do fight as what normal couples do, but we have one rule "don't let the day pass without fixing the problem" because we'll never know what happens the next day right? So no matter how angry i am with him whenever we have an argument (vice versa), we still end up saying "i love you" at the end of the day. I just know how to handle his anger and he also knows how to handle my "tantrums"

And talking about frustrations of being apart, there are times i get lonely whenever i think about the distance between us, how much i wanted to be with him.. and sometimes i just cant stop myself from crying just because i miss him so bad (i'm glad he knows how to comfort me in those times).

i envy those couples i see whenever i go to the mall or grocery and wishing i could be with my love too..

I've already waited for 3 years, there's no time to give up... i know God listens to my prayers, He'll answer it.. in His own time.

God bless to everyone!

[QueenOfBlades 224]

You'll get through it and it is worth it in the end. We started our relationship around December 2011 and we have been together in person since July 2013. We were best friends since 2008 though. We were engaged and started the K1 January 2013, and I found it terrible being apart from my fiance. The airport security guard and a couple of random American people had to console me in the airport when I had to leave him knowing I wouldn't see him for at least 6 months again as I was in hysterical sobbing. Every now and then on Skype I would get very deep, cry and feel incredibly down and say I can't wait anymore - then waited another 4 months etc.

It does test your relationship but it also strengthens those who can get through it. Just know it will all be worth it in the end and try to spend as much time together on Skype and doing things together (watching movies on Netflix, playing video games online, etc) as possible.

[Zeeshanish 9]

Skype the hell out of each other, thats what we do.

We sometimes go even 18 hours of skyping, doing pretty much everything together

It does suck not seeing your love though

[bigdog 376]

Many of us have survived and you will also, keep the faith. This process is not for the faint of heart, money or time. Hang is there it is worth it.