Trying to help a K1 friend who wants a divorce

[LittleWhoadie 0]

So a friend of mine moved to the USA from Europe to marry a man she met online. It was a genuine marriage, and she came and they were married and she applied for AOS (I do not know if it was approved or not yet).

Anyway, after almost a year of marriage, it became clear that they would not be able to have a successful marriage together. There was no abuse or hatred, but it was stark differences about careers and children that left her realizing they were simply not compatible, so she left the USA to return home and has been these this past year.

The problem is that all she wants is a divorce. Initially, he wanted to reconcile which she did not want. Then he said he was doing it, but made lots of excuses about why the divorce was not complete. And the last few months he has demanded payment of $40,000 to cover his expenses from the marriage, or else he will not agree to the divorce.

The woman was a student in Hungary and has gone back to university and is finishing her education. She does not have money (or time), or probably even the ability to come back to the USA to do anything about this. He has since stopped communicating and says he will not until the money is paid.

What can she do? It is my understanding that the longer the marriage exists, the more potentially harmful it is to the husband (in terms of split of marital property, and/or responsibility for her as a foreign national he married). Clearly, he is hurt and angry - and understandably so, but he is being immature about this and refuses to cooperate.

What would her best course of action be? Remember, she is not looking for anything out of this, she just wants the marriage to be legally over.

[Teripid 5]

Speak with a divorce lawyer about what's required as different states have different laws and requirements (seems like she's back in Hungary / or possibly in the US at another school now from your post). Obviously make sure to cut off any shared accounts or names on anything.

He came over on a K-1 and applied for AOS Is he still in the country and she's not? That typically makes things a lot easier. If she has any record of the conversation (say texts etc) specifically referencing the extortion of $40k that will likely be something the lawyer would find useful.

If she is the typical poor student did she have a co-sponsor etc?

[LittleWhoadie 0]

Speak with a divorce lawyer about what's required as different states have different laws and requirements (seems like she's back in Hungary / or possibly in the US at another school now from your post). Obviously make sure to cut off any shared accounts or names on anything.

He came over on a K-1 and applied for AOS Is he still in the country and she's not? That typically makes things a lot easier. If she has any record of the conversation (say texts etc) specifically referencing the extortion of $40k that will likely be something the lawyer would find useful.

If she is the typical poor student did she have a co-sponsor etc?

After reading your post, maybe I was not completely clear about who is who - sorry about that!

My friend is the wife, she is Hungarian and a medical student in Hungary.

Her husband is an American who was in Hungary studying. They met at university. He finished school and she came back to marry him and (she thought) continue her studies here and have a family. She realized this was not part of his game plan and after a year, decided to leave and go back to her family in Hungary and resume her studies.

He is still living in the USA. For close to a year, she has been back in Hungary. She did originally come on a K-1 and applied for AOS. I am not sure if her AOS was adjudicated before she left or not, but she isn't trying to get or maintain a green card. But she is largely helpless in this situation firstly by being in Hungary, and secondly by not having money to hire lawyers to take care of this.

And now it's complicated by the husbands refusal to return any of her property and refusal to file for a divorce until she pays him $40k as compensation for money he spent during the year she was here (and she was not working).

I really have no idea what her rights or potential liabilities are in all of this... trying to figure it out somewhat without having to spend money she doesn't have.

Edited September 9, 2013 by LittleWhoadie

[VanessaTony 3,567]

He is blackmailing her.

My suggestion is to forget about her property in the US and file for divorce in Hungary.

[LittleWhoadie 0]

He is blackmailing her.

My suggestion is to forget about her property in the US and file for divorce in Hungary.

Thanks.

I had no idea she could file in Hungary. How could a court in Hungary have any jurisdiction over an American marriage in Kansas, though? And would the Hungarian court "split the marital property" according to USA laws or their laws?

As I said, she does not want anything except her stuff back. It is not only clothes, but personal belongings like family photos and photo albums, her mothers wedding dress that she got married in, but also clothes, her suitcases, her jewelry, etc. It's worth a few thousand $$ at least. She is willing to give up any claim on any of the marital property, IF he returns that stuff. But if he refuses to return her stuff then it seems fair that he would compensate her for that stuff's value (which would still be less, IMO, than her "share" of the marital property)

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Thanks.

I had no idea she could file in Hungary. How could a court in Hungary have any jurisdiction over an American marriage in Kansas, though? And would the Hungarian court "split the marital property" according to USA laws or their laws?

As I said, she does not want anything except her stuff back. It is not only clothes, but personal belongings like family photos and photo albums, her mothers wedding dress that she got married in, but also clothes, her suitcases, her jewelry, etc. It's worth a few thousand $$ at least. She is willing to give up any claim on any of the marital property, IF he returns that stuff. But if he refuses to return her stuff then it seems fair that he would compensate her for that stuff's value (which would still be less, IMO, than her "share" of the marital property)

Where they were married doesn't matter. It's where either is living that determines where the divorce could be filed. If she's lived in Hungary long enough she can file there, or wherever she's living.

You're right though the court in the US, and likewise the court in Hungary, have no say over the property/assets in the other country. They can TRY of course, but getting it enforced is the issue (I've read it's one of the reasons why in child custody situations the US court doesn't like to permit the child to leave the US because its out of their jurisdiction). My suggestion of filing the divorce in Hungary was because you said she just wanted to be divorced, and that would be the easiest way (of course not knowing the laws there).

So her property, the only possibility for her is to return to the US to visit, contact the Sheriff that they are in the middle of a divorce and she needs to gather her personal property (things like photos, and wedding dress are obvious, jewellery could be different). There's no guarantee they'll let her in the house (she has abandoned the marital residence) but it's pretty much her only legal choice unless she has friend in the area that can go and get it for her.

Most likely she'll have to cut her losses unless she can get to the US and fight in court (and if he destroys the things out of spite - which I've heard of - she won't get them back anyway) and the legal fees for that could be substantial.

[LittleWhoadie 0]

Where they were married doesn't matter. It's where either is living that determines where the divorce could be filed. If she's lived in Hungary long enough she can file there, or wherever she's living.

You're right though the court in the US, and likewise the court in Hungary, have no say over the property/assets in the other country. They can TRY of course, but getting it enforced is the issue (I've read it's one of the reasons why in child custody situations the US court doesn't like to permit the child to leave the US because its out of their jurisdiction). My suggestion of filing the divorce in Hungary was because you said she just wanted to be divorced, and that would be the easiest way (of course not knowing the laws there).

So her property, the only possibility for her is to return to the US to visit, contact the Sheriff that they are in the middle of a divorce and she needs to gather her personal property (things like photos, and wedding dress are obvious, jewellery could be different). There's no guarantee they'll let her in the house (she has abandoned the marital residence) but it's pretty much her only legal choice unless she has friend in the area that can go and get it for her.

Most likely she'll have to cut her losses unless she can get to the US and fight in court (and if he destroys the things out of spite - which I've heard of - she won't get them back anyway) and the legal fees for that could be substantial.

Thank you so much for your help.

I have been researching the laws and it seems she is entitled to half the marital property, and of course all of her personal pre-marriage property. I suggested to her that she should make an offer to him that if he returns her stuff, she will agree to receive none of the marital property. That's all she really wants, and it is less than she is entitled to. Hopefully he will agree.

When I say "things like jewelry", I don't mean stuff that he bought for her during the marriage, I mean the stuff she had and took to the USA with her. Some if it includes family jewelry that was handed down from her grandmother, family photos, etc. As I am sure you understand, when moving to another country to be with someone, you would take your more prized and sentimental possessions. When she left, she did not think it was going to be the final time that she left, so all of those personal and sentimental items are still with him (assuming he hasn't thrown them away). She does not want anything of his or of theirs during from the marriage, but she wants her personal items and to do everything possible to get them.

My thinking was that if she lets him know that, by law, she is entitled to not only her possessions, but also half of the marital property (including increases in the value of his 401k, increases in the value of his home, etc), then maybe he will realize that returning her personal items is not only legally required and ethically fair, but is actually a very good deal for him compared to what she could push for.

Failing that, she can also file for the divorce in Hungary - and at least be removed from the legal aspect of marriage, although that would probably leave her in a lurch on her personal pre-marriage property. But right now he is refusing to file for divorce, refusing to send her any of her things, and is demanding $40k before he will agree to a divorce.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Thank you so much for your help.

I have been researching the laws and it seems she is entitled to half the marital property, and of course all of her personal pre-marriage property. I suggested to her that she should make an offer to him that if he returns her stuff, she will agree to receive none of the marital property. That's all she really wants, and it is less than she is entitled to. Hopefully he will agree.

When I say "things like jewelry", I don't mean stuff that he bought for her during the marriage, I mean the stuff she had and took to the USA with her. Some if it includes family jewelry that was handed down from her grandmother, family photos, etc. As I am sure you understand, when moving to another country to be with someone, you would take your more prized and sentimental possessions. When she left, she did not think it was going to be the final time that she left, so all of those personal and sentimental items are still with him (assuming he hasn't thrown them away). She does not want anything of his or of theirs during from the marriage, but she wants her personal items and to do everything possible to get them.

My thinking was that if she lets him know that, by law, she is entitled to not only her possessions, but also half of the marital property (including increases in the value of his 401k, increases in the value of his home, etc), then maybe he will realize that returning her personal items is not only legally required and ethically fair, but is actually a very good deal for him compared to what she could push for.

Failing that, she can also file for the divorce in Hungary - and at least be removed from the legal aspect of marriage, although that would probably leave her in a lurch on her personal pre-marriage property. But right now he is refusing to file for divorce, refusing to send her any of her things, and is demanding $40k before he will agree to a divorce.

Well, another suggestion is for her to go back and while he's at work and get her stuff. Until he's filed he doesn't have sole possession of the marital residence and she DID just go to visit family.

You don't know what legal status she had or has so she'll need to find that out.

Also, what she's entitled to, and what she gets are two different things. Plus, after such a short marriage (and that they've been separated for almost a year) she's probably not entitled to much at all. If she can't attend the hearings in the US, then he could end up with whatever he wants. he can draw it out, multiple hearings, a lot of expense, and she'll end up with nothing after paying all her bills. He can still (though it's not "right") sell or destroy her property, it is in his possession. Sure she could try and get the monetary value, but if she's not living in the US how is she enforcing that? How does she follow up on contempt charges (if he fails to do what he was supposed to) from outside the US?

I'm not saying she shouldn't, but I am pointing it out as a major flaw in US immigration and court laws. Makes it next to impossible for immigrant (or no longer immigrant) spouses to fights their battles or get what they're entitled to. Makes it REALLY hard.

Personally if i were her, I would tell him she needs time to get money together (to keep him on her good side so he doesn't destroy her stuff) then I would return to the US as a visitor (or on my GC or AP if I still had it) and ask a sheriff for assistance (or if she still has house keys going by herself while he's at work) to enter the house and take back ONLY her personal possessions. I would then either stay with a friend while I filed for divorce (if I had the time and didn't have work or school etc), or return to my home country and file there.

I wish your friend the best of luck.

Edited September 9, 2013 by VanessaTony

[LittleWhoadie 0]

Well, another suggestion is for her to go back and while he's at work and get her stuff. Until he's filed he doesn't have sole possession of the marital residence and she DID just go to visit family.

You don't know what legal status she had or has so she'll need to find that out.

Also, what she's entitled to, and what she gets are two different things. Plus, after such a short marriage (and that they've been separated for almost a year) she's probably not entitled to much at all. If she can't attend the hearings in the US, then he could end up with whatever he wants. he can draw it out, multiple hearings, a lot of expense, and she'll end up with nothing after paying all her bills. He can still (though it's not "right") sell or destroy her property, it is in his possession. Sure she could try and get the monetary value, but if she's not living in the US how is she enforcing that? How does she follow up on contempt charges (if he fails to do what he was supposed to) from outside the US?

I'm not saying she shouldn't, but I am pointing it out as a major flaw in US immigration and court laws. Makes it next to impossible for immigrant (or no longer immigrant) spouses to fights their battles or get what they're entitled to. Makes it REALLY hard.

Personally if i were her, I would tell him she needs time to get money together (to keep him on her good side so he doesn't destroy her stuff) then I would return to the US as a visitor (or on my GC or AP if I still had it) and ask a sheriff for assistance (or if she still has house keys going by herself while he's at work) to enter the house and take back ONLY her personal possessions. I would then either stay with a friend while I filed for divorce (if I had the time and didn't have work or school etc), or return to my home country and file there.

I wish your friend the best of luck.

Thank you so much Vanessa. I appreciate your comments and thoughts.

[Caryh 5,206]

Thank you so much for your help.

I have been researching the laws and it seems she is entitled to half the marital property, and of course all of her personal pre-marriage property. I suggested to her that she should make an offer to him that if he returns her stuff, she will agree to receive none of the marital property. That's all she really wants, and it is less than she is entitled to. Hopefully he will agree.

When I say "things like jewelry", I don't mean stuff that he bought for her during the marriage, I mean the stuff she had and took to the USA with her. Some if it includes family jewelry that was handed down from her grandmother, family photos, etc. As I am sure you understand, when moving to another country to be with someone, you would take your more prized and sentimental possessions. When she left, she did not think it was going to be the final time that she left, so all of those personal and sentimental items are still with him (assuming he hasn't thrown them away). She does not want anything of his or of theirs during from the marriage, but she wants her personal items and to do everything possible to get them.

My thinking was that if she lets him know that, by law, she is entitled to not only her possessions, but also half of the marital property (including increases in the value of his 401k, increases in the value of his home, etc), then maybe he will realize that returning her personal items is not only legally required and ethically fair, but is actually a very good deal for him compared to what she could push for.

Failing that, she can also file for the divorce in Hungary - and at least be removed from the legal aspect of marriage, although that would probably leave her in a lurch on her personal pre-marriage property. But right now he is refusing to file for divorce, refusing to send her any of her things, and is demanding $40k before he will agree to a divorce.

The problem with your assumption of increasing marital assets while they were married for a year, is its quite possible this was a negative asset year with the cost of immigration and marriage. That would leave her with a share of the debt, not assets. Too many people in divorces only want to count what went up value, without considering the losses. Even if she won assets, which would have to be in a court action in the USA to have the jurisdiction to do anything about it, she would need to return to the USA if he didn't provide those assets. Agree with VanessaTony, that her best option would be to return to the marital home and get those things she left behind herself. I'm not sure why she didn't bring them with her when she left, if they meant so much to her. After being gone for a year, and declaring herself as not returning, it would be best to get a sheriff to bring her in and get them. Going in alone herself at this point may constitute criminal trespass, as she has abandoned the home and marriage for a significant time period. People will separate for years without getting a divorce, but with every intention of one day divorcing, it does no give them the right to re-enter a home they no longer have residence to because the divorce has not been filed. BTW she would have a very hard time enforcing and increase in marital assets during the time period she has abandoned the home and marriage. A divorce lawyer could easily shut that option down based on her abandonment of the marriage.

The guy is being an ###, to demand $40,000 if she wants her personal belongings, but none of us knows the real costs and losses this guy suffered either. I doubt you're fully aware of what all was spent on this process. They may have had a $30,000 wedding for all we know, which is debt he's working at paying back alone now. I think I'd be a little pissed and not very agreeable if that was my situation to.