Feeling guilty...

[Sinergy 3]

Why do you need a "real" diamond at this point? You can always get one down the road. Check this site if you want a ring between $100 to $200. Maybe your fiance can afford that much. My mom has one and she took it to 3 different jewlers to have appraised and not one of them was able to tell it was not a real diamond.

http://www.qvc.com/qic/qvcapp.aspx/app.nav...THEAD-_-JEWELRY

They mustn't have been good jewelers!

Ok guys, off I go to finshi my day....ttyl

Actually they are quite good. And the rings are also quite beautiful. Glad to see there is no shortage of ignorance here today.

ahhh yes QVC rules!!

[no name 1]

First off, any jeweler that can't tell the diff between a gem & a fake is not a good jeweler. Certainly not one I'd ever go to.

Jewelry that turns my finger black or is fake is not my style. I'd rather wear a sterling silver ring than a fake diamond.

If you want a ring, wait a few years, stop dwelling on it! Think about beginning life together with the love of your life.

Edited December 1, 2006 by devilette

[Sinergy 3]

First off, any jeweler that can't tell the diff between a gem & a fake is not a good jeweler. Certainly not one I'd ever go to.

Jewelry that turns my finger black or is fake is not my style. I'd rather wear a sterling silver ring than a fake diamond.

If you want a ring, wait a few years, stop dwelling on it! Think about beginning life together with the love of your life.

I was like that with my sister. when she got engaged she got a small diamond, well she cried about it, wanting a bigger one, not being there to PICK it out. i was upset that she was so much more concerned with the material matters and not even starting to be happy to marry the man she loves, im so glad i came out opposite

[peezey 0]

First off, any jeweler that can't tell the diff between a gem & a fake is not a good jeweler. Certainly not one I'd ever go to.

Jewelry that turns my finger black or is fake is not my style. I'd rather wear a sterling silver ring than a fake diamond.

If you want a ring, wait a few years, stop dwelling on it! Think about beginning life together with the love of your life.

Who said it's turning a finger black? They are set in gold or silver witha rhodium finish, nothing turning anything black.

[edsperfect 25]

Ok, perhaps "bite me" was a bit out of line. However, it pissed me off. I feel bad enough about feeling this way the way it is without someone throwing it in my face and then telling me something that I had already mentioned to begin with in what I perceive to be a very snarky attitude.

Well, no snarkiness was intended in my post. Anyway if you already had the answers, then why ask the question?

As for me "humiliating" him, that was definitely NOT my intention. It was actually quite the opposite. He feels bad enough about it the way it is, so I came here to try and get ideas on how to cope with it because I felt that this is the place where the most people could relate. My intention was merely to try to get some advice on how to deal with this because I already know that it is wrong for me to feel this way.

Would I choose my fiancé over a ring? Hell yes I would!!! He's more precious to me than anything in this world and beyond, and I am very, very happy that we will be able to be together. As much as I love him, though, this issue still bothers me. I had had the whole big wedding dream ever since I was a child, and I can't just snap my fingers and make it go away. I wish I could, BELIEVE ME.

I spend some time each day driving back and forth to clientsd and the office. Sometimes during that time i listen to Dr. Laura. Now many of you may hate or or love her. i do it because it gives me some insight into the people that call.

The ones i love are those that call and say, "I am going out with or married to the most wonderful man. Everything is perfect except for this one thing..."

The problem isn't with not having a ring from future hubby. Itis your desire for all the perfect advertised things you think are important when in reality they are not and never will be.

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself you should be damn thankful you found someone that lovers you and is strong enough to move from his own cpountry to yours to make you happy.I would tell you to go buy a Zircon ring, which no one can tell the difference from a diamond, except you would then feel bad you didn't have the REAL thing.

Also, I never even wanted some extravagant, multi-thousand-dollar ring. I'm not into gaudiness or big diamonds, and I'm not one to show off. Hell, I like attracting as little attention as possible to myself.

When you were a child I bet you never thought that thrown into the mix would be the expense of a visa for your fiance before marriage. I am not saying " snap your fingers" and make it all go away. Not at all. Everyone has dreams and visions of how they want things for themselves. No one is dogging you for that; My point was that if HE already feels bad about not getting you a ring-like you say- ( and that's understandable...I know if we were in yours and your fiance's position; Mark would feel bad too--old fashioned like that), then why make it worse by complaining about it and his financial situation to a bunch of strangers on here? I would be hurt if I were him. I am just trying to pose a different point of view. We are all different here; different opinions does not ness. mean automatic insult or snarkiness just because it's a different viewpoint from yours or not the fluffball/canned/standard response you were maybe expecting. Yes, I am blunt. Sometimes being direct is ness. because of the nature of the written word ( without facial expression or voice inflection words and meanings have to be clear). I make no apologies for clarity or bluntness.

Forget about your " bite me" response-it takes more than that to "piss me off"

[Dean iWait 0]

First off, any jeweler that can't tell the diff between a gem & a fake is not a good jeweler. Certainly not one I'd ever go to.

Jewelry that turns my finger black or is fake is not my style. I'd rather wear a sterling silver ring than a fake diamond.

If you want a ring, wait a few years, stop dwelling on it! Think about beginning life together with the love of your life.

So 14k or 18k Gold turns your finger black..?? That's interesting. And they were quite experienced and well known jewlers. So your some kind of expert on who's a good jeweler I guess. You all might want to pull your head out of your arze too. If you want to learn something check this out, this was 3 years ago anyway. Real diamonds have already been made for years now! Not fake, Not cubic zirconium, Real Diamonds.

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/11.09/diamond.html

[Ban Hammer 14,297]

[no name 1]

What I was referrring to...

as far as an engagment ring, my husband had NO money. and when he proposed over 2 years ago he worked for his dad in his medieval mueseum until he gathered enough money to buy me a ring. it didnt last long, it did eventually turn my finger to bla after a year, but just to see the joy on his face to give me this ring was so wonderful i wouldnt have cared if it was a cheerio!

I have a real diamond, sourced from a PC place as well.

I have no need to research fake diamonds or go to unreputable jewelers. I have a friend who went to the GIA & it was not an easy path. I would only use GIA certified jewelers.

Edited December 1, 2006 by devilette

[Dean iWait 0]

What I was referrring to...

as far as an engagment ring, my husband had NO money. and when he proposed over 2 years ago he worked for his dad in his medieval mueseum until he gathered enough money to buy me a ring. it didnt last long, it did eventually turn my finger to bla after a year, but just to see the joy on his face to give me this ring was so wonderful i wouldnt have cared if it was a cheerio!

I have a real diamond, sourced from a PC place as well.

I have no need to research fake diamonds or go to unreputable jewelers. I have a friend who went to the GIA & it was not an easy path. I would only use GIA certified jewelers.

Well obviously some of our lower income members don't have the kind of money you do. And I understand it takes much less time and effort to stay ignorant. I still love ya anyway Dev.

[meauxna 15]

Anyone have any tips on how to deal with it? Anyone been in the same situation? Even knowing that I'm not alone will help.

Well, I just read yet another depressing thread on VJ--yours.

If it makes you feel any better, we had virtually the same conversation between ourselves last night & we've been together 5 years now.

I'm not a big jewelry person, we are not overly materialistic, we've been living tight to use our money elsewhere and so the DAH has not bought me jewelry as gifts. In fact, we don't really 'do' the gift thing (the past 3 Xmas we've given each other a trip together as our gift). But we started our annual convo about gifts last night and the 'nice stuff' topic came up.

Deep down, I sorta felt like you say here!

And then I said, I acknowledge that it is totally unreasonable. I admitted that it wasn't not the thing as much as all these stories and emotions made up *behind* the thing, all of which *I* fill in. DAH observed that it was then, for him, like walking a cheese wire--how would he know if he'd hit the right combination of my mood, emotion, value of the thing, is it something I'd like anyway etc.

I agreed. It's totally unreasonable! But it's still a little thing, there. *I'd* like to feel like my husband was SO swept away with passion that he has to buy me a significant display of that affection! (but see, all that is fiction that I just invented)

What I read in your post was just a little whine, an acceptable whine in the way it was posted. Of course it was taken totally literally by others, and you were chewed up for it.

Even when we've made a mature decision in actuality, we can still have a little 'want' in our hearts. I do sometimes regret the consequences of my choices---alternates to a lot of traditional ways of doing things. Showing up in certain situations without a big ring to flaunt isn't one of my biggest issues, but it's come up. Then I think about the Big Picture, and I listen to others telling me how lucky I am to (fill in the blank)--it's not luck, it's just different choices. And if we'd decided to spend the money on a (fill in the blank), we wouldn't have had certain trips, investments, work choices etc

So, if the ring is important to you--fund it and drag him along. Try to explain the emotion behind the thing and what it will be filling for YOU. If he gets you, he'll get that this is important to YOU. He'll imbue the purchase with what you need, if you let him. I think as long as YOU understand your motives for your want, whatever you do is fine.

And hey folks, I didn't see her mention 'diamond' anywhere. Maybe everyone should think about how much of their own biases and expectations are showing through. And for the gods' sake--remember that there are lots of different types of people in the world, and it's ok to not all be the same!

[Cassie 8]

thank you meauxna, for eloquently expressing quite a bit of what I have wanted to say on this thread and couldn't quite find the right wording.

(I didn't see her mention the word diamond either!)

[RaspberrySwirl 20]

Anyone have any tips on how to deal with it? Anyone been in the same situation? Even knowing that I'm not alone will help.

Well, I just read yet another depressing thread on VJ--yours.

If it makes you feel any better, we had virtually the same conversation between ourselves last night & we've been together 5 years now.

I'm not a big jewelry person, we are not overly materialistic, we've been living tight to use our money elsewhere and so the DAH has not bought me jewelry as gifts. In fact, we don't really 'do' the gift thing (the past 3 Xmas we've given each other a trip together as our gift). But we started our annual convo about gifts last night and the 'nice stuff' topic came up.

Deep down, I sorta felt like you say here!

And then I said, I acknowledge that it is totally unreasonable. I admitted that it wasn't not the thing as much as all these stories and emotions made up *behind* the thing, all of which *I* fill in. DAH observed that it was then, for him, like walking a cheese wire--how would he know if he'd hit the right combination of my mood, emotion, value of the thing, is it something I'd like anyway etc.

I agreed. It's totally unreasonable! But it's still a little thing, there. *I'd* like to feel like my husband was SO swept away with passion that he has to buy me a significant display of that affection! (but see, all that is fiction that I just invented)

What I read in your post was just a little whine, an acceptable whine in the way it was posted. Of course it was taken totally literally by others, and you were chewed up for it.

Even when we've made a mature decision in actuality, we can still have a little 'want' in our hearts. I do sometimes regret the consequences of my choices---alternates to a lot of traditional ways of doing things. Showing up in certain situations without a big ring to flaunt isn't one of my biggest issues, but it's come up. Then I think about the Big Picture, and I listen to others telling me how lucky I am to (fill in the blank)--it's not luck, it's just different choices. And if we'd decided to spend the money on a (fill in the blank), we wouldn't have had certain trips, investments, work choices etc

So, if the ring is important to you--fund it and drag him along. Try to explain the emotion behind the thing and what it will be filling for YOU. If he gets you, he'll get that this is important to YOU. He'll imbue the purchase with what you need, if you let him. I think as long as YOU understand your motives for your want, whatever you do is fine.

And hey folks, I didn't see her mention 'diamond' anywhere. Maybe everyone should think about how much of their own biases and expectations are showing through. And for the gods' sake--remember that there are lots of different types of people in the world, and it's ok to not all be the same!

QFT.

Some of us need to get off of their damn soapboxes. For serious.

[Sinergy 3]

What I was referrring to...

as far as an engagment ring, my husband had NO money. and when he proposed over 2 years ago he worked for his dad in his medieval mueseum until he gathered enough money to buy me a ring. it didnt last long, it did eventually turn my finger to bla after a year, but just to see the joy on his face to give me this ring was so wonderful i wouldnt have cared if it was a cheerio!

I have a real diamond, sourced from a PC place as well.

I have no need to research fake diamonds or go to unreputable jewelers. I have a friend who went to the GIA & it was not an easy path. I would only use GIA certified jewelers.

Well obviously some of our lower income members don't have the kind of money you do. And I understand it takes much less time and effort to stay ignorant. I still love ya anyway Dev.

We didnt have the money for the rings bc we were saving for a house, which we found much more important than rings cant shelter kids under a ring also for dev, my style was never fake jewlery either, but since edi is the man i love, it didnt matter to me either way.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I have a question to the OP- how tall are you?

[KarenCee 3]

I am wearing the wedding rings that belonged to my beloved mother, who passed away last December. Joel gave me an inexpensive silver and blue topaz ring as an engagement ring just after we started this process, so I'd have something to "show off"...as if I needed anything! Anyway...when Momma passed, I felt that it would be such an honour to wear her rings. Joel is wearing the wedding band his father (who passed away a few years ago) gave his mom. It's a very nice semi wide gold band and Momma's rings are gold as well. Joel's engagement ring he gave me is also on my right hand...I treasure it more than all the riches in this world because he gave it from his heart. This damn process takes everything you have and then some, but to have him here with me, I would gladly do it all again.

To the OP - I'm sure you've gotten plenty of advice from a lot of people. It will be up to YOU as to how you work this out in your mind. Hope you get this worked out and settled.