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moonlightdreams

so how do you go out and explore your area/city alone?

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ive been here in california since february and to be honest i havent gone anywhere without my husband. its great if he even likes to take me out on walks but the only time we go out is when we meet his friends or if i ask him to, and he appears to dislike it. he doesnt like standing when i go to look for clothes. the only clothes i brought were for winter because he said we should buy summer clothes here. anyway before we got married he had his own life..hed do his own thing and he doesnt let anyone tell him what to do, even me.

anyway i want to go out alone, just walk around the neighbourhood. but his parents told me dont do it cause it isnt safe. it looks like a safe neighbourhood so i dont know what they are talking about. i do listen to them though i cant afford being hurt or needing medical help right now, so i want to play it safe.

that said, i want to roam aroudn. im stuck in the house all day doing my husbands chores. i cant work yet. i want to go to the grocery on my own but i dont know how. ive been told merely stepping out 20-30 feet from the house is dangerous, let alone walk to a bus stop?

for other fiancees from other countries, how did you do it? i dont have friends around here. my friends are in the east coast and i am here in california, not just california but a part in california where it is really almost the middle of nowhere.

Edited by moonlightdreams

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That's crazy! Where in California do you live? I can't imagine anywhere there that's so dangerous that you can't go out during the day. You should look into joining a social group, like a book club, or maybe take some classes on a topic that interests you, that would good be a good way to make some new friends. I'm in a country right now where I know very few people so I know it can be difficult and take some time, but getting out there is the best thing you can do! Go for it and good luck!


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Hey - I've been in that situation many times and you should definitely make it a priority to make some new friends! Try Meetup.com! It's a great resource to find something you are interested in, with likeminded people and you can organise social activities with them. I've done social activities like walking, drinks, cinema, fashion meet ups. Good luck! I am sure you will succeed!

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Advice....? Find a filipino group there close to where you live. Im sure there are Philippine cutlrure groups close. Do a web search. Or like others have said and find some in Meetup.com. I would also suggest joining the facebook groups. I can tell you there are so many out there. Get out and enjoy where you live. If you give me where you live I will help you find some ways to socialize. I have many resources. Just let me know.

Scot

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You need to get out or you'll go crazy,I do think your husband could do more to help you settle in, you're making it sound like he's brought you over and is now happy to have you stay in and take care of his needs. Thats not fair if thats the case.......he should be doing everything he can to help you feel at home. Have a talk with him and tell him you feel isolated maybe he could help you find local meet up groups with people from your home country? The other posters have made so great suggestions I just think it would be nice if your husband supported you more. Its tough being away from everything and everyone you grew up with and loved. Good luck.


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Look up the crime rate in your area, see if its true. Where do you live? DId you do any research on your area before you arrived?


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any university on the way to your husband's work? ask him to drop you off at the campus each day, and pick you up on the way home.

universities have excellent police forces, you will not be molested .


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i live here in santa ana, orange county..i wish there was a mall i could go to , to walk around in during the day. uscis emailed me saying they will send me my employment card a month from now, i hope i can get a job soon. ive been crying at night..lol. kind of homesick and a lot of other things.

lauracf and chrisparty: i will try that , thank you.

scott: not a lot of them here, and it seems the one i come across to arent very friendly or you know, they dont take too kindly to people who just got here. im kind of used to that behavior so its not a surprise to me.

lynndy: it seems like that to me, to be honest.

harpa: i did some research and i saw good museums, etc from google.com

darnell: he goes to work really early, because he works in los angeles

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moonlightdreams - you should go with him, each day, get dropped off at a university.

Seriously.

make the time, wake up early also.


Sometimes my language usage seems confusing - please feel free to 'read it twice', just in case !
Ya know, you can find the answer to your question with the advanced search tool, when using a PC? Ditch the handphone, come back later on a PC, and try again.

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I can't believe that Santa Ana is so dangerous. Its not like Compton, Hawiian Gardens, or Bellflower.. I'm not suggesting you cause issues with your husband, but why don't you just come out and ask him why it is so dangerous, and ask him to show you areas where you can walk to, or where you can catch a bus. He should show you how to get around by yourself. One thing I would ask... Why did you take me out of my country and move me to a house in an area where I am imprisoned because it is unsafe. You can't build a relationship like this. If you are unhappy, you NEED to discuss things with your husband and figure out options that are acceptable to both of you.

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Do you know if there is a dog park nearby? Even if you don't have a dog, it is a great place to go because people always like to tell you about their dogs. Also dog owners can tell you where they like to go for walks and which areas to avoid. Just a thought


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My husband and I lived in Downtown Santa Monica when I first arrived in the US. It felt safe so when he'd go to work, I would walk around the neighborhood. I also started exploring Whole Foods, the Third Street Promenade, Farmer's Market on Wednesdays, the Y, the public library, the beach, and little cafes.

Edited by Calypso

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Sounds like (as others have said) you need to find some others locally who can start showing you around. I'm the fiancé coming from another country but as I'm a middle age British male who's has visited the area I will be living in countless times my situation isn't comparable to yours.

I can understand your partner not being able to show you around during the day as he's at work but he might be a bit more considerate to your needs especially as a new immigrant. I'm not a great fan of clothes shopping for myself never mind with my partner but sometimes you gotta step up to the plate ClockWatch2.gif

How are you going to get a job if you can't navigate your local area ?


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Unfortunately there are parts of Santa Ana that are undesireable. But, if you are near a main road you should be safe to walk there and use the shops. When my wife first arrived we took a walk several times to the closets shops, Target, Ralphs, Kohls, Sprouts, etc. Shen soon learned the route and goes shopping whenever she wants. If you can get to Edinger or Warner, you can catch an easy bus ride to Mile Square Park (which is quite safe) and there are numerous shops around there including a Sam's club. Some of my wife's friends here told her that buses are not safe but that is just not true. It is easiest to find a bus line that is straight and travels on a main road so you don't have to worry about transfers. If you live in North Santa Ana there is always the Block at Orange, maybe your husband can drop you there once and awhile and pick you up on the way home. It is important to get out and experience your new surroundings. If not, the homesickness may become overwhelming.

And the clothes shopping thing, that seems to be a universal male response. I have tried to be more patient especially when I learned that "shopping" for women is more about just looking at stuff than buying. When a man wants a pair of shoes he goes in the store and buys them. We went to Macy's a couple weeks ago to get the wife some shoes. She had to look at them all, try on numerous different styles before settling on a couple of pairs. I found that having my iPad with me made the hour so much more bearable.

Edited by khwaidee1

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