Should I be jealous of my husband's ex gf?

[degreeofhope 2]

That's what RESPECT to YOU means. Not to everyone.

Everyone has their own cup of tea. Just because i do something doesn't mean everyone has to do the same.

everyone has their own interpretation of RESPECT.

[Darnell 8,478]

IMO, a dog that isn't socialized by it's owner really needs to be turned it at the pound for euthenasia. The owner has had the dog long enough to go through any training already.

[twinkee23 0]

so what was final decision?

He didn't go see her when she asked if they could meet up. Because I told him not to. However, he thinks I do not trust him, because I would not let him see her, even if he wanted to. He says he no longer feels anything for her but still sympathizes with what she's going through at the moment. He still sees her as family because of the length of their relationship. Although he wanted to meet up with her and the pet, he said he'd always put me first that's why he listened to what I wanted. With what he said, it feels like I am the selfish one in this situation...

[twinkee23 0]

To the original OP,

I'm never in close contact with my ex, eventhough i have her phone number and facebook. I never even add her to my facebook.

I do that out of respect for my wife. It's ok to bump into each other on the street or at social events, but i would never try to be in close contact with her.

I know my wife would not say, but deep down inside, if I make contact with my ex, she would be hurt a little.

I even threw away all of the photos of me and my ex after we got married.

That's what RESPECT means. I didnt have to do all this, but I did it out of respect for my wife.

Thank you for your reply. My husband sees the situation differently. He wanted me to trust him to handle the situation. Admittedly, I have interfered too much, which he thinks wasn't respectful to him.

[twinkee23 0]

I agree with the last post. My ex is my EX for a reason and there is absolutely zero attraction between us in any way whatsoever any more. My husband knows this and is very comfortable with the situation. He understands that in our family, the only way out is to die--you can't even divorce your way out and at holidays and gatherings, ex's bring their new spouses/kids and sometimes even their ex. The more people to love everyone in the family, the better. The more trustworthiness you can have, the better. The more community and family unity you can have, the better.

If my ex calls to invite for a BBQ, pool party, road trip, whatever--we are on it like white on rice.

My ex was a part of my past and there is no reason that he should be disposible. No one has ever been like that for me - not friends, acquaintances, or lovers (except a violent one).

Besides, if you do have some insecurity about it, you can go with him sometimes over the 2 months and see if her house is covered in momentos or photos of him or if he has clearly been replaced by someone "better" or what. If she is away training, she won't be around.

Why would anyone expect that a dog won't remember someone from 7 years ago? Dogs are especially loyal and have demonstrated this repeatedly throughout history with examples of several years of absence from their lives being forgiven in a moment.

He doesn't want to introduce het to me because he said she is not very nice with girls.

[NikLR 13,220]

You understand she has a situation but it's not up to your husband to deal with it. If they'd stayed friends the whole time I think it would be different. He can be upset still and you'll have to accept that. It's also not your fault that she doesn't get along with other girls.

Again I think you should look into why you're jealous. It's generally a personal issue, one that has a lot more to do with self confidence than anything else.

[kdude1 3]

Do you have an ex boyfriend? Ask him if he would be okay with you doing the same thing with an ex boyfriend. I wonder if he would be totally cool with you doing the same thing. He should respect your feelings.. What you are feeling is normal. I don't think it's normal for a person not to care at all if their husband "reconnects", even in this way, with someone they used have such a deep relationship with that he 'still considers her family'.

And what kind of grown up "isn't very nice with girls"? Sounds like an excuse to keep you away.

But then again, "Love always trusts, always forgives." So at the end of the day, he's your husband so you can trust him and hope for the best even if he does go through with it.

[Shiobhan 235]

I agree with the last post. My ex is my EX for a reason and there is absolutely zero attraction between us in any way whatsoever any more. My husband knows this and is very comfortable with the situation. He understands that in our family, the only way out is to die--you can't even divorce your way out and at holidays and gatherings, ex's bring their new spouses/kids and sometimes even their ex. The more people to love everyone in the family, the better. The more trustworthiness you can have, the better. The more community and family unity you can have, the better.

If my ex calls to invite for a BBQ, pool party, road trip, whatever--we are on it like white on rice.

My ex was a part of my past and there is no reason that he should be disposible. No one has ever been like that for me - not friends, acquaintances, or lovers (except a violent one).

Besides, if you do have some insecurity about it, you can go with him sometimes over the 2 months and see if her house is covered in momentos or photos of him or if he has clearly been replaced by someone "better" or what. If she is away training, she won't be around.

Why would anyone expect that a dog won't remember someone from 7 years ago? Dogs are especially loyal and have demonstrated this repeatedly throughout history with examples of several years of absence from their lives being forgiven in a moment.

I so totally agree, On have to be secured in their relationship, trust and and respect.

I know from experience , at family re-unions everyone is there, does

it bother me ..NOPE..I have noooo attraction but I consider us family

[twinkee23 0]

It would not have bothered me, if she was an ex-wife, or if they have kids. I would consider that family too. But she's an ex-gf who he hasn't spoken to in more than 5 years.

Do you have an ex boyfriend? Ask him if he would be okay with you doing the same thing with an ex boyfriend. I wonder if he would be totally cool with you doing the same thing. He should respect your feelings.. What you are feeling is normal. I don't think it's normal for a person not to care at all if their husband "reconnects", even in this way, with someone they used have such a deep relationship with that he 'still considers her family'.

And what kind of grown up "isn't very nice with girls"? Sounds like an excuse to keep you away.

But then again, "Love always trusts, always forgives." So at the end of the day, he's your husband so you can trust him and hope for the best even if he does go through with it.

I so totally agree, On have to be secured in their relationship, trust and and respect.
I know from experience , at family re-unions everyone is there, does
it bother me ..NOPE..I have noooo attraction but I consider us family

I agree with the trust and respect. It would not have bothered me, if she was an ex-wife, or if they have kids. I would consider that family too. She's an ex-gf who he hasn't spoken to years.

[Love's JAA 100]

My husband's ex gf of 7 years asked my husband recently if he could take care of her dog while she goes on training for 2 months. They got a dog a year before they broke up. They broke up 7 years ago. My husband and I have been together for 5 years and been married for a year. According to my husband, they saw each other by accident a week ago and they exchanged numbers. She lives in the same neighborhood. She recently lost her job, but her new job requires her a 2 month training out of state. The dog they had is not socialized and my husband said it only trust him and her. So, she was asking if when she leaves, he could go to her apartment everyday to walk the dog, fed her etc. My husband was asking if it;s okay with me, if not he won't do it. Am I being unreasonable if I don't want her back in his life. They are not friends, have only seen each other once in the past 5 years. She came to visit in our apartment a few days ago, the same apartment building where she and my husband used to live. Not sure what I feel about the entire situation. Although my husband keeps reassuring me that he wants to help out not because of her but because of the dog.

I think husband full of doggie doo doo. I couldn't even think to lay a story like that on my fiancee and not rightfully expect a kick in the donkey. It's not just the taking care of the dog, it's that he's clearly full of tiot lying about this whole just meeting after 7 years, and hey take care of my dog for two months now, and no you can't meet her she don't like girls. He needs mouthwash because he's so full of ####### his breath smells. He needs to apologize to you for the insults and dishonesty to you his wife.

[twinkee23 0]

You understand she has a situation but it's not up to your husband to deal with it. If they'd stayed friends the whole time I think it would be different. He can be upset still and you'll have to accept that. It's also not your fault that she doesn't get along with other girls.

Again I think you should look into why you're jealous. It's generally a personal issue, one that has a lot more to do with self confidence than anything else.

Thanks a lot for your reply. I was thinking of the same thing. If they stayed as friends, then I am fine with it. But they haven't stayed friends even if they live in the same town.

[twinkee23 0]

I think husband full of doggie doo doo. I couldn't even think to lay a story like that on my fiancee and not rightfully expect a kick in the donkey. It's not just the taking care of the dog, it's that he's clearly full of tiot lying about this whole just meeting after 7 years, and hey take care of my dog for two months now, and no you can't meet her she don't like girls. He needs mouthwash because he's so full of ####### his breath smells. He needs to apologize to you for the insults and dishonesty to you his wife.

Thanks for your reply. But my husband is such a sweet and caring person and I do not think he's lying to me at all. The issue had been resolved between us, and he chose not to reconnect with her again. Even though he wanted to help her out, he respected my wishes.

Edited May 5, 2013 by twinkee23

[Love's JAA 100]

Thanks for your reply. But my husband is such a sweet and caring person and I do not think he's lying to me at all. The issue had been resolved between us, and he chose not to reconnect with her again. Even though he wanted to help her out, he respected my wishes.

I'm glad for the outcome. Sorry that I came across too strongly.

[twinkee23 0]

I'm glad for the outcome. Sorry that I came across too strongly.

No problem. I am glad he listened to me. Although a part of me kinda feels guilty that he wasn't able to help a person in need.

[Love's JAA 100]

No problem. I am glad he listened to me. Although a part of me kinda feels guilty that he wasn't able to help a person in need.

You've got nothing to feel guilty about, in my opinion.