Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
mistymaiden

Differences

16 posts in this topic

Recommended Posts

Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Jordan
Timeline

I was just wondering if any of the other MENA gals had problems this debate season with their hubbies? We've been getting into lots of arguments about the differences between Republican and Democratic values. I'm a bleeding heart liberal, so of course I hear alot of derogatory things about Homosexuals and other things coming out of my husband's mouth. I don't want to argue about it, yet I feel strongly about the subject and want him to know my opinion is just as important as his.

Any tips from you guys?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Egypt
Timeline

I was just wondering if any of the other MENA gals had problems this debate season with their hubbies? We've been getting into lots of arguments about the differences between Republican and Democratic values. I'm a bleeding heart liberal, so of course I hear alot of derogatory things about Homosexuals and other things coming out of my husband's mouth. I don't want to argue about it, yet I feel strongly about the subject and want him to know my opinion is just as important as his.

Any tips from you guys?

I'm a hard core liberal. My now husband has always called himself a liberal. Now, mind you, I always had my third eye wide open because what's liberal in the US is not necessarily liberal in Egypt- or anywhere else for that matter. So, to test the waters one of my first questions when we met was about homosexuals. Had he said something derogatory against them I would've never pursued the relationship; I'm bisexual. That said, I noticed his rhetoric was the bible thumping old fashioned excuses why not to like the behavior. It was a little easier for me to show my point of view: it's personal. So I explained to him in 1st person why his notion of what we are is wrong and unfounded. I can tell at first he was uncomfortable, but that went away rather quickly. Once he landed here, I introduced him to some people. I never told him their sexual orientation. He discovered that, the one person that helped him get a job and helped him a lot in other things, is gay. He calls him his true friend. It's about exposure.

As far as the rest of the ideals he is all the way democrat. He absolutely despises Romney with every cell of his being. When he heard Todd Akin he was disgusted beyond belief. That was very genuine. I just let those idiots show their true colors and have my husband watch them. Again, it's about exposure.

My best advise is giving him the exposure he needs to at least understand your point of view. You can't convert anyone. I will say this, like I stated before, if he would've said he hated the LGBTT community or simply stated a core belief system different than mine (not spiritual- that's another thing), I would've never pursued the relationship. But that's just me....


Don't ever do anything you're not willing to explain the paramedics.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: Other Country: Egypt
Timeline

We are just the opposite. I am a card carrying Republican and he is liberal. The only exception is that he is also pro-life and I have more liberal views towards homosexuals. We have just agreed to disagree and generally don't talk about politics. Sometimes it's just easier that way.


Betsy El Sum

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Yemen
Timeline

For me both Romney and Obama are awful. Two sides of the same damn coin. If I vote it will be for Jill Stein. My fiance thinks Obama is the lesser evil and would vote for him if he were a USC. Though my fiance is from a very traditional society even by Arab standards he has very liberal, even leftist values. Some of these beliefs he had all along and others were learned. When I met him he was pretty hostile towards homosexuals but over time I wore him down and now he thinks everyone has the right to pursue their own happiness. It was just a product of his up-bringing. But once he started traveling and being exposed to different ideas and cultures there was no turning back.

There are certainly some topics we tend to stay away from but for the most part we always respect each other's opinions even when we disagree. It's not easy we both can be argumentative! But I think agreeing on the more important aspects of life - goals, values, etc are far more important than the superficial stuff.

Edited by Rae Anne

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Egypt
Timeline

Its simple for us, lol, we agree to disagree. Sometimes I think we agree more than it seems at first as things get lost in translation. I think its one of the many good things about our relationship, is that we can discuss things, heated things, but neither of us is inclined to take it personal when we disagree. I can tell him I think he's out of his mind :P and vice versa, and we laugh it off. It has taken me a bit to get used to his view of the US (not our people, but policy) that I am not used to hearing-- as in world politics/ foreign policy mostly. I've definitely had to reevaluate my views and make them more broad.

Before we even began talking about moving forward with an engagement, we tackled all the major issues. Once we knew we were compatible with those things, the rest we can work through. :)

Edited by RFQ

RFQ [uSA] & SIMA [EGYPT]
Sima Applies for B2: 12/2012
5yr B2 approved: 02/2012
Married: 03/09/2012
NAO1: 04/25/2012
NAO2: 07/26/2012
8/8/2012: NVC Case Received
NVC #: 8/29/2012

1/24/13: AoS and 230 accepted
01/31/13: Rec'd checklist (expectedly)
02/14/13: Item @ NVC

CASE COMPLETE: 2/24/13
03/15/13: Interview date received
03/17/13: Medical
INTERVIEW: 4/03/13
"Approved Pending AP"
11/07/2013: Request for Updated Documents (via Egyptian consulate AP page)

12/20/2013: Request for return of Passport to Embassy (phone call)
01/13/2014: Passport returned to embassy

01/15/2014: Status Changed (CEAC) Visa Printed
VISA RECEIVED: 1/17/14 dancin5hr.gif

POE: JFK on 3/12/14 CLEARED!
Baby1 1/2015 Baby2 8/2106 isA

2016 Beginning naturalization process later this year, isA

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Yemen
Timeline

Meh.. the time window for editing posts on here isn't long enough.

I wasn't trying to say the rights of GLBT individuals are superficial, they certainly aren't. Maybe try reminding your husband that anyone in his life could be gay and he wouldn't know it. A boss, a good friend, etc. Would his opinion of that person change if he found out? Would he sever his relationship with them if they turned out to not be straight? In my opinion we are all children of God and all made in his image. We have a shared humanity that no one can deny. He doesn't have to approve of "alternative" lifestyles but he does have to recognize that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, especially you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

These are all well and nice, but they're more akin to the life lessons I'm imparting to my 11 year old, not a grown up man in 2012.

I'm not trying to be whatever, but having read this board for a long time, I've seen some crazy stuff people just take as a matter of course because they married a guy from this part of the planet. There's been a woman here who wound up married to a guy who thought FGM was hunky dory FFS. Entirely too many people set the bar really low, and it's just weird and sad. I guess I just don't get the 'oopsie, I married a bigot. Now how do we get along?' scenario.

Meh.. the time window for editing posts on here isn't long enough.

I wasn't trying to say the rights of GLBT individuals are superficial, they certainly aren't. Maybe try reminding your husband that anyone in his life could be gay and he wouldn't know it. A boss, a good friend, etc. Would his opinion of that person change if he found out? Would he sever his relationship with them if they turned out to not be straight? In my opinion we are all children of God and all made in his image. We have a shared humanity that no one can deny. He doesn't have to approve of "alternative" lifestyles but he does have to recognize that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, especially you.


I-love-Muslims-SH.gif

c00c42aa-2fb9-4dfa-a6ca-61fb8426b4f4_zps

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: Other Country: Argentina
Timeline

These are all well and nice, but they're more akin to the life lessons I'm imparting to my 11 year old, not a grown up man in 2012.

I'm not trying to be whatever, but having read this board for a long time, I've seen some crazy stuff people just take as a matter of course because they married a guy from this part of the planet. There's been a woman here who wound up married to a guy who thought FGM was hunky dory FFS. Entirely too many people set the bar really low, and it's just weird and sad. I guess I just don't get the 'oopsie, I married a bigot. Now how do we get along?' scenario.

I so (L) you! Amen! Being engaged to a bigoted a-hole would have been the sign for me to pull my panties back up. Just saying.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Egypt
Timeline

Marrying a homophobe is like a dealbreaker for me, that's decidedly like just, no.

I put that on a different level than say, agreeing to disagree with my husband about govt subsidies for solar wind power, or how he feels about the city council's decision to fluoridate Portland's water supply. But that's just basic human decency to me, not politics.

The same holds true for warmongering.

:thumbs:

I went on this fantastic date once, I'll say about 8 years ago. It's by far the most interesting date ever. Let's start with the location: Texas. So, I met this great guy and he asked me out. We have dinner and we hit it off really well. At the end of the dinner, he says: "you have 2 options, we can call it a night or we can carry on." I chose to carry on. He says: "alright, you chose the restaurant, I'll choose the bar." I said: "fair enough as long as it's walking distance." We were downtown Austin, parking sucks. So, we walk to this bar/ country club: it was a country lesbian bar. In the beginning I swear my thoughts were "he doesn't want other men to see me" or something like that. I ordered a beer and paid the tab for both of us, it was only fair. We start talking and 2 ladies approach us. Clearly we looked out of place, but didn't care. We started talking to them and had a great time. Suddenly they start playing salsa! One of the ladies grabs my hand and we go dance. That was so much fun! And the guy was looking at me with this satisfied smile of relief. That to me was weird, but cute. He didn't look like he was having fun, but that he was proud (I hope I'm being clear).

We end the 'show' and we walk around the bar. At the end of the night, or better said, early morning, he looks at me and says: "I brought you here because I wanted to see how comfortable you were. My sister was a lesbian and was a victim of a hate crime. I didn't mean to test you, it really wasn't a test. I just wanted to know if I'll be happy with your happiness around the LGBTT community." I hugged him and the rest is for us to know :D I moved out of Austin so we didn't continue the relationship.

I highly respected that from him, I really did. He wanted to respect his family and not bring bigoted people. To him it was a deal-breaker, so why even start?


Don't ever do anything you're not willing to explain the paramedics.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Egypt
Timeline

These are all well and nice, but they're more akin to the life lessons I'm imparting to my 11 year old, not a grown up man in 2012.

I'm not trying to be whatever, but having read this board for a long time, I've seen some crazy stuff people just take as a matter of course because they married a guy from this part of the planet. There's been a woman here who wound up married to a guy who thought FGM was hunky dory FFS. Entirely too many people set the bar really low, and it's just weird and sad. I guess I just don't get the 'oopsie, I married a bigot. Now how do we get along?' scenario.

:thumbs:

I agree, marrying a bigot is like marrying a child that needs maaaaad education. Too much work, unnecessarily.


Don't ever do anything you're not willing to explain the paramedics.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Yemen
Timeline

These are all well and nice, but they're more akin to the life lessons I'm imparting to my 11 year old, not a grown up man in 2012.

I'm not trying to be whatever, but having read this board for a long time, I've seen some crazy stuff people just take as a matter of course because they married a guy from this part of the planet. There's been a woman here who wound up married to a guy who thought FGM was hunky dory FFS. Entirely too many people set the bar really low, and it's just weird and sad. I guess I just don't get the 'oopsie, I married a bigot. Now how do we get along?' scenario.

Well, she asked for suggestions. That was the only one I had :blush: . It seemed to work on my fiance pretty well BUT he was already ready to change his mind about things that had been engrained in him as a child. As it turned out, one of his good friends ended up being gay so he was more equipped to deal with it and they are now closer than they were before. I guess I got lucky and found probably the most liberal/open minded Yemeni there is. If he was any less so, I also wouldn't have pursued a relationship. By the way we were friends for a really long time before we entered a relationship. I had a lot of time to survey him.

That being said I've seen happy couples who are on opposite sides of the political spectrum. Not many but I have seen them. The only time it seems to work is when both people respect each other for their differences.

On another note: Wow. Wow. Under NO circumstances is FGM okay. NO WAY. When my fiance and his friends were in Sudan many years ago I guess they tried dating but found that the sight of it on a woman made them all physically ill. They say any man who allows his wife or daughter to be subjected to that is not a man at all.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Jordan
Timeline

I don't think in any marriage couples will agree on everything 100% of the time, that would make for boring life. But marrying someone who is a bigot or racist just wouldn't fly with me, especially since I have LGB people in my family, people of color, and just about every religion(I think the only religion not in my family is Buddist). There just isn't any room in my life for anyone who is judgemental/closeminded however you want to say it. As my husband says "I don;t care what anyone else does and how they live as long as they bother me." By the way, my husband received his visa in hand today and he will be arriving here this Friday the 12th!!!



Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
 
Didn't find the answer you were looking for? Ask our VJ Immigration Lawyers.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
- Back to Top -


Important Disclaimer: Please read carefully the Visajourney.com Terms of Service. If you do not agree to the Terms of Service you should not access or view any page (including this page) on VisaJourney.com. Answers and comments provided on Visajourney.com Forums are general information, and are not intended to substitute for informed professional medical, psychiatric, psychological, tax, legal, investment, accounting, or other professional advice. Visajourney.com does not endorse, and expressly disclaims liability for any product, manufacturer, distributor, service or service provider mentioned or any opinion expressed in answers or comments. VisaJourney.com does not condone immigration fraud in any way, shape or manner. VisaJourney.com recommends that if any member or user knows directly of someone involved in fraudulent or illegal activity, that they report such activity directly to the Department of Homeland Security, Immigration and Customs Enforcement. You can contact ICE via email at Immigration.Reply@dhs.gov or you can telephone ICE at 1-866-347-2423. All reported threads/posts containing reference to immigration fraud or illegal activities will be removed from this board. If you feel that you have found inappropriate content, please let us know by contacting us here with a url link to that content. Thank you.
×
×
  • Create New...