Does not look good

[Griffon76 0]

What is your problem with a pre-nupt? Does it not make sense to you? Whether its six months before a marriage or two weeks?

I certainly hope that someone would not spring a pre-nup on their fiancee 2 weeks before the wedding. I would consider that cold and cowardly. This is something that should have been discussed around the time of engagement. Coming from a woman's point of view, maybe she is offended that there might not be as much trust in the relationship as she believed. She DID offer to sign it after all so I don't feel she is THAT against it. The way you went about it might be the key in how she reacted. Yes, pre-nups make sense in this day and age, but it IS a touchy subject that should be handled very carefully so as not to damage the relationship/trust aspect.

Here is another way to put it...we (my fiance and I) discussed our feelings on this and his reaction was, "I don't forsee us getting divorced. I am in this til the end and if we have any problems that we need help with, then we get help. Divorce is not an option!" Sure my ego was flattered that nowhere in his mind was the option of divorce. That he is willing to work at it so we don't end up where we both were before we met. So maybe your fiance was looking for that kind of comittment from you, hence her feelings being vey hurt.

Again...prenups in this day and age are smart if you both have prior assets but it MUST be handled with care...Hope this helps!

[AnaAndDaniel 0]

Point #1. Prenups can always be contested.

Point #2. She should be willing to sign one.

Point #3. She has every right to be pissed if it was dropped on her cold turkey.

Point #4. You have no right to expect someone to comply to a contractual obligation when you have them by the short hairs.

I agree with Rebecca on this one!

Except for #2. i mean she is correct but it depends on the circumstances. yada yada yada

But dude, if you dropped this one on her after her arrivla, i think you messed up big time. Even here in the USA there is a big portion of the pouplation who would never sign such an agreement. And we live in the place that invented it. now imagine yourself from a country wehre that type of agreement is realtively unheard of.

Personally, I am against prenups. But i realize some folks are dead set for prenups. Ok, that is for them. Definitely something that you should have talked to her prior to bringing her here.

I guess my only advice would be to really talk to her and try to see it from her point of view. Myabe some kind of agreeable compromise can be worked out.

Good luck.

Daniel

[Kez/JWolf 6]

So you think she has not given up her whole life to come to be with you???

She has spent her life living in Kyrgyzstan surounded by her family and friends, Knowing how her society works and understanding all the social aspects of her way of life.... It does not matter how well edcuated she is she has left her home, left her family... uprooted her child and all for your love.... if you dont like what you now see then be a man and be honest tell her you have changed your mind dont try to make it out to be her doing by insisting she now agree to something that was not agreed on before she arrived in the USA...

For anyone going through immigration process to think that the person moving from their home country to be with them has not given up there whole life then my friend your head is up your ###....

Kezzie

Edited October 19, 2006 by Kezzie

[Griffon76 0]

So you think she has not given up her whole life to come to be with you???

She has spent her life living in Kyrgyzstan surounded by her family and friends, Knowing how her society works and understanding all the social aspects of her way of life.... It does not matter how well edcuated she is she has left her home, left her family... uprooted her child and all for your love.... if you dont like what you now see then be a man and be honest tell her you have changed your mind dont try to make it out to be her doing by insisting she now agree to something that was not agreed on before she arrived in the USA...

For anyone going through immigration process to think that the person moving from their home country to be with them has not given up there whole life then my friend your head is up your ###....

Kezzie

Well said, Kezzie!!!

[john_and_marlene 162]

It doesn't matter now. He's moved on to a thread about getting her out of his house and not supporting her.

[Kez/JWolf 6]

What a wonderful man...... My heart goes out to the poor girl and her child.....

Kezzie

[xjennyinstereox 0]

Ok, honestly, anyone who has property or their own business should sign a prenup REGARDLESS of how in love or trusting they are and what have you. It's there to protect BOTH people, so I'm sure the OP had her best interest in mind as well. It shouldn't be so offensive and insulting. You can never truly know if someone will end up screwing you over down the line. I know of someone who is now losing everything because he trusted her and of course, why shouldn't he have, right? You want to trust the person you're marrying with your LIFE... and everything that your LIFE includes.. who doesn't??? But sometimes, things just don't happen the way you want them to. What's the problem with signing a prenup even if it was a surprise??? If you feel deeply in your heart that your relationship will last and you'll live happily forever after, then who cares! You've got nothing to worry about, right?

I like to think of it in terms of tv court dramas... you know, they always tell suspects that if they're innocent, then there's nothing to worry about. If you're sure, then just sign the damn thing and forget it. If something DOES go wrong, you're protected. Right???

[shirleyjeremy 0]

I think If you use the divorce average and you feel a pre nup is a good idea your marriage is all ready and trouble and you are missing the whole point of marriage. To love and trust your wife FOREVER. Just my opinion but As i see it America has become more about protect yourself first so there is no chance of being hurt or loosing what is yours. probably why are divorce rate is 50% and the highest of any country.

[Jasman0717 8]

All I can say is look at Paul McCartney, he didn't get a pre-nup and will probably loose a considerable amount of his estate. If you can afford to lose half of what you own then push forward without it otherwise......

[xjennyinstereox 0]

It doesn't matter now. He's moved on to a thread about getting her out of his house and not supporting her.

Oh no, really!?? That's just AWFUL. AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL. You see how people change?? Ugh. This is why sometimes prenups are a good choice... for people like that UGH.

p.s. shirleyjeremy, i do see your point, and i think the divorce rate is awful.. and you made a good point. i think it depends on the people and the way they approach it. to each his own, i guess. i just wish everyone on vj a lifetime of success and happiness and love. i've seen too many divorce threads on here... let's keep loving!

Edited October 19, 2006 by xjennyinstereox

[sugarshak 0]

My finacee and her 11 year old daughter and I arrived here in the U.S. last August 2nd.

The daughter enrolled in school and is doing OK.

I have a on-going 24 year -old business that I have been very successful at. I also own several income-producing real estate properties.

About a month ago, on the advice of my attorney and CPA, I discussed with my finacee about preparing a pre-nupt agreement.

She really suprised me---she became very offfended that I would suggest such a thing. I attempted to explain to her that it would be in BOTH of our interests. She is a university graduate and skilled in the business world, so maybe I mis-calculated her desires, character, or whatever.

Now, I am having very serious doubts about the marriage. Her time in the U.S. is runnning out.

You might be ready to tell me--"why didn't you two talk about this a long time ago?" Well, to me, it makes a heck of a lot of sense to have a prenupt in this day and age in America--especially when both parties have financial interestes (she owns two apartments in her home country) and 1 out of 2 marriages end in divorce within three years in this country.

I tried to explain the benefits of the agreement not only for me, but for HER, also. She told me she would absolutely not read it, but would sign it, and she was very upset about the whole thing.

Her reaction seems so childish to me. Do I want to marry this woman?

Has anyone else been in this situation? Thanks.

I have to say, this just plain irritates me! You spring on her a prenup (apparently never spoke of it before in the relationship) and you expect her to just be all happy and agree with you? What is that? Have you forgotten how SHE feels in this?? And, it just ticks me off whenever there's a problem like this and a disagreement of some sort, the automatic thought is "do I really want to marry this man/woman?" WHERE IS THE LOVE?? DID IT JUST FLY OUT THE WINDOW WHEN THE DISAGREEMENT/ARGUEMENT HAPPENED??? Come on! If you want my opinion, if you can question yourself about what you feel for this person because of a disagreement/arguement, then there was never the love there in the first place! Think about that and think about the reason why you wanted to be with this person in the first place and then ask yourself the question that you are asking the readers here.

[daveandlirio 0]

That's too bad, but from the sound of it, maybe that's best.

I'm confident in our relationship, but I still worry that someday something may come between us. If, God forbid, that happens, my love for her is real and I would want her to get everything that she is entitled to. Perhaps I would feel different about that if I had significant assets, but I hope I wouldn't. She's my world, now and forever, for better or worse and, if she someday leaves me, she will still be my world in my heart. She can have anything and everything she wants, even if she leaves on really bad terms (e.g., cheating).

Am I insane for wanting to give her everything I am, everything I have, and everything I will ever be, even if her intentions turn out to be different than her representations?

Anyway, no prenup for us.

[twostar55 0]

Ok, honestly, anyone who has property or their own business should sign a prenup REGARDLESS of how in love or trusting they are and what have you. It's there to protect BOTH people, so I'm sure the OP had her best interest in mind as well. It shouldn't be so offensive and insulting. You can never truly know if someone will end up screwing you over down the line. I know of someone who is now losing everything because he trusted her and of course, why shouldn't he have, right? You want to trust the person you're marrying with your LIFE... and everything that your LIFE includes.. who doesn't??? But sometimes, things just don't happen the way you want them to. What's the problem with signing a prenup even if it was a surprise??? If you feel deeply in your heart that your relationship will last and you'll live happily forever after, then who cares! You've got nothing to worry about, right?

I like to think of it in terms of tv court dramas... you know, they always tell suspects that if they're innocent, then there's nothing to worry about. If you're sure, then just sign the damn thing and forget it. If something DOES go wrong, you're protected. Right???

Thanks for showing some logic and common sense,

Twostar55

[Kez/JWolf 6]

I have no problems with prenups..... but it is something the couple should discuss in full before any commitments are made....

It is not something that should be just sprung on someone after they have made the move and committed themselves to marriage...

I belive the OP will have made a declaration of intent to marry when he filed for the K1 he is now in breach of that and I would advise her to seak legal advice as to what her rights are....

Kezzie

[rellik 0]

Not that it really matters here but, When I went to pick up my wife, I think I was more upset about my wife leaving her friends and family than she was...I kept telling her, "I think I have something in my eyes and they keep watering..." she would just laugh at me....

So you think she has not given up her whole life to come to be with you???

She has spent her life living in Kyrgyzstan surounded by her family and friends, Knowing how her society works and understanding all the social aspects of her way of life.... It does not matter how well edcuated she is she has left her home, left her family... uprooted her child and all for your love.... if you dont like what you now see then be a man and be honest tell her you have changed your mind dont try to make it out to be her doing by insisting she now agree to something that was not agreed on before she arrived in the USA...

For anyone going through immigration process to think that the person moving from their home country to be with them has not given up there whole life then my friend your head is up your ###....

Kezzie