honeymoon with the WHOLE family?

[noura 0]

I don't think any of the gals on this forum would pass this test

No worries, doodle

we've both been married before.... no expectations of virginity on either side here!

[jordanianprincess 0]

I don't think any of the gals on this forum would pass this test

No worries, doodle

we've both been married before.... no expectations of virginity on either side here!

You can get a quick $50 surgery in the middle east to reverse that.

[Together4ever 1]

For those of you who stayed with your hubby's family when you went to be married in their country...how'd that work out for ya?

I think that is what we will end up doing since they'll be moving to a bigger place and now he won't be sharing his room with his dad........BUT..........I mean.............. ....do I still buy the lil naughty nighties or throw in my Lands End long john's instead? lol

did the family give you your privacy at all? Just curious how your experience was.

Lock the door.

I haven't had time to read this entire thread, but has anyone mentioned to doodle the "traditional" consumation practice of Arab people in much more "barbaric" times? ACCCCK ... gives me the willies. Ha ha ha.

...what????

The way it was explained to me, all the family hangs around outside the door to listen for the "tell tale" cry of pain and other things and then inform the crowd of marriage partiers waiting in the street that the deed has been done and they all begin trilling and partying.

[jordanianprincess 0]

For those of you who stayed with your hubby's family when you went to be married in their country...how'd that work out for ya?

I think that is what we will end up doing since they'll be moving to a bigger place and now he won't be sharing his room with his dad........BUT..........I mean.............. ....do I still buy the lil naughty nighties or throw in my Lands End long john's instead? lol

did the family give you your privacy at all? Just curious how your experience was.

Lock the door.

I haven't had time to read this entire thread, but has anyone mentioned to doodle the "traditional" consumation practice of Arab people in much more "barbaric" times? ACCCCK ... gives me the willies. Ha ha ha.

...what????

The way it was explained to me, all the family hangs around outside the door to listen for the "tell tale" cry of pain and other things and then inform the crowd of marriage partiers waiting in the street that the deed has been done and they all begin trilling and partying.

Dont forget to mention what happens if the bride doesn't pass the "test"...

[deeshla 0]

For those of you who stayed with your hubby's family when you went to be married in their country...how'd that work out for ya?

I think that is what we will end up doing since they'll be moving to a bigger place and now he won't be sharing his room with his dad........BUT..........I mean.............. ....do I still buy the lil naughty nighties or throw in my Lands End long john's instead? lol

did the family give you your privacy at all? Just curious how your experience was.

Lock the door.

I haven't had time to read this entire thread, but has anyone mentioned to doodle the "traditional" consumation practice of Arab people in much more "barbaric" times? ACCCCK ... gives me the willies. Ha ha ha.

You mean the passing around of the "bloody sheet"? Yuck. It still happens in Morocco, especially in rural parts. I attended many weddings where giggling matrons took me aside to explain the "facts of life" to me (assuming I was a virgin cause I wasn't married, ha!) and the where the blood came from....

As you were...

[StupidJourney 0]

The test is still done. I've heard of women going to doctors to be told they're still "halfway" virgin, so they've bumped up the wedding date just to be safe. A future in law divorced someone because of it too. At the same time, I shared a room with my fiance when I was there, so there are varying degrees of conservativeness even in the same immediate family.

[~*Dorothy*~ 2]

For those of you who visited your SO's before you were married, where did you sleep then? Did the family make you sleep in separate rooms? Just curious.

We had separate rooms when I stayed at the house but I guess they did not mind that their son will be sharing one bed with me during our travels in Morocco...Go figure...

Dorothy

[Together4ever 1]

I was given Mohammed's room, and the key to lock the door from the inside, and instructed by his father to USE IT. Yes sir!

[MrsAmera 41]

Hmm let's see the first time - I slept in Youssef's room and he slept downstairs with everyone else. He did manage to sneak upstairs a few nights and lay with me for a little while. We went to Essouaria for 2 days after we became "engaged" and had our own place. However, this first time I'm not sure all of his family understood that I had a child, but after we went to the hammam it was pretty obvious (damn stretch marks). The second time, I went with my son and my sister, and Youssef's sister offered her place for us all to stay. Again not a TON of privacy but we had our own space. We had a week alone in an apartment in Tangier and then we spent 2 weeks at his moms and shared the bedroom with my son (he was 1 1/2 but still not a lot of privacy). The last time I was there was totally different! We had our own room, his sisters pushed the smaller beds together to make one bigger bed for us and we did as we wanted more or less. I guess by that time they figured we were close enough to being married and he was going to be coming to the US in a few weeks anyway. So I guess they are semi-conservative. Neither of us were virgins so I guess it wasn't a huge deal.

[Ban Hammer 12,842]

Its also wrong in Christianity but that doesnt stop anyone from doing it.

I believe that is a reference to the traditional public display of the bloody sheets. It's still done in some of the villages.... considered "proof" of the bride's "honor."

or proof of the husband's bad aim

[Henia 11]

So funny you posted this topic Doodle...

Well as you all know, cos I posted it when I posted my wedding thread...our first night together the whole familye *stayed* while we got to know each other... making You-yous at every little noise...that was the extend of the invasion of privacy.

I have found arabe people, and I say arabe people I have meet to be very curious bunch...but when it comes to the bedroom issue NO ONE I mean NO ONE will butt in your bueez wax.

Since Ramadan began my husband's aunt has been staying with us since she has no other family. I am so very delighted to have her here...but at times I feel bad that I spent *time* with my husband after he arrives home from work and after Tarawee prayers (when I donnot have plans)...and I said *time* not anything more OK?! Talking, joking and just sitting together. I keep having to remind my husband we should not excluse his aunt... but he tells me she understands we need our time together too.

I am here in this home and I wear what I want of course. Was wearing knee length home dress cos of the heat, but since a few days I started to wear long dress.

In our home we have 2 bedrooms and a salon (living room)... the 2 bedrooms are not connected but with that way everything here in Algerie is built...open courtyard with rooms ajoining them I can hear every word my neighbour says..and I am sure they can hear me too.

We do our *thing* normally... at first it was strange to me I kept thinking people would *know*...but my husband let me understand the way people think here. Much respect is given to people's privacy.

Only thing my husband and I laugh about is... when we wake up in the morning and my aunt has our *bath water* already boiling...

Also we have as other people here have a curtain on the door of all the rooms (really a poor way to not let in insects) but it is understood if this curtain is closed then the person inside needs some privacy...and if the door is closed then it is REALLY understood DO NOT DISTRUB! Hmmm...I wish my family would adopt this way of thinking

But I do have to add one thing that bothered me here... My husband had only told his close family members I was married before and had child... I got kinda upset with him on this topic...as when I bring my child to Algerie...what will he say? Hmmm O my wife adopted her...Ummm nooooo! He tried his best to let me understand it is cos people *talk* which I do understand...but still did not set well with me.

I have found out by talking to my female relatives the women here generally wear what they want in front of their family male and female. Of course it is in good taste, sooo no thongs and see-thru things... sweats, jumpsuits, home dresses, shorts and t-shirts...whatever...then also at the evening comes around they get their *alone* time with their husband and children they change into something more nicer ...a fancier home dress. Then when it is time for bed, they wear of course their night gown and over that a robe which they call by the french name. They generally wear this robe when comeing to and from the bath, going to the toliet in the night/early morning.

Also a comment on the whole blood on the sheet thing you were talking about. Yes, that is still done in Algerie as well in the more rural parts in the South (really geographically the middle..not many inhabitants in the *real* south)...

[doodlebug 3]

Well it will just be me, him and his sisters who will be at work during the day and since it won't be Ramadan I guess we can get our groove on in the daylight hours.

I'm going to have to buy a robe though. I"ve lived with just my two daughters for 8 yrs now just us three chickens so none of us have robes and we all wear whatever and don't close any doors. When he gets here that will certainly be an adjustment we'll ALL have to make!! lol.

Ok time to shop for a robe now!

Oh...................you take baths in the morning? I usually take a shower at night so that I can just get up and go in the morning. Is that a cultural thing?

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Oh...................you take baths in the morning? I usually take a shower at night so that I can just get up and go in the morning. Is that a cultural thing?

After gettin it on with the spouse, we're required to make ghusl before we pray again. Sooooo, either taking a shower right after or wait until morning before fajr. Either way, everyone in the house knows you're taking a lot of showers

I've always been a morning shower person myself. Personal preference.

[Henia 11]

Umm Doodlebug... I or we, usually take *showers* in the AM so that we can pray salaat-al fajr...do you get what I am saying? It is more that we cannot pray if we are not clean, then anything else. My husband says we can do Tayammum, but to me if I did that I would not feel clean enought to pray and also have not found enough proves to support this to be right...so I continue to ghusl.

Above is a pic of Suleymaniye hamam hamman in Turkei that I went to years ago.

I have found culturally in Algerie men go to the hamman or hammamet (literally bathroom or toliet, but refers to the public baths) in the AM, while women prefer to go in the PM. I am not sure really why as there are 2 seperate hammams, one for males and one for female...and the two are not connected. But I have seen also many women going to the hammam in the daytime, but mostly older women.I have seen in the shoppes complete hamman outfits ...a thick towel-like robes with a hood. Also comes with a very long towel that you can wrap around you 2 if not 3 times, also a towel for the head, that looks like upside down V...really like a hood, which they use in the hammam.

O snaps I soo miss going to the hammam... I have went 2 times here, but after both experiences decided it would not be a great idea. Too much bidda... I do not want to see naked women parading around me. Snaps I miss the family hammams and single hammams in E.Europe and Turkei... Snaps why doesnt my husband built us a hammam here?

I am not sure the situation where your SO is... will you bathing at home or in the hammam..but you should consider in the MENA region some places water is sarce and many people live in one house...so take a bath when you can, when there is water ...

Buying a robe would be a great idea... I brought one with me, as I usually was using it before in the States, but I found clothes here, including the robe are so cheap here (well to us anyway) I have stocked up on clothes ... as so many of the clothing here is sooo beautiful (cannot find in the States)...snaps where will you get a jilbeb for $10? Not in the States...I bought the ones I have for about $80-120 bucks...

[Veiled Princess 1]

Since Yousuf and I met and married in Cairo we didn't have any of these privacy issues with family. We did have our wedding ceremony the night I arrived because we didn't want to be alone together until after we were married. Virginity was not an issue for me because I've been married before and have two kids from that marriage but this is Yousuf's first (last and only! ) marriage.