RUB - FSU children compared to USC children & others

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Aaaaand how much time have you spent with people from the FSU? How many years have you spent living in a RUB country? There are distinct differences when it comes to family, relationships, friendship, even business practices that are true throughout the region that differ drastically from the United States in a far more dramatic way than US versus UK. I don't know how many times people in this thread with actual experience in co-parenting with a FSU spouse can point this out from their own experience before you get it.

There are no more differences in a kid moving from the FSU to America than there is a kid moving from Brazil to America than a kid moving from Japan to America than a kid moving from the United Arab Emirates to America. At least not from the standpoint of what the US step-parent needs to do to help them assimilate.

That's the point I'm making. I'm not saying that any examples anyone has given of assisting the transition are wrong. I am just saying you would need to do similar things for any child moving here that isn't from a third-world country that is not a native-English speaker.

Now if you are moving a kid here from Somalia where he's had bullets buzzing around his head, then yeah, you've got some different stuff to deal with. Otherwise I say the same advice that works for parenting an FSU kid works for any other kid from a first-world country.

[eekee 182]

There are no more differences in a kid moving from the FSU to America than there is a kid moving from Brazil to America than a kid moving from Japan to America than a kid moving from the United Arab Emirates to America. At least not from the standpoint of what the US step-parent needs to do to help them assimilate.

That's the point I'm making. I'm not saying that any examples anyone has given of assisting the transition are wrong. I am just saying you would need to do similar things for any child moving here that isn't from a third-world country that is not a native-English speaker.

Now if you are moving a kid here from Somalia where he's had bullets buzzing around his head, then yeah, you've got some different stuff to deal with. Otherwise I say the same advice that works for parenting an FSU kid works for any other kid from a first-world country.

I don't think people are talking about the CHILD adjusting. Kids are resilient. The issue is that the FSU parent will expect things done a certain way, and the US parent is used to something different. Child-rearing practices differ from culture to culture.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

I don't think people are talking about the CHILD adjusting. Kids are resilient. The issue is that the FSU parent will expect things done a certain way, and the US parent is used to something different. Child-rearing practices differ from culture to culture.

And the Brazilian parent wouldn't expect things done in a certain way?

Do you get what I am saying?

Lots of the advice in this thread would be helpful in the Moving here and Your New Life in America forum.

Edited April 9, 2012 by Rebecca Jo

[eekee 182]

And the Brazilian parent wouldn't expect things done in a certain way?

Do you get what I am saying?

Lots of the advice in this thread would be helpful in the Moving here and Your New Life in America forum.

Nobody here cares about Brazil, nor would advice dealing with differences in Brazilian child-rearing practices be useful except as perhaps amusing anecdotes--which I don't think people here MIND, as long as the intent of the poster is perceived as friendly and non-combative. So no, I don't get what you're saying because we are talking about FSU child-rearing practices and how they differ from American ones, and how those here in a USA/FSU co-parenting situation deal with said differences. At least, when interlopers on a mission aren't intent on derailing the thread.

Edited April 9, 2012 by eekee

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Nobody here cares about Brazil, nor would advice dealing with differences in Brazilian child-rearing practices be useful except as perhaps amusing anecdotes--which I don't think people here MIND, as long as the intent of the poster is perceived as friendly and non-combative. So no, I don't get what you're saying because we are talking about FSU child-rearing practices and how they differ from American ones, and how those here in a USA/FSU co-parenting situation deal with said differences. At least, when interlopers on a mission aren't intent on derailing the thread.

I think it's lovely how someone from "another forum" can come into RUB and get called an "interloper on a mission" when that person is trying VERY HARD to be civil and polite.

[eekee 182]

I think it's lovely how someone from "another forum" can come into RUB and get called an "interloper on a mission" when that person is trying VERY HARD to be civil and polite.

Yet still managing to derail the thread from its intent!

And frankly, I am far more interested to here what Gary and Baron and others have to say about the subject than accusations of "cultural voodoo"--and I'm sure the OP is as well. Perhaps you can start a thread for child adjustment in the Moving to America forum and continue your own discussion there. If you are interested in FSU child-rearing beliefs and practices, then have at it here.

Edited April 9, 2012 by eekee

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Yet still managing to derail the thread from its intent!

And frankly, I am far more interested to here what Gary and Baron and others have to say about the subject than accusations of "cultural voodoo"--and I'm sure the OP is as well. Perhaps you can start a thread for child adjustment in the Moving to America forum and continue your own discussion there. If you are interested in FSU child-rearing beliefs and practices, then have at it here.

"Cultural voodoo" is only an accusation if people are trying to pigeon-hole behaviors on a person's place of origin, rather than on their specific upbringing. If you read carefully, I didn't say "FSU voodoo". You'd have a reason to be annoyed if I had.

If you don't want to read what I post, then don't read it and don't respond to it. As far as I know, I can post anywhere I like on VisaJourney and as long as I don't violate the TOS.

[Ban Hammer 12,903]

let's stay on topic. "RUB - FSU children compared to USC children & others"

unless one has experience with rub/fsu children to compare/contrast to children of other nationalities, i'm finding it difficult to consider posts without that experience on topic.

[highlander08 9]

And the Brazilian parent wouldn't expect things done in a certain way?

Do you get what I am saying?

Lots of the advice in this thread would be helpful in the Moving here and Your New Life in America forum.

:thumbs: Then how about you go and start a thread in those forums and let us learn about one cultural specific, topic.. it is clear that no matter what we say that you are unable to GET our point being as you other posters seem to be closed minded and cannot open up to others views or experiences , thank you in advance for starting your own post elsewhere... :angry:

[eekee 182]

"Cultural voodoo" is only an accusation if people are trying to pigeon-hole behaviors on a person's place of origin, rather than on their specific upbringing. If you read carefully, I didn't say "FSU voodoo". You'd have a reason to be annoyed if I had.

If you don't want to read what I post, then don't read it and don't respond to it. As far as I know, I can post anywhere I like on VisaJourney and as long as I don't violate the TOS.

It would have had a different meaning, sure, but I don't really get what you're talking about re: offensiveness. But to deny that cultures are different and that these things matter is silly. Sure, things are going to vary from individual to individual, but if you step back and look at general cultural tendencies, these differences do exist and are important. I'm a Russian translator by profession and I have taken entire COURSES on US/Russia cultural differences.

I just don't understand why you're trying to derail the thread, pure and simple. Why spend time in the RUB forum if you have nothing to offer re: RUB/American relationships and don't care to learn more about RUB culture?

Edited April 9, 2012 by eekee

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

:thumbs: Then how about you go and start a thread in those forums and let us learn about one cultural specific, topic.. it is clear that no matter what we say that you are unable to GET our point being as you other posters seem to be closed minded and cannot open up to others views or experiences , thank you in advance for starting your own post elsewhere... :angry:

I'm sure you can find my other posts on VJ if you just look around.

[highlander08 9]

I'm sure you can find my other posts on VJ if you just look around.

thats just it we are not going to other posts looking around, we are discussing the topic of our interest in this post...

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

It would have had a different meaning, sure, but I don't really get what you're talking about re: offensiveness. But to deny that cultures are different and that these things matter is silly. Sure, things are going to vary from individual to individual, but if you step back and look at general cultural tendencies, these differences do exist and are important. I'm a Russian translator by profession and I have taken entire COURSES on US/Russia cultural differences.

I just don't understand why you're trying to derail the thread, pure and simple. Why spend time in the RUB forum if you have nothing to offer re: RUB/American relationships and don't care to learn more about RUB culture?

I am not derailing the thread. I am saying there is not as much exclusivity to this concept than you would have me believe. I believe that if the child is over here, most of the things a US step-parent would need to do are the same as they would be for a child from any other country. In other words, the supports a parent would need to offer would be very similar no matter where the child comes from. And the strain on a marriage would be similar.

Adults have a much harder time transitioning than kids. That is where your courses on US/Russia cultural differences have more meaning, IMO.

thats just it we are not going to other posts looking around, we are discussing the topic of our interest in this post...

You are welcome any where I post. I wouldn't be telling you to get out. Unless you got nasty

[baron555 934]

others have to say about the subject than accusations of "cultural voodoo"--and I'm sure the OP is as well. Perhaps you can start a thread for child adjustment in the Moving to America forum and continue your own discussion there.

All really depends on the child. My step-son was two when he moved here. He has no real father, that part of his BC is blank, and I am the only Papa that he has known / will know. Eventually he will be told his background but by then it won't matter.

For others, yes the older the child, regardless of where they are from, the more 'issues' will need to be resolved / anticipated / expected / dealt with.

With both parents on the same child rearing wavelength, the better.

There is no issues with American children versus FSU children...besides what their parents/parent has allowed them to get away with.

I, as a child, would have been very quiet amongst adults, especially strangers.....that's how my parents taught me to behave.

I would never have opened someone else's fridge without permission. It is not an American trait....it's just a sigh of poor parenting......that can trascend boundaries.

To the OP, for your new family, since both children are more than let's say 5 years of age.....all of you will need to have an agreement and a plan to work things out.

There is nothing cultural about it, just new people....with different languages...living together all of a sudden.

[eekee 182]

I am not derailing the thread. I am saying there is not as much exclusivity to this concept than you would have me believe. I believe that if the child is over here, most of the things a US step-parent would need to do are the same as they would be for a child from any other country. In other words, the supports a parent would need to offer would be very similar no matter where the child comes from. And the strain on a marriage would be similar.

Adults have a much harder time transitioning than kids. That is where your courses on US/Russia cultural differences have more meaning, IMO.

Given that this thread is about FSU child-rearing, your opinion has very little meaning since you don't have any experience with the topic. And part of the transitioning for adults, when there are children involved, is meshing the two very different child-rearing beliefs and practices and getting on the same page.

Why do you even care what people here talk about? What skin off of your nose is it if people want to talk about their child-raising experiences?

Edited April 9, 2012 by eekee