Filipina

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

That sounds so Filipina! Those insecurities get worse when she comes to America, and never really seem to go away. You have quite a ride of emotions to look forward to, as she adjusts to life in America. Those first few months were tough. Your patience and ability to empathize will be put to the test.

[Hank_ 9,173]

Tons of patience is easy and I am expecting to need it quite often.

[Mark&Fatima 14]

That didn't bother me too much. I was used to that from being in the public arena a good part of my life. The wife, then fiancee, though, was listening to every comment made as we walked by, and that made her mad and a little self-conscious:

"Why is he with her?"

"Oh mother! She caught herself a big fish!"

A couple of months ago, my wife and I were walking through Ermita one night holding hands. A young woman we were walking past looked at me said "Honey...I can do it better than she can". I wish I knew more Tagalog because for the next minute, I can only guess what my wife was yelling back at her.

Edited April 17, 2012 by Mark&Fatima

[Dan and Judy 614]

That sounds so Filipina! Those insecurities get worse when she comes to America, and never really seem to go away. You have quite a ride of emotions to look forward to, as she adjusts to life in America. Those first few months were tough. Your patience and ability to empathize will be put to the test.

Yeah, my first 5 were just like that.

[gretchen_darren 67]

I keep on reading this thread... trying to understand all of the viewpoints. Yes, people can be de-meaning or racial without intending to. Recognizing all people have racial tendencies is something we all need to accept. A person who tells you "I am not a racist" probably has some inner feelings on some race somewhere....I try hard to not judge people or have a predisposition to people. However, some people just lead you that way. You see a person with a collar buttoned up to the neck with no tie and a pocket protector, you instantly think "geek", you see a guy in a polo shirt, you think "preppy" or "snob", You see is guy in a suit and tie, you think "businessman", and a person in a cowboy hat and jeans, as a possible "redneck", especiaaly if they have a "fat cheek" or "fat chin". When mahal ko and I go out to eat, usually the server hands her a children's menu. Some places who have gotten to know us, don't do that anymore. However, it happens nearly every time we go out. Most people who see my family think I have 3 kids. Not a wife and 2 boys.... I live with a stereotype of what an "American girl" looks like in age and they pass this "look" onto my filipina. Mahal ko is not American by nationality yet or race, but even when she is a US Citizen, she will not be a typical "American girl", although she will be an "American girl." By saying "my filipina" I am trying to get people to think of a much more beautiful, sweet, smaller Asian-type of girl, then her counterpart in Europe or the USA. Sometimes "better to be silent and thought a fool, then open mouth to remove all doubt."

We see people and place labels on them based on dress, style, culture, whether we want to or not. First impressions make a major impact. Some people mean "my filipina" as a sign of respect, as a sign of reminding himself of her heritage, and the cultural differences they have. I refer to "my filipina" more as "mahal ko" or her nickname "cheche" then anything else.

Mahal ko and I had a talk a few days back. How if even if she didn't love me, she would still stay with me. I sat down with her on this statement. I told her I love her immensely. She is my world and my heart. I need her. But I desire her love more then anything else in the world. I don't want her to stay if she does not love me. I want her to stay only because she loves me. I don't want to live in a marriage without love, without caring. More then anything I want her to be happy. I also want to show my boys what a truly happy and loving marriage is. I searched the world for a girl who was both beautiful inside and outside. Who was as playful as me and likes to have fun. "I did not just search the Philippines for you, mahal ko. I searched the world, USA, Europe, Brazil, Columbia, China, Thailand, Russia, Ukraine and other countries. I was waiting for you. I was not willing to compromise. I was waiting and found the right girl. innibig na mahal na mahal ko" I know she was feeling insecure because of the pregnancy, but I wanted her to know in no uncertain terms I love her.

is this thread making a mountain of a molehill????

[StraightShooter 62]

Very, very well said Darren! Good job.

Some on here just like to bait others in order to stir the pot. Others have an agenda.

And the whole "my" thing doesn't always mean a connotation of ownership. It's simply a form of communication which is constrained by language.

For example... Barry White does a great job of expressing how I feel about "my" Filipina baby.

[B_J 2,752]

is this thread making a mountain of a molehill????

No.

[Shawn C 11]

Good exchange of comments here, but I think the OP also is buying in to a different stereotype. I was extremely fortunate to meet an amazing woman who happens to be from the Philippines. I used to live in the Philippines and love the food, language, people and culture, so it's probably not a big surprise that my fiancee is from there. I constantly get the comments (especially from American women) bad mouthing Asian women in general and Pinay specifically. I am really getting tired of it. Everytime I mention that I'm working on my fiancee's visa they immediately roll their eyes and assume 'mail order bride'. My fiancee gets the same thing ("oh did you meet him on the internet?") they also repeated tell her, that since I didn't marry her in the Philippines, I'm actually lying to her about the visa and are probably sleeping with other women while she pines for me.

There are men who think exactly like you state, and there are women who think like others state (gold diggers, just want green card etc.) Both are wrong and both will never really be happy because of how they use or mistreat others.

The important thing to remember is that there are a lot of very happy couples out there, who have to put up with the comments and bias constantly by others. To assume every man who marries a Filipina is after a submissive sex toy, or every Filipina who marries an American is just in it for money/green card is as racist as the comments you posted.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

To assume every man who marries a Filipina is after a submissive sex toy, or every Filipina who marries an American is just in it for money/green card is as racist as the comments you posted.

You mean it is not true?

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

I think the OP also is buying in to a different stereotype.

Incorrect.

I presented my frustration and asked for feedback. I started the thread seeking a clearer understanding why..,

1) Some posters use the term "my Filipina" and

2) Some posters "seem to" consider all Filipinas made from the same mold (so to speak).

There are men who think exactly like you state, and there are women who think like others state (gold diggers, just want green card etc.) Both are wrong and both will never really be happy because of how they use or mistreat others.

Is this your answer to my questions?

The important thing to remember is that there are a lot of very happy couples out there, who have to put up with the comments and bias constantly by others.

Kudos! You recognize the obvious.

To assume every man who marries a Filipina is after a submissive sex toy, or every Filipina who marries an American is just in it for money/green card is as racist as the comments you posted

Agreed.(but) Did you read..where I wrote "many but not all"? (or) "often but not always"?

I suggest you consider the entire post so you don't cast an assumption next time. You know the saying?...what happens when you assume...? " U make an #### out of U and ME".

Edited April 17, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Kathryn41 3,205]

This thread is now closed at the request of the OP as the topic seems to have run its course.