Filipina

[Darnell 8,478]

another pov ?

person or product ?

if the family back in the PI expects 90 percent of her monies each month, like an OFW, then she's considered a product by her family.

[Caryh 5,206]

another pov ?

person or product ?

if the family back in the PI expects 90 percent of her monies each month, like an OFW, then she's considered a product by her family.

Unfortunately that is so true and unfortunately too common. Recently there was a Filipina who died in the USA after an operation. She came here recently on a K1 and got married to a USC. Was at the embassy and CFO at the same time as my wife. The family was then on the new husband, now widower, to keep sending remittances to them to cover their expenses. It appears the family had up scaled their lives and expected the American to maintain that. Sounded to me like he had agreed to help them live this lifestyle when their daughter came to marry him. They also wanted him to send the body back home and pay all the related expenses for funeral and such. Now the cost of sending back a body isn't cheap, and I think they guy was rather broke after bringing her here and getting married. Also suddenly burdened by hospital bills, I'm pretty sure the guy was hurting both emotionally and economically. It appears he decided to bury her here and cut off the family. Which appears to still be trying to raise money to cover their increased expenses due to have a daughter marry a Kano, they even have a facebook site to promote it.

Ever since my wife started relating what was going on, which was big news in at least one of the filipina marrying a kano groups in FB, I couldn't help but think was this their daughter or a product? The poor guy's wife just died and all her family can do is make demands, and demand he keeps paying for their up graded life style. Made me think his response should have been to ask for a refund on his expenses in return, since the product was defective.

Its a shame when families treat their daughters like commodities, and not so good either when the husbands to be agree to that type of arrangement. I'm glad my wife's family has not looked to her to be a fresh gravy train. They understand we have a life to build here together. We have and will help for individual things that come up, but its not asked for or expected. And they are truly grateful when we have helped. They continue on with their lives the way they always have, and are just happy their family member has found a good and happy marriage with someone they know will always take good care of her. They never cared or worried about what it might bring them, they only cared if their daughter/sister/tita was going to be happy with her married life. The only thing the family ever asked from me was made by her mother, who made me promise that if we don't work out, or I ever fall out of love with her daughter, that I would send her home to her family.

[marissa musthaler 3]

I am frustrated with the constant (posted) stereotypes, male chauvinism, abusive sexism and regular insults...thrown at Filipino women and culture.

IMO and my observation...There are not many men (relatively speaking) that seek and marry a Filipina following "western" relationship equality guidelines (so to speak). "It's a man's world" is the dominate mentality amongst (many but not all) men in Fil-Am relationships. That is (often but not always) why we see posts stating.."my Pinay" or .."my Filipina". (at 46 years old I have never heard an American..man or woman...refer to their spouse as...my American)

I refer to these (most but not all) men as "predators". They go to PI hunting a product.

One VJ poster often refers to Filipino women as "units" (even typing the statement makes my blood pressure rise). Not woman...lady...girl...or even female. Nope...he chooses .."unit". Tell me..is he thinking product or person?

Another will state..."having been married to 3 Filipinas...(get this) I KNOW THEM NOW AND HOW THE FILIPINA THINKS." (I don't think it's a good idea to take advice from a 3 time loser. Common denominator? The 3 time loser.)

Another poster..."believe me...I've been around the Filipina and I know how they can be." (Have I lost something in translation? Isn't this a blatant stereotype comment made by a racist?)

(I can quote many more examples but 3 is good for now.)

My question...what's the motivator? The root or roots of these offenses?

Asian Flu? Yellow Fever? Olongapo? AC? (The lure is cast and the fish bite?)

(is it) "Age doesn't matter in PI...? (I welcome stories about Pinay / Pinoy marriages with large (20+ years) age gaps...any1? any1?)

(could it be) Kano's rejected and burn out with failed "western" relationships having no confidence but the (often very few) Dollars they have in their pocket used to purchase a (better future) wife from a hopelessly impoverished family "gifting" away a breadwinner for a better tomorrow?

Thank you for reading. Any and all feedback is very welcome.

Yeah i noticed that guys befriend girls from the Philippines and then tell them they will come for a visit i dont blame some of the girls who like me feel in love with our friends and soon become our spouse but there are guys who just want a vacation with a ready partner waiting for them and to accompany them during the whole vacation and them goes back to his country . . and send email to the girl saying sorry . . i guess we are not meant for each other. its such a pity because sometimes this guys leaves the girls with some surprises . venereal diseases and sometimes unwanted pregnancies that leads to abortion . . this is just an observation and maybe isolated cases .. .

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

I'm trying to think of some examples ...but the only thing (I can think of right now) I can attribute to PI as (from what I have observed) "strictly" a PI cultural...thing...

LIP POINTING.

Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! Honey, that's incorrect. Lip pointing is not exclusive to Filipinos. Now, be mabait and no more presumptive stereotype.

[Caryh 5,206]

Yeah i noticed that guys befriend girls from the Philippines and then tell them they will come for a visit i dont blame some of the girls who like me feel in love with our friends and soon become our spouse but there are guys who just want a vacation with a ready partner waiting for them and to accompany them during the whole vacation and them goes back to his country . . and send email to the girl saying sorry . . i guess we are not meant for each other. its such a pity because sometimes this guys leaves the girls with some surprises . venereal diseases and sometimes unwanted pregnancies that leads to abortion . . this is just an observation and maybe isolated cases .. .

That is if they even get an email. Its pretty sad, but common enough. I've seen it happen enough times, and met couples while I've been there where I was pretty sure the guy was going to do just that. Never said anything though in the hope that wasn't what was happening. You could see the woman investing so much hope in them, while the guy didn't seem like he cared if she was there or not. I'm not sure its really that isolated.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

(but) When the term is (1st) used to pigeonhole an idividual (the individual being their SO) to nationality...(sometimes considered) insinuates others of same nationality have similar tendencies. This strips individuality and transforms the person into a national "product". (and 2nd) Unwarranted discriminating stereotype is cast when the "my" becomes an implied or stated "all".

Honey, that's the crux of the problem.

[Bri & Mar 12]

I just came back from visiting my fiancee in The Philippines. Many times when we saw "Fil-Am" couples there was something did not seem right. I pointed out many irregulatities to my fiancee regarding how some of these couples acted towards each other. Many times we would see a couple walking in the street or the mall, no holding hands, no eye contact, and the both had blank looks on their faces. Couples at the several airports we went to would not even be sitting together. It was always little things but we both noticed them. Why would a man travel half way around the world looking for love to treat her that way when they were finally together. When we were together we always laughed and joked, and talked to each other, and held hands, and just really enjoyed each other with BIG smiles on our faces all the time. We would happily trade place with those couples just to be together again. We really miss each other a lot.

I do have a fiancee that is Filipina and I am American and we love each other as much as any couple of any nationality anywhere!!!

[RandR333 9]

I just came back from visiting my fiancee in The Philippines. Many times when we saw "Fil-Am" couples there was something did not seem right. I pointed out many irregulatities to my fiancee regarding how some of these couples acted towards each other. Many times we would see a couple walking in the street or the mall, no holding hands, no eye contact, and the both had blank looks on their faces. Couples at the several airports we went to would not even be sitting together. It was always little things but we both noticed them. Why would a man travel half way around the world looking for love to treat her that way when they were finally together. When we were together we always laughed and joked, and talked to each other, and held hands, and just really enjoyed each other with BIG smiles on our faces all the time. We would happily trade place with those couples just to be together again. We really miss each other a lot.

I do have a fiancee that is filipina and I am American and we love each other as much as any couple of any nationality anywhere!!!

I used to feel the same way. My wife and I are a lot like you and yours - she likes to hold my arm and laugh. My wife explained part of that is filipino culture. They are taught it is not proper to show public displays of affection.

Some of that is probably due to levels of familiarity - some couples have been together for a long time, some are just starting out. After 5 years together, my wife and I probably aren't quite as "lovey-dovey."

Then there are couples who are married because the woman would have married almost any foreigner who would have her, and the man would have married almost any woman who would have him - at least that's my opinion. My wife tells me to mind my own business if I comment on other people. She is usually the voice of reason.

[The Nature Boy 4,224]

My wife knows we are not equal. She knows she runs the show LOL

[Hank_ 9,173]

... for sure anything beyond holding hands in public gets a response from my Fiancee ... and not in a good way.

At home or with family she is fine the OXOXOXOX.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Everybody holds hands in the Philippines, even young boys crossing the street. Anytime we went out, my then fiancee held on tight, afraid I might get lost, or worse, some other Pinay would steal me away.

Edited April 17, 2012 by ☼

[Hank_ 9,173]

Ya being "watched closely" when in public ..... lots of reason for that. That is one thing I don't enjoy here - some of the other reasons.

[RandR333 9]

Ya being "watched closely" when in public ..... lots of reason for that. That is one thing I don't enjoy here - some of the other reasons.

Sometimes my wife is a little bothered by people always watching, but I just tell her to be happy she is married to such a handsome man that people want to look.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Ya being "watched closely" when in public ...

That didn't bother me too much. I was used to that from being in the public arena a good part of my life. The wife, then fiancee, though, was listening to every comment made as we walked by, and that made her mad and a little self-conscious:

"Why is he with her?"

"Oh mother! She caught herself a big fish!"

[Hank_ 9,173]

Well her reasons were because of the "issues" that are around here. Heck there is one market area she will not let me go as it is frequented by "certain people"...