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Henia

The Big Talk

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Algeria
Timeline

So I was suppose to have my big talk withmy husband, whether to live in Algerie or the States... well of course our plans changed last night and also I got into a bit of a spat...so we didnt...

I have spent the last week thinking and researching the reasons to stay or to leave...

*home

*schooling

* standard of living

* cost of living

* the family

* the extended

* our religion

I also did salaat al-istakara which I believe came out with a positive reply to stay. Buuuuuuuut...

in the last week and half more and more little misunderstandings and disagreements have come up with my husband, which sadden me ...and yet make me think. Well, today he went off very late to work, which he said was fine... he left his mobil at home... His work called him asking if he was coming to work. Which made me think just a little...wazzup? I was thinking something happened to him, since it rained heavily this morning. All worried, I tried to be calm all morning... then... 2 SMSs came in from someone named Naima. Hmmm... I mean I am not the curious nosy type, but the mobil was right next to me as I surfing the Net, so of course I looked it. And I could not believe my eyes.Something about being late for a meeting and why he did not call. Well I am not sure what to make of this, inchallah it is nothing... buuuuuuuut I am little heated right now. :angry: So basically my question is...how to approach him on this, if I even should? And also, I need some (more) input on the whole living in Algerie thing... I value all your comments and opinions ladies :thumbs:

(((hugs))) henia :star:

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Morocco
Timeline

hell yes, approach him on that.... who the heck is naima???? #######??? *YOU* are his *wife*! You deserve to know who this female is and why she is msging him - specially if she's not family & it's not work related... get some answers! that's my opinion and what i would do.... i don't play 2nd fiddle to anyone!!!

Noura


Met briefly in Baton Rouge, LA Nov. 2003 - not available :(

Met again in Baton Rouge, LA March 25, 2005 - 2 souls feel as 1

Sept 17-Oct 3, 2005 Noura goes to Morocco to meet family & friends of Said (informally engaged)

Daily phonecalls, discover internet chatting w/ video cam - OMG!!!

March 25-April 14, 2006 Noura's 2nd trip to Morocco - formal engagement w/ family

April 24, 2006- mailed in K1 Visa package - TSC

Oct 5, 2006 - Interview SUCCESS

Oct 12, 2006 - Called to pick up visa tomorrow!

Oct. 16, 2006 VISA IN HAND!

Dec. 24, 2006 - Said arrives in NOLA, just in time for the holidaze!

Dec. 31, 2006 - OUR WEDDING!!! Ringing in a New Year as husband & wife!

Jan 8, 2007 - applied for SSN

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Feb 8, 2007 - NOA1 on AOS/EAD/AP

Feb 14, 07 - touched EAD/AP

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Algeria
Timeline
hell yes, approach him on that.... who the heck is naima???? #######??? *YOU* are his *wife*! You deserve to know who this female is and why she is msging him - specially if she's not family & it's not work related... get some answers! that's my opinion and what i would do.... i don't play 2nd fiddle to anyone!!!

Noura

I am definetly trying to keep all my thoughts good... since I know him, he is very correct with me, fact way too honest for at times. But with him all this week finding even the most littlest thing to say I did not do right, I am wondering what this message was about. I donnot want to seem nosy, but it is not like I was snooping into his things. And he has said to me I am welcome to anything of his and we have no secrets... so I am sure it is just some family member that I have not met, or something else. Cos it definetly not work or friend related. Since then the work called yet again, and also his best friend. Hmmm... did something happen to him on the road? They drive insane here in DZ. :(

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Nigeria
Timeline

are you positive it was not work related...you said she said something about being late for a meeting...maybe it really could be a meeting. And it is possible that he arrive at work and went strait to a meeting and the others did not know he was there? There are many ways that this could swing. Just trying to let you see the possibilitys. Sometimes when we are angry or hurt we think of all sorts of notions to something that could be logical if we just step back from the situation and look.

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Filed: Timeline
So I was suppose to have my big talk withmy husband, whether to live in Algerie or the States... well of course our plans changed last night and also I got into a bit of a spat...so we didnt...

I have spent the last week thinking and researching the reasons to stay or to leave...

*home

*schooling

* standard of living

* cost of living

* the family

* the extended

* our religion

I also did salaat al-istakara which I believe came out with a positive reply to stay. Buuuuuuuut...

in the last week and half more and more little misunderstandings and disagreements have come up with my husband, which sadden me ...and yet make me think. Well, today he went off very late to work, which he said was fine... he left his mobil at home... His work called him asking if he was coming to work. Which made me think just a little...wazzup? I was thinking something happened to him, since it rained heavily this morning. All worried, I tried to be calm all morning... then... 2 SMSs came in from someone named Naima. Hmmm... I mean I am not the curious nosy type, but the mobil was right next to me as I surfing the Net, so of course I looked it. And I could not believe my eyes.Something about being late for a meeting and why he did not call. Well I am not sure what to make of this, inchallah it is nothing... buuuuuuuut I am little heated right now. :angry: So basically my question is...how to approach him on this, if I even should? And also, I need some (more) input on the whole living in Algerie thing... I value all your comments and opinions ladies :thumbs:

(((hugs))) henia :star:

Try shushing your mind, sit quietly and see what your truest feeling is about all this. The head can sometimes play such games and get so noisy we can't even remember who we are. I'll say it again... the heart always KNOWS it just has a very wee small voice compared to the brain and is harder to hear. Give it a shot. (F)

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Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Jordan
Timeline

do you think he is reachable by landline at work yet? knowing his boss was looking for him, there wouldnt be anything wrong with you calling to make sure he arrived okay and to let him know that he forgot his phone. Without sounding accusing you could ask if he needs these messages right away (he may need them, actually).

I'm not one to talk here, but try not to go too nuts about this (if you can). making a wrong turn here could be very hard to correct so just be careful.


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Hatem & Dawn

Dec 09, 2004 I130 sent to USCIS

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15 months start to finish for cr-1 from Amman with no RFEs, ARs or other bonus hang-ups

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Nov 27, 2007 Three year Annivrsary. Two more and I can apply for a Jordanian Passport, and then we're going to Cuba (Just because I can). can't wait...

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Filed: Timeline

You're stronger than I, Henia. I'm a panicker so I'd be in such a panic that I'd make myself sick. My mind would be working big time about this. I hope everything works out for you about this. Hopefully you'll get ahold of him soon inshallah. Take care habibity.

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Algeria
Timeline

Thanks everyone... I was after praying the nafl and fard of zuhr just sitting there, calming myself... thinking and realising that the Shaytaan is whispering into my ear. Aouthu bilehi mina Shaytaan ir rahzeem.

And really I donnot know what is going...and really have NO reason to think of anything bad... he has given me NO reason to think anything. Sometimes I just have to STOP thinking or comparing him to my ex. Astagfurullah...

Inch'Allah when he is home I will do as Dawn suggest and ask him if he needed his messages... sorta offering him to explain. :whistle:

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Filed: K-3 Visa Country: Egypt
Timeline

See I'd call him now, not wait for him to come home. He might need the messages pronto. Also don't let your mind go on and on about who this woman is. Maybe she's a coworker.

Edited by doodlebug

12/28/06 - got married :)

02/05/07 - I-130 NOA1

02/21/07 - I-129 NOA1

04/09/07 - I-130 and I-129F approval email sent!!!!

04/26/07 - Packet 3 received

06/16/07 - Medical Examination

06/26/07 - Packet 3 SUBMITTED FINALLY!!!!

07/07/07 - Received pkt 4

07/22/07 - interview consular never bothered to show up for work.

07/29/07 - interview.

4_6_109v.gif

Ron Paul 2008

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Albania
Timeline

You should definitely ask him about that woman sms-ing him, but try to do it in a non-accusatory way. Just remind him that he left his cell at home and that you saw he got a few messages from someone named Naima and that they sounded important. WAS it an important meeting? Etc. But don't assume it's anything bad and try not to mull over every possible horrible scenario either while you wait for him to get home (though it's totally reasonable that you're concerned and I would def. be too in that case).

In regard to living in Algeria... I think you need to really really also need to think in terms of whether or not you really feel like you can be yourself there (i.e. be/do who you want). I think you should think about this on your own without your husband's in-put before you have this conversation. I also think that if you do think you'd want to stay, you decide what you will need to make you comfortable and at home there, both physically and emotionally, and what you can both do to make those things possible.


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7/27/2006: Arrival in NYC! -- I-94/EAD stamp in passport

8/08/2006: Applied for Social Security Card

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AOS...

9/11/2006: Appointment with Civil Surgeon for vaccination supplement

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Morocco
Timeline
You should definitely ask him about that woman sms-ing him, but try to do it in a non-accusatory way. Just remind him that he left his cell at home and that you saw he got a few messages from someone named Naima and that they sounded important. WAS it an important meeting? Etc. But don't assume it's anything bad and try not to mull over every possible horrible scenario either while you wait for him to get home (though it's totally reasonable that you're concerned and I would def. be too in that case).

In regard to living in Algeria... I think you need to really really also need to think in terms of whether or not you really feel like you can be yourself there (i.e. be/do who you want). I think you should think about this on your own without your husband's in-put before you have this conversation. I also think that if you do think you'd want to stay, you decide what you will need to make you comfortable and at home there, both physically and emotionally, and what you can both do to make those things possible.

Karen, you are such a reasonable woman... :thumbs: good advice!


Met briefly in Baton Rouge, LA Nov. 2003 - not available :(

Met again in Baton Rouge, LA March 25, 2005 - 2 souls feel as 1

Sept 17-Oct 3, 2005 Noura goes to Morocco to meet family & friends of Said (informally engaged)

Daily phonecalls, discover internet chatting w/ video cam - OMG!!!

March 25-April 14, 2006 Noura's 2nd trip to Morocco - formal engagement w/ family

April 24, 2006- mailed in K1 Visa package - TSC

Oct 5, 2006 - Interview SUCCESS

Oct 12, 2006 - Called to pick up visa tomorrow!

Oct. 16, 2006 VISA IN HAND!

Dec. 24, 2006 - Said arrives in NOLA, just in time for the holidaze!

Dec. 31, 2006 - OUR WEDDING!!! Ringing in a New Year as husband & wife!

Jan 8, 2007 - applied for SSN

Jan 15, 2007 - recieved SSN

Feb 6, 2007 - checks cashed for AOS/EAD/AP - YAY!

Feb 8, 2007 - NOA1 on AOS/EAD/AP

Feb 14, 07 - touched EAD/AP

March 8, 07 - Biometrics appt in NOLA

April 17, 07 - AP approved

April 19, 07 - EAD approved

glitter_maker_12_25_2006_00_00_12_97213.gif

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Filed: K-3 Visa Country: Egypt
Timeline

I shouldn't tell this story but.....I will. lol

I lived with my exhusband before we were married. (I was not muslim then).

Well three weeks before the wedding he chopped off the tip of his ring finger in a machine. (he's a cabinet maker) Can you say "signpost"??? :lol::lol:

Anyhooo.....about FOUR DAYS before the wedding I came home from work to find 1) the bed unmade (i always made the bed before leaving), 2) a pack of condoms on the bureau (I was on the pill :unsure: ) AND 3) a USED condom in the barrel of the bathroom. :huh:

This was around 6pm. I called him and paged him to no avail. He did not answer any of my messages. I called his best friend and told him the story and I was BALLISTIC for about 4 hours till he FINALLY came home to a frantic fiance who was spewing venom all over the place. I was like a truck driver with my mouth and crying hysterically.

He just looked at me and sat down and was soooo calm which ticked me off even worse. :angry:

Finally when I had calmed down a bit he said that he had come home from work early, took a nap, forgot to make the bed and took a shower. He said that he was sick and tired of wrapping his entire hand with a ziploc bag (so as not to get the stitches on his ring finger wet) to take a shower and the doctor recommended buying the condoms to put his finger in so that he could still use the other fingers to wash with.

:innocent:

Boy do I wish I had reacted differently!!!!! We barely spoke the rest of the night because I was embarassed at my behavior and he was shocked that I thought he had slept with someone 4 days before the wedding.

So......looks can be deceiving. ;)


12/28/06 - got married :)

02/05/07 - I-130 NOA1

02/21/07 - I-129 NOA1

04/09/07 - I-130 and I-129F approval email sent!!!!

04/26/07 - Packet 3 received

06/16/07 - Medical Examination

06/26/07 - Packet 3 SUBMITTED FINALLY!!!!

07/07/07 - Received pkt 4

07/22/07 - interview consular never bothered to show up for work.

07/29/07 - interview.

4_6_109v.gif

Ron Paul 2008

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Filed: Timeline

HOLY SHITE!!!

The man wouldn't have been able to explain himself...I would've kicked him the family jewels immediately upon returning home. Of course I would've regretted it later after getting that kind of explanation. I have a jump the gun kinda temper. I'd probably also call the doctor to check up on the story.

Edited by moody

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do you think he is reachable by landline at work yet? knowing his boss was looking for him, there wouldnt be anything wrong with you calling to make sure he arrived okay and to let him know that he forgot his phone. Without sounding accusing you could ask if he needs these messages right away (he may need them, actually).

I'm not one to talk here, but try not to go too nuts about this (if you can). making a wrong turn here could be very hard to correct so just be careful.

i always jump to the worst conclusions and there had always been a good explanation for everything. this is good advice, to call your husband and ask if he needs to messages. if you aren't able to reach him before he gets home, i would suggest just casually mentioning that he recieved some text messages from someone named Naima while he was away.. and wait for the reaction.

this has happened to me, before i knew all of my husband's friends and family members. we would use the same phone, before i got my own in Paris, and while he was at work I would have the phone. he would come home and I would say "ummmm you got a text from Ryma... it sounds like she misses you." turned out it was usually a cousin that was in Algeria or something like that. I'm sure there is a good explantion, but your head can get you really worked up with thousands of awful senarios running through your head.

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Filed: Timeline

Assalaamu alaikum ukhti,

I don't want to give any advice but I will tell you if it was me I would ask about it. But then again Yousuf and I have that type of relationship.... He understands my jealousy issues and I understand his.... (L)

I hope it's no big deal and everything works out (F)

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