What is the thing you miss the most from your country???

[Holliday 4]

I realize I may have been diminishing people's feelings of homesickness, and that wasn't my intent at all.

Obviously, feelings of homesickness are real and complex, and I believed you that where you lived there weren't sidewalks, but it seemed strange to me. I thought about it and realized some areas of the town I grew up in didn't have sidewalks, but most did. It sucks if you like to walk and you move to a place that isn't walk-friendly; I feel you.

There is another thread going on about someone who moved to eastern Washington, and finds it difficult - provincial people, poor economy, etc. She is realizing she thinks she'd be a lot happier just a few hours away in Seattle. Obviously, sometimes people can't move for many reasons, so that isn't the solution for everyone, but I do think it's harder to move to some areas of the country than others. More power to the people who are successful with that.

Clearly there are going to be vast differences, food will be different, the ways people socialize, where you go to get XYZ, the climate, a million things. But I do think that sometimes, some of these feelings can be helped by some information. I have seen in a lot of threads people saying, for instance, "Oh, I just found a product that is similar to the one from home!" and that discovery seems to at least in a small way, alleviate some of the stress. I also see people saying "I wish I had known X when I first moved here!"

When it seems to me that the spouse could be providing some of this information, and they aren't, it reminds of of "words misunderstood." The point in the Kundera makes is done through the example of an international couple (possibly based on his own experience as an ex-pat himself). Where one member of the couple is from, cemeteries are yellow clay boneyards that are dry and dusty. In the other person's country, cemeteries are overgrown gardens that seem full of mystery and even magic. One says "I love cemeteries - they seem like a fairy garden" and the other says "What? are you crazy?" and they don't understand eachother. They can't get past the different meaning of the word because they never considered how what they know might be different.

So when someone says "I can't find fresh fruit and veggies," I, like Bob, think, have you tried a farmer's market? If someone says "shoes are organized by size everywhere" I think, are you sure you're not at a discount shoe store? My aim is to help, though I realize it may come off the wrong way.

Regarding how long a meal should take, that might also go under the category of "words misunderstood." I just spent 3 hours at tea with my friend, which I felt was very long. If someone wants to spend 4 hours, then that might be rare. "Long" to me is 2-3 hours, but to someone else, that may be short. What I was trying to say is that there are places with a vibrant restaurant scene where they want you to spend at least a couple hours. Hopefully that's some consolation.

Obviously things are different in a different country, I just thought that helping to locate the same things might help people with adjusting. Some things you can't change though, like sidewalks.

I really appreciate your response. I'm very sorry if my post came across as being snarky or grumpy or defensive about what you said. I was intending to be grumpy/snarky etc. about Tulsa (or perhaps Oklahoma in general). I did not intend to direct the grumpiness at you, and I'm sorry if it came across that way. It doesn't make sense for a person to be grumpy at/about sidewalks (or the lack of sidewalks), but I am... er... was... or something. I'm tired and I don't make sense. But you know what else doesn't make sense? My in-laws live in a small gated community about 1 1/2 hours away in a fairly rural area (which also is a new thing to me... why do they need gates? They live in the middle of nowhere. But that's neither here nor there. Hehe.) They have sidewalks on both sides of their street. You couldn't get hit by a car while walking on their street if you tried... because that would involve cars. So not fair. I guess that's enough sidewalk rage from me. For now.

For the record, I don't feel at all that you've diminished anyone's feelings of homesickness. I appreciate you offering your perspective, and I think what you've said makes a lot of sense. And I think it was presented in such a helpful way that it kind of gave me a gentle kick in the butt, which I totally needed. Because it got me thinking...

Also for the record, I'm quite sure that most of my failure to properly adjust has to do with my own attitude. I think I'd be much more comfortable living in a different part of the country. But that's not going to happen anytime soon, so it's up to me to work within my surroundings. I'm not going to make any progress, and I'm not going to be happier by continuing to do nothing. I've had a very difficult time figuring out what exactly it is that's I'm supposed to be doing. I've been extremely frustrated for the past few months because I've been unsuccessfully trying to find a specific type of volunteer opportunity. As far as I can tell, such an opportunity doesn't exist here. So after reading through this thread last night, along with a few other threads in this sub-forum, I finally realized that it's completely up to me to do SOMETHING, because I've finally reached the point where I'm willing to accept that doing nothing is pointless, and it's time to stop ignoring that. I don't know how or why it took me two years to get there, but it is what it is. Anyway, I found and signed up for a local volunteer website, and expressed interest in a few of the listings. Less than 24 hours later, I've already been contacted by six different organizations that I might be able to help out!

So basically, things are feeling a lot better for me today than they were yesterday. I'm excited about having the opportunity to do something useful and helpful to others, and I realize that I'm lucky enough to have the time to do it. That's something that I DIDN'T have back home. I also never would've imagined that I'd find inspiration in a thread where sidewalks were a main concern of mine.

That's enough thread-jacking from me. Please carry on. For anyone who doesn't want to read my accidental novel above, I think I can sum it up:

Harpa and others on VJ=Good/helpful/yay! Me yesterday=Frustrated/grumpy. Me today=Less frustrated/not grumpy. Me: Not concise/in need of sleep. Sidewalks=Good. This post=Probably makes no sense.

Anyway, thank you!

[teddy000 0]

My mom,dad and my siblings. My friends and nice authentic food.

[Lainie B 465]

I also moved to Oklahoma, and the sidewalks here drive me crazy. They will switch from one side of the street to the other, and then disappear altogether. They stop and start. Or they will lead you to a busy road with no pedestrian lights to cross, and nowhere else to go.

It's not just an Oklahoma thing, I've lived in many different places in the US and apart from in the big cities, sidewalks are not very consistent.

I also miss roundabouts!

However there are good things about Oklahoma, it's a very friendly place and there is tonnes of open space.

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

They have roundabouts in some places in the northeast, not that anyone knows how to use them......lol

[Lainie B 465]

I remember seeing people use the roundabouts in Seattle, they would go in whatever direction suited them.

I miss the metric system too

Edited March 7, 2012 by Lainie B

[X Factor 1,110]

I miss the close knit community feeling.

[Tee29 0]

I know here where I live there are a lot of authentic Mexican restaurants ran by native Mexicans....tortas, chilaquiles, sopes, tacos (carnitas, pollo, asada), tamales, corn on the cob with mayo and cheese.

[Princessblack 21]

The beach.....cold winters here and the waters here are like dirty and lakelike. I sooo miss the Caribbean smell of the water and the warm sand.

[X Factor 1,110]

I miss picking tropical fruit fresh off the trees - mangoes, guavas, coconuts, cherries, etc

[X Factor 1,110]

Miss the colorful jeepneys

[Shaunna&Tony 1]

This is probably going to sound ridiculous to other Australian's but I'll miss vegemite and milo as it's been my morning ritual ever since i was a kid LOL!!! On a more serious note though I will definately miss living near the beach

[SunnySanDiego 17]

This is probably going to sound ridiculous to other Australian's but I'll miss vegemite and milo as it's been my morning ritual ever since i was a kid LOL!!! On a more serious note though I will definately miss living near the beach

I've seen vegemite in the grocery stores here in California so it may be available!

[X Factor 1,110]

I miss the Milo too and Smarties

[suntrustt 1]

Like most others Family, Friends and Food!

[X Factor 1,110]

I miss the fresh coconut water