Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Elena

Feeling betrayed

22 posts in this topic

Recommended Posts

Filed: K-3 Visa Country: Thailand
Timeline

Hello, I'm new here and I just need to talk to someone.

Today, I asked my best friend to be a co-sponsor and she said she couldn't do it. She said it was too big of a responsibility, which I do agree. Part of me feels like maybe I don't have the right to ask her for such a thing. And she has a right to say no. But another part of me feels betrayed. We have been best friends since the 9th grade. We spent four years at the same college together. We are like the women from Sex and the City. We have shared everything from happy times to dating woes. She was the first person I told when my fiance and I decided to get married. She knows how difficult the visa process has been for me and how much I miss my husband. When she said she couldn't do it, I was calm about it although I felt like crying. I just said it's ok, I understand. But really, I don't understand. Friends are supposed to be there for each other during times like this. I've never needed her as much as I do now.

I asked her to be a co-sponsor as a last resort. Believe me, I feel horrible that I even have to find a co-sponsor. I should be able to sponsor my husband without the help of anyone. And if I can't, I shouldn't be doing it right? Well, I'm in a transition period and it just happened that the interview is scheduled during this period. If it was a few more months from now, things would be okay. I just finished grad school and I'm unemployed at the moment. I apply for jobs everyday but I don't think I will find one by the time of his interview. That's why I decided to swallow my pride and ask for help. I can't ask any family members because they don't approve of this marriage to begin with. I have other friends too but most of them are students too and I'm not close enough to them to ask. If my best friend won't do it, who will? It is such a low and demeaning position to be in, to be at the mercy of someone else. At one point, I almost said to her, "Please don't make me beg." I was so close to saying it but I managed to salvage enough pride not to beg. What little pride I do have left is draining away. I'm desperatly out of time and out of ideas.

Sometimes you think the people around you will always be there for you but what happens when they aren't? How do you maintain dignity in desperate times? I've had a lot to think about today. I don't know what esle to do but write. Thanks for listening.

Elena


AOS

12/19/06 AOS and EAD applications recieved at Chicago office

12/22/06 file sent to CSC

2/14/07 touched

3/2/07 touched

3/5/07 touched

3/13/07 file sent back to MSC

3/14/07 touched

3/21/07 touched

3/23/07 touched

6/06/07 Interview

6/18/07 Notified through email that card was ordered

6/26/07 Recieved card in the mail TODAY!!!!!!!

EAD

3/20/07 EAD touched

3/22/07 recieved email that card has been ordered.

3/26/07 EAD card recieved in the mail.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: Country: Indonesia
Timeline
Hello, I'm new here and I just need to talk to someone.

Today, I asked my best friend to be a co-sponsor and she said she couldn't do it. She said it was too big of a responsibility, which I do agree. Part of me feels like maybe I don't have the right to ask her for such a thing. And she has a right to say no. But another part of me feels betrayed. We have been best friends since the 9th grade. We spent four years at the same college together. We are like the women from Sex and the City. We have shared everything from happy times to dating woes. She was the first person I told when my fiance and I decided to get married. She knows how difficult the visa process has been for me and how much I miss my husband. When she said she couldn't do it, I was calm about it although I felt like crying. I just said it's ok, I understand. But really, I don't understand. Friends are supposed to be there for each other during times like this. I've never needed her as much as I do now.

I asked her to be a co-sponsor as a last resort. Believe me, I feel horrible that I even have to find a co-sponsor. I should be able to sponsor my husband without the help of anyone. And if I can't, I shouldn't be doing it right? Well, I'm in a transition period and it just happened that the interview is scheduled during this period. If it was a few more months from now, things would be okay. I just finished grad school and I'm unemployed at the moment. I apply for jobs everyday but I don't think I will find one by the time of his interview. That's why I decided to swallow my pride and ask for help. I can't ask any family members because they don't approve of this marriage to begin with. I have other friends too but most of them are students too and I'm not close enough to them to ask. If my best friend won't do it, who will? It is such a low and demeaning position to be in, to be at the mercy of someone else. At one point, I almost said to her, "Please don't make me beg." I was so close to saying it but I managed to salvage enough pride not to beg. What little pride I do have left is draining away. I'm desperatly out of time and out of ideas.

Sometimes you think the people around you will always be there for you but what happens when they aren't? How do you maintain dignity in desperate times? I've had a lot to think about today. I don't know what esle to do but write. Thanks for listening.

Elena

I can't offer advise, just would like to say I am sorry this has to happen. Maybe you might want to ask other people in your family (your aunt, uncle, brother, sister) who might be in position to help with the support thing. Other than that, probably talk to your parents - they might agree to help eventhough they do not approve the marriage in first place. You never know !

You can also get jobs which might not be what you want, but at least it does give income enough for the support.

Good luck & don't loose hope.

Edited by tom&tata

I-130

Jun 28 2004 : Received at NSC

Oct 25 2004 : Transferred to CSC

Oct 29 2004 : Received at CSC

Nov 8 2004 : Received response from CSC that my file is being requested & review will be done

Nov 10 2004 : Email & online status Approved

Nov 15 2004 : NOA 2 in mail

Dec 16 2004 : NVC assigns case number

Dec 20 2004 : NVC sent DS 3032 to beneficiary, copy of DS 3032 & I-864 fee bill to petitioner

Jan 3 2005 : Petitioner received copy of DS 3032 and I-864 fee bill. Post-marked Dec 23rd.

Jan 11 2005 : Beneficiary received DS 3032 in Indonesia

Jan 31 2005 : Sent DS 3032 to NVC

Feb 8, 2005 : NVC received DS 3032

Feb 21, 2005 : IV fee generated

Feb 25, 2005 : Sent I-864 fee bill

Feb 28, 2005 : I-864 fee bill delivered to St Louis

Mar 3, 2005 : IV fee bill received

Mar 7, 2005 : Sent IV fee bill

Mar 9, 2005 : IV fee bill delivered to St Louis

Mar 28, 2005 : I-864 fee credited against case.

April 6, 2005 : Received I-864 package

April 7, 2005 : Immigrant Visa fee credited against case.

April 11, 2005 : DS 230 is generated

Aug 12, 2005 : I-864 & DS 230 received by NVC

Sep 14, 2005 : RFE on I-864

Nov 3, 2005 : Checklist response received at NVC

Nov 25, 2005 : Case completion

Dec 9, 2005 : Police Cert requested from the Netherlands

Jan 12 2006 : Interview success - Approved !!

Jan 19 2006 : Visa & brown envelope picked up

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Australia
Timeline

Wow. What a hard situation. First of all, I totally feel for you and my heart goes out. I can imagine how your heart must be breaking. That said, while I am sure you feel upset with your friend, I would not be angry with her. You have to understand what a HUGE and intimidating undertaking it is to sponsor an immigrant you hardly know and have no connection to, other than you best friend loves him? I can't say that, before I really knew about this process and how it works, that I would have done it for my best friend...

Maybe you should speak with your parents again. I would say that they might come around if they know that your happiness rests with this one thing. While they may not approve, often including them nonetheless can decrease their anxiety. They MAY be anxious about the marriage because it is new and foreign (no pun intended) to them. Including them and really letting them know how much it means to you may help.

How far short are you on your own? Does he have any assets you could use?? Do you worry that you really may NOT be able to support him once he's here - beacuse it could be quite a while before he can work to help contribute...

Just things to think about. I wish you luck and hope you are able to work through this difficult time.


Finally finished with immigration in 2012!

familyxmas-1-1.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Morocco
Timeline

I don't know what to say... other than I am praying for you both... and ***huge hugs***


Tho' lovers be lost, love shall not... and death shall have NO dominion!

http://www.geocities.com/pulpi33/A1.htm

114959908992789.gif

The will of God will never take you,

to where the grace of God will not protect you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: Timeline

Its really a big responsibility for the supporter and knowing the government can hold you liable isnt something that should be taking lightly. Am I sure this is what your friend is thinking. Don't be mad at her she has to look after her herself first.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Its really a big responsibility for the supporter and knowing the government can hold you liable isnt something that should be taking lightly. Am I sure this is what your friend is thinking. Don't be mad at her she has to look after her herself first.

I agree. I know it puts you in a bind, but it does prove that she gave it some serious thought.


SA4userbar.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: Timeline

Elena,

You should have no trouble finding a job or jobs that will enable you to sponsor your husband - this issue is more likely finding the kind of job you would prefer? While waiting to find that job, the day shift at McDonalds and the night shift at Burger King should give you sufficient income to qualify as a sponsor.

Just out of curiosity, since you are unemployed and have no income at the moment, did the sponsorship you were hoping to get from your best friend include more than just signing a paper? Did it include donating real money to the cause? Because someone is going to have to feed, clothe, and house him until you find a job that suits you.

Yodrak

Hello, I'm new here and I just need to talk to someone.

Today, I asked my best friend to be a co-sponsor and she said she couldn't do it. She said it was too big of a responsibility, which I do agree. Part of me feels like maybe I don't have the right to ask her for such a thing. And she has a right to say no. But another part of me feels betrayed. We have been best friends since the 9th grade. We spent four years at the same college together. We are like the women from Sex and the City. We have shared everything from happy times to dating woes. She was the first person I told when my fiance and I decided to get married. She knows how difficult the visa process has been for me and how much I miss my husband. When she said she couldn't do it, I was calm about it although I felt like crying. I just said it's ok, I understand. But really, I don't understand. Friends are supposed to be there for each other during times like this. I've never needed her as much as I do now.

I asked her to be a co-sponsor as a last resort. Believe me, I feel horrible that I even have to find a co-sponsor. I should be able to sponsor my husband without the help of anyone. And if I can't, I shouldn't be doing it right? Well, I'm in a transition period and it just happened that the interview is scheduled during this period. If it was a few more months from now, things would be okay. I just finished grad school and I'm unemployed at the moment. I apply for jobs everyday but I don't think I will find one by the time of his interview. That's why I decided to swallow my pride and ask for help. I can't ask any family members because they don't approve of this marriage to begin with. I have other friends too but most of them are students too and I'm not close enough to them to ask. If my best friend won't do it, who will? It is such a low and demeaning position to be in, to be at the mercy of someone else. At one point, I almost said to her, "Please don't make me beg." I was so close to saying it but I managed to salvage enough pride not to beg. What little pride I do have left is draining away. I'm desperatly out of time and out of ideas.

Sometimes you think the people around you will always be there for you but what happens when they aren't? How do you maintain dignity in desperate times? I've had a lot to think about today. I don't know what esle to do but write. Thanks for listening.

Elena

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think too many people take this whole financial support issue way too lightly.

It's not just a signature no matter how much you promise you'll never ask for the support.

They are promising to provide real support by signing that. It's not just another form that someone needs to sign just to get a visa.


05/16/2005 I-129F Sent

05/28/2005 I-129F NOA1

06/21/2005 I-129F NOA2

07/18/2005 Consulate Received package from NVC

11/09/2005 Medical

11/16/2005 Interview APPROVED

12/05/2005 Visa received

12/07/2005 POE Minneapolis

12/17/2005 Wedding

12/20/2005 Applied for SSN

01/14/2005 SSN received in the mail

02/03/2006 AOS sent (Did not apply for EAD or AP)

02/09/2006 NOA

02/16/2006 Case status Online

05/01/2006 Biometrics Appt.

07/12/2006 AOS Interview APPROVED

07/24/2006 GC arrived

05/02/2007 Driver's License - Passed Road Test!

05/27/2008 Lifting of Conditions sent (TSC > VSC)

06/03/2008 Check Cleared

07/08/2008 INFOPASS (I-551 stamp)

07/08/2008 Driver's License renewed

04/20/2009 Lifting of Conditions approved

04/28/2009 Card received in the mail

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Morocco
Timeline

Well it all depends you people need to remember not to judge from just what you see. You dont know her whole story and whats going on. There is always more to a story then what you see. But your right you may just think of it as signing a peice of paper but it is a big responsibility. You have to be willing to take care yourself and your spouse once they arrive someone cant do it for you!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: Timeline

Just b/c she's your best friend doesn't mean she has to be responsible for your marriage and eventual husband. You can't and shouldn't be angry at her at all. What you're asking from her is a HUGE responsibility and if something was to eventually go wrong in your marriage, she would be the one responsible for him for a LOOOOONG time.

Edited by dmartmar

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Canada
Timeline

HArd situation, but I don't blame your friend,its a huge responsibility. They say one should never loan money to friends, best way to wreck a friendship, not exactly the case here, but similar. Best of luck


Canadians Visiting the USA while undergoing the visa process, my free advice:

1) Always tell the TRUTH. never lie to the POE officer

2) Be confident in ur replies

3) keep ur response short and to the point, don't tell ur life story!!

4) look the POE officer in the eye when speaking to them. They are looking for people lieing and have been trained to find them!

5) Pack light! No job resumes with you

6) Bring ties to Canada (letter from employer when ur expected back at work, lease, etc etc)

7) Always be polite, being rude isn't going to get ya anywhere, and could make things worse!!

8) Have a plan in case u do get denied (be polite) It wont harm ur visa application if ur denied,that is if ur polite and didn't lie! Refer to #1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: England
Timeline

I'm sorry you are going through this as well. It is very difficult to swallow your pride and reach out for help. I had to do it as well, and it was tough. When I first arrived in the US in December I had to take any job I could get, and that required me to have a co-sponsor. I waited ages before I finally approached my mother and stepfather and they said yes. My father, whom I love dearly and I know loves me, said no. I am not angry at him for that because i realized that he took careful consideration before he answered. Your friend may be hurting just as much as you are by feeling the need to say no to you. I'm sure she probably didn't want to, but felt no other choice. I was fortunate to get a very good job a few weeks ago, which means I no longer need the dreaded co-sponsor for the AOS paperwork. I think you should go out and get whatever job you can find- someone mentioned Burger King. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do in the short term to make the long term better. Good luck to you- I'm sure you will find a lot of support here if you feel the need to talk about anything or vent your feelings.


See my timeline for all previous dates!

Naturalization:

6/28/09: Mail N-400 to Texas

7/6/09: NOA1

7/24/09: Biometrics

10/08/09: Interview

11/21/09: Receive oath date

01/22/10: Oath Date

With thanks to all the helpful people who made this journey slightly more bearable.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Canada
Timeline

Putting myself in your shoes I can understand how you feel. And you probably think that if the situation was reversed you would be the one signing that sponsorship. Just remember (judging from the length of the relationship) that she has been there for you in the past and will be there in the future. Everyone has different ways of showing you that they care. Maybe this it too much and too soon of a responsibilty for her. But I do agree with Yodrak, find a job that you might not like so much. It's not a long term soln but it'll help for the present situation.


Barbara (Canada) & Dallas (USC)

AOS

Nov 13 2005 EAD & I-485 sent to Chicago Lockbox

Nov 22, 2005 EAD & I-485 NOA1

Dec 15, 2005 Biometrics for EAD & I-485

Dec 19, 2005 EAD & I-485 Touched

Jan 21, 2006 Rec'd I-485 Fingerprint Reschedule Notice (AHHH!!!)

Feb 10, 2006 Fingerprint App't

Feb 1, 2006 EAD Approved!!!!

Feb 11, 2006 Rec'd EAD card

Feb 13, 2006 Applied for SSN

Feb 17, 2006 Rec'd SSN

Feb 23, 2006 I-485 Transferred to CSC (AHHH!!)

Mar 02, 2006 I-485 Has been received at CSC

Mar 13, 2006 I-485 Touched

Mar 14, 2006 I-485 Touched

Apr 15 & 25 2006 emailed CSC for status inquiry on I-485

Apr 26 2006 received a response from CSC, another response in 60 days (ahhhhh!!!)

Apr 27, 2006 I-485 Touched

Jun 17, 2006 I-485 Touched

Jun 19, 2006 I-485 Touched

Jun 20, 2006 I-485 Touched

July 3, 2006 emailed CSC again, no response given in the allotted 60 days time frame.

July 27, 2006 received a response from CSC, another response will be given in 30 days.. ha ha ha.

***app sent back to Missouri ***app sent to Chicago

Aug 21 2006 touched

Sept 29 2006 3rd year Anniversay

October 13, 2006 Immigration Interview - Need to return with Long Form Birth Certificate

October 13, 2006 Long Form Birth Cert ordered with expediated shipping

October 18, 2006 Birth Cert Received

October 19, 2006 2nd Immigration Interview - APPROVED

5-20 business days for the Green Card to arrive, maybe I'll be back to see my family before Christmas?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Filed: K-3 Visa Country: United Kingdom
Timeline

Chin up. :) If you've just finished grad school, then SURELY you must be marketable enough to get some kind of decent job for the interim. And you probably won't be forced to flip burgers to do it! (Not that there is anything wrong with that.) My point is, with your qualifications and educational background, an employer is sure to snatch you up sooner or later. Keep believing in yourself and just keep applying for jobs, as you say have been every day. Something will work out! It's easy to panick in situations like this, and that can make the process of job hunting seem even more daunting than it normally would. It can also blind you to some of the options in front of you. However, all is not lost.

Have you tried searching jobs on Monster.com or even in the paper, instead of just targeting only the employers you really WANT to work for? That might widen the net a bit. Worst case scenario, you take a job you don't like/want for a few months and switch employers when your ideal job offer comes along. I also strongly recommend finding yourself a good head-hunter or job placement agency. Before my husband and I decided to move back to the US, I had been using a few here in the UK (they are very commonly used this side of the pond.) I can tell you that the job opening notices and interviews came pouring in once I started using them! This might really help your situtation...just get several head-hunters working for you at once.

As for your friend, I'm really sorry about your disappointment. Just give her a break and try to put yourself in her position. Her saying no to your request to co-sponsor doesn't mean that your friendship isn't important to her. (Remember Carrie and Charlotte when Carrie needed money to buy her apartment!) She's probably just as hurt that she had to say no as you are. Remember that while she can't provide the financial support you asked for, she can still provide a lot of other things to you throughout this process...like a shoulder to lean on and someone to listen! That's what matters most. The rest will work itself out.

Best of luck to you!

Mariel


I-130F:

13 Feb. 2006 - sent I-130; 14 Feb. 2006 - I-130 received at Nebraska

28 Feb. 2006 - NOA-1

2 Mar. 2006 - RFE for payment problem; 3 Mar. - corrected & mailed; 6 Mar. - USCIS rec'd payment

12 June 2006 - APPROVED! (NOA-2)

20 June 2006 - case number assigned

3 July 2006 - DS-3032 and AOS Fee bill generated; 6 July - emailed DS-3032 Choice of Agent

13 July 2006 - Received DS-3032 (UK)

14 July 2006 - DS-3032 mailed to NVC

17 July 2006 - DS-3032 and AOS Fee received in mail

19 July 2006 - mailed Fee bill to NVC; recieved at NVC St. Louis facility 20 July

24 July 2006 - Received NVC choice of agent confirmation email

4th-8th Aug 2006 - Recieve IV bill. (non specific date recieved/away vacation)

10th Aug 2006 - NVC recieve IV Bill.

11th Aug 2006 - Recieved I-864 package / mailed back 15th Aug

I-129F:

6 Mar. 2006 - sent I-129F; 8 Mar. 2006 - I-129F received at USCIS

16 Mar. 2006 - NOA1

3 July 2006 - received RFE (IMBRA); 5 July 2006 - mailed RFE response

10 July 2006 - received USCIS email confirming receipt of RFE response

13 July 2006 - received RFE (IMBRA) AGAIN

17 July 2006 - mailed 2nd RFE response; received by USCIS 19 July

27 July 2006 - APPROVED!

7 Aug 2006 - case number assigned at NVC

11 Aug 2006 - Recieved NVC letter confirming case sent to london

23 Aug 2006 - Received Packet 3 / 25 Aug 2006 - Mailed back

04 Sep 2006 - Medical completed.

08 Sep 2006 - Interview date assigned for 2nd October

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
 
Didn't find the answer you were looking for? Ask our VJ Immigration Lawyers.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
- Back to Top -


Important Disclaimer: Please read carefully the Visajourney.com Terms of Service. If you do not agree to the Terms of Service you should not access or view any page (including this page) on VisaJourney.com. Answers and comments provided on Visajourney.com Forums are general information, and are not intended to substitute for informed professional medical, psychiatric, psychological, tax, legal, investment, accounting, or other professional advice. Visajourney.com does not endorse, and expressly disclaims liability for any product, manufacturer, distributor, service or service provider mentioned or any opinion expressed in answers or comments. VisaJourney.com does not condone immigration fraud in any way, shape or manner. VisaJourney.com recommends that if any member or user knows directly of someone involved in fraudulent or illegal activity, that they report such activity directly to the Department of Homeland Security, Immigration and Customs Enforcement. You can contact ICE via email at Immigration.Reply@dhs.gov or you can telephone ICE at 1-866-347-2423. All reported threads/posts containing reference to immigration fraud or illegal activities will be removed from this board. If you feel that you have found inappropriate content, please let us know by contacting us here with a url link to that content. Thank you.
×
×
  • Create New...