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am i overreacting about this porn thing?

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Aileen and Steve Rookie

Aileen and Steve   4

Posted
Filed: Country: Philippines
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Posted

I have not read the rest of the comments. However, I have to provide my 2 cents as a MALE. I do not see any problem with your husband watching porn or going to strip clubs. All males DO. It has nothing to do with loving you. This is how they are. They may deny watching porn but they do. I love my wife more than anything in this world. I would NEVER cheat on her with any other woman as she is the most beautiful woman in the world. HOWEVER, I do watch porn when I have nothing to do on the net. In fact, I do it with my wife and we laugh about it. Some times we even go together to strip clubs and make fun of people. I never went all the way to actually PAY for it as there is plenty for free. However, I do not see any problem with that. If I was you I would do it together with him. In fact my wife sometimes send me porn pics on my work e-mail, the ones that she feels I will enjoy... This is all.

I agree with some of what you say except not all males watch porn. Unless you have talked with every male on this planet you can't say "All males DO". I have watched a few times but I felt empty afterwards and I have no desire to watch someone else have sex. And I've never been to a strip club because I've never felt the need to go to one.

There is a difference between watching porn for "fun", and watching porn because you're trying to "get off" alone and denying it to your spouse. From what she says, this guy is hiding his porn material and he lied to her several times about not watching it anymore or buying it. That is an addiction.

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VanessaTony
VanessaTony

There's a difference between HAS looked at porn and IS looking at porn. I know for 10000% sure that Tony doesn't look at porn. He doesn't go to strip clubs (and wouldn't). I know he DID while he was

Kathryn41
Kathryn41

thread closed for review After review, I am re-opening this thread. Please remember that the OP has asked for advice. She has not asked for judgment and she certainly has not asked for condemnation.

Rebecca Jo
Rebecca Jo

Lookin' at porn is not an "open relationship".

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Matt1968 Proficient

Matt1968   13

Posted
Filed: Lift. Cond. (apr) Country: Dominican Republic
 Timeline
Posted

I have not read the rest of the comments. However, I have to provide my 2 cents as a MALE. I do not see any problem with your husband watching porn or going to strip clubs. All males DO. It has nothing to do with loving you. This is how they are. They may deny watching porn but they do. I love my wife more than anything in this world. I would NEVER cheat on her with any other woman as she is the most beautiful woman in the world. HOWEVER, I do watch porn when I have nothing to do on the net. In fact, I do it with my wife and we laugh about it. Some times we even go together to strip clubs and make fun of people. I never went all the way to actually PAY for it as there is plenty for free. However, I do not see any problem with that. If I was you I would do it together with him. In fact my wife sometimes send me porn pics on my work e-mail, the ones that she feels I will enjoy... This is all.

In a nut shell, I think the general opinion here is that watching porn isn't the real issue. I don't want to speak for anyone else, but watching porn based on "incest" is flat out wrong in my eyes. You can dress it up any way you like, it's still wrong.

Matt

USCIC
11-29-11 I-130's mailed together for wife and stepdaughter
12-02-11 Delivered to lockbox
12-06-11 NOA1 wife(email)
12-06-11 NOA1 step-daughter(email)
12-10-11 NOA1 wife(hardcopy)
12-10-11 NOA1 step-daughter(hardcopy)
02-01-12 NOA2 Wife(Hardcopy)
02-01-12 NOA2 Step-daughter(hardcopy)
NVC
02-07-12 NVC received both Cases
02-10-12 NVC case #'s by phone
02-10-12 Received email/text notification of NOA2's
02-13-12 Received A.O.S bill/DS-3032 C.O.A for wife and step-daughter
02-13-12 Paid A.O.S bill/sent DS-3032 for wife and step-daughter
02-15-12 C.O.A accepted for wife and step-daughter
02-16-12 Recieved IV bill/Mail A.O.S by express mail for both
02-17-12 Paid IV bill for both

02-22-12 Mailed DS-230 for wife and daughter express mail
02-24-12 NVC received DS-230 for both
03-02-12 Cases complete
03-12-12 Interview date received (04/02/2012)
04-02-12 Interview and visa approved!
06-08-12 POE-Boston

Removal of conditions:

03-17-14 sent I-751 to VSC

03-25-14 received hardcopy of I-797 for wife but not step-daughter

03-26-14 step-daughter received hardcopy of I-797

04-28-14 Biometrics appt. for wife and step-daughter

09-09-14 Wife and step-daughter 10 year green card approval

09-18-14 Wife and step-daughter received 10 year green card in the mail

The process has been completed!

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Robert&Karen Proficient

Robert&Karen   264

Posted
Filed: AOS (apr) Country: United Kingdom
 Timeline
Posted

Good thing we don't all wear black robes.

Or brown shirts.

K-1 Journey

03-03-2011 - Mailed I-129F application.

03-06-2011 - Packet received in Texas.

03-23-2011 - NOA1 received in mail, dated 03-09-2011.

05-31-2011 - RFE requested. They want better passport pictures of me.

06-06-2011 - Additional passport pics sent.

06-08-2011 - Evidence received and acknowledged. Whew!

06-16-2011 - NOA2 received!

07-20-2011 - Packet 3 Received!

08-01-2011 - Packet 3 returned to Embassy.

08-22-2011 - Packet 4 Received!

09-19-2011 - Interview...APPROVED!

09-23-2011 - Visa in Hand

09-29-2011 - POE LAX

11-11-2011 - Wedding at 11:11pm GMT time.

AOS Journey

12-02-2011 - Mailed in AOS/EAD/AP paperwork.

12-05-2011 - Delivery confirmation per USPS.

12-27-2011 - (3) NOA I-797C received, dated 12-20-2011. Biometrics appt set.

01-10-2012 - Biometrics.

01-20-2012 - Notified of interview appointment for 2-21-2012.

01-31-2012 - EAD and AP approved.

02-08-2012 - EAD/AP card received.

02-21-2012 - AOS interview approved. EAD/AP card confiscated.

03-01-2012 - Green Card in hand!!!

364 days total time!

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Dan & Jenni Proficient

Dan & Jenni   457

Posted
Filed: K-1 Visa Country: England
 Timeline
Posted

Good thing we don't all wear black robes.

:thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs:

sadly it appears a lot of VJ do though

I-129F SENT............................................08/15/2011

NOA1 TEXT/EMAIL...................................08/22/2011

NOA2 TEXT/EMAIL. NO RFE.....................01/05/2012

NVC RECEIVED......................................01/21/2012

NVC LEFT...............................................01/24/2012

PACKET 3 RECEIVED..............................02/01/2012

PACKET 3 RETURNED.............................02/04/2012

MEDICAL................................................02/17/2012

DS-2001 MAILED.....................................02/23/2012

PACKET 4 RECEIVED..............................03/02/2012

INTERVIEW............................................03/14/2012 APPROVED

POE ATLANTA.........................................04/03/2012

AOS approved 3/29/13 after almost 10 months of waiting. No RFE's and no interview.

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giving_up Apprentice

giving_up   3

Posted
Filed: Timeline
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Posted

someone here said that there seem to be other issues with him and of course yes, there have been but since in the last -almost- 2 yrs things had been great between us, I somehow tried to forget about everything that I had against him from the past, all the pain he had caused me, like, yelling at me when I was pregnant, lying about important things, putting his family first before my feelings, even giving me HPV and questioning if he was the one who gave it to me even when he knew he was my first... *sigh* I can't put into words how bad I felt in all those situations and how dumb, naive and submissive I was, as I had only tried to make things work by trying to forget and forgiving him, but now I know somehow I'm stronger and this situation that I'm going through now opened the box that I had hidden 3 ft under with all those hurtful memories and I wish I could just erase everything that was wrong and start brand new or simply find a way that I could go back home with my daughter and raise her with my parents in a healthy environment. I came to this country to be happy with him, not because I wanted to live here, in the past he even said that I married for the greencard and no, if God forbid something happened to him, I'd go back home because he's the reason why I came here, I had asked him to move to my country with me but he said no, so now I'm scared thinking that I'm done and that I have to find a solution, I started this topic focusing on what I'm going through right now but my mind keeps rewinding the tape about everything that had gone through in the first 3 yrs that I was here and no, it's about time I do something definite about it, I just don't know how to start...

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Dan & Jenni Proficient

Dan & Jenni   457

Posted
Filed: K-1 Visa Country: England
 Timeline
Posted

That's the difference. This is not a court.

then what right do you have to judge??

I-129F SENT............................................08/15/2011

NOA1 TEXT/EMAIL...................................08/22/2011

NOA2 TEXT/EMAIL. NO RFE.....................01/05/2012

NVC RECEIVED......................................01/21/2012

NVC LEFT...............................................01/24/2012

PACKET 3 RECEIVED..............................02/01/2012

PACKET 3 RETURNED.............................02/04/2012

MEDICAL................................................02/17/2012

DS-2001 MAILED.....................................02/23/2012

PACKET 4 RECEIVED..............................03/02/2012

INTERVIEW............................................03/14/2012 APPROVED

POE ATLANTA.........................................04/03/2012

AOS approved 3/29/13 after almost 10 months of waiting. No RFE's and no interview.

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Matt1968 Proficient

Matt1968   13

Posted
Filed: Lift. Cond. (apr) Country: Dominican Republic
 Timeline
Posted (edited)

:thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs:

sadly it appears a lot of VJ do though

Giving an opinion is not passing verdict. She told us what happened and told us what she saw. Everyone voiced what they thought, there's nothing sad about it. Maybe we shouldn't do that anymore and just "see the goodness" in everyone, including those who watch incest porn.

Matt

That's the difference. This is not a court.

Bingo!

Edited by Matt1968

USCIC
11-29-11 I-130's mailed together for wife and stepdaughter
12-02-11 Delivered to lockbox
12-06-11 NOA1 wife(email)
12-06-11 NOA1 step-daughter(email)
12-10-11 NOA1 wife(hardcopy)
12-10-11 NOA1 step-daughter(hardcopy)
02-01-12 NOA2 Wife(Hardcopy)
02-01-12 NOA2 Step-daughter(hardcopy)
NVC
02-07-12 NVC received both Cases
02-10-12 NVC case #'s by phone
02-10-12 Received email/text notification of NOA2's
02-13-12 Received A.O.S bill/DS-3032 C.O.A for wife and step-daughter
02-13-12 Paid A.O.S bill/sent DS-3032 for wife and step-daughter
02-15-12 C.O.A accepted for wife and step-daughter
02-16-12 Recieved IV bill/Mail A.O.S by express mail for both
02-17-12 Paid IV bill for both

02-22-12 Mailed DS-230 for wife and daughter express mail
02-24-12 NVC received DS-230 for both
03-02-12 Cases complete
03-12-12 Interview date received (04/02/2012)
04-02-12 Interview and visa approved!
06-08-12 POE-Boston

Removal of conditions:

03-17-14 sent I-751 to VSC

03-25-14 received hardcopy of I-797 for wife but not step-daughter

03-26-14 step-daughter received hardcopy of I-797

04-28-14 Biometrics appt. for wife and step-daughter

09-09-14 Wife and step-daughter 10 year green card approval

09-18-14 Wife and step-daughter received 10 year green card in the mail

The process has been completed!

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Robert&Karen Proficient

Robert&Karen   264

Posted
Filed: AOS (apr) Country: United Kingdom
 Timeline
Posted

....I just don't know how to start...

You started off the right way, by admitting there are issues that need to be dealt with. Now get HIM to admit that too and you two will then have common ground on which to start.

K-1 Journey

03-03-2011 - Mailed I-129F application.

03-06-2011 - Packet received in Texas.

03-23-2011 - NOA1 received in mail, dated 03-09-2011.

05-31-2011 - RFE requested. They want better passport pictures of me.

06-06-2011 - Additional passport pics sent.

06-08-2011 - Evidence received and acknowledged. Whew!

06-16-2011 - NOA2 received!

07-20-2011 - Packet 3 Received!

08-01-2011 - Packet 3 returned to Embassy.

08-22-2011 - Packet 4 Received!

09-19-2011 - Interview...APPROVED!

09-23-2011 - Visa in Hand

09-29-2011 - POE LAX

11-11-2011 - Wedding at 11:11pm GMT time.

AOS Journey

12-02-2011 - Mailed in AOS/EAD/AP paperwork.

12-05-2011 - Delivery confirmation per USPS.

12-27-2011 - (3) NOA I-797C received, dated 12-20-2011. Biometrics appt set.

01-10-2012 - Biometrics.

01-20-2012 - Notified of interview appointment for 2-21-2012.

01-31-2012 - EAD and AP approved.

02-08-2012 - EAD/AP card received.

02-21-2012 - AOS interview approved. EAD/AP card confiscated.

03-01-2012 - Green Card in hand!!!

364 days total time!

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Adriene H Rising Star

Adriene H   89

Posted
Filed: K-3 Visa Country: United Kingdom
 Timeline
Posted

In a nut shell, I think the general opinion here is that watching porn isn't the real issue. I don't want to speak for anyone else, but watching porn based on "incest" is flat out wrong in my eyes. You can dress it up any way you like, it's still wrong.

Matt

"Dress it up"

That's a different type of porn :devil:

I-130

2011-08-20 Posted

2011-08-31 NOA1

2011-09-03 Touch

2011-11-18 Sent Expedite Request to USCIS

2011-12-09 Response Received for Exepedite Request

"Wait your turn" in a nutshell

2011-12-02 Sent Expedite Request to US Representative Ed Royce

2012-01-27 Sent Expedite Request to Immigration Ombudsman

2012-02-02 Sent Expedite Request to Senator Barbara Boxer

2012-02-02 Sent Expedite Request to Senator Dianne Feinstein

2012-03-08 Case transferred to field office for additional processing

2012-03-23 Now being processed at a USCIS office

2012-05-10 Transferred to another office for processing

2012-05-14 Now being processed at a USCIS office

2012-06-05 Approved NOA2

2012-07-17 NVC Case/Invoice # Received

Petitioner: US Born Citizen (Wife)

Beneficiary: British Born Citizen (Husband)

Your I-130 was approved in 279 days from your NOA1 date

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Operator Experienced

Operator   1,927

Posted
Filed: Other Country: China
 Timeline
Posted

Telling her to seek help for her and her husband is advice and advice is what she was seeking. Telling her what her husband is and what he is doing is wrong is passing judgment. Thats my opinion.

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Dan & Jenni Proficient

Dan & Jenni   457

Posted
Filed: K-1 Visa Country: England
 Timeline
Posted

someone here said that there seem to be other issues with him and of course yes, there have been but since in the last -almost- 2 yrs things had been great between us, I somehow tried to forget about everything that I had against him from the past, all the pain he had caused me, like, yelling at me when I was pregnant, lying about important things, putting his family first before my feelings, even giving me HPV and questioning if he was the one who gave it to me even when he knew he was my first... *sigh* I can't put into words how bad I felt in all those situations and how dumb, naive and submissive I was, as I had only tried to make things work by trying to forget and forgiving him, but now I know somehow I'm stronger and this situation that I'm going through now opened the box that I had hidden 3 ft under with all those hurtful memories and I wish I could just erase everything that was wrong and start brand new or simply find a way that I could go back home with my daughter and raise her with my parents in a healthy environment. I came to this country to be happy with him, not because I wanted to live here, in the past he even said that I married for the greencard and no, if God forbid something happened to him, I'd go back home because he's the reason why I came here, I had asked him to move to my country with me but he said no, so now I'm scared thinking that I'm done and that I have to find a solution, I started this topic focusing on what I'm going through right now but my mind keeps rewinding the tape about everything that had gone through in the first 3 yrs that I was here and no, it's about time I do something definite about it, I just don't know how to start...

just read through everything that you have said and i think you will realise that your answer is there. if love or something else is clouding your vision then let me tell you what i would do... walk away... go back to your own country and raise your daughter with your parents in an environment that you feel comfortable in. your husband is who he is (forget the porn because everyone has different ideas on what is normal or "sick") and that is unlikely to change and you are very unhappy by the sound of it... and that you can change.

I-129F SENT............................................08/15/2011

NOA1 TEXT/EMAIL...................................08/22/2011

NOA2 TEXT/EMAIL. NO RFE.....................01/05/2012

NVC RECEIVED......................................01/21/2012

NVC LEFT...............................................01/24/2012

PACKET 3 RECEIVED..............................02/01/2012

PACKET 3 RETURNED.............................02/04/2012

MEDICAL................................................02/17/2012

DS-2001 MAILED.....................................02/23/2012

PACKET 4 RECEIVED..............................03/02/2012

INTERVIEW............................................03/14/2012 APPROVED

POE ATLANTA.........................................04/03/2012

AOS approved 3/29/13 after almost 10 months of waiting. No RFE's and no interview.

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Operator Experienced

Operator   1,927

Posted
Filed: Other Country: China
 Timeline
Posted

just read through everything that you have said and i think you will realise that your answer is there. if love or something else is clouding your vision then let me tell you what i would do... walk away... go back to your own country and raise your daughter with your parents in an environment that you feel comfortable in. your husband is who he is (forget the porn because everyone has different ideas on what is normal or "sick") and that is unlikely to change and you are very unhappy by the sound of it... and that you can change.

Ta da. Non-judgmental advice.

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