Wanting advice to do things right!

[Julias and Linda 0]

Hello Everyone! I am new to the site and have been reading through forums for past couple days. What a wonderful site!

Here's our situation..I am a USC, I met a girl from the Philippines a few months ago and consider her to be my gift from God. I never knew such wonderful people exist! I have instantly fallen in love with her. Lacey came to USA on a K-1 visa apx. February 2011. She was married to a man in apx. March 2011 and soon found out he was an impotent, abusive, alcoholic. He applied for her AOS before he showed himself to be a monster. Within a few short months Lacey separated from her abuser and appeared for her court case against him. He was sentenced for domestic violence and multiple violations of restraining order and jailed for some time. She has hard core police and court evidence of physical abuse. Lacey asked her lawyer if she could go back to the Philippines and her lawyer told her to just stay here. Under the VAWA act they granted her an EAD/AP and she has since applied for an extension. Not sure if it is her AOS or EAD that was for 1 year but she applied for an extension of one or the other. Under the VAWA act Lacey has the liberty of self-petitioning. She is in love with me and would like to start her life over and fill her dream of having a husband and children. The questions are:

1.What steps should Lacey be taking?

2.When can she file for divorce?

3.Will they annul her marriage based on the fact he was abusive or impotent or both?

4.At what time is it ok for us to date openly or become engaged?

5.How long will it be before her and I can get married?

6.What kind of impact would it have on her process if she became pregnant by me now?

We are so in love with each other and both want to be married and have a family, but I keep reminding her it is most important for her to follow the right steps for total success. Thanks in advance for any advice! Julio

Edited December 19, 2011 by Julio & Lacey

[Leatherneck 693]

Hello Everyone! I am new to the site and have been reading through forums for past couple days. What a wonderful site!

Here's our situation..I am a USC, I met a girl from the Philippines a few months ago and consider her to be my gift from God. I never knew such wonderful people exist! I have instantly fallen in love with her. Lacey came to USA on a K-1 visa apx. February 2011. She was married to a man in apx. March 2011 and soon found out he was an impotent, abusive, alcoholic. He applied for her AOS before he showed himself to be a monster. Within a few short months Lacey separated from her abuser and appeared for her court case against him. He was sentenced for domestic violence and multiple violations of restraining order and jailed for some time. She has hard core police and court evidence of physical abuse. Lacey asked her lawyer if she could go back to the Philippines and her lawyer told her to just stay here. Under the VAWA act they granted her an EAD/AP and she has since applied for an extension. Not sure if it is her AOS or EAD that was for 1 year but she applied for an extension of one or the other. Under the VAWA act Lacey has the liberty of self-petitioning. She is in love with me and would like to start her life over and fill her dream of having a husband and children. The questions are:

The 1 year extension was for the EAD.

1.What steps should Lacey be taking?

If she is approved for VAWA, she can AOS herself. Since they granted her EAD/AP, she will able to complete AOS.

2.When can she file for divorce?

She can file for divorce when she's ready, like, yesterday.

3.Will they annul her marriage based on the fact he was abusive or impotent or both?

She can get a divorce. No one can give an answer about annulment without knowing the state she resides. Besides, you can research that yourself.

4.At what time is it ok for us to date openly or become engaged?

I certianly would not get engaged officially while she is still married. Nothing keeps you from dating openly.

5.How long will it be before her and I can get married?

You think maybe after her divorce is final from the other guy? A second marriage to you while still married to the other guy, well, just won't look good.

6.What kind of impact would it have on her process if she became pregnant by me now?

Which part of "her process?" She needs to get a divorce and start the AOS if she has been approved for her VAWA claim. No "impact" on a divorce proceeding, and probably not even her AOS. Slow your roll man! Why are you talking knocking up this woman or having such thoughts with all of the drama she needs to deal with? You're putting the cart before the horse here.

1. Don't you think there should be a divorce, first?

2. Complete her AOS?

3. An engagement?

4. A marriage

5. Then a baby at some point.

Considering what this woman has been through, is going through now and still needs to go through, wouldn't it be wise to step back and really get to know this woman first? Is a few months really long enough? I'm not trying to rain on your parade here, but based on the questions you posed, you're like a bull in a china shop with this.

We are so in love with each other and both want to be married and have a family, but I keep reminding her it is most important for her to follow the right steps for total success. Thanks in advance for any advice! Julio

Edited December 19, 2011 by Leatherneck

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Here's our situation..I am a USC, I met a girl from the Philippines a few months ago and consider her to be my gift from God. I never knew such wonderful people exist! I have instantly fallen in love with her. Lacey came to USA on a K-1 visa apx. February 2011. She was married to a man in apx. March 2011

1.What steps should Lacey be taking?

2.When can she file for divorce?

3.Will they annul her marriage based on the fact he was abusive or impotent or both?

4.At what time is it ok for us to date openly or become engaged?

5.How long will it be before her and I can get married?

6.What kind of impact would it have on her process if she became pregnant by me now?

1. Her VAWA is most likely still processing. They are determining whether they believe she was actually abused. She could call and ask about it but as she's only been married for under 9 months, I doubt it's been too long since she filed VAWA. When did she file? It's strange that she would have filed for the extension of her EAD (it would be the EAD) after such a short period. Maybe you have the dates wrong?

2. Whenever she wants BUT actually HE should file for divorce otherwise she will get into trouble in the Philippines in that they don't recognise divorce of Philippine citizen if they were the one that filed the divorce. She she actually check state laws as well. Some states require a certain length of separation

3. Doubtful. Again state rules matter. The problem with annulment would mean that she has to go back to the Philippines. An annulment voids the marriage which could mean that she wasn't eligible to AOS.

4. What do you mean "okay"? Okay with who? That's a personal choice.

5. Well once she's divorced obviously but they could also think that she married you because she wasn't sure her VAWA case was going to be approved.

6. Here's the thing. If her VAWA is denied, she can't AOS thanks to you (the K1 doesn't allow that). So she would need to return to the Philippines. If she were pregnant then she'd have to have the child there. or if she's had the child by then either take it with her or leave it with you.

I hate to be blunt but she was married in March 2011. It's around 9 months since she was married. She is STILL married. She claims to have been abused and she's ready to move on so quickly? She will have her GC eventually. I suggest you take the time to get to know each other properly while her stuff is processing.. On the up side she can't use you for a GC so you're safe in that regard... I'm not trying to be cold but it IS rather quick. You will want to wait until your relationship is JUST about you, and not about immigration, or about her divorce, or her ex.

Also not to be rude but discuss money. It is quite common in Filippino culture to send money to her family and also to get USC as quickly as possible so they can import their family. Nothing wrong with that but just ask these things so you know what her expectations are.

Edited December 19, 2011 by Vanessa&Tony

[Julias and Linda 0]

Thanks for such a quick and thorough response! I agree with you on the relationship matters. It was primarily the immigration aspects of the situation We weren't sure about. Lacey is pending her vawa approval which shouldn't be a problem due to the nature of the crimes against her. She was under the impression that she had to wait for approval to begin the divorce proceedings. Not to mention the fact that it's part of her nature to feel ashamed that this happened to her and she feels embarrassed to file for divorce. It's hard for me as a USC to convince her with her cultural background that it's not her fault and she should be strong in the matter. I explained to her that the US government enacted VAWA mainly due to the fact that they recognized women in her situation typically felt ashamed, embarrassed or lived in fear, and that it's her right to use that law to her advantage. I have the highest level of respect for Lacey and am the more patient of the two of us. Something about her culture that tells her to marry, then go on a date type belief that I am learning more about and opening my mind to. Lacey seeks a man who will promise to marry and have children upon first meeting, I have agreed because I desire the same. We have plans to travel the normal path to a life together but as we all know, things happen, and I asked the "what if's" so she can view these helpful answers you provide as a form of relief to her anxieties. You have helped us understand some useful tips, and have helped me a lot by explaining here for her to see, that in the US, peopled take a laid back dating approach to marriage and family. Thanks again..any added input would also be appreciated. Still wondering if divorce is something she pursues individually in the state she resides in through a hired lawyer, or if it's tied in with her legal aid/process forms she filed in the VAWA application? I have asked her but she is not well informed due to the fact her attorney in the state she was married handled everything for her...and she's afraid to ask questions! Somebody please tell wonderful Lacey to not be afraid anymore..Please, I have tried. Thanks Great site!

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Still wondering if divorce is something she pursues individually in the state she resides in through a hired lawyer, or if it's tied in with her legal aid/process forms she filed in the VAWA application? I have asked her but she is not well informed due to the fact her attorney in the state she was married handled everything for her...and she's afraid to ask questions! Somebody please tell wonderful Lacey to not be afraid anymore..Please, I have tried. Thanks Great site!

she doesn't need to wait for VAWA to be done to divorce him. The VAWA isn't based on her marriage being bonafide (like the rest of us), it's based on her abuse after marrying him. If she wants to wait that's fine.

Again PLEASE try and get him to file for divorce. This is very important for her home country should she ever return. She would be a polygamist in the Philippines unless HE files for the divorce so that she can get it recognised there. If she files the Philippines won't recognise it, will still consider her married, and will consider her a polygamist once she marries you. I don't know how she's going to convince him to file, but that would be in her best interest. Maybe try telling him the longer they're married the more she's entitled to. Or that she won't try and get anything from him. etc etc.

[Julias and Linda 0]

1. Her VAWA is most likely still processing. They are determining whether they believe she was actually abused. She could call and ask about it but as she's only been married for under 9 months, I doubt it's been too long since she filed VAWA. When did she file? It's strange that she would have filed for the extension of her EAD (it would be the EAD) after such a short period. Maybe you have the dates wrong?

2. Whenever she wants BUT actually HE should file for divorce otherwise she will get into trouble in the Philippines in that they don't recognise divorce of Philippine citizen if they were the one that filed the divorce. She she actually check state laws as well. Some states require a certain length of separation

3. Doubtful. Again state rules matter. The problem with annulment would mean that she has to go back to the Philippines. An annulment voids the marriage which could mean that she wasn't eligible to AOS.

4. What do you mean "okay"? Okay with who? That's a personal choice.

5. Well once she's divorced obviously but they could also think that she married you because she wasn't sure her VAWA case was going to be approved.

6. Here's the thing. If her VAWA is denied, she can't AOS thanks to you (the K1 doesn't allow that). So she would need to return to the Philippines. If she were pregnant then she'd have to have the child there. or if she's had the child by then either take it with her or leave it with you.

I hate to be blunt but she was married in March 2011. It's around 9 months since she was married. She is STILL married. She claims to have been abused and she's ready to move on so quickly? She will have her GC eventually. I suggest you take the time to get to know each other properly while her stuff is processing.. On the up side she can't use you for a GC so you're safe in that regard... I'm not trying to be cold but it IS rather quick. You will want to wait until your relationship is JUST about you, and not about immigration, or about her divorce, or her ex.

Also not to be rude but discuss money. It is quite common in Filippino culture to send money to her family and also to get USC as quickly as possible so they can import their family. Nothing wrong with that but just ask these things so you know what her expectations are.

Sorry folks, I am new here, I wish I knew how to get the nice green highlighted box for the response I am replying to above..here's the thing. I am well aware of the concerns involved. I have three friends that have married women from the Philippines and are all still happily married. This girl is the real thing. She already refused a suggested marriage in her country because she wanted to choose her own love and had to deal with that hardship. She has relatives who have lived here for 30+ years. She wanted to go back to her country after the abuse, not stay here, but had no where to go, no money, and a daughter...so she moved in with a relative here, who in 30+ years has never tried to "get" another relative citizenship. She has even suggested wanting to go back and have me move there because she loves her country, that is, up until Friday when her city was destroyed by floods. She has refused offers by several other men because she wants love, not money or citizenship. Would you believe I offended her terribly when I explained to her that girls from her country actually do that for citizenship? She wouldn't talk to me for several days because I "criticized" girls from her country! she is finally starting to realize that its common and that she is a rare but honest case.

So now:

1. I may have the dates off but yes it happened fast, together for 3 months and had been beaten and choked twice. marks and bruises..police records, stalking charges, 2 or 3 violations of restraining order, admission of guilt by the abuser...She told me she asked to go back and they told her she can stay and work it out with the guy..she said no way will she go back to him. I think she has had EAD since about june or july and applied for extension because her attorney told her to apply at least 4 months early.

2.She was married here in the US..does it matter if she or he files for divorce? And from my understanding of reading the entire VAWA act, I don't think length of separation applies to a victim of abuse..correct me if I am mistaken. Also, he will not file for divorce because he has warned her that no one else will have her and he will not cooperate.

3.Again I was surprised to read that VAWA even protects people who are illegal immigrants, correct me if I am wrong.

4.I asked "okay" in regards to does it look bad for her in the eyes of USCIS if she is dating while pending divorce. Keep in mind her ex is a stalker and looking to create problems.

5.She realizes how this might be viewed in regards to her VAWA application and that's why were asking what, how, when, why, because neither of us are certain. remember my OP..we want to do this right!

6.I understand the AOS regulations, I asked about having a baby because she wants children, and I started thinking...hmmmm why is it mexicans sneak across the border, get pregnant, and BAM they're citizens!

7.In regards to her EAD, is it important that she works to keep it? I mean, it is an Employment Authorization. And don't you have to have a job lined up to get it? unless it was granted because of being abused?

I appreciate the remarks about money..culture...fraudulent immigration intent..and so on. Because in viewing this Lacey can see that it does exist and it relieves me from being accused of being "rude" or "criticizing" people from her country. I told her a story about how my friend married a Filipina and it was instant emails from her family saying, "send money, send more money!" They had a baby, posted a picture on Facebook, and before they even received a "congrats" from anyone in the her family, her brother posted under the baby's pic saying,"send more money". My friend said, "Hell no, no more! Tell your lazy family to get a job!" and his Filipina wife cried and wouldn't talk to him for weeks. She wanted to leave him over it. Keep in mind my friends wife had 2 brothers and 2 sisters who were in their 20's and 30's, still living at home with mom and dad and not working. My girl Lacey was furious that I suggested this and commented that I shouldn't believe what I read on the internet and that my friends wife was a rare situation. I was like.."no way darling..if you care to read you will see it's very common!"

And as far as money concerns I know because Lacey refuses to ever work because her culture, the man works and the woman plays on the internet all day. She has explained this to me. And, unfortunately, her parents have passed and most of her family has left the Philippines, so I know she is not looking for family support. She has also refused most of what I have offered her because she wants nothing but love. She has told the relatives she lives with that she wants to go live in a shelter because she doesn't want to be a burden on them. She is afraid to live with me for now because she is not married to me and doesn't want to be a burden on me. I tried to tell her that in the US, a woman prefers to work and tries to make more money than a man in a lot of cases. And that here in the US a man usually prefers a woman who brings home money. But it falls on deaf ears. When I try to discuss this there is long silence from her. She doesn't care, her relatives have advised her to avoid a man who asks her to work because they believe this kind of man is looking for the girl to pay the mans bills. And she is well aware that there are plenty of men who will provide her needs simply because she is attractive. It's a lost cause for me to even try to explain these things to her because she will accuse me of being rude. I would loose her trying to explain to her that it's almost a necessity for a husband and wife to both work here in order to live comfortably when your in your 30's or 40's. But, Lacey is kind, gentle, and wants nothing outside of love, and I want to give it to her. It is not only her desire, it is mine also. It is a very delicate situation for me because of her cultural beliefs. I have a job that will provide for her so it's okay for me, which brings me to a final question...Does she have to meet a 125% above poverty rate income level or something to that effect to qualify for self-petition AOS when she gets to that point? or doesn't it matter?

Thanks again people! A comment is never rude when it's the truth! And if we can't handle the truth, then we must surrender! Now, if we all felt that way wouldn't it be a perfect world! Cheers

[Julias and Linda 0]

she doesn't need to wait for VAWA to be done to divorce him. The VAWA isn't based on her marriage being bonafide (like the rest of us), it's based on her abuse after marrying him. If she wants to wait that's fine.

Again PLEASE try and get him to file for divorce. This is very important for her home country should she ever return. She would be a polygamist in the Philippines unless HE files for the divorce so that she can get it recognised there. If she files the Philippines won't recognise it, will still consider her married, and will consider her a polygamist once she marries you. I don't know how she's going to convince him to file, but that would be in her best interest. Maybe try telling him the longer they're married the more she's entitled to. Or that she won't try and get anything from him. etc etc.

I may be wrong, but I thought I read somewhere that that were true if you married in the Philippines but not if you married here. She was under the impression after being abused that this is why the guy refused to marry her in her country despite the fact he had taken several trips there to see her. She later realized that he was hiding his his alcoholism and abusive nature and he knew there was no process for divorce there, and felt maybe this was why he insisted on marrying her here.

Imagine this, her ex has her under the impression that he spent $1 million dollars to go to the Philippines 3 times including the cost of immigration work. Somebody chime in here with an average cost of that please! The guy had her convinced he was loaded because he promised to support her and took her shopping. Okay, so he had a decent job, but he rented a place. He didn't own his own place. I am thinking that after several months in jail he lost his job and don't have anything. But Lacey thinks if a man has a job, he is rich. I have been trying to help her understand that the average late 40 yr old guy here with an average job, renting a so-so place isn't rich. And if he loses his job, he's probably wiped out and starting over. I wonder if the guy is a phony or if he might have anything saved worth threatening him over?

Also, lets say if she chooses not to care if being a polygamist places a stigma on her in her country...is she in any legal trouble? Can she still go back and visit?

In regards to getting him to file..I told her the same thing. I was like, "Hello Lacey... this is America...you married this guy and you are entitled to his assets!" But you have to remember, this girl is ashamed and embarrassed of everything. It's the "I'll hide my head under the pillow and it will all work out approach" which I strongly blame on her culture. I know she is terrified of him. I know she want's nothing from him, nothing to do with him, and to never have to see his face again. Maybe if somebody will tell her like I did that she is going to have to get down and dirty and fight this guy in court through divorce and threaten to clean him out, that maybe he will give in. But, then again, she is worried that everything she does will have negative effects on her process. In the meantime, who pays for legal aid for her? Am I going to have to pay a lawyer to accomplish this? Or does the legal aid she was granted because of her abuse handle the divorce too?

[VanessaTony 3,567]

And as far as money concerns I know because Lacey refuses to ever work because her culture, the man works and the woman plays on the internet all day. She has explained this to me. And, unfortunately, her parents have passed and most of her family has left the Philippines, so I know she is not looking for family support. She has also refused most of what I have offered her because she wants nothing but love. She has told the relatives she lives with that she wants to go live in a shelter because she doesn't want to be a burden on them. She is afraid to live with me for now because she is not married to me and doesn't want to be a burden on me. I tried to tell her that in the US, a woman prefers to work and tries to make more money than a man in a lot of cases. And that here in the US a man usually prefers a woman who brings home money. But it falls on deaf ears. When I try to discuss this there is long silence from her. She doesn't care, her relatives have advised her to avoid a man who asks her to work because they believe this kind of man is looking for the girl to pay the mans bills. And she is well aware that there are plenty of men who will provide her needs simply because she is attractive. It's a lost cause for me to even try to explain these things to her because she will accuse me of being rude. I would loose her trying to explain to her that it's almost a necessity for a husband and wife to both work here in order to live comfortably when your in your 30's or 40's. But, Lacey is kind, gentle, and wants nothing outside of love, and I want to give it to her. It is not only her desire, it is mine also. It is a very delicate situation for me because of her cultural beliefs. I have a job that will provide for her so it's okay for me, which brings me to a final question...Does she have to meet a 125% above poverty rate income level or something to that effect to qualify for self-petition AOS when she gets to that point? or doesn't it matter?

Sorry but refusing to work isn't cultural at all, it's something she's been told she's entitled to do because she's "pretty". The vast majority of Filipino's that I read on here are quite proud and enjoy working and contributing to their family. The man often earns more money, the Filipino might just have a part-time job, but they enjoy getting out of the house and having their own money to spend and the pride in working.

She's a contradiction in that she's denying your assistance now, but that just leads me to believe she is faking it. Forcing you to marry her quickly in order to rescue her, the damsel in distress.

I suggest she meet with more people from her culture and NOT her family. She will find that her family is steering her in the wrong direction. Relationships require mutual respect and effort. She needs to at least be OPEN to the possibility of working. What if *god forbid* you hurt yourself and are unable to work for a little while, she'll just sit back and watch you go into financial ruin? This is a pretty big issue in my opinion. It sounds like she expects to be worshipped and contribute nothing other than herself to the relationship... which I'm sure it itself is great but I prefer to be equals.

I don't mean to sound harsh but it sounds like there are still a few issues to work out. They might seem like cute differences right now but to give you the silent treatment when you don't agree with her? I hope she's able to chill out a little and i really think meeting with others of her culture, and not her family, will help her see the actual truths, rather than the lies and misinformation they're feeding her.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I may be wrong, but I thought I read somewhere that that were true if you married in the Philippines but not if you married here. She was under the impression after being abused that this is why the guy refused to marry her in her country despite the fact he had taken several trips there to see her. She later realized that he was hiding his his alcoholism and abusive nature and he knew there was no process for divorce there, and felt maybe this was why he insisted on marrying her here.

I don't believe it matters where the marriage took place.

Here are some threads:

- http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/341977-i-desperately-need-help-please/page__view__findpost__p__5048649

- http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/338390-foreign-anulment-for-philippine-k1-app/page__view__findpost__p__5004000

- http://www.bcphilippineslawyers.com/marriage-annulment-divorce-in-the-philippines/430/

This one in particular: http://jlp-law.com/blog/annulment-divorce-legal-separation-in-the-philippines-questions-and-answers/ have a look at the 3rd question, it actually says doesn't matter where in the world they married.

[TeapotGirl 66]

Sorry but refusing to work isn't cultural at all, it's something she's been told she's entitled to do because she's "pretty". The vast majority of Filipino's that I read on here are quite proud and enjoy working and contributing to their family. The man often earns more money, the Filipino might just have a part-time job, but they enjoy getting out of the house and having their own money to spend and the pride in working.

Being a full time housewife an agreement specially if the guy really earns more than enough.

Just looking around my neighbors and friends (I am still here in PI and this is a neighborhood of classes between few B's, C and D), I could only count in my fingers women who doesn't work. Even if they do not belong in a corporate world, somehow they are still finding ways to help their husbands like putting up retail store, sell stuff (clothes, AVON, etc), get into project based or weekly work (laundry or cleaning).

[TeapotGirl 66]

I don't believe it matters where the marriage took place.

She is still a Filipino citizen and still covered by Philippine law which is "who initiated and nationality based". If she goes back home while these are still going on, you'll have a hard time to be legally together. Either her current husband will divorce her or she becomes USC on her own then file a divorce. Patience is your best friend now. In the meantime, take it easy, get to know her very well and do not rush things. You know rebound? I commend you for exerting an effort to know the process so you know where to stand at.

[TeapotGirl 66]

I don't believe it matters where the marriage took place.

She is still a Filipino citizen and still covered by Philippine law which is "who initiated and nationality based". If she goes back home while these are still going on, you'll have a hard time to be legally together. Either her current husband will divorce her or she becomes USC on her own then file a divorce or if there's any kind of exemptions they have in the US for this kind of cases where she can be in a win-win situation. Patience is your best friend now. In the meantime, take it easy, get to know her very well and do not rush things. You know rebound? Nevertheless, I commend you for exerting an effort to know the process so you know where to stand at.

Edited December 19, 2011 by TeapotGirl

[bigdog 376]

Take it easy, do not rush, you have time to get to know each other, she has stuff to fix on her side.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

she doesn't need to wait for VAWA to be done to divorce him. The VAWA isn't based on her marriage being bonafide (like the rest of us), it's based on her abuse after marrying him. If she wants to wait that's fine.

Careful. VAWA absolutely DOES require proof that the applicant entered the marriage in good faith. Also, a VAWA self-petitioner who divorces may be required to show proof that the abuse was the primary cause for the divorce. Most VAWA self-petitioners find it less complicated to postpone divorce until after the VAWA petition is approved.

Julio, I don't know where to begin...

Working. What she's telling you about Filipino women not working is bullsh!t. There are a LOT of Filipino women here in the part of California where I live. We shop for Asian foods at some Filipino supermarkets in the area. Heck, there's even a JolliBee burger joint here (if you don't know what that is then ask a Filipino)! Most all of the women who are old enough are married, and most all of them work. Every time I go to a local hospital better than 80% of the nurses are Filipino, and they are ALL immigrants - not second generation kids of immigrants. If she's telling you this is cultural then she's yanking your chain.

Million dollar romance. Anyone who spent a million bucks on trips to the Philippines was probably flying first class, getting the absolute best suite in the best hotel, and had a dozen hookers in his room every night. Even then, you'd be hard pressed to spend more than $100K if you went for two weeks out of every month for a year. The flights can be expensive - over a thousand bucks round trip, depending on the time of year. Everything else in the Philippines is dirt cheap compared to the US. Either he's lying to her, or she's lying to you.

Philippines and divorce. The Philippines is one of only three countries in the world that do not recognize divorce. The other two are Malta and the Vatican. A Filipino who marries abroad is considered married in the Philippines. A Filipino cannot obtain a divorce in the Philippines, though annulment is possible. A Filipino can have a foreign divorce recognized in the Philippines ONLY if the spouse was not a Philippine national, and the spouse initiated the divorce. Even then, it takes a COURT ORDER in the Philippines to have the divorce recognized. Bigamy is a crime in the Philippines, punishable by jail. If she files for divorce then she won't be able to return to the Philippines without risking getting charged with bigamy unless she becomes a US citizen first.

Ex-spouses assets. Unless he won the lottery during the brief time she's been married to her husband, it isn't likely that she's eligible to get ANY of his assets. Many people wrongly believe that a wife is automatically entitled to half of her husband's assets as soon as they say "I do". Those people have never actually been through a divorce. Most states only allow the divorcing spouses to split the "marital assets", which are generally defined as assets acquired DURING the marriage. Anything he owned before the marriage will usually remain his own separate property. There are some exceptions. For example, any money he earned while they were married is marital income. If he made mortgage payments out of that income then she might have a claim to any equity accrued in the home during the marriage. Likewise, if he made any car payments out of marital income then she might have a claim to half the percentage of the value of the car he paid off; e.g., if those payments added up to 20% of the loan, then she might have a claim to 20% of the market value of the car. "Entitled to his assets"? No. Not hardly. "Threaten to clean him out"? No way. In a marriage with a duration this short it's highly unlikely they would even order him to pay her any spousal support. I doubt she could get anything at all from him.

Illegal immigrants. Technically, an illegal immigrant is any alien who is unlawfully present in the United States, including someone who overstayed their visa. You're probably referring to people who enter the United States without inspection (EWI); i.e., they walk across the border.

Yes, unfortunately, VAWA can be used by an EWI to get a green card. The basic requirement is that they are married to a US citizen or permanent resident, and that the abuse occurred in the United States (with some exceptions). An odd dichotomy is that a K1 can ONLY get a green card through VAWA if they married the K1 petitioner, while someone who walked across the border could marry anyone.

Employment Authorization. An EAD is permission to work in the United States. Nothing less or more. There are no strings attached. If you're eligible to get an EAD then you can request one and get it. You aren't required to have a job offer in order to get it, nor are you required to actually get a job in order to keep it. As long as you remain eligible, you can renew it. An EAD is usually good for a year. Why anyone would need to renew an EAD more than six months in advance is a mystery to me.

You've obviously done a lot of research already. I recommend you continue to research, but take your time. She can't get any immigration benefits through you because she entered with a K1 visa, so there's no need for you to feel compelled to rush anything. Allow some time for the VAWA process to play itself out, and use the time to develop your relationship and get to know her better. You should ALSO get to know her family and friends, both in the US and the Philippines, as well as Philippine culture. When you marry someone from that part of the world you are marrying an entire family.

[Julias and Linda 0]

Careful. VAWA absolutely DOES require proof that the applicant entered the marriage in good faith. Also, a VAWA self-petitioner who divorces may be required to show proof that the abuse was the primary cause for the divorce. Most VAWA self-petitioners find it less complicated to postpone divorce until after the VAWA petition is approved.

Julio, I don't know where to begin...

Working. What she's telling you about Filipino women not working is bullsh!t. There are a LOT of Filipino women here in the part of California where I live. We shop for Asian foods at some Filipino supermarkets in the area. Heck, there's even a JolliBee burger joint here (if you don't know what that is then ask a Filipino)! Most all of the women who are old enough are married, and most all of them work. Every time I go to a local hospital better than 80% of the nurses are Filipino, and they are ALL immigrants - not second generation kids of immigrants. If she's telling you this is cultural then she's yanking your chain.

Million dollar romance. Anyone who spent a million bucks on trips to the Philippines was probably flying first class, getting the absolute best suite in the best hotel, and had a dozen hookers in his room every night. Even then, you'd be hard pressed to spend more than $100K if you went for two weeks out of every month for a year. The flights can be expensive - over a thousand bucks round trip, depending on the time of year. Everything else in the Philippines is dirt cheap compared to the US. Either he's lying to her, or she's lying to you.

Philippines and divorce. The Philippines is one of only three countries in the world that do not recognize divorce. The other two are Malta and the Vatican. A Filipino who marries abroad is considered married in the Philippines. A Filipino cannot obtain a divorce in the Philippines, though annulment is possible. A Filipino can have a foreign divorce recognized in the Philippines ONLY if the spouse was not a Philippine national, and the spouse initiated the divorce. Even then, it takes a COURT ORDER in the Philippines to have the divorce recognized. Bigamy is a crime in the Philippines, punishable by jail. If she files for divorce then she won't be able to return to the Philippines without risking getting charged with bigamy unless she becomes a US citizen first.

Ex-spouses assets. Unless he won the lottery during the brief time she's been married to her husband, it isn't likely that she's eligible to get ANY of his assets. Many people wrongly believe that a wife is automatically entitled to half of her husband's assets as soon as they say "I do". Those people have never actually been through a divorce. Most states only allow the divorcing spouses to split the "marital assets", which are generally defined as assets acquired DURING the marriage. Anything he owned before the marriage will usually remain his own separate property. There are some exceptions. For example, any money he earned while they were married is marital income. If he made mortgage payments out of that income then she might have a claim to any equity accrued in the home during the marriage. Likewise, if he made any car payments out of marital income then she might have a claim to half the percentage of the value of the car he paid off; e.g., if those payments added up to 20% of the loan, then she might have a claim to 20% of the market value of the car. "Entitled to his assets"? No. Not hardly. "Threaten to clean him out"? No way. In a marriage with a duration this short it's highly unlikely they would even order him to pay her any spousal support. I doubt she could get anything at all from him.

Illegal immigrants. Technically, an illegal immigrant is any alien who is unlawfully present in the United States, including someone who overstayed their visa. You're probably referring to people who enter the United States without inspection (EWI); i.e., they walk across the border.

Yes, unfortunately, VAWA can be used by an EWI to get a green card. The basic requirement is that they are married to a US citizen or permanent resident, and that the abuse occurred in the United States (with some exceptions). An odd dichotomy is that a K1 can ONLY get a green card through VAWA if they married the K1 petitioner, while someone who walked across the border could marry anyone.

Employment Authorization. An EAD is permission to work in the United States. Nothing less or more. There are no strings attached. If you're eligible to get an EAD then you can request one and get it. You aren't required to have a job offer in order to get it, nor are you required to actually get a job in order to keep it. As long as you remain eligible, you can renew it. An EAD is usually good for a year. Why anyone would need to renew an EAD more than six months in advance is a mystery to me.

You've obviously done a lot of research already. I recommend you continue to research, but take your time. She can't get any immigration benefits through you because she entered with a K1 visa, so there's no need for you to feel compelled to rush anything. Allow some time for the VAWA process to play itself out, and use the time to develop your relationship and get to know her better. You should ALSO get to know her family and friends, both in the US and the Philippines, as well as Philippine culture. When you marry someone from that part of the world you are marrying an entire family.

Thanks! It's very informative. I must admit, I was mistaken about her dates..It's rare that I get her to open up about anything and I hate to ask. She actually arrived in US in October 09, married in November 09, she was abused immediately, left the relationship and went back a few times based on promises..finally fled for her safety and had her ex in court in February 2010. Now the dates are closer to making sense.

As for her working, I still notice she gets almost offended about the topic. Lacey admitted that despite the facts her relatives say not to marry a man that wants her to work, she doesn't take their advice. Lacey talked about how her parents had 10 kids and her mom never worked, and it's her inspiration to do the same. I guess it's that thing where girls are attracted to men that resemble their fathers, and she admired her father because he worked hard and while his wife stayed home and raised a bunch of kids! AND..she don't have a drivers license..so she is pretty limited for the time being. I will just remain patient and allow her decide if or when she will work.

And as far as marrying someones family..NO! Like it or not that's their belief, not mine. I'm not on that country, I'm here. My dad always said, "Everybody has their own rules, and we live by them!"