How do you deal with controlling people?

[Gary and Alla 3,696]

Thanks so much for all the great advice! His mom plays the victim and starts crying and freaking out, he gets mad at his parents but at the same time he tries not to upset him, again, they play on the emotional aspect. My dad offered to pay for our down payment, it's incredibly generous and we will never be able to save for a down payment on our own, not any time soon (his parents don't offer us any financial help, just useless advice). It's silly how they want us to have a baby in a one bedroom apartment, and without a car? We were going to buy a house in Florida but the housing there were really of poor quality, tons of foreclosures and short sales, houses here in Illinois in the suburbs of Chicago are much better and we'd probably get a good deal if we buy soon.

His mother has a problem. The best thing he do for HER is to not facilitate it.

I have a physician brother that worked two years in a very dangerous part of Africa to bring medical care to people who desparately needed it. My mother worried for him but was PROUD of him. I moved to Ukraine to build a port facility for 170 million people that get their food and clothes and other goods from that port...during a revolution! My mother was worried but PROUD her son had been chosen to do this and probably less worried than when my father spent 3 years in Africa/Europe during the 2nd war...what do you think?

Your kids accomplish things and you are proud of them. They go pee-pee by themselves, they tie their shoes...They make the honor roll, they get a scholarship, they earn money and buy a car, they go to college 5000 miles away, they graduate, they get a job, they get married they have children...all these things you were wrking for and hoping for them, at least you should have been. You never try to stop them, you try to help them. You do not cry when they will succeed and move away.

when his mother learns to be proud of her son, she will be a much happier person. Help her with that.

when she realizes her SON is an adult, she will be proud of him. And the best way to do that is act like an adult.

[Pooky 3,876]

I generally say ...

"Yes, dear."

[Nattychic 1]

I dislike nosey people, especially when they ask you how is your life going and they expect u to tell them every detail and then when u ask them about there life they say ' good working and paying bills' that's their answer all the time . So next time I talke to her gonna say the same answer she gives me lol. Just don't tell nobody your business especially women they jeleaous alot.

[Dan and Judy 614]

For example, they were pressuring us to have kids like a month after we got married, pressured us into staying in Florida when we wanted to move to Illinois for a great job offer my husband got,

We live in a one bedroom apartment and have no car cause it costs $200/month to park it in our building.

Great Job? can't afford a car or save for a down payment any time soon?

does your dad live in Chicago?

[J&N* 68]

Great Job? can't afford a car or save for a down payment any time soon?

does your dad live in Chicago?

We live in Lincoln Park, in a high rise. Rent is very high over there and parking is $300/month, so we sold our car.

My dad lives in Egypt.

Edited September 15, 2011 by J&N*

[Dan and Judy 614]

it was pretty dumb of me to think your dad might live in chicago since this is Visajourney.

[thongd4me 69]

We all know at least one person, a friend or a relative who is a control freak and always middles in other people's business, uninvited and not wisely. How do you deal with such people? I know it's my life and all that, but how do you deal with their behavior? My in laws decide everything for us and butt in with everything, even what to eat, and we live miles away from them!

The best way to deal with them is to know they will never change,

so you tell them you will follow their advice and then go and do what

the hell you want. If they confront you later you remind them they only

gave advice, not orders.

[Andie 147]

Whose life is it? Who works to pay your bills?

You only get one chance at life and you have to live it the way you are most happy.

Part of that is to budget, make decisions, have choices and build your own dreams and future - a future that YOU want.

You took a major step in that direction when you chose each other and decided to get married and you didn't marry the in-laws. They have had their turn at building their own lives and shouldn't have the arrogance to think they know what is best for the two of you. Now it's your turn.

You may not be able to stop them from talking, but go ahead and do what you want anyway. It is your future.