Unfaithful Husband

[ThomasL 0]

My sister-in-law came to the U.S. in May of last year. Her husband is a member of the US Army and they have a residence near Fort Drum, NY. Recently, she noticed that he was getting a lot of phone calls and text messages that he wouldn't let her see, and she noticed that he was leaving really really early for work several times a week with no good explanation. When she finally confronted him about the calls and text messages, he denied everything and when he got the next text, she reached for the phone and he almost ripped it out of her hand to prevent her from seeing it. She eventually saw the message and saw that it was from a woman who was planning to meet him somewhere. He again tried to get the phone out of her hand and this time was successful. Before she could get the phone back, he deleted all of his text messages. He eventually ended up admitting to extramarital affairs and she told him she was finished with him (this same thing happened almost two years ago, before she came here, but she agreed to work it out with him). He packed up her things and told her he wasn't going to help her financially with anything. She has a friend who lives in Pennsylvania that she contacted and he came and picked her up. She is now staying in Pennsylvania with him and his wife. She also has 2 children still in the Philippines that were going to immigrate here in June (needless to say, that will not happen now). Today, she remembered that he had an email account that he gave her the password to a long time ago. She checked it and found several subscriptions to porn sites, and also meeting times and billing arrangements with escort services. What can she do? She has no money and is staying with her friends for now. Can the military do anything for her? Any advice at all? I apologize for the length of this post.

[SqdnGuns 21]

If he is stall active duty, she just needs to get in touch with his Command Sergeant Major, he'll straighten him out. She may want to contact the Command Chaplain as well..............

I'm a retired Marine, I had to deal with dirtbags like this before, they always lose.

Edited March 16, 2011 by SqdnGuns

[Operator 1,925]

I agree with sqdnGuns above. I'm also a former Marine. Have her call his command or family services.

[ceyhunihal 6]

My sister-in-law came to the U.S. in May of last year. Her husband is a member of the US Army and they have a residence near Fort Drum, NY. Recently, she noticed that he was getting a lot of phone calls and text messages that he wouldn't let her see, and she noticed that he was leaving really really early for work several times a week with no good explanation. When she finally confronted him about the calls and text messages, he denied everything and when he got the next text, she reached for the phone and he almost ripped it out of her hand to prevent her from seeing it. She eventually saw the message and saw that it was from a woman who was planning to meet him somewhere. He again tried to get the phone out of her hand and this time was successful. Before she could get the phone back, he deleted all of his text messages. He eventually ended up admitting to extramarital affairs and she told him she was finished with him (this same thing happened almost two years ago, before she came here, but she agreed to work it out with him). He packed up her things and told her he wasn't going to help her financially with anything. She has a friend who lives in Pennsylvania that she contacted and he came and picked her up. She is now staying in Pennsylvania with him and his wife. She also has 2 children still in the Philippines that were going to immigrate here in June (needless to say, that will not happen now). Today, she remembered that he had an email account that he gave her the password to a long time ago. She checked it and found several subscriptions to porn sites, and also meeting times and billing arrangements with escort services. What can she do? She has no money and is staying with her friends for now. Can the military do anything for her? Any advice at all? I apologize for the length of this post.

Edited March 16, 2011 by ceyhunihal

[ceyhunihal 6]

T ell her to go his First Sgt. or his Commander immediatly.I promise they will straight his as.. and make him support her.She can also go to Judge Advocate on base.I have been around military for 15 yrs. and seen this type of people.Tell her to go to his Commander right a way and he has to support her.

[ThomasL 0]

Thanks so far to those who've replied. I considered having her talk to someone on base before I posted on this forum, but I don't have all the details of their situation. I was formerly on active duty (US Navy) and I know that what he's doing violates regulations, but unfortunately I don't know what unit he's in and therefore I don't know who the Command Sgt. Major is. The worst part is that her dependent ID card expired awhile ago and it wasn't renewed, so she can't just walk on base. I looked at the Fort Drum website and there's so many units attached to that post that I can't find any one phone number to tell her to call. Any other into would be great. Thanks for the help so far.

[SqdnGuns 21]

Thanks so far to those who've replied. I considered having her talk to someone on base before I posted on this forum, but I don't have all the details of their situation. I was formerly on active duty (US Navy) and I know that what he's doing violates regulations, but unfortunately I don't know what unit he's in and therefore I don't know who the Command Sgt. Major is. The worst part is that her dependent ID card expired awhile ago and it wasn't renewed, so she can't just walk on base. I looked at the Fort Drum website and there's so many units attached to that post that I can't find any one phone number to tell her to call. Any other into would be great. Thanks for the help so far.

On the front page of the base website:

Commanders hot line:

http://www.drum.army.mil/tenants/Pages/Hotlinelv_2.aspx

LOL.....................we Marines need to take care of you swabbies.

[ThomasL 0]

On the front page of the base website:

Commanders hot line:

http://www.drum.army.mil/tenants/Pages/Hotlinelv_2.aspx

LOL.....................we Marines need to take care of you swabbies.

Thanks for the info. I actually did see that link earlier, it's just the part where it says "where all chain of command options have been exhausted" that deterred me. I didn't know if it was appropriate to jump right to this option without trying to handle it at the lowest level first, but this is a special case and we would probably see better results using this option anyway......hopefully something will get done about this. Thanks for straightening me out. I respect the USMC, no matter what anyone else says

[Jubi & Tony 3]

All the above posts are correct... You should expect his command to require him to provide financial support and they may even setup a direct withdrawal from his pay into her bank acct to ensure he pays her support. At a minimum she should receive his Housing allowance. Just have her explain that the ID card expired and the command should help her receive an updated ID. She should remain in DEERS (medical benefits) system until they are divorced. He can also be brought up on Non Judicial Punishment charges for the adultery (just realize that if you do that you could also be cutting off the source of funding that he would be required to provide. Leave it to the Marines to clean up this mess : ) I'm a Former Marine as well

[TeddyHoney 42]

I just cannot for the life of me, understand why anyone would go through the trying and patience testing VISA processes (of any kind) to bring a fiancee/fiance or spouse here and then treat them this way. I mean, why bother if you want to be free to do what you want like have women/men and other stuff? I don't get it and I guess I never will. I know that marriage is a difficult thing even if both partners are emotionally mature and all that and that anytime you put two humans together for the better of 24/7 there are bound to be some issues, but you're supposed to be adult enough to work things out, provided both parties are just that, adult enough - especially if you supposedly love someone. I had issues in my marriage to a filipina and I won't go into detail here but in short we both had issues and ended up not being able to resolve them successfully, but we did stay together for 13 years and most were good. So I'm just saying that no marriage is garaunteed and all require hard work and selflessness to be successful. I mean, I am going thru this process for many reasons and one important one because I don't want to be alone and single and want a wife and some ONE person to share and enjoy the rest of my life with. If I want to run around with women and rely on porn and be free to do what I want in those areas, then I sure as hel would not go thru this process to bring a human being here with intentions of continuing that life-style.

But I'll never understand why one would go through the absolute torture of fiancee and marriage visas and then treat the foreigner spouse or fiancee as if they didn;t want them in the first place.

I don't get it!

Sorry I vented here and I know realize I am assuming the OP's sister in law's spouse petitioned for a VISA for her and suffered the frustrations we are all suffering. Maybe he didn;t. Anyway I feel for the OP's sister in law and am saddened by her experience and having to deal with this.

[Danni and Hamza 36]

All the above posts are correct... You should expect his command to require him to provide financial support and they may even setup a direct withdrawal from his pay into her bank acct to ensure he pays her support. At a minimum she should receive his Housing allowance. Just have her explain that the ID card expired and the command should help her receive an updated ID. She should remain in DEERS (medical benefits) system until they are divorced. He can also be brought up on Non Judicial Punishment charges for the adultery (just realize that if you do that you could also be cutting off the source of funding that he would be required to provide. Leave it to the Marines to clean up this mess : ) I'm a Former Marine as well

This is all true. Have her contact his chain of command, and family services on post. They can make him set up an allotment, so that she can receive all or at least a portion of the housing money. She will also remain on his medical insurance until they are divorced! If she wants to go back to the phillipines they can put pressure oh him to pay for this. I think they can also set up a ERD (early return of dependents)this will pay for all of her belongings to be shipped back there, on the gov't dime! The ERD Im not 100% on. There might be certain rules for this, but its a good thing to ask about !

Good luck to this lady !

[Mariye & Ky 172]

All the above posts are correct... You should expect his command to require him to provide financial support and they may even setup a direct withdrawal from his pay into her bank acct to ensure he pays her support. At a minimum she should receive his Housing allowance. Just have her explain that the ID card expired and the command should help her receive an updated ID. She should remain in DEERS (medical benefits) system until they are divorced. He can also be brought up on Non Judicial Punishment charges for the adultery (just realize that if you do that you could also be cutting off the source of funding that he would be required to provide. Leave it to the Marines to clean up this mess : ) I'm a Former Marine as well

Agree with the posts above as well. Good luck to your sister inlaw, OP!

lol... and its the Marines who go in first, and THE ARMY that cleans up after them. Hooah! But have to tell you, I'm an Army Brat thru and thru so I'm a little biased.

Salutes ALL of our Military Personnel (my daddy taught me well!)

Signed,

The Army Brat

PS: ok help me here if you know... If the battle cry of the

Marines = Oorah!

Army = Hooah!

Navy = Hooyah!

What in the world is the USAF??? Anyone know?

[Iraqvet 68]

My sister-in-law came to the U.S. in May of last year. Her husband is a member of the US Army and they have a residence near Fort Drum, NY. Recently, she noticed that he was getting a lot of phone calls and text messages that he wouldn't let her see, and she noticed that he was leaving really really early for work several times a week with no good explanation. When she finally confronted him about the calls and text messages, he denied everything and when he got the next text, she reached for the phone and he almost ripped it out of her hand to prevent her from seeing it. She eventually saw the message and saw that it was from a woman who was planning to meet him somewhere. He again tried to get the phone out of her hand and this time was successful. Before she could get the phone back, he deleted all of his text messages. He eventually ended up admitting to extramarital affairs and she told him she was finished with him (this same thing happened almost two years ago, before she came here, but she agreed to work it out with him). He packed up her things and told her he wasn't going to help her financially with anything. She has a friend who lives in Pennsylvania that she contacted and he came and picked her up. She is now staying in Pennsylvania with him and his wife. She also has 2 children still in the Philippines that were going to immigrate here in June (needless to say, that will not happen now). Today, she remembered that he had an email account that he gave her the password to a long time ago. She checked it and found several subscriptions to porn sites, and also meeting times and billing arrangements with escort services. What can she do? She has no money and is staying with her friends for now. Can the military do anything for her? Any advice at all? I apologize for the length of this post.

I was in the marine corps and my wife cheated on me with another marine, I confronted his company 1st Seargant about it. It is not against the law to cheat on a spouse. It is depending on the state against the law to pay a prostitute for a good time. And I am sure there is something in the UCMJ about that as well. Command chaplain is definitely a good start. Does she have her AOS done? If so, contact immigration to let them know what he did, so it doesn't happen again in the future with other filipinas.

[Bobby+Umit 161]

To the OP - tell your sister in law to stop accessing his email account, even if he gave her the password. That could be held against you if the divorce gets ugly and could open her up to legal implications.

[mawilson 2,133]

Keep two phones.

Player 101.