FAMILY ACCEPTANCE

[LaL 418]

There are tons of people in the mena forum who got married on their first visit, and got visas without the slightest hitch. There are tons who have huge age differences in mena forum who got visas without a hitch. There are some with both age differences and first visit marriages who got visas no problemo. And there are people with none of those issues who received denials. The only rule seems to be that there are no rules. All bets are off when it comes to mena.

And then there's the whole business of staying married after visas and moving to the us. All bets are off there too.

^^

[Crossed_fingers 128]

Sorry to keep fixating on age, but... This is something I have been wondering for awhile: does anyone know any couples (from VJ or real life) that are made up of an American woman past childbearing age and a young MENA man with no kids of his own that has lasted past the greencard/citizenship stage? It is just really hard for me to imagine how this could be successful. Eventually, doesn’t the MENA man always want kids of his own?

*Edit: not trying to make a judgement about OP having kids, really just a question I've been thinking about.

I've heard of a few online. Not very many, but I don't know how much of that is people leaving VJ not because the relationship tanked but just because they're done with immigration and have no need to post. In several of the relationships I've seen that did not end in divorce immediately after the immigration benefit was received, there are also financial considerations, like a guy may have his citizenship but not yet be on his feet financially, still be going to school in the US, etc. I don't want to be cynical, but although I've seen a few, in some cases I do think that's a sign that the relationship is successful, and in other cases IMO the jury is still out and I don't know whether the guy (who is still young and not in any rush) would stick around if he weren't getting all of his bills paid for by his more affluent wife. I could be wrong. I hope I am.

[Mithra 1,185]

I agree with that. I do think that a lot keep up the charade even past citizenship/10 yr GC because they're not financially stable yet or they don't have any family/friends to lean on.

[LaL 418]

Plainly, most people who have gone through this (MENA) forum are now divorced. Not that it would ever stop a multi-year online relationship machine, but statistics are way off the positive side. Red flags DO mean something.

[Crossed_fingers 128]

Good point. FWIW, I can only think of one couple off the top of my head that had pretty obvious red flags but appears to be going strong well past the point of an immigration benefit. There's 1 more I can think of that I'm less certain about the immigration status but I think may be beyond that point and still successful. I'm sure there are more that I either don't know about or have forgotten. But the vast, vast, vast majority of those that I've seen that seem to be successful are couples where the woman is younger, the same age, or not much older than the man, and frequently where they have kids together. I'm not saying that those relationships are immune to failure by any stretch (or that the red flag couples are doomed to failure), just that most of the ones I have personally seen that appear successful tend to fall into a pattern where, to be blunt, if you saw them walking down the street in America you wouldn't think twice about them.

[rika60607 215]

If you are adamant about marriage and bringing him to the US, then yes, getting married in Egypt will show the embassy that you are serious and most red flags can be overcome. Especially if you are willing to live with him in Egypt for some time.

What scares me is your willingness to marry a man who you have not yet met in person.

I hope you are not desperate. To me, strict religious upbringing does not bode well for a "nontraditional" couple.

Good luck to you anyway.

My fiance' is 22 years old and lives in Upper Egypt. He has a strict Muslim family and strict Muslim upbringing. I am a 38 year old female from the US and am a non-Muslim. we have been in an online relationship for 3 years and I am going to visit him in February and we plan to get married and start the embassy process in July when I go back to visit him again. I have been reading many different responses here on this site. Some are comforting while others are scary....Can someone tell me if it is better to marry him there and start the process...will it make a difference? Most importantly how long could this process take especially if the consulate asks the family if they approve and they do not? Will it be an automatic denial?

[sandinista! 1,816]

Plainly, most people who have gone through this (MENA) forum are now divorced. Not that it would ever stop a multi-year online relationship machine, but statistics are way off the positive side. Red flags DO mean something.

so right on. too often visas are seen as the end game. but it's really more like one of the physical challenges on double dare. you still have that big obstacle course to get through afterwards.

[Jenn! 918]

too often visas are seen as the end game. but it's really more like one of the physical challenges on double dare.

If I had to pick one to compare it to it would have to be the one where you have to dig the flag out of the giant nose.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I agree with that. I do think that a lot keep up the charade even past citizenship/10 yr GC because they're not financially stable yet or they don't have any family/friends to lean on.

I think thats really the case in this economy. A couple of years ago I remember all kinds of people getting divorced as soon as the husband received citizenship. Now its just as easy to be homeless and unemployed whether you are natural born or naturalised

My daughter who is now 6 is the child of a Moroccan who used a puerto rican from New York to get here. Ironically, I found her on facebook and we talk. He never divorced her ( this was 1998) and she said screw it why should I pay for his divorce and he just found out after 1 child with me and 13 years post greencard screwing that he is still married and she doesnt care. Now if he wants to get a divorce, he has to pay for it. There is JUSTICE in this world hehehehehheh

I think they qualify as one of the longest greencard marriages I have ever seen 13 years...AND NEITHER HAS SEEN EACH OTHER IN THAT LONG ..in the middle of all that mess, he had a daughter with me not even knowing he was still married

I agree with that. I do think that a lot keep up the charade even past citizenship/10 yr GC because they're not financially stable yet or they don't have any family/friends to lean on.

I think thats really the case in this economy. A couple of years ago I remember all kinds of people getting divorced as soon as the husband received citizenship. Now its just as easy to be homeless and unemployed whether you are natural born or naturalised

My daughter who is now 6 is the child of a Moroccan who used a puerto rican from New York to get here. Ironically, I found her on facebook and we talk. He never divorced her ( this was 1998) and she said screw it why should I pay for his divorce and he just found out after 1 child with me and 13 years post greencard screwing that he is still married and she doesnt care. Now if he wants to get a divorce, he has to pay for it. There is JUSTICE in this world hehehehehheh

I think they qualify as one of the longest greencard marriages I have ever seen 13 years...AND NEITHER HAS SEEN EACH OTHER IN THAT LONG ..in the middle of all that mess, he had a daughter with me not even knowing he was still married

If I had to pick one to compare it to it would have to be the one where you have to dig the flag out of the giant nose.

Youd have to be in your 20s to early 30s to have even watched that show heheheh

[sandinista! 1,816]

If I had to pick one to compare it to it would have to be the one where you have to dig the flag out of the giant nose.

hahaha! first year would have to be the one where you got squeezed through that giant wringer.

[zahrasalem 114]

The 20's are a time of exploration, going to college, figuring yourself out, etc. I don't recommend most people get married in their 20's until they've experienced some real life. I would not want to marry someone in their 20's and I in my late 30's simply because I feel he needs more time to himself to grow up and become more a well-rounded person, for himself and any future wife and family he may have. For a much older women to agree to marry him, even if they are both in love, is doing a disservice to him and her in the long run.

It's not simply about age difference, it's about being at a life stage when you're ready for marriage, and 22 is not, even if the woman is the same age.

My husband's family and friends for example, most of them (including my husband) got married at 30 or so, when they finished college, had job experience, saved money and could afford to have a wife. Providing these things as a man for his wife is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR THEM.

If I were in the situation, I could not marry him knowing it wasn't in both of our best interests, mainly because we are in totally different life stages.......and it will present itself continuously. Love is not enough unfortunately, when the reality of daily life sets in.

Good luck in your decisions

[HannahP 119]

Totally OT but any other oldtimers find this topic nostalgic? I originally joined VJ back when MENA was the active forum and I'd guess that the majority of women there were older women marrying much younger men. See also: she who should not be named.

Five years ago? The OP would have received responses such as:

"It's a red flag that can be overcome! Just ask me!" /AP for years on end

"We overcame this red flag and our marriage is doing great! He's been here for 1 day - couple of weeks and I can't believe anyone ever doubted us!"

Plus the proto-Muslima who always insists that since the Prophet Mohammad took a much older bride, it's all good.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

When Adam and I first discussed kids, he was 21-almost 22 and all fully charged up with, "Oh yah! I want 12 kids like a soccer team!" and that was his answer for years, up until we got to Texas with all the neices and nephew rugrats! Now its more like, "12?!" WHO said 12! I only want 1!

lol And I'm perfectly fine with 1, when it happens.

However, on a realistic note about that. I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian symdrome) and a blood clotting disorder which we know and both been told that if I was to get pregnant- which is hard but totally possible with the medicine I'm on for PCOS, that I have a huge chance of getting a blood clot while pregnant or having miscarriages. So while we know the odds of both of those issues I have, adoption is also something Adam and I discuss and would do. At this moment though we are loving life together and are not in a hurry for a child.

[Crossed_fingers 128]

Plus the proto-Muslima who always insists that since the Prophet Mohammad took a much older bride, it's all good.

That one has always been my and my SO's personal favorite...

[ridasgirl 1]

There are tons of people in the mena forum who got married on their first visit, and got visas without the slightest hitch. There are tons who have huge age differences in mena forum who got visas without a hitch. There are some with both age differences and first visit marriages who got visas no problemo. And there are people with none of those issues who received denials. The only rule seems to be that there are no rules. All bets are off when it comes to mena.

And then there's the whole business of staying married after visas and moving to the us. All bets are off there too.

Hey there....know it's been a LONG TIME since I've been on here, but just wanted to say....your little girl has the face of an angel!!! Mash'Allah!