FAMILY ACCEPTANCE

[Jenn! 918]

I think we should rename MENA to "Burned and Bitter". Whaddya think?

[Mithra 1,185]

It's none of anyone's business but yeah 22 is way young IMO. Chatting online for three years is really not a good way to judge maturity, intelligence, personality, etc. So many MENA guys get coached on what to say and copy/paste happens a lot. I know you don't want to hear any of this and will most likely go on ahead and marry this guy. Don't be surprised if the family isn't cool with the situation. And if they are, you may just be a starter wife and they're well aware and may even be encouraging it. I guess spending time in this forum and getting to know lots of ladies in similar circumstances has jaded me a bit. The rate of success with these types of marriages isn't great. Esp. when there's a large age difference and he's practically still a teenager. I'm sorry but I'm a couple years younger than you and the thought of being with a 22 year old (regardless of maturity) totally creeps me out. It's hard enough to find common ground with a 22 year old American. What are you going to do with a 22 year old Egyptian who lived a completely different life than you?

[Angel Eyes Yuseef 5]

I admit you have put it the best. We forget that even though they understand our way of life does not mean they lived life like us. They learn different cultures, where we do not unless we go out on our own and investagate it. And if the family did accept you on starter wife grounds, the family may incourage a egyptain second wife. But this is the culture and some things that can happen. Just be open to anything and continue to talk about these different things, you may see a different side of him.

It's none of anyone's business but yeah 22 is way young IMO. Chatting online for three years is really not a good way to judge maturity, intelligence, personality, etc. So many MENA guys get coached on what to say and copy/paste happens a lot. I know you don't want to hear any of this and will most likely go on ahead and marry this guy. Don't be surprised if the family isn't cool with the situation. And if they are, you may just be a starter wife and they're well aware and may even be encouraging it. I guess spending time in this forum and getting to know lots of ladies in similar circumstances has jaded me a bit. The rate of success with these types of marriages isn't great. Esp. when there's a large age difference and he's practically still a teenager. I'm sorry but I'm a couple years younger than you and the thought of being with a 22 year old (regardless of maturity) totally creeps me out. It's hard enough to find common ground with a 22 year old American. What are you going to do with a 22 year old Egyptian who lived a completely different life than you?

[Mithra 1,185]

I also wanted to add a couple things -

Why would you want to marry him if he family didn't approve? If they vehemently disapprove would you still go through with it? If so, why? Because of love? If yes, you're old enough to know that love isn't everything. Infatuation with a young man can fade fast if he starts showing his true colors. The true colors may not show up until he's in the US.

Second, I would not advise you to do a K1 with this age difference particularly since he's such a young guy. If you were 56 and he were 40 it would be as strange. K1 would either end up in a denial or a long AP. It would be best if you marry in Egypt.

[Ban Hammer 12,836]

I think we should rename MENA to "Burned and Bitter". Whaddya think?

along with "fixate on the age differences rather than the questions in the op."

[Jenn! 918]

It's true. My husband and I are only 2 years apart in age, he lived in Europe for 7 years before we met so he was a good deal "westernized", we lived in the same city for 2 years, together for over a year, and there are still tons of cultural differences and obstacles to overcome! I can't imagine how difficult it would have been if we hadn't had all of these things playing in our favor.

But Mithra is also correct that the OP will likely go ahead and marry despite what anyone says here.

along with "fixate on the age differences rather than the questions in the op."

Fixating on age differences is a time-honored tradition here.

[Mithra 1,185]

I didn't mean an Egyptian second wife would be involved. I meant she would possibly be divorced at some point and either a younger Egyptian wife would be taken or maybe even a younger American. He's just awful young. It's not really the age difference, it's his current age and the OP's current age. If he were in his mid/late 30s and she was in her late 40s/early 50s it wouldn't be such an issue.

I admit you have put it the best. We forget that even though they understand our way of life does not mean they lived life like us. They learn different cultures, where we do not unless we go out on our own and investagate it. And if the family did accept you on starter wife grounds, the family may incourage a egyptain second wife. But this is the culture and some things that can happen. Just be open to anything and continue to talk about these different things, you may see a different side of him.

[Mithra 1,185]

Erk I can't edit. I meant if she were 56 and he were 40 it wouldn't be as strange. Not would.

[Angel Eyes Yuseef 5]

True, I think she has a lot to think about, it is a lot of reality. But we need to reach out to her too. This is a challenging situation she is in. And the more we stress it, the more she is going to prove us wrong. It is just natural defense. But I think we put out a lot for her to think about for now.

I didn't mean an Egyptian second wife would be involved. I meant she would possibly be divorced at some point and either a younger Egyptian wife would be taken or maybe even a younger American. He's just awful young. It's not really the age difference, it's his current age and the OP's current age. If he were in his mid/late 30s and she was in her late 40s/early 50s it wouldn't be such an issue.

[moroccogirlny 100]

What ever road you take with this young man be sure that there's going to be a road detour.

Whether it be K1 or CR1 there are going to be obstacles.

First it will be at least 6 to 12 months to get a interview once you file. If denied you're looking at another year or two...If approved (highly doubt this)your looking at AP time.

By the time he ever gets here your already in your 40's. Are you emotionally/physically ready to raise him?

Edited January 25, 2011 by moroccogirlny

[Mithra 1,185]

LOL raising him. Hell even if he were in his 30s it would still be a little like raising him with all the adjusting that goes on. I know some people around here would say everything was easy and wonderful, etc. But most of us have had some issues with adjustment. Issues that make the visa "journey" look like a walk in the park. So much to consider when importing a spouse. Particularly one who has never left their home country or their parents' house.

[Gugusitolindo 32]

From what I have seen going to a MENA country 10 times,, is the friends of my husband's that I have met, all come back to MENA

to marry younger woman. An example of a friend of my husband came back from Italy - he is 42 to marry a 24 yr old girl. I ask

my husband why so young. He said because, they need to be young to make a life with them, and I said how come not some virgin

girl close to his age, b/c take into account the years of fertility and the want in having more than one child. What woman

in her late 30 would like to have more than one child.

Woman are the one that take care of everything- how much can the girl take care in years to come if she is old. I do not know

anyone of my husband's acquaintances’ or friends that marry more than their age. It is not common in MENA. In addition , the

culture norm is not to marry only for love, but to make a life together.

Hey how about when he gets here , and does not find a job in what he is graduated in, the depression , and the difference in

work culture, home culture, are too extreme to think things are going to go smoothly, it take two.

That was just my two cents.

[zahra 11]

Sorry to keep fixating on age, but... This is something I have been wondering for awhile: does anyone know any couples (from VJ or real life) that are made up of an American woman past childbearing age and a young MENA man with no kids of his own that has lasted past the greencard/citizenship stage? It is just really hard for me to imagine how this could be successful. Eventually, doesn’t the MENA man always want kids of his own?

*Edit: not trying to make a judgement about OP having kids, really just a question I've been thinking about.

Edited January 25, 2011 by zahra

[Jenn! 918]

Well, not every MENA man wants kids. Most, probably, but not all. I would think that marrying an older woman might be a good way to take the pressure off.

Edited January 25, 2011 by Jenn!

[Mithra 1,185]

Not necessarily. They don't all want kids of their own. I guess it's expected of them to a point from their family. That's just what you do, right? Get married and have kids. Some people get out on their own and have their own goals and children complicate matters so it's not as important. Plus, the man could be incapable of impregnating his wife. They'd have to learn to deal with that situation. I would think that the age difference in terms of having little in common and maturity level would be more of a factor. Also, the cultural differences, of course. I think there are a few around here that do have successful child-free marriages or so they say. I don't think there's really a magic timeframe where marriage is deemed bullet proof regardless of age or presence of children.