FAMILY ACCEPTANCE

[mohammedsgirl 2]

My fiance' is 22 years old and lives in Upper Egypt. He has a strict Muslim family and strict Muslim upbringing. I am a 38 year old female from the US and am a non-Muslim. we have been in an online relationship for 3 years and I am going to visit him in February and we plan to get married and start the embassy process in July when I go back to visit him again. I have been reading many different responses here on this site. Some are comforting while others are scary....Can someone tell me if it is better to marry him there and start the process...will it make a difference? Most importantly how long could this process take especially if the consulate asks the family if they approve and they do not? Will it be an automatic denial?

[ErikaAndHamit 73]

I hate to be a party pooper, but why are you marrying an almost child? I'm 36 and couldn't imagine marrying someone that young! People change so much in their early-mid twenties. I would be leary. Sorry, I don't have advice other than this.

Edited January 25, 2011 by ErikaAndHamit

[mohammedsgirl 2]

Alot of people say this to me. But after being in relation with him for 3 years, I will tell u that talking to him about everything and anything in these last three years, his mentality is far from 22. He has a degree in mining engineering and is currently studying Computer Security Analysis. I notice the difference in maturity with him very much. My concern is not just the age difference in the eyes of the consulate...I am concerned about the religous differences although we have both accepted and respected each other for who we are.

[msheesha 548]

Wow, you started the relationship when he was 19. Wow.

I don't know anything about Egypt, but 19 strikes me as really really young.

[wendy&tamer 10]

Personally I do not think it wise to marry someone the first time you meet him...I would strongly suggest this first visit be about seeing each other in person and finding that connection first....then think about the marriage after that. You have a few other obstacles when you visit him and I think it wise for you to talk to some of us who have been there and maybe shed some advice on the matter in a personal place not on visajourney. This entire process can be trying and although this site is great for many things, it wont solve all the issues you might encounter.

[Angel Eyes Yuseef 5]

Every case is different. But i am going to tell you the age difference is a big red flag. Why are you only going to meet him now after 3 years?? Sorry i am curious. Marriage on the 1st visit is not alway advised. I think that since there is a big age difference that i would want to meet him and see how important his friends are, how he treats you while you are there. How his parents respond to you, things like that. Then if you feel comfortable then marry the second time. But you could always do a K-1 visa too. But i will let you in on something. If you choose to marry, the embassy can denie you. And if the embassy approves the petiton they will warn you that any goverement office you go to, can denie you. So just be careful. I think that big of a age differences that in time the difference's will start to show them self. But that is my opinion. When you visit him and every is great then I encourage you to presue what ever you like.

My fiance' is 22 years old and lives in Upper Egypt. He has a strict Muslim family and strict Muslim upbringing. I am a 38 year old female from the US and am a non-Muslim. we have been in an online relationship for 3 years and I am going to visit him in February and we plan to get married and start the embassy process in July when I go back to visit him again. I have been reading many different responses here on this site. Some are comforting while others are scary....Can someone tell me if it is better to marry him there and start the process...will it make a difference? Most importantly how long could this process take especially if the consulate asks the family if they approve and they do not? Will it be an automatic denial?

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

Its my opinion that you should do as some others suggested and just go for a visit and meet him and his family. I did get married on my first visit, but my grandparents had already met him first and we are about the same age...

Even though he may seem very mature, hes still only 22 and you havent met him yet. Take time to get to know his family, if you've spent 3 yrs already online, whats another couple of months to get to know someone face to face before a long time commitment of marriage and this crazy visa process. IMO, K1 fiance would probably be best.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

One thing about big age differences is something I call the commonality window. Every person passes thought life stages , which aren't a clear event and contain overlaps. The first stage is obviously childhood, no responsibilities, few long term consequences little attachment outside of birth family. Then you move to reproductive adulthood, more responsibilities, more consequences and a desire to reproduce. At some point you reach mid adult , where you needs become more self centered and you are no longer reproductively motivated/capable. Then come the end of life years. I would guess right now the two of you are at the two end points of reproductive adulthood. But what happens in 15 years when you are post menopausal mid fifties and he is in his 30s and still into sky diving, motorcycling and wants a son or two ? Have you discussed these things ? Big differences can work but you have to think of the present and the future unless all you are looking for is a boy toy for a couple of years.

[KittyPollitt 284]

Regardless of the age difference or his family's approval- getting married on the first visit is seen by most MENA consulates as a HUGE red flag and is ill advisable. This is aside from the fact that it's never a good idea to marry someone so shortly after meeting. I learned the hard way that you really have to spend some time living with a person before you get to truly know them and making a commitment too early on can just cause so many hassles if things don't work out.

Think of it this way- would you marry some American guy from across the country on the first meeting, after chatting with him for 3 years? Think hard about it. Good luck.

[mohammedsgirl 2]

To clarify...I stated that I would be visiting him first in February then plan to marry him in July when I go back if everything works out well. When I said we have been in a relationship for 3 years I should have clarified that we started as friends for the first two years. He did not want to come to the US in the beginning so we remained friends. After awhile he said he would make the effort to come to the US because he knew I could not live there in Egypt. Even after we marry in July and wait the long process of starting this journey, he asked me if I was ready to commit to him even though I would have to wait 2 years until he finished his college there. This has been thought about and talked about for a very long time. We have spoken about the struggles and the culture differences and both have agreed to continue to love each other for who we are and who we fell in love with. I understand age difference is a factor to many people because believe me when i met him I was not seeking a 16 years younger man.

[sandinista! 1,816]

There are tons of people in the mena forum who got married on their first visit, and got visas without the slightest hitch. There are tons who have huge age differences in mena forum who got visas without a hitch. There are some with both age differences and first visit marriages who got visas no problemo. And there are people with none of those issues who received denials. The only rule seems to be that there are no rules. All bets are off when it comes to mena.

And then there's the whole business of staying married after visas and moving to the us. All bets are off there too.

[Crossed_fingers 128]

There are tons of people in the mena forum who got married on their first visit, and got visas without the slightest hitch. There are tons who have huge age differences in mena forum who got visas without a hitch. There are some with both age differences and first visit marriages who got visas no problemo. And there are people with none of those issues who received denials. The only rule seems to be that there are no rules. All bets are off when it comes to mena.

And then there's the whole business of staying married after visas and moving to the us. All bets are off there too.

Well said. It seems like the OP has a ton of red flags: meeting online, age difference, marrying on the first meeting, mixed religions, and lack of parental approval in a country where marrying a spouse your parents approve of is a strong cultural norm. Those are all red flags for the consulate and visa process, and they are also red flags for the relationship's future itself. With that said, I've seen enough things on this forum and others to think there are no hard and fast rules, either for the issuance of visas or for the success of relationships. I've seen couples who appear to have no red flags get denied and couples that I would think don't stand a chance zip through the consulates with no problems. As for the relationship itself, while I've heard it happens I haven't really personally heard too many stories about couples without too many red flags breaking up, at least not on a timetable that coincides with immigration benefits and suggests fraud. I have seen MANY couples that, to be honest, I thought had to be for immigration purposes end up lasting long after the green card dust settled, so I admit I don't really feel like I'm in the best place to judge.

Back to the OP, I'm not sure what advice to give you, other than to listen to what the experienced Egypt members have to say and to prepare for a wild ride, regardless!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

My fiance' is 22 years old and lives in Upper Egypt. He has a strict Muslim family and strict Muslim upbringing. I am a 38 year old female from the US and am a non-Muslim. we have been in an online relationship for 3 years and I am going to visit him in February and we plan to get married and start the embassy process in July when I go back to visit him again. I have been reading many different responses here on this site. Some are comforting while others are scary....Can someone tell me if it is better to marry him there and start the process...will it make a difference? Most importantly how long could this process take especially if the consulate asks the family if they approve and they do not? Will it be an automatic denial?

You are way too old for him. You can paint it anyway you want but you are far too old for him and it will lead to disaster later on. He hasnt lived enough and I am sure it will be fun for a while but it will end up in tragedy later as you age and edge into your 40s. He is far too young for you. If you dont mind just giving him his papers and helping him fine, but no good can come of this later on. It will end up horribly for you. I am sorry. I would never wish your situation on anyone because I am sure you love him. But how could you really be in love with someone who could be your childs age.I had a daughter at 19.2 more years and you could have given birth to this guy. YUCK

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

My fiance' is 22 years old and lives in Upper Egypt. He has a strict Muslim family and strict Muslim upbringing. I am a 38 year old female from the US and am a non-Muslim. we have been in an online relationship for 3 years and I am going to visit him in February and we plan to get married and start the embassy process in July when I go back to visit him again. I have been reading many different responses here on this site. Some are comforting while others are scary....Can someone tell me if it is better to marry him there and start the process...will it make a difference? Most importantly how long could this process take especially if the consulate asks the family if they approve and they do not? Will it be an automatic denial?

And anyone that tells you that a religious muslim family will be ok with a woman the mans mothers age marrying their virginal son is lying to you. Its weird here in the usa to have that big of a difference even between Americans. Unless of course you are Linda Hogan and this is a reality show.

Its your life and you need to live it as you see fit but hes way too young and in 5 years when you are in your 40s and hes not even mid 20s, you will regret the hell out of this

[Angel Eyes Yuseef 5]

That is true there is no hard and fast rules when it comes to the visa expereince and the consulates and Embassy's. But if you are going to wait for him to finish his schooling are you going to time the visa around that. I been married for a little over 3 months now and my strong non-emotional husband is very emotional. And having a hard time with missing me. Will he be able to make it through his schooling after he meets you, and makes that incredible bond and starts to miss you. Can you afford to keep visiting those next few years. I just want to give you a few things to think about. Cuz you would be surprised how emotional egyptian men can get.

Well said. It seems like the OP has a ton of red flags: meeting online, age difference, marrying on the first meeting, mixed religions, and lack of parental approval in a country where marrying a spouse your parents approve of is a strong cultural norm. Those are all red flags for the consulate and visa process, and they are also red flags for the relationship's future itself. With that said, I've seen enough things on this forum and others to think there are no hard and fast rules, either for the issuance of visas or for the success of relationships. I've seen couples who appear to have no red flags get denied and couples that I would think don't stand a chance zip through the consulates with no problems. As for the relationship itself, while I've heard it happens I haven't really personally heard too many stories about couples without too many red flags breaking up, at least not on a timetable that coincides with immigration benefits and suggests fraud. I have seen MANY couples that, to be honest, I thought had to be for immigration purposes end up lasting long after the green card dust settled, so I admit I don't really feel like I'm in the best place to judge.

Back to the OP, I'm not sure what advice to give you, other than to listen to what the experienced Egypt members have to say and to prepare for a wild ride, regardless!