Time for Some Happy Endings

[James and Cynthia 70]

I've seen so many posts about problems after a loved one comes to america and things don't go so well. Now I want to read about some happy endings, happily ever after. I want to read happy stories of how well things have worked out since you've been together. I want to imagine what it will be like when my fiancee gets here. I don't want to think about the horror stories and worry about those things that could happen. I know it will be better than that for us. We really love each other so much. I can't wait for us to be together. I will do anything to make out time together last forever and be the happiest days of our lives. Tell me your story if this is how it is for you. Tell me the things you like about your USC or filipino spouse. Tell me things we can look forward to when my fiancee finally makes it here. Tell me why you love each other to this day, and why you know you'll be together happily ever after. Thanks.

-James

[M&S forever 4]

I've seen so many posts about problems after a loved one comes to america and things don't go so well. Now I want to read about some happy endings, happily ever after. I want to read happy stories of how well things have worked out since you've been together. I want to imagine what it will be like when my fiancee gets here. I don't want to think about the horror stories and worry about those things that could happen. I know it will be better than that for us. We really love each other so much. I can't wait for us to be together. I will do anything to make out time together last forever and be the happiest days of our lives. Tell me your story if this is how it is for you. Tell me the things you like about your USC or filipino spouse. Tell me things we can look forward to when my fiancee finally makes it here. Tell me why you love each other to this day, and why you know you'll be together happily ever after. Thanks.

-James

Hello,

You know this last months i read many bad stories in VJ as you mentioned that fiancée come to US and then one of them do not sure about marriage or even be together.What the mess they are doing?I think it is good that K1 visa have this waiting time and meeting on person.I am shock why people change their minds so fast, and why they waste their time if they do not sure that that person is his soul mate.I do not want even think about it because my beloved and I sure in my feelings and that we really want be together forever, if even we will have little fight, we know it is life and family and it can happen and we need learn how to handle with this and try find compromise.

I hope people will think about it and will not waste time of each other not being sure in feelings.

Good luck guys.

[Going Green 5]

Hello,

We met on myspace, and I have to agree the waiting period does seem to weed out alot of not ready for this step peeps. I too am shocked at the number of people who go through all of this and then "change their minds". BUT happy endings do happen, We are totally still in love and living the happily ever after!

Nick and Lexi

[tallcoolone 102]

These girls are plucked from thier home country where they have all thier friends and family, and move halfway across the world to the USA.

In Philippines they have good food, happy people and friendly people who live on PI time, they come to the USA and have no friends for many years, can't see thier family for many years, can't work and get stuck in a home while their spouse works all the time. They become lonely and cry alot and become very homesick for the good ole days back in PI.

Back in PI life is casual and easy, in USA it's always rush rush rush, Time is Golden in USA. They have to adopt to a lifestyle that is a 180 degree different from what they had, and I am sure it is very tuff on them.

In reality it would be much easier for the man to go to PI to live rather than them coming to USA. I know many Fil/Am Couples and none of them have called it quits.

[journey4life 0]

Good luck to everyone who finally gets here i think its a great thing if it works but its so many things that can happen i just dont see where its worth the risk in this world we live in. Good luck to everyone.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Sorry to disappoint but I can't give you an ending at this point...

On Jan 30th Anna & I will celebrate our 2nd Anniversary. She's been here in the US 14 months and while it has taken a lot of work on both of our parts I can say it was all worth it.

Honestly I hope the only ending here is years and years down the road...

[James and Cynthia 70]

Hello,

We met on myspace, and I have to agree the waiting period does seem to weed out alot of not ready for this step peeps. I too am shocked at the number of people who go through all of this and then "change their minds". BUT happy endings do happen, We are totally still in love and living the happily ever after!

Nick and Lexi

I'm glad to hear things are still going good for you. I wish you both a happily ever after.

-James

[James and Cynthia 70]

These girls are plucked from thier home country where they have all thier friends and family, and move halfway across the world to the USA.

In Philippines they have good food, happy people and friendly people who live on PI time, they come to the USA and have no friends for many years, can't see thier family for many years, can't work and get stuck in a home while their spouse works all the time. They become lonely and cry alot and become very homesick for the good ole days back in PI.

Back in PI life is casual and easy, in USA it's always rush rush rush, Time is Golden in USA. They have to adopt to a lifestyle that is a 180 degree different from what they had, and I am sure it is very tuff on them.

In reality it would be much easier for the man to go to PI to live rather than them coming to USA. I know many Fil/Am Couples and none of them have called it quits.

I agree with you. I certainly see how it can be very hard for them to adjust. I will need lots of patience and understanding. I am committed to work together through all these things. I will certainly not give up. I can't imagine being with anyone else.

I do wish I could move there instead, but I won't leave my kids. Maybe 10 years from now, when their grown up. But until then, I hope to have the happily ever after right here, and I'll work as hard as needed to make it happen.

-James

[James and Cynthia 70]

Good luck to everyone who finally gets here i think its a great thing if it works but its so many things that can happen i just dont see where its worth the risk in this world we live in. Good luck to everyone.

After living in an unhappy marriage for over 10 years, and pretty much losing everything I have to get out, I can certainly say, anything is worth real love over just pretending. To have someone who truly loves me and cares about me, and that I truly love back and would do anything for, is worth everything and I have no regrets.

-James

[James and Cynthia 70]

Sorry to disappoint but I can't give you an ending at this point...

On Jan 30th Anna & I will celebrate our 2nd Anniversary. She's been here in the US 14 months and while it has taken a lot of work on both of our parts I can say it was all worth it.

Honestly I hope the only ending here is years and years down the road...

Congratulations on your upcoming anniversary. I wish for many more to come. I'm glad everything was worth it. Thanks.

-James

[one...two...tree 2,762]

We'll be married 4 years in March and it's been one hell of ride, as with most relationships. There are no easy answers or solutions and like what one of the other posters said, our spouses are leaving behind their friends and family back home, which is everything to them, culturally speaking. The best thing you can do for your spouse and ultimately for your marriage, is to help her make social connections here in the states. And the quickest and most successful way is to find other Filipinos in your area, especially at church.

We moved back in July from Southern California, where we had established a lot friendships with other Filipinos to Northern Arizona, where we weren't sure if we'd find any other Filipinos. It took us several months, but from meeting one Filipino couple at church, my wife has now met over 20 Filipinos living in the area, and they often get together for some delicious Filipino food. While my wife has also made friends with non-Filipinos, being able to talk in her native tongue along with the cultural identity is not something to be underestimated in terms of being content. Embrace her culture as much as she is embracing yours, and that will go a long way in helping to keep happiness and harmony in the marriage.

[James and Cynthia 70]

We'll be married 4 years in March and it's been one hell of ride, as with most relationships. There are no easy answers or solutions and like what one of the other posters said, our spouses are leaving behind their friends and family back home, which is everything to them, culturally speaking. The best thing you can do for your spouse and ultimately for your marriage, is to help her make social connections here in the states. And the quickest and most successful way is to find other Filipinos in your area, especially at church.

We moved back in July from Southern California, where we had established a lot friendships with other Filipinos to Northern Arizona, where we weren't sure if we'd find any other Filipinos. It took us several months, but from meeting one Filipino couple at church, my wife has now met over 20 Filipinos living in the area, and they often get together for some delicious Filipino food. While my wife has also made friends with non-Filipinos, being able to talk in her native tongue along with the cultural identity is not something to be underestimated in terms of being content. Embrace her culture as much as she is embracing yours, and that will go a long way in helping to keep happiness and harmony in the marriage.

Thanks for the advice and congratulations on your 4 years. I've talked to my fiancee about how we might be able to keep her social connections and Filipino culture going. She's very shy, and isn't that social, a lot like me. She says she doesn't need Filipino friends, just me. But I know that is just wishful thinking. I do know a few Filipino's from work, and hope to find some from VJ or other social networks if needed. I will certainly maintain open communication with her and do my best to help her adjust however needed. I will also try my best to understand her cultural differences and embrace them whenever possible. I hope 4 years from now, I will be posting about us still being together as well. Thanks.

-James

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Tony and I have our 3 year dating anniversary coming up (Valentines Day) and our 1 year wedding anniversary was Nov 7th 2010 but we knew each other as friends first.

I read a lot about the first year being the hardest and there being lots of fights and adjustments but honestly we had no issues, nothing like that. We don't really "fight" but we have had disagreements so it's not been sunshine 24/7, just not hard... just a normal relationship. We lived together in his apartment in Houston and we had room-mates at different times.

Tony and I often talk about how easy we seem to have it. I think that comes from LOTS of talks about what we expected from each other. Not on purpose but because we had a long distant relationship we relied on email a lot (if he was asleep and I needed to talk I'd write him an email and vice versa). I've also had enough relationships to know my flaws (and my ex was the worst). You need to KNOW your partner. Tony is very laid back. I know that he can't cook well but one of the first things he said to me is if I didn't want to cook I didn't have to, so I don't feel like a slave in that regard. If I ask him to help me he will. He plows the driveway (snowing at the moment) he knows that sometimes I will get sad and that I like to be hugged (some people like to be left alone when they're upset). He will give me time if I need it, and try and fix it if he can but he doesn't baby me.

Ultimately though we put each other first. I know he likes to play WoW (that's how we met) and I don't stop him from having fun just because I might feel lonely sometimes. I know that time with friends is important. I suppose the way to explain it is a relationship is a two-way street and some people, the ones with the "bad" stories seem to have unrealistic expectations.

The majority of issues I've seen relate to finances, spouses expecting money to be sent back to their family. In one instance the girl tried to send money home using his card but without telling him. The culture shock for a Filipino must be extreme.

Some things I've read that help are: phone so she can call home when she needs to (Magic Jack gets good reports), Filipino TV channels, Filipino food place (to buy groceries). I also recommend you take your time to show her around. Give her an idea of what there is to do. For Tony and I a good escape was Red Box (renting movies), Netflix (watching stuff online) or actually going to the movies together. I enjoy walking around WalMart and getting to know the different food and brands and stuff like that. Taking time to smell the different body washes and deodorants and perfumes. The smells of things are vastly different (like cherry) so I couldn't just got and get the deodorant I've been wearing for most of my 20's, i had to choose a new one.

One of the biggest things for me was the different food (the bread, cheese and chocolate is awful in the US compared to Aus) and I remember once getting very overwhelmed when trying to pick out a loaf of bread. Tony rarely bought bread as a loaf and I had NO idea what the best one was and the different brands and types (the names were different) and it was just an overwhelming reminder of what was different and a little bit of fear of wasting money on food I didn't like. Another thing I've read is Filipino's don't like the waste stuff so make sure you have tupperware to put leftovers in. Also have some good restaurants you want to take her to once in a while to get her out and used to being around people. Maybe show her where the library is if she wants to borrow books, or if she has a Kindle or something.

Clothes, clothes stores. Sizing is different in the US. A size 14 here is an 18 in Australia so there's a big difference. When I was in Houston I did NOT expect the humidity so nothing I had was good for humidity (we have dry heat) and now in Iowa it's snowing so I had no cold clothes. She will probably need to buy some new clothes as well. It'd be good if she could go with you, but also have some girls around that she likes and trust to make it more fun.

One of the first things I got when I got here was a cell phone. I loved picking it out and then Tony's mother bought me a pink phone cover to go over it to personalise it.

For K1 specifically though, get her her SSN 10 days after she enters. Show her where the wedding will be happening and get her excited about that. Oh, and one of the most annoying things for me is most American's I dealt with when I first arrived didn't even try to understand my accent. I got so frustrated making calls to people and having them repeat what I said and it be NOTHING like what I was saying, or a rude "huh?" so that will probably be an issue for your girl as well.

Good luck

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Re the accent, basically I had to slow myself down and kinda talk a little more American. I remember one of Tony's friends called me once and I had no idea what he was saying, I'm pretty good with accents too so that was funny Just let her know it's not because she's "wrong", she's just different and that's not wrong. In Australia it happens too. Some people just hear an accent and their brain switches off, so let her know just to slow down a bit and just smile a lot even though she might get frustrated when people don't understand and start to get rude. I will admit though that I WOULD get frustrated and at one stage had to hand the phone to my father-in-law because the elderly woman on the phone didn't understand my accent when booking a hotel for my sisters visit... he had trouble too though and when I met her in person she had no trouble, she said she has problems with the phone.

[Krikit 1,163]

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