please helpj

[lolitta 0]

i have been with my fiancce who was us soldier in iraq for 10 months , those last months we start disputing verry much becoz of his umature attitude (we dnt leave together yet) he start also treating me bad , telling me baad words and many other things ,i really start being scary of him .....he know i ll come soon to america soon on student visa and he menaced me that if i leave him , he will call the governement and tell them to wont let me enter , i don't know what to do ....i feel lost and sad coz the me im in love with him is trying now to do anything to destroy my life if i leave him

please i need ur advices

[carolynhotstuff 252]

You are in a very bad relationship and you need to stop talking to him.

Do not tell him anything more about your visa and do not tell him how to find you once you are in the USA.

I am sorry that he has used bad words and made you afraid. May God bless you.

[arwen 8]

You need to do a disappearing act right now! This means cutting ties with him completely...having nothing to do with him! This guy is a bully and thank God you found out in time. If he is treating you badly now..imagine what he could be capable of further on down the line! I'm not an expert, but I don't think he could have a negative impact on you getting your student visa. It would have been a different story had it been a fiance visa. He is probably just being an ars.... to frighten you. You can even tell him you've changed your mind and won't be coming to the States at all. How is he going to find out? Get out while you can! Good luck..

Edited January 1, 2011 by arwen

[sara..... 371]

Men/Women that treat people like that do not change they only get worse.......love is love but its not suppose to hurt...........if someone is showing you this right now you need to move on and forget him nobody deserves this kind of treatment

I will add you to my prayers

sara

[ArabLoveMorocco 1]

Stop contact. If harassment continues...there is help. There are women shelters in the US that are very helpful. There are also lawyers that will take your case "Pro Bono" (free of charge). Also there are things like a "restaining order" that a women shelter can also help you with.

[Glenn n Bryan 0]

This is only my own opinion, but like everyone else in this thread I think it would behoove you to just burn bridges with him as if he never came into you life in the first place. It may be harder than actually just saying it, but the relationship is not healthy anymore. Good Luck and God Bless.

[KeithandDonna 0]

I totally agree with the others here... you should stop all contact with your fiancee. He is nothing but trouble and obviously does not care about you, but only himself. His threats are most likely just that... threats and he is only trying to control you. Good luck... only look forward and don't look back.

[lolitta 0]

thank u verry much to reply me and giving me advice , i sil lov him soo much , he is my big love , we plan many things for our futur togther , its hard for me to prevent myself from thinking of him , but as u told me i should stop any contact with him coz he really change and start scaring me

good luck for u all

[faust-yusov 103]

He sounds like he might need some serious help.

I agree with what others have suggested, that once a relationship turns hostile you owe it to yourself to cut ties, swiftly and immediately.

How this is done, however, I think is dependent on details you have not yet disclosed. Presumably you have been arguing over the phone? Has he threatened you with violence? On what you've put forth, I don't really want to condemn or vilify him as others have seen fit.

[Inky 1,111]

It sounds like he has PTSD, the same thing happend to my friend and his wife. He returned home from IRAQ and he was 100% different, yelled randomly, screamed in the night, called her names always accused her of being sneeky and doing strange things shes never done. He refused counceling and she ended up having to leave him because the stress and the things he said was so horrible.

He finally went into counceling and they put him on medication. Hes a lot better and almost back to how he was before but he has to continue the medications and the therapy for the rest of his life. PTSD is very common for people who spent a large amount of time in IRAQ.

[james&olya 1,121]

It sounds like he has PTSD, the same thing happend to my friend and his wife. He returned home from IRAQ and he was 100% different, yelled randomly, screamed in the night, called her names always accused her of being sneeky and doing strange things shes never done. He refused counceling and she ended up having to leave him because the stress and the things he said was so horrible.

He finally went into counceling and they put him on medication. Hes a lot better and almost back to how he was before but he has to continue the medications and the therapy for the rest of his life. PTSD is very common for people who spent a large amount of time in IRAQ.

I think this makes a good point. Iraq has improved but it still can be extraordinarilly stressful for our soldiers. This woman's fiance needs help! Whether caused by or exacerbated by his time in the war zone, if she loves him, instead of just leaving him, she might want to call him out on his words and threatened behaviors and ask him to get the help he needs. He has been there doing the dirty work for all of those of us who let our government make war there on our behalf. Not everyone, maybe not even most people, can experience what they are going through without suffering psychological wounds. But if this woman wants to give him a chance she needs to have help from someone to monitor the situation and keep her safe. Maybe his commanding officer or someone else in his chain of command could help?

[Al422 221]

Whether or not this man is responsible for his malevolent conduct does not change the fact that you should not have to deal with it.

He cannot cause legal trouble for you here in the U.S. if you obey all of our laws. And if he does not know where to find you, that will make it even harder for him to do so.

If he finds you here and causes trouble, go to the police and ask about getting an order of protection. You will find that police in the United States are receptive to doing such things, unlike what you are probably used to in Iraq.