HELP, please!

[Julia40 0]

I guess I need to tell my story to someone. I would also appreciate any piece of advice.

I came to US on a K1 fiancée visa in December 2009 and I married my 7 years boyfriend 6 months ago. I had become a permanent resident 2 months ago. Three weeks ago when I was searching the computer for a lost file, I stumbled upon a very disturbing piece of information – an e-mail address and a password. What it had revealed was beyond my imagination. My husband was cheating on me with two women at the same time. The e-mails contained love letters, places and dates where he was meeting them, on-line shopping orders for flowers, plane tickets and other stuff, graphic descriptions of their encounters. One relationship was as old as 5 years, the other 4 years. First thing I did I transferred all the information to my e-mail address. Later that day I confronted him. He never denied anything. He was begging for forgiveness and promised never to do it again.

I don’t know what to do. I am devastated. Actually, I don’t think there are words to describe how I feel right now. Aside from being an ocean away from my life, my friends and my family, now I found myself in a position of being completely alone here as well. I thought I had him to replace everything else. Now I know I don’t. I do love him and I wish I could give it another try. In fact loving him makes things worse. Because now, when I look at him, all the love and all the beautiful moments spent together seem meaningless. Same words, same promises, made to other women. God knows how many others. Obviously I can’t trust him anymore. I am thinking to file for a divorce and go back home. He is begging me to stay. He claims he loves me but somehow I doubt it. He is trying really hard to make up for what he did but I am apprehensive and scared. I don’t think I was more scared in my entire life. I thought I knew the man I spent my last 7 years with. I have come to realization that I don’t know anything.

I have no idea what I am supposed to do in terms of paperwork. If any of you have gone through a similar situation, please advise.

[sdw 10]

Don't have any advise. Just wanted to say sorry for what your going through.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Accessing your husband's email account was a federal crime, and likely a crime in your state as well. Google "Elaine Cioni". She got 15 months in prison for doing essentially what you've done, with the exception that she paid someone to hack her husband's account and provide her with the password. She wasn't convicted for hacking the password (someone else did that for her). She was convicted of illegally accessing a computer account that wasn't hers.

You can get a divorce and attempt to remove conditions on your green card by filing an I-751. Check box "d" in section 2 asking for a waiver of the joint filing requirement based on divorce. You'll need a copy of the divorce decree before the petition will be approved. You'll be interviewed, and you'll have to provide evidence that you entered the marriage in good faith.

[Darnell 8,478]

you've got 2 'piles' of paperwork to wade through -

1. divorce

2. 'immigration'

luckily, you have the 2 year card, so for now, the immigration involvement is minimal.

For divorce - you'll need to find out the 'local rules' for your state - usually the county courthouse has info on 'how to file a divorce' for your area - on it's WEBSITE. You'll need to find that website, read - and maybe even go in to the county clerk's office, inquire there as well.

I'm always a fan of reconciliation, however - but only you can know if that's in the cards, or no.

If you are Phils person - it's my understanding that the USC spouse must file the divorce, otherwise is impossible to viewed as 'single' again in the PI.

If you are NOT Phils person, you should file the divorce.

Going forward - for immigration matters - you can surrender your green card to USCIS or Customs/Border Patrol in the USA, or the US Embassy/Consulate back in yer home country. There is some other paperwork to file, as well, but it's just one form (form # escapes me at the moment). OR - if you decide to stay in USA after the divorce, you can file the I-751 in USA.

For now, though, you have 22 months to 'figure out' what you want to do (the expiration date on the greencard)

Good Luck, however it turns out, whatever you decide to do.

Edited July 28, 2010 by Darnell

[Karonya and Adel 8]

been there. personally i was never able to get over the paranoia that he was going to do it again and it just created a miserable life for me. now, i can look back and see that our divorce was the absolute best thing. but everyone is different... Good luck in whatever you do!

[Fandango 1,439]

Accessing your husband's email account was a federal crime, and likely a crime in your state as well. Google "Elaine Cioni". She got 15 months in prison for doing essentially what you've done, with the exception that she paid someone to hack her husband's account and provide her with the password. She wasn't convicted for hacking the password (someone else did that for her). She was convicted of illegally accessing a computer account that wasn't hers.

You can get a divorce and attempt to remove conditions on your green card by filing an I-751. Check box "d" in section 2 asking for a waiver of the joint filing requirement based on divorce. You'll need a copy of the divorce decree before the petition will be approved. You'll be interviewed, and you'll have to provide evidence that you entered the marriage in good faith.

I don't think the OP needs your little lecture and you pretending to be an atty in her state. You don't even know the real specifics of her case (ie, who actually owns her computer).

OP, I am sorry for what you're going thru. I guess you have to decide which way you want to proceed before anyone can give you any advice on how to get there.

[LiLMermaid 2]

Accessing your husband's email account was a federal crime, and likely a crime in your state as well. Google "Elaine Cioni". She got 15 months in prison for doing essentially what you've done, with the exception that she paid someone to hack her husband's account and provide her with the password. She wasn't convicted for hacking the password (someone else did that for her). She was convicted of illegally accessing a computer account that wasn't hers.

You can get a divorce and attempt to remove conditions on your green card by filing an I-751. Check box "d" in section 2 asking for a waiver of the joint filing requirement based on divorce. You'll need a copy of the divorce decree before the petition will be approved. You'll be interviewed, and you'll have to provide evidence that you entered the marriage in good faith.

For essentially doing what you've done? Give me a break....that woman in the article you quote had her exboss's computer accounts hacked for the purpose of harassing him for breaking up with her. Not hardly the same as a woman catching her cheating husband by accident and contemplating divorcing him and going back to her own country.

To the OP....sorry you had to go through this. Not much advice one can give in this situation, whether you stay with him or leave is a very personal decision that only you can make.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

I don't think the OP needs your little lecture and you pretending to be an atty in her state. You don't even know the real specifics of her case (ie, who actually owns her computer).

Doesn't matter who owns the computer she used. The email account she accessed was not hers.

For essentially doing what you've done? Give me a break....that woman in the article you quote had her exboss's computer accounts hacked for the purpose of harassing him for breaking up with her. Not hardly the same as a woman catching her cheating husband by accident and contemplating divorcing him and going back to her own country.

This isn't a case where motive defines the crime. Cioni wasn't convicted of harassing her ex-boyfriend. She was convicted of illegal access to a computer system - in this case, the computer system where his email account was stored. You don't log into someone elses email account "by accident".

[Fandango 1,439]

Doesn't matter who owns the computer she used. The email account she accessed was not hers.

This isn't a case where motive defines the crime. Cioni wasn't convicted of harassing her ex-boyfriend. She was convicted of illegal access to a computer system - in this case, the computer system where his email account was stored. You don't log into someone elses email account "by accident".

You are not a lawyer, and every case is different. Furthermore to the bold, if a password and account was stored on HER computer, by your own definition in bold, the OP did NOT do the same thing. I am not a lawyer, and neither are you (to my knowledge), so save your opinion for Judge Judy, and your moral lectures for Sunday.

OP, keep strong! I'm sorry you're dealing with this, then have to come here and have people like Jim give you a lecture. Insult to injury.

[dluke77 9]

Reading email on a computer in her home does not necessarily violate federal law. It depends on who owns the storage device (i.e. Yahoo, AOL, IBM, or their own personal hard drive). In accounts such as Outlook that either have no password or login occurs automatically then she did not violate any law since the information is from her and her husbands 'hard-drive' in their home. At this point of her question the obtainment of those emails are irrelevant. Her marriage to her husband and boyfriend of over 7 years seems like a bad nightmare.

[dluke77 9]

It is obvious and understandable that you are dazed and confused by everything you have learned. I went through the whole process of my ex-wife cheating on me and finding out about it--and no she wasn't an immigrant to the US we were both US citizens.

I forgave her and she said she wanted to work it out. I was on deployment so I had ordered some books and read them which really gave me alot of insight into relationship and making them work. There is very few relationships that just "naturally" are beautiful and wonderful from day one to the end of time--most require work and there are books that provide you with those tools. The link below is to the website I was using and it was very informative, easy to understand insights on the way we are, and very helpful.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html

The books I ordered and we read were "Surviving an Affair", "His Needs, Her Needs", and "Love Busters".

Yes we are divorced now because she read the books and decided she didn't want to put in the effort that was required. But as of today three years later we are great friends still always there for each other--this was made possible by some of the tools we learned about in these books. It takes two people willing to make the relationship work and especially when it comes to surviving the affair.

[Bobby+Umit 161]

Jim is absolutely right, what she did is considered "illegal" - here is a good write-up on this very thing, with the laws that pertain to it.

Doesn't matter if the password/account was stored on her computer, she still accessed an account that is not her own, which makes all the difference. (to take this example further, if someone used your computer to buy something, and it stored the credit card info while doing so, is it legal for you to go ahead an use that info, just because it's on your computer?)

Sometimes people place themselves in contrary to law, even if they believe it's right, and they are the ones to pay the fine if found out. Jim was pointing this out to the OP and giving the "heads up" to others that read this forum for advice.

_____________

To the OP:

Obviously I can’t trust him anymore

(Old CIA training, "When there is a doubt, there is no doubt")

[dluke77 9]

(to take this example further, if someone used your computer to buy something, and it stored the credit card info while doing so, is it legal for you to go ahead an use that info, just because it's on your computer?)

It is my computer so there is no harm in me viewing, touching, opening the file with their credit card number on it--it is on my storage device (my hard drive). Taking the example further, as you did, is silly because now you are talking credit card fraud.

To take your credit card example further: I would say that if they had requested an email confirmation or their credit card order and used my email account than I would be free to send their info to third parties since I was the receipiant of the particular email.

[maliciant 7]

The example cases involved people who were not married, and the invasion of privacy was far from the only enforcable crime involved as hacking is also a crime and was involved in the examples I have seen. I think that it's unlikely that the OP is at risk of legal trouble for having read those emails, but should probably have her divorce attorney look into that before using them as a basis for divorce. Privacy laws (and laws in general) tend to vary by state though and privacy laws are a hot ticket item the last decade so you probably don't know what you'd find until you start digging through case law about it.

[Tanya and Barry 59]

Removed...Beaten to death already....

Edited July 29, 2010 by Tanya and Barry