Unnecessary Stress

[antda 13]

Hi Everyone,

Lol..I agree, VJ is an addiction!

(and why am I still on VJ, despite my journey being over...I have no idea...lol...)

However, I DO NOT agree that VJ is an "unnecessary stress"....

Personally, I have found the VJ community to be very helpful information-wise, and have in fact because of this community have known what steps to take to be "pro-active" with my case...

For example, if it wasn't for VJ, I wouldn't have known to contact my congressman about my I-751 case, and heck, I'd still be waiting for my green card until gosh knows when....

As well, VJ has also taught me that: "I'm not the only one out there!", and that there are others who are like me in the "same boat going through the same immigration journey", and that in itself is comforting....which...."reduces stress".....(well, for me anyways...)

Lol..The real stress here is the USCIS......

And to say "relax" when they are "hanging over one's head"...is easier said than done...

To worry about delays, separation, deporatation, denials...oh yeah, those are real worries, alright!...

Oh and the financial burden in fees that the USCIS has caused over the years...those are real worries too....

My immigration journey may be over, but the "stress" and "burdens" that the USCIS has left me and my family...

Cannot be forgotten....

Nevertheless, good luck to everyone on their journeys, and may it be a less stressful one for all of you too..

Ant

Edited March 26, 2010 by Ant+D+BabyA

[taurean 0]

materpiece: I agree with so much of what you had to say, and I love how you expressed yourself in a sort of ironic tone. Good reading!! I don't think I really bought into the stress that can come about as much at the visa stage as I did during the AOS. I think I was too ignorant of the immigration process at the visa stage to be afraid that things wouldn't work out. So I guess in that case ignorance really was bliss. However, the AOS was a MUCH different story! The implications of getting the AOS approved were much more acute in my mind due to financial/emotional factors, i.e., hubster being able to work and feel like he could contribute. We checked the status every darn day, several times a day as I know everyone else did. After the approval text came late on a Thursday night (yes I still remember the day) we jumped around the house like kids getting their desired gift at Christmas.

Now some three years later and at the Naturalization stage, I am so Zen it's almost like all of that other stress never happened. I have no desire to check the USCIS website everyday to check the status, nor do I find myself wondering if we had enough evidence in the application. So my, my things have changed....in a GREAT way!

All that said, I can definitely understand the *crazy* that goes on early in the process because the stakes are much higher at that point. Many are separated during the process and I know that causes a lot of additional stress and misery. But like you, I do wonder if one's presence on VJ magnifies the stress? I actually think in many cases it has the reverse effect because there are so many people going through the same things you are that you can vent with and get tips on how to proceed if you hit a snag. Other people in my life had no idea....so VJ was a great tool.

Still I love the way you put things in your post!! Congrats to you and everyone else on reaching the final hurdle.

[NickD 202]

Can only feel that masterpiece did indeed himself feel stress when he got home to see is unsigned application returned in the mail. And was wondering why he felt this stress, so started to judge others with this stress problem.

The N-400 is the final USCIS process, if we haven't learned patience by then, we never will.

Really ironic, ordered a ball bearing from ebay for $2,89 with free shipping, got confirmation of my order from ebay, several thank you e-mails from the seller, and verification of payment from paypal. Then an e-mail with confirmation of shipping with a tracking number from the seller, then a letter requesting positive feedback. All for a $2.89 ball bearing! Oh, and another e-mail from ebay that this ball bearing is covered under their buying protection plan.

When you send $675.00 to the USCIS, you can send a personal check as the only verification they received your package, but they sure don't send you a card saying your application was received. They don't call you for a mutually agreed upon appointment, sure get a ton of mail from my clinic whenever I make an appointment, plus an appointment reminder, something else you will never receive from the USCIS. Or even a reminder your green card is about to expire, I get those reminders with a simple to fill out form from our state regarding vehicle registration and drivers' license renewal. Just have to sign it and return it in a pre-address envelop with a reminder not to forget my check.

If I lose or my drivers' license is stolen, can get a new one in about ten minutes, losing your certificate or green card cost a huge fortune and can take a year to get it replaced.

If I can't make a dental or medical appointment, call, rattled off my six digit medical history number, gal finds me on her computer, and fires back a number of new appointment dates, done in two minutes. To change an appointment with the USCIS, it takes an act of congress, you thought the healthcare bill was long. If you are one second late for a USCIS appointment.

If you are one second late for an appointment, can reject you, but always a wait, our shortest was 80 minutes, longest was four hours. Don't dare take a minute to use the rest room, because if they call you when you are gone, you will miss that appointment. If you show more than 20 minutes early that you have to do after a long trip, make you stand out in the rain until your appointed time. Practically most USCIS offices are located in huge no parking areas where if you can find parking, have to pay an arm and a leg and park many blocks away from the office. Ha, wear a raincoat to your oath ceremony.

Stress is the result of having no control over a situation, USCIS is designed around stress, you have no control, with a long drive, can be weather, traffic accident, car problems, road construction, so you have to leave very early to compensate, not much different than showing up at an airport three hours early. And the USCIS doesn not make errors, only you do, and its up to you to keep yourself legal, really have to fight to do that. And that causes stress when you call and talk to a person that doesn't know what's going on.

Now, isn't this telling it like it is?

[antda 13]

NickD-Very well said, indeed! That is definitely telling it like it is!

I totally agree with you when you overall say that the USCIS has bad customer service..

Lol...From the mis-information line, to confusing forms, to driving long distances to get fingerprints done, to waiting such a long time for services, to pretty much everything else in between...

Lol...If they were a business, really, they would be out of business by now!

And I hate to say this again (but I always laugh about this..see my vj timeline for more info...)...

But my baby being born and my house being built was more reliable than the USCIS's service standards....

Lol..At least I could expect a baby at 9 months or so, and a house being built in 4-5 months...

But with the USCIS....who knows.....how long they take....lol....(10 months in my case..and that is after bugging them)

And yes, those fees are outrageous! Heck, with all the money that we've spent over the years, I could have paid for something more useful than just a thin piece of paper and a plastic card (which I had to give back btw..)....

Btw..I did I ever tell you that I had to borrow money to pay for all this?

Needless to say, I'm still paying off those personal loans.....Despite my being done with the USCIS..lol...

Sigh..Oh the things I do just to be with the ones I love....

(sorry about the rant...but yeah...the bottom line: the USCIS can do better...really....Nevertheless, I'm glad that I got rid of them, once and for all...lol.....that is, if I don't lose that $675+ piece of paper...lol...)

Ant

Can only feel that masterpiece did indeed himself feel stress when he got home to see is unsigned application returned in the mail. And was wondering why he felt this stress, so started to judge others with this stress problem.

The N-400 is the final USCIS process, if we haven't learned patience by then, we never will.

Really ironic, ordered a ball bearing from ebay for $2,89 with free shipping, got confirmation of my order from ebay, several thank you e-mails from the seller, and verification of payment from paypal. Then an e-mail with confirmation of shipping with a tracking number from the seller, then a letter requesting positive feedback. All for a $2.89 ball bearing! Oh, and another e-mail from ebay that this ball bearing is covered under their buying protection plan.

When you send $675.00 to the USCIS, you can send a personal check as the only verification they received your package, but they sure don't send you a card saying your application was received. They don't call you for a mutually agreed upon appointment, sure get a ton of mail from my clinic whenever I make an appointment, plus an appointment reminder, something else you will never receive from the USCIS. Or even a reminder your green card is about to expire, I get those reminders with a simple to fill out form from our state regarding vehicle registration and drivers' license renewal. Just have to sign it and return it in a pre-address envelop with a reminder not to forget my check.

If I lose or my drivers' license is stolen, can get a new one in about ten minutes, losing your certificate or green card cost a huge fortune and can take a year to get it replaced.

If I can't make a dental or medical appointment, call, rattled off my six digit medical history number, gal finds me on her computer, and fires back a number of new appointment dates, done in two minutes. To change an appointment with the USCIS, it takes an act of congress, you thought the healthcare bill was long. If you are one second late for a USCIS appointment.

If you are one second late for an appointment, can reject you, but always a wait, our shortest was 80 minutes, longest was four hours. Don't dare take a minute to use the rest room, because if they call you when you are gone, you will miss that appointment. If you show more than 20 minutes early that you have to do after a long trip, make you stand out in the rain until your appointed time. Practically most USCIS offices are located in huge no parking areas where if you can find parking, have to pay an arm and a leg and park many blocks away from the office. Ha, wear a raincoat to your oath ceremony.

Stress is the result of having no control over a situation, USCIS is designed around stress, you have no control, with a long drive, can be weather, traffic accident, car problems, road construction, so you have to leave very early to compensate, not much different than showing up at an airport three hours early. And the USCIS doesn not make errors, only you do, and its up to you to keep yourself legal, really have to fight to do that. And that causes stress when you call and talk to a person that doesn't know what's going on.

Now, isn't this telling it like it is?

Edited March 28, 2010 by Ant+D+BabyA

[NickD 202]

USCIS should offer a detraining class for applicants. After it was all over, I was still collecting evidence, and wife was looking for some kind of card to carry before leaving the house.

[Deb+Steve 13]

I enjoy your thinking. I did not know that I was prone to histrionics until I started this process. It has been "the best of times and the worst of times" ...

I may be from an 'easy' country but it has been far from easy. We are nearing the end of our journey and it has taken 7 months only to face another set back that will see us maybe separated until October and by then it will have been 10 months since we've seen each other. So life does get in the way, and as much as I wish it wouldn't ... it does go on. I think that has been the hardest to deal with. Not the separation, the not knowing or the anxiety.

It is the knowledge that your SO is living a life without you. I know he feels the same. Then guilt sets in as well. Do you stop living your life simply because your SO is not here (or there) or do you continue it because you need something to take your mind off the process and all its angst?

If only there were a happy medium ... I wish you all well with your journeys ...

[NickD 202]

I enjoy your thinking. I did not know that I was prone to histrionics until I started this process. It has been "the best of times and the worst of times" ...

I may be from an 'easy' country but it has been far from easy. We are nearing the end of our journey and it has taken 7 months only to face another set back that will see us maybe separated until October and by then it will have been 10 months since we've seen each other. So life does get in the way, and as much as I wish it wouldn't ... it does go on. I think that has been the hardest to deal with. Not the separation, the not knowing or the anxiety.

It is the knowledge that your SO is living a life without you. I know he feels the same. Then guilt sets in as well. Do you stop living your life simply because your SO is not here (or there) or do you continue it because you need something to take your mind off the process and all its angst?

If only there were a happy medium ... I wish you all well with your journeys ...

I found ways to keep myself busy during that long wait, took on an extra job that wouldn't have if I didn't meet her, that gave us an extra $20K for immigration, and transportation expenses. Let my yard go, was all grown in with junk bushes and scrubs, she didn't like that, got out my chain saw and shovel, and cleaned all that up. Even built her a brick planter for her flowers. She never had a yard before. Exchanged lots of pictures to remodel my home to suit her taste, she couldn't bring her beloved car her, so exchanged pictures on that, got her a new car of her choice. Then fixing up a bedroom for her daughter, plus other details. Held off buying new furniture until they came here, that is a matter of taste. We always spent a least an hour at night together on the phone. She was also working long hours, and had to go everything she had and decide what she can and cannot bring. Plus chasing around getting all of that legal stuff done. We were apart, but were working together for our new life. Still seemed like an eternity at the time, but it passed.

It will pass for you too. We had faith that immigration would allow her and her daughter to come here. If not, I would have gone to her or a different country. That was plan B, always need a backup plan. Never thought about plan C, that would be one of us giving up and breaking up.

[antda 13]

USCIS should offer a detraining class for applicants. After it was all over, I was still collecting evidence, and wife was looking for some kind of card to carry before leaving the house.

NickD-....I agree...

And to this day, out of habit, I'm still collecting joint evidence...

For example, the other day, I received a magazine in the mail...in joint names....

Umm...it was a pregnancy/baby magazine geared towards women and babies....

Do I really need my husband's name to be on that anymore?...

Thanks for the reminder...I'll have to remove his name off of that...

On another note: I removed my name off the bills...

It's pointless to have my name on the bills, since my husband is the one that has the income...lol...

As long as we have a joint bank account, the land/house, property taxes, car insurance, in joint names..Then so be it..

Oh and the sentimental stuff (e-mails, cards, letters, photos, etc.) is joint too....

Everything else can be in one name only....It's not like the USCIS is going to audit us!

Oh and more importantly, we have the baby...And that we are keeping joint! That should be proof enough!

Nevertheless, I know what you mean about 'living with the USCIS' when we don't have to anymore...

It takes awhile to de-program, but it can be done!

(Now...If only I can get that big bonfire going.....Care to burn some old bills with me?...lol...)

Ant

P.S. In lieu of a green card, maybe your wife can carry around her US passport...same thing...adds just as much weight to the purse...lol.....

Edited March 29, 2010 by Ant+D+BabyA

[masterpiece 2]

@ Nick....Detraining....

Ithink we may have latched onto something here..reckon we may have a thesis brewing. Surely there are enough guinea pigs walking around the house (months after they received their US passports) filing and refiling away documents. Yup! i agree...we may need our brains re-wired. Life without USCIS..Is this truly possible? I wonder? Methinks our respective backrgounds will determine how quickly we step aside from all things USCIS and move on with the trip called life. For some of us, it is immediate because there are more pressing needs.....they`ve always been there but simply suppressed by sheer will only to erupt like a volcano...For others, the lingering and savouring of the process continues. Its all good!Different strokes for different folks, i daresay.

@Steve+Deb

Many a time the misnomer "easy" has been introduced in threads across VJ. I doubt if those that use the word easy country plan on belittling the agonies we all have experienced at some point during the process...such as what you face at the moment. Often times we try to fill in the hours, days with activities that ensure we are not supplanting our connections with our partner miles away but that rather, hopefully,we are striving to keep the memories and romance fresh. Again our different backgrounds,professions, support systems, networks etc! etc!! determines, to a large extent, how this period goes.

No matter what, it is a tight rope we walk........trying to balance the long-distance connection and still staying true to one`s self- especially for the extrovert who loves to...shall we say.....P A R T Y Y Y?? It`s easier said than done when pieces of advice are sprinkled all hammering on the theme.....Hold on for love....it is well worth it....and the other time-tested and worn out, i do not hesitate to add, statements.

I agree! Hopefully we will not be having any more 40-inches snow-embedded winter days.....

I have no strong words of encouragement but to offer this reflection: Atleast for the "easy" countries there are viable options. Consider the countries where the options are far from the word "viable" and you may grasp the gravity of the situation for folks who consider the process a matter of life and death...literally and not just for the nucelar family either.They say in the land of the blind, the one-eyed may be King. I say to you, there are far too many with far less viable options, far less handy modes of communication or checkered at best who have survived this period and so will you.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Now what was that about Masterpiece being so stressed out that a thread had to be created to de-stress? Ha! truer words have ne`er been spoken...........you think?

Edited April 1, 2010 by masterpiece

[NickD 202]

After reading ding's post under "it ain't over until it's over", but it really ain't never over.

"A co-worker has a wife from England. She'd been here over 12 years IIRC, teenage kid together, working. But a couple years after 9-11 she found a notice to appear in the mail. She had to provide records she had thrown away of something... I think a birth certificate had been lost???

Anyway, it was a big hassle, time lost from work, almost lost job, family in England lost time too digging for docs. His wife was not deported in the end"

Is exactly the reason why our 8" stack of all our immigration papers is remaining intact. Really don't share Ants thoughts on having a burning party. I could have burnt all of my military records after I was discharged, but really needed those due to some kind of fire in St. Louis that supposingly burnt all my records, but I had all the originals to get VA benefits. Plus I needed old tax returns to avoid an audit fine.

It really boils down to where you were born, something, none of us have any control over, but love should have no bounds. But these bounds are imposed, because of where you were born.

[Deb+Steve 13]

Haha - words of wisdom. And yes, I am one who likes to P A R T Y and have found that is where the guilt does set in because I want him to be here but he is not and life goes on. I justify it with the fact that I am the one who is leaving all that I know and I will maybe never see some of my friends again ... who knows what the future holds?

I know how blessed I am to be living the life I do albeit without the other half of my soul at present ...

[Ladylethal 12]

I can say definitely during K1 I was overly stressed over details and frantic to see things moving. I guess the biggest reason is I was stressed overall, after having made the HUGE decision of moving out of my country, putting everything I had aside to live with my fiance, plus the regular anxiety of "omg, I'm getting married".

Then during AOS I was slightly stressed just 'cus I didn't want to be out of status, and 'cus I wanted to be able to work.

During RoC I was much less concerned, I barely thought of it at all, although I still did check timelines, mostly out of curiosity and 'cus it's fun to share this process with people who are on the same boat (as opposed to people around me here who have no idea what the process is like and what goes into it).

Now I've been eligible to apply for citizenship since December and I haven't even started to gather papers yet. I'm about to go on a trip to Europe with my mother and when I return I'll probably start preparing my package, and start studying for the exam. Only thing is I hope I can get it done before year's end, just 'cus hubby now joined the Air Force and it'd be easier if I got the citizenship in case we get sent overseas.

[antda 13]

After reading ding's post under "it ain't over until it's over", but it really ain't never over.

Is exactly the reason why our 8" stack of all our immigration papers is remaining intact. Really don't share Ants thoughts on having a burning party. I could have burnt all of my military records after I was discharged, but really needed those due to some kind of fire in St. Louis that supposingly burnt all my records, but I had all the originals to get VA benefits. Plus I needed old tax returns to avoid an audit fine.

It really boils down to where you were born, something, none of us have any control over, but love should have no bounds. But these bounds are imposed, because of where you were born.

NickD-Lol..I agree...It's not over....The paperwork still continues..

Heck, it even continues in death...Lol..Death Certificate......

As for the burning party..I was only kidding...

Actually if anything, I'm more of a packrat.....

My husband on the other hand...is the one that throws out the papers....

And I'm the one constantly lecturing him: "Don't throw the papers out!"

Lol...We have to find a happy medium though...

Ok, so the essentials...yes, do keep those...the non-essentials...throw those out...

Now, if only I can figure out what "essential" and "non-essential" is....lol....

I agree..love has no bounds though...Oh the things that we have to go through, paperwork, immigration, and all.....

By the way, to everyone: What would you recommend as the best way to keep important documents (birth certificates, passports, marriage certificate, naturalization certificates, etc.)? I'm looking into options...Thanks...

Ant

Edited April 1, 2010 by Ant+D+BabyA

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I agree..love has no bounds though...Oh the things that we have to go through, paperwork, immigration, and all.....

By the way, to everyone: What would you recommend as the best way to keep important documents (birth certificates, passports, marriage certificate, naturalization certificates, etc.)? I'm looking into options...Thanks...

Ant

I LOVED reading through this thread and commiserate/empathize/appreciate all of it, having been there too. Like Ant, I still find myself getting excited at a new piece of 'evidence' until I realize I don't have to collect it anymore .

Ant, what you might want to consider for those important documents is to keep a copy at home and put everything except the passports in a safety deposit box at the bank. (hehehe, and the receipt for the box in both names is good evidence - oh wait, don't need that anymore!). That way they are safe and secure and you generally know in advance if you will need the original so can go and get it out. Copies will generally work for whatever you might need in the meantime. I wouldn't keep passports in the safety deposit box, however, as you may have an emergency need to travel during hours when the bank is closed and would lose time waiting for the bank to open. You might want to invest in a small lockable chest or box that you can keep in a safe place somewhere in the house and keep the passports - and the safety deposit box key - in there.

Edited April 1, 2010 by Kathryn41

[Deb+Steve 13]

(hehehe, and the receipt for the box in both names is good evidence - oh wait, don't need that anymore!).

I agree, Kathryn. I loved reading this thread.

You know, my husband thinks I'm crazy because I've been gathering evidence - he seems to think it's not necessary because we're married. Wait until I explain what we will need for ROC ...