Unnecessary Stress

[masterpiece 2]

So as i go through the various pages of VJ website, i cannot help but wonder if there isn`t some downside to the wealth of Info that VJ.com provides- for those prone to anxiety. I wonder if we do not get addicted literally to the VJ web pages and in the process get high strung over issues. I wonder if the fine line between real concern and concern driven by the next person`s shorter timeline is not often blurred.

For instance a few weeks back i had noted the striking similarity in the timeline between a&o and myself as we plodded along the journey to citizenship. Soon after that observation, i went on vacation only to return and find the N-400 package sitting in my mailbox. Nice! I thought to myself with a whistle brewing- gotta be the signature, I reckoned, even before slicing open the envelope! Yup everything was in order but the unsigned N400 form. So over the next couple of days I let the envelope rest- like what`s the rush, seriously? Eventually the package was sent back by priority mail (with signature confirmation). I then promptly headed to a restaurant to spend the savings (hey I could have done next day delivery, right?)

I continue to review VJ website and note, with utter bemusement, as some folks get overly bothered by the minute details- and i could not help but reflect on how the VJ community is simply a microcosm of the larger community with all the various personalities to boot….including those that fall under the category of histrionic…

I wish i could whisper to all who fret and have panic attacks to just chill...i can understand those folks that have legitimate reasons for wishing they could expedite the process and get to the finish line (passport in hand) but i daresay for the most part folks are simply being driven to want to keep up with the timeline- to be sure that they are marching in stead with others...and to what end, i often ponder?

What if interview dates are three weeks or two months apart? What if you get your passport next year instead of in June 2010? Were you planning on traveling or simply filing away the passport after caressing it as the end of a process spanning years?

I certainly have sought for, and received, valuable information on VJ over the years for which i have been extremely grateful but i can state without fear or favour that some folks really do get overbearing with their need to stay with the crowd. For crying out loud, it has not been 60days or whatever deadline USCIS has established before complaints are filed so chill out people…..

Having said that, i will now go on to expedite my process to make sure a&o does not get sworn in before me......tsk! tsk!! tsk!!!............really?

[franklocks 0]

Hi Masterpiece,

I can't help but to laugh of my head after reading your master-piece. I agree with the contents but I guess it is also imperative to point out that the VJ community is just another human society but nothing else. As such, we are bound to see such 'freaked-outs'like me who could not helped but had to get someone(an 'unofficial IO'here) to respond to my N-400 RFE issues in order to calm down. Meanwhile, this same issue has been repeatedly dealt with on this blog. And the interesting part is that, I see people asking same questions over and over again. lol! Guess what! The needed mail came in today. Isn't this just part of human nature?

So people like me will just continue to freak-out, so that we will get people like you to calm us down. I encourage you to put some of these master-pieces down once in a while so as to calm down the adrenalin which goes beyond measures anytime we had to deal with USCIS.

Kudos again, and long live VJ.

So as i go through the various pages of VJ website, i cannot help but wonder if there isn`t some downside to the wealth of Info that VJ.com provides- for those prone to anxiety. I wonder if we do not get addicted literally to the VJ web pages and in the process get high strung over issues. I wonder if the fine line between real concern and concern driven by the next person`s shorter timeline is not often blurred.

For instance a few weeks back i had noted the striking similarity in the timeline between a&o and myself as we plodded along the journey to citizenship. Soon after that observation, i went on vacation only to return and find the N-400 package sitting in my mailbox. Nice! I thought to myself with a whistle brewing- gotta be the signature, I reckoned, even before slicing open the envelope! Yup everything was in order but the unsigned N400 form. So over the next couple of days I let the envelope rest- like what`s the rush, seriously? Eventually the package was sent back by priority mail (with signature confirmation). I then promptly headed to a restaurant to spend the savings (hey I could have done next day delivery, right?)

I continue to review VJ website and note, with utter bemusement, as some folks get overly bothered by the minute details- and i could not help but reflect on how the VJ community is simply a microcosm of the larger community with all the various personalities to boot….including those that fall under the category of histrionic…

I wish i could whisper to all who fret and have panic attacks to just chill...i can understand those folks that have legitimate reasons for wishing they could expedite the process and get to the finish line (passport in hand) but i daresay for the most part folks are simply being driven to want to keep up with the timeline- to be sure that they are marching in stead with others...and to what end, i often ponder?

What if interview dates are three weeks or two months apart? What if you get your passport next year instead of in June 2010? Were you planning on traveling or simply filing away the passport after caressing it as the end of a process spanning years?

I certainly have sought for, and received, valuable information on VJ over the years for which i have been extremely grateful but i can state without fear or favour that some folks really do get overbearing with their need to stay with the crowd. For crying out loud, it has not been 60days or whatever deadline USCIS has established before complaints are filed so chill out people…..

Having said that, i will now go on to expedite my process to make sure a&o does not get sworn in before me......tsk! tsk!! tsk!!!............really?

[masterpiece 2]

Hey i remember when i was also a freak on these VJ webpages asking questions about K1 with no response and almost pulling out my hair...

I eventually learnt how to exhale...

[SunDrop 59]

I freaked out when my I-129F documents took twice as long to get to my fiance than we'd hoped. I say freaked out, I wouldn't say I was nutso crazy, but moreso really irritated. Since NOA1, I've been almost surprised by how laissez-faire about it all that I am. As it turned out, I just sent a second set and even though the first package arrived 2 days before the 2nd, we waited for the second because there were extra documents that I hadn't put into the first package (like my marriage certificate to show name change, for example). Wierd how stuff works out like that sometimes...

I guess it boils down to what's involved for the individuals. The fact that we can all make mistakes and when the USCIS/ DOS makes them, their ours to resolve too. So much is riding on this process for so many of us. For many/ most, lengthy separations, and the practical and emotional pending upheaval from the beneficiary's p.o.v. is stressful. The responsibility of being the provider from the USC's perspective. In some cases, it's a timing question - I would really like to be there in time for the start of the school year for my daughter's sake. It's tough enough moving to an entirely new country, to live a completely new life but when you're already an anxious personality and only 10, coping with arriving into a new school when the other kids have already been together since Kindergarten or joined several weeks before you, know their way around, and are settled into the routine is a sh!tload to deal with.

So whilst I'm not jumping around like a nutty fool, refreshing my USCIS case status on an hourly basis, I do check it daily because the follow on work/ process is time critical to us. The shorter the time apart can be, the better. The quicker I can get out of my crappy job, the better. The sooner we get there, the easier adjustment will be for my kid...

Once we're stateside, we'll be getting married and adjusting asap so I can get work and/ or start school without delay. But when we're together, the sense of urgency will abate and I've no doubt we too will welcome a much more relaxed pace and approach.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

What I find amusing is the couples from the easy entry countries who cry and whine that they might not get to see their SO for 2 or 3 months. So many of us have to endure the process apart.

[SunDrop 59]

What I find amusing is the couples from the easy entry countries who cry and whine that they might not get to see their SO for 2 or 3 months. So many of us have to endure the process apart.

Just because a couple might be from an 'easy entry' country, doesn't mean that they can necessarily see each other during the process.

[CaptainPenguin 5]

That was an awesome post masterpiece and I do agree with most of what you say. It is indeed silly to a certain extent to look at other peoples timeline every single day and spend all that time just thinking of where your documents are in the long and tedious process that can indeed take years. But lets face it, most of us do it and so do I.

My personal 'Visa Journey' started back in the summer of 1988, it was so long ago I can barely even remember it, and later this week I am due for my biometrics appointment after filing the N-400. These are very exciting times I must say, just like the last few minutes of a trans continental flight, you just really want to get it done and be happy with it after having looked forward to it for so long. So yes, even though it is silly, I still do check the timelines for my month every day

[JohnAnwesha 4]

I agree with all of you actually.All of you make sense at your own level and I feel like I can identify with everyone at some point.Like for instance,I did let my anxious side get the better of me at the start of the process and wished things sped up till I realized it was all slowly becoming about a shorter,good looking time-line and not about the end goal,of being sooner with my fiance.

But then I took time to realize,the pace was fine.I did want to spend time with my family a lot in my country before things took a frantic pace and I had no time to stop and wonder.So it all worked out good.Fine,it took 4 months and we were at our wit's end ,but thank God for the wonders of 'looking back',it is all a sepia colored not so distant memory.

And now,I am definitely not as worked up as I was waiting for the NOA2,although I do still admit to getting worked up now and then.Of the two of us,it is perfect that my fiance is a more cool and patient and positive person.

And SunDrop , God I am grateful for my job,but honestly,I actually would want the process to go faster so that I can leave this job,and then I would not mind waiting as much hehe!

[NickD 203]

I-751 process was stress, especially when you are close to the expiration date of that one year extension, then have to start thinking about trying to make an infopass, that very long tiresome trip to get an I-551 stamp. With the loss of that green card, your spouse is no longer here legally.

Having to carry that green card with you wherever you go is more of a nuisance than stress, having that card stolen of losing it does carry a certain amount of stress. If it only cost around 50 bucks to replace it and could do that via the mail, wouldn't be any stress at all.

USC was not stress, studying for the test had to be done, with a fresh ten year card. Reason why we applied 89 days before my wife's 3rd anniversary is because we were still waiting for her ten year card, that helped to relieved the stress. But sure had my doubts about applying for the three year marriage privilege, would be putting a lot of wear and tear on my copying machine. Would have been far simpler to wait the extra two years. But some hope of expediting her ten year card by applying as early as possible. And yes, I wore out a difficult to replace roller on my copying machine. Worst document was my 51 page divorce papers, printed both sides. A bunch of state statues that didn't even apply to me, and why again? That pissed me off, but went ahead and did it, one page at a time, and two copies, in case they lost the original application.

When wife was promised her oath letter in three weeks, and seven went by, was more teed off than anything, so picked up the phone and called my senators office, she got her oath ceremony in three days after that call.

Always a bit of stress the post office will lose your certificate when the DOS can't even trust their own agents. Stress in another 400 bucks and a year's wait.

If the USCIS was efficiently operated, wouldn't be any stress, period. Pretty soon we will be seeing timelines for April 2010, then May, then June.

[Stann 3]

I agree with others on here that the reason we get stressed and upset (and a little crazy!) is because no one likes to be apart from the love of their life for a long time.

However when I feel down I remind myself how the family of those in the Military must feel as they also spend months apart from their loved ones and there is a chance they will never see them again, and they don’t always have Skype and IM to contact them whenever they want as we do. This makes me realise what we are going through is minimal and we really have nothing to complain about.

However I did a silly thing yesterday and read an entire thread about why people get denied the visa on interview day which kept me awake last night worrying!

Good luck to all

Stacey

[coraliesolms 47]

Just because a couple might be from an 'easy entry' country, doesn't mean that they can necessarily see each other during the process.

Agreed!! Im in Canada and have not seen my husband (USCit) in just over 2 YEARS!!! My visa's taken 3 because of various degrees of obnoxiousness on MTL's part.

And the devil is really in the "small insignificant details" as Ive learned the hard hard way..

[a&o 4]

Ah, masterpiece. You are already preparing to make yourself feel better when we leave you in the Dept. of Homeland Security dust, eh?

I agree, it's easy to get too "into" all this, especially if you're at a computer all day and enjoy distractions from work! I guess the urgency for us has to do with one, MONEY. It's expensive as heck to file these applications, so we want to be sure not to make costly mistakes. This is the greatest reason for paying close attention to VJ.

Second, we want to travel and move overseas for a few months, which we can't do until the passport is in hand (you know how welcoming the world is to people from Africa...doors wide open, right?), and we want it to coincide with the end of our lease. But if we were planning to stay where we are and not do much international travel, the timing wouldn't be such a concern.

See ya at the finish line!

[masterpiece 2]

Yeah a&o...see ya at the finish line. It is afterall all your fault that i did not sign my N400 form what with trying to keep up with the a&ojones and all.....man!!!!!! lol!!!!!!!

And yes you got me there a&o....this whole thread is actually an exercise in calming my frayed nerves at the possibility

(horrors!!!) of being last. Gosh i am so panic-stricken, not to mention in a sulking mood, that i refuse to join the March filers.....

Ha! Anyway seriously its great to see folks own up to the sometimes frenzy eye-twitching moments (go on admit it!)that this trip sometimes induces. For me those moments ceased almost immediately after completion of the K1 process...thank God!

Really heart-warming to see the replies on this thread. I thought one or two would come charging (bayonets and all)at me for having the audacity to broach what is simply a no-brainer...we all go a bit nuts at some point during this process for a myriad of reasons...

Folks, here`s wishing you all...really...the best as we go for the "blue"

Oh and if you are a Nigerian, you do have my uncensored permission to stay aggresively crazy until you get the "blue". Our infamous "cousin" languishing in Jail has made this process all the more germane, no?

[NickD 203]

Wife to be and I didn't break up during that AOS stage, when a piece of paper was required, we did everything we could to obtain it. And isn't the USCIS all about gathering pieces of paper.

Like a tennis game, can't do a damn thing until the ball is in your court, that is when you can act swiftly. When the ball is in the USCIS court, all you can do is wait. Seems at times they take the ball home or taking off on one of they many paid vacations or holidays. Unlike a tennis court, there is a high wall between you and the other side, so can't see what's going on.

But hey, at least we live in a country that let's you bring your mate here, they could just as easily change the laws. But can also ask yourself, what's more important, living with your mate that can only be a once in a lifetime meet or staying here. Typically about a year, but could be ten years as well.

Money is always the bottom line, not super rich, but had enough cash and free time so we set a 3 month limit on being apart, either me going down or my wife to be coming up, fortunately, she had a US visa. And fortunately, I had the cash to buy a plane ticket. Then we spent that year preparing for our new life together.

But bringing him or here is only the first part of the story, the next challenge is keeping that special person here, the removal of conditions stage. USC is strictly optional, with that ten year card in hand, least you know you are good for ten years. But also a very long time to keep that renewal date pasted on your refrigerator door. Big brother does not remind you.

While I made an issue of my wife having to maintain foreign passports after she received her USC, she if of a different opinion on this subject. Likes taking a couple of days off to visit her consulate in Chicago and we do other things in the big city, plus visiting folks from her home country at the consulate. For me, it was a matter of principle, I know I heard she was a USC just like me, when indeed she is not, I can live with that.

She does get real excited in visiting her old neighborhood, seeing childhood friends, but the good news, when its time to leave, she wants to come home, and the USA is her home.

[Darren&Laura 3]

Well, after many, many months of not logging into VJ, I can empathize with the thread starters sentiments! I've just logged on to find out what I need to do next (granted I don't need to do anything for six months or so but I want to educate myself on the next steps), and got myself quickly confused and stressed. I think I'll make myself a cup of tea and come back to it in a few minutes.

Edit: Looks like I need to update my profile somewhat! Will do it now.

Edited March 24, 2010 by Darren&Laura