Attitudes of Posters

[Rob and Jill 82]

The internet is a room with no windows. If you could sit around and do anything you wanted to anyone without someone seeing it or your being held responsible for it, what would you do? The real life equivalent is a message board.

I had a problem without someone I felt was extremely rude when I first started here. I used the search function. I read a lot of stuff before I ever asked a question, and the first response to the first question I ever asked was basically "I moved your post for posting it wrong go read the guides."

Some of the people are very rude on these boards and a lot of it is completely unnecessary. If they don't want to answer the same questions over and over again, there is a simple solution: Don't answer them. However, using repetitive answering as an excuse for being a grouch is really a lame excuse. Your answer could be typed into a Word file and opened before you ever logged on. Copy, Paste, and go about your day, or ignore it if you don't want to answer it, but being rude for the sake of being rude is absurd.

Perhaps a lot of these little trival annoyances could be resolved by the admin sending something out in the email confirmation that says "Thank you for joining here is a link to our guide sections. Please read it to ease your learning process".

Everyone here just needs to remember that the internet is full of real people, and just as there are a ton of great people in the world, there are just as many jackasses who have nothing better to do with their time than harass you.

[mox 298]

I had a problem without someone I felt was extremely rude when I first started here. I used the search function. I read a lot of stuff before I ever asked a question, and the first response to the first question I ever asked was basically "I moved your post for posting it wrong go read the guides."

This post must be the one you're referring to. I don't think payxibka was being rude, just being straight-up with you. And I'm also not trying to be rude here, but the question you asked (when can my K1 recipient start working) is, if not the number one question on Visa Journey, then certainly in the top 5. You said you searched and read, but obviously not very much. A simple search, reading the guides, or just trolling the forums would have answered this question within minutes. Given the question, it's my opinion that you were treated exceptionally kindly.

I also want to point out that you weren't treated as rudely as you think. I agree that we need to remember there are real people behind the keyboards here, but there are two sides to that coin. Everyone here has a limited amount of personal bandwidth, so people looking for answers need to be a little more proactive before wasting everyone's time by asking a question that's been asked and answered a zillion times before. If your question was handled a little tersely, well...there's a reason. But also recognize that asking dumb questions and getting slapped around a little bit is just part of the process. Don't take it personal. Live and learn, and before you have your first heart you'll be slapping others around just like a pro. It's why we're here. To slap.

[Fandango 1,439]

This post must be the one you're referring to. I don't think payxibka was being rude, just being straight-up with you. And I'm also not trying to be rude here, but the question you asked (when can my K1 recipient start working) is, if not the number one question on Visa Journey, then certainly in the top 5. You said you searched and read, but obviously not very much. A simple search, reading the guides, or just trolling the forums would have answered this question within minutes. Given the question, it's my opinion that you were treated exceptionally kindly.

I also want to point out that you weren't treated as rudely as you think. I agree that we need to remember there are real people behind the keyboards here, but there are two sides to that coin. Everyone here has a limited amount of personal bandwidth, so people looking for answers need to be a little more proactive before wasting everyone's time by asking a question that's been asked and answered a zillion times before. If your question was handled a little tersely, well...there's a reason. But also recognize that asking dumb questions and getting slapped around a little bit is just part of the process. Don't take it personal. Live and learn, and before you have your first heart you'll be slapping others around just like a pro. It's why we're here. To slap.

Gah, the new Veej, dunno how to multiquote!

I agree with mox completely here...no way was that 'extremely rude'...and I think this is the perfect example of a bit of (what I see as) oversensitivity which trivializes the concept of rudeness here on the boards. Of course, different people, different perspectives....brings to mind the phrase 'how long is a piece of string?'

To add to my earlier post as it's not seen as being overly harsh...it's not like I haven't seen certain instances of overt rudeness here, but most times, when this topic comes up, I see it more as rampant in cases such as these....one person thinks it's 'incredibly rude' while others think it's 'incredibly kind'. So when you have vast differences of opinions, how can Ewok or the mods make some sort of universal decision on 'rudeness' when we can't even agree what that means?

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

This post must be the one you're referring to. I don't think payxibka was being rude, just being straight-up with you. And I'm also not trying to be rude here, but the question you asked (when can my K1 recipient start working) is, if not the number one question on Visa Journey, then certainly in the top 5. You said you searched and read, but obviously not very much. A simple search, reading the guides, or just trolling the forums would have answered this question within minutes. Given the question, it's my opinion that you were treated exceptionally kindly.

I also want to point out that you weren't treated as rudely as you think. I agree that we need to remember there are real people behind the keyboards here, but there are two sides to that coin. Everyone here has a limited amount of personal bandwidth, so people looking for answers need to be a little more proactive before wasting everyone's time by asking a question that's been asked and answered a zillion times before. If your question was handled a little tersely, well...there's a reason. But also recognize that asking dumb questions and getting slapped around a little bit is just part of the process. Don't take it personal. Live and learn, and before you have your first heart you'll be slapping others around just like a pro. It's why we're here. To slap.

Pay wasn't being rude. He was being abrupt. Different people will have a different tolerance for abruptness.

As far as handling members who ask rhetorical questions, and those members who think they shouldn't, I like the last post in the thread mox found. Of course part of that is because I really like the lady who wrote it. She has a lot of class.

"But now the answer you are requesting is not a complete answer. The reason 'it has been discussed ad nauseum' is *because* it's a complex question that can't accurately be answered with "EAD".

However, if you're happy with just that, it's fine.

I guess I would say to you, the answer depends on what *result* you want. You've now said that getting (him) here fastest is most important, so that's the result you're after.

The frustrating thing about this process is that there is more than one way to accomplish most things, and if you want to DIY, you have to accept that, do the painful research and arrive at the right conclusions for YOUR family. It's not like many things that are just black/white, on/off etc.

The Guides are usually a good combination of the official names for things, and the common names, so that you can put them together.

FWIW, I find I learn new things best when I actually write out what I'm trying to retain. I think they told me I'm a 'kinesthetic learner'. "

*edited for clarity*

Edited March 25, 2010 by JohnnyQuest

[meauxna 15]

As far as handling members who ask rhetorical questions, and those members who think they shouldn't, I like the last post in the thread mox found. Of course part of that is because I really like the lady who wrote it. She has a lot of class.

Wow, weird. I drop by for one of my every-couple-o'month drivebys and find this post: Thank you.

Thank you for the kind words, and the gut check. I like to read threads like these to stay in touch with what people think, and how I 'sound' when read. I don't always live up to the great reputation you've thrown down for me (but I appreciate the reminder!).

The internet and the way people use message boards has changed radically in the years I've been doing it. Rapidly in the years since I started with immigration topics. People simply aren't willing to put the research required into DIY. They think it's like asking how to wire up your surround sound, and some 'expert' can just post 5 lines of instruction. The good news is, that works out for the majority of people.

It's a bummer for the ones who have more complexity to their cases.

I don't know the answer, but I know the tone around here *in general* continues to put me off enough to stay away most of the time. I don't have the same problem with the many other message boards I use.

Just sayin'.

PS: I notice that Rob and Jill, in that linked thread never did come back to show any understanding or appreciation of what I was saying there. Seems inconsistent with your post here today. Real people tried to have a real conversation with you.

[LaL 418]

^^ Edited March 25, 2010 by LaL

[Fandango 1,439]

I Mo! How have you been???

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

meauxna!!!

(We should start a "We Love meauxna!" thread to keep this one on topic. )

[bakofoil 27]

Yes, if everyone had as much class as meauxna and appreciated that different people have different ways of going about obtaining and understanding the information they need, well this might be another immigration board altogether.

I also think Payxibka was simply organising. Moving posts almost always helps raise the profile of a particular question and places it in an area where those with expertise or a particular interest in that topic might find it more easily.

[TBoneTX 43,175]

"We Love meauxna!"

Si, man.

[sachinky 464]

I don't actually remember anyone being rude to me during my limited time here on VJ, even though I've posted my share of a few noob threads. Pushbrk has actually been very helpful in answering most of my I-864 questions. I guess I just don't see him as a "Hi there, hugs and kisses" kind of guy and that's fine.

I've been involved in a few heated discussions and debates but those disagreements never got out of line. On the contrary, I was surprised at how civil the discussions remained. Plus, I have an extremely thick skin. Which I think helps.

I've seen this "rudeness/crabbiness" directed at other members, so I'm not saying it doesn't exist at all. But not having experienced it personally, I have to say that VJ has been tremendously beneficial for us -- a great guide and source of support.

And Tbone--here. Flowers for you.

Maybe we should all hold hands and sing Kumbaya now.

Edited March 26, 2010 by sachinky

[Fandango 1,439]

I just peeked into the K1 forum for a bit, and I have a few conflicting feelings about it.

I see one poster in particular, that was kinda rude and a little crazy imo. I saw this person in a few threads with the same kinda weird responses...partial full caps responses, the whole nine. I almost said something, but eh, I'm trying to be a kinder, gentler Lisa.

But then, I also noticed thread after thread after thread of the most ridiculous, stupid questions. Things that could be answered with a 5 second VJ search. Things hotlinked in the stickies (funnily enough, E's first post in the top sticky was something I wrote years ago, and completely forgot about). I don't have an anger management issue, but at the same time, I had to leave the forum before getting any more annoyed, because I was 2 seconds from PWA - Posting While Annoyed. But seriously, I'm of the notion that no one here needs nor deserves to be spoon fed. The answers are seriously all right here! I understand that if there were no questions, there'd be no forums, lol...but at the same time...how do you all deal with the same thing over and over and over again? It's like that movie Groundhog Day. Doesn't it try your patience at all? Isn't it hard to be over-polite in fear of 'offending the n00bs' when they are the ones who are offensive, because they ignore all the previous work that everyone has put in, they refuse to take any personal responsibility to LOOK for their own answers, and are basically treating this place like an IM customer service center 'Chat with me live now! Let me help you!'

meh, I need coffee.

Eta: Sachinsky....your pic is so very pretty.

Edited March 26, 2010 by Happy Bunny

[sachinky 464]

Thankoo, HappyBunny.

[mox 298]

Here's what *I* find ironic: when it's the "Attitudes of Moderators" we have to deal with, such as moderators violating the TOS:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/248645-for-the-guys-how-do-you-deal-with-tampo/page__view__findpost__p__3824543

From the TOS:

By way of example, and not as a limitation, you agree that when using the Service, you will not:

...

- Post Content intended to degrade, intimidate, or incite violence or prejudicial action against members of a protected group. For instance, racist or sexist content may be considered hate speech.

A moderator, being a MEMBER of VisaJourney.com, is in no way affiliated, paid by, or otherwise compensated by VisaJourney.com. Moderators have no control over the operation or presentation of VisaJourney.com other than their existing member and "moderation" abilties on the discussion forums. These limited abilities should in no way imply a relationship or affiliation with VisaJourney.com beyond any other member of the board. Their actions and liabilities are fully bound by the TOS. Any opinions or statements made by a moderator do not necessarily reflect the opinions or beliefs of VisaJourney.com. Moderators receive no compensation of any kind from VisaJourney.com.

But yeah, it must be a personality conflict.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

I just peeked into the K1 forum for a bit, and I have a few conflicting feelings about it.

I see one poster in particular, that was kinda rude and a little crazy imo. I saw this person in a few threads with the same kinda weird responses...partial full caps responses, the whole nine. I almost said something, but eh, I'm trying to be a kinder, gentler Lisa.

But then, I also noticed thread after thread after thread of the most ridiculous, stupid questions. Things that could be answered with a 5 second VJ search. Things hotlinked in the stickies (funnily enough, E's first post in the top sticky was something I wrote years ago, and completely forgot about). I don't have an anger management issue, but at the same time, I had to leave the forum before getting any more annoyed, because I was 2 seconds from PWA - Posting While Annoyed. But seriously, I'm of the notion that no one here needs nor deserves to be spoon fed. The answers are seriously all right here! I understand that if there were no questions, there'd be no forums, lol...but at the same time...how do you all deal with the same thing over and over and over again? It's like that movie Groundhog Day. Doesn't it try your patience at all? Isn't it hard to be over-polite in fear of 'offending the n00bs' when they are the ones who are offensive, because they ignore all the previous work that everyone has put in, they refuse to take any personal responsibility to LOOK for their own answers, and are basically treating this place like an IM customer service center 'Chat with me live now! Let me help you!'

meh, I need coffee.

Eta: Sachinsky....your pic is so very pretty.

Repetitive basic questions have never really bothered me in any community. They can be a source of amusement actually. Really and truly - if it bugs you just don't answer it.

I'm more bugged by repetitive wrong answers.

But yeah, it must be a personality conflict.

That's a war you can't win, you know.