I married a woman, not a country

[visaveteran 1]

You started a topic, all I wanted is another person's view on it.

Oh, right...the topic you called "#######." Yes, I see your intention was to simply add to the topic discussion. I know you'd never try to stir up trouble.

Turns out you asked the very least informed person on Russian marriage on the forum. A young, American. unmarried female college student.

[Cixelsyd 1]

Turns out you asked the very least informed person on Russian marriage on the forum. A young, American. unmarried female college student.

[mox 298]

Re-posting this from the "Cleanup on Aisle 3" thread in Site Related:

So here's mox's post-incident manifesto. Apologies for the wall of text, there's been a lot said over the last day:

- Thread closure: As Ewok himself has noted, Charles closed the thread inappropriately. In my personal opinion (and the opinions of many others), it was closed because quite frankly I got Charles' goat. It wasn't my original intention, but I'm not going to claim innocence either. Once I realized what he was there to do (i.e. bait me), I had no problem responding. And as expected, he flexed his moderaterly muscles inappropriately. I called him on it, and he lashed out irresponsibly and inappropriately. As he often does.

(Ironically, the thread had been started by a member with whom I disagree with on a wide variety of issues. I personally believe Visa Journey would be a better place if this member took his ball and went home, but something Charles refuses to acknowledge is that no matter how much you disagree with somebody, unless there is a TOS violation [and there wasn't, as Ewok agrees] that member has the right to post without disruption.)

- Suspension: I'm not gonna whine about this. I did willfully re-open a locked thread--multiple times--which, yes, is a TOS violation subject to all manner of beat down. I understood that going in. Kathryn walked knee deep into a crappy situation and did her job.

The reason I didn't use the "proper channels" to voice my complaint is because Ewok has made it very VERY clear to me that he considered my complaints about charles to be excessive and petty. I see charles violating the TOS on at least a weekly basis, but my complaints fall on deaf ears. I have talked to other members who have also reported him, with the same results. If I had felt that the system worked, I would have used it, because I'm going to use whatever system gets the best results, even if it means going outside the system. Can anybody honestly say that reporting this incident through the proper channels would have resulted in the original goal of the inappropriately closed thread being re-opened? Going through the normal channels would have been yet another complaint about Charles from mox, and summarily dumped.

Now if Ewok wants to make a very clear and unambiguous statement that he is unwilling to tolerate the kinds of things that Charles gets away with on a daily basis, and actually remain true to that position, then I am more than willing to toe the line. As it turned out, this act of civil disobedience finally did generate some positive action, and I'm grateful to those (some of whom disagree with me at times) who stepped in to make their voices heard. A ticket disappearing into the void would have generated none of this, and the thread would probably remain closed.

- Moderation. Back when Charles was made a moderator, the "welcome" thread became the longest and most rancor-filled welcome thread I've seen for any moderator. And that was even before I jumped in. At that time we were all urged to give him a chance to prove his mettle, to show that he really could rise to the challenge of some responsibility. It has since became apparent that the answer is no, but he still kept getting chances. Ewok, no matter how you try to frame it, this is not a personality issue. Every time I've complained or criticized, I've been very careful to be factual and non-personal about the issue. I don't like him, for sure. But more importantly, I don't like what he does to Visa Journey. This is an important resource for people like me and hundreds, maybe thousands, of others. It's too important to let somebody who refuses to respect the membership stay on. Your experiment, noble or otherwise, has been a failure. He needs to be fired.

- I've been invited to have a real-time chat with Ewok, an idea I'm open to. Hopefully a time that works for us both can be worked out quickly.

Thanks again to (almost) everyone involved, I really appreciate it.

[eekee 182]

I wouldn't take offense to mart assuming that someone on the RUB forum is male, because 95% of the time, he'd have been right. It'd be like walking into a gay bar and being mad that someone thought you were a homosexual.

[Martyshk 137]

Oh, right...the topic you called "#######." Yes, I see your intention was to simply add to the topic discussion. I know you'd never try to stir up trouble.

Turns out you asked the very least informed person on Russian marriage on the forum. A young, American. unmarried female college student.

And have you ever offered an advice to anyone, besides on how to hate on one's Russian wife's country?

Seriously now, this is a legitimate question.

[slim 1,514]

I've got a great idea -

NO MORE REPORTING in the RUB forum.

Whenever MODs stop by they usually do so to interject a quip about this or that, not to actually moderate something here on the forum. Only when you guys started tattle-telling on each other for calling names and saying mean and hurtful stuff did we start having threads locked and people getting booted. Time was when the men on this forum were men and we didn't need to call mom every time johnny said something mean about us.

If I wanted to read petty arguments and name calling, I'd head over to Off Topic where that ####### is abundant.

If you guys have problems with each other or problems with mods, that's your business. Take it elsewhere. Or, fine, hash it out here on the RUB forum but for goodness sakes, quit involving the mods.

[mox 298]

Oh hey Slim, I see you're new to the internets. Welcome!!

[Brad and Vika 129]

I've got a great idea -

NO MORE REPORTING in the RUB forum.

Whenever MODs stop by they usually do so to interject a quip about this or that, not to actually moderate something here on the forum. Only when you guys started tattle-telling on each other for calling names and saying mean and hurtful stuff did we start having threads locked and people getting booted. Time was when the men on this forum were men and we didn't need to call mom every time johnny said something mean about us.

If I wanted to read petty arguments and name calling, I'd head over to Off Topic where that ####### is abundant.

If you guys have problems with each other or problems with mods, that's your business. Take it elsewhere. Or, fine, hash it out here on the RUB forum but for goodness sakes, quit involving the mods.

Reported for telling us what to do. You aren't the boss of me

Seriously though, I agree that we SHOULD be able to play together (nicely or otherwise). Barring that - everybody should get the same enforcement or penalty.

[slim 1,514]

A few years back there was no moderation needed here in the RUB forum. We still don't need it and we're not getting moderated because people are having real and actual issues, we're getting moderated because people are being petty and clicking the report button instead of just pressing on with their business and/or doing it in true internets style - PWNING their competition!

[mox 298]

In general, ok. But in the case of this thread, nobody reported it.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Well, Feb.23rd came and went and nobody posted about the great gifts or royal treatment they received for "Defenders of the Fatherland" Day from their wives. Or did I miss something?

My wife never even mentioned it to me and I'm glad...as I did not defend the fatherland and I get enough attention on Veterans Day and Father's Day...American celebrations. And soon Int.Woman's Day will arrive and I will respond similarly. You see, I never joined the American Communist Party.

I get that most American men on this forum married a country as well as a woman. OK, good for you if you can't hold onto your own heritage. I married only a woman. I'm not Russo-centric or play games about honoring Russia...as there's little to honor. I think Boris Yeltsin represented Russia in the modern context most accurately...a stumbling drunk who let a historic opportunity slip by; and after he was done, he turned the country over to a KGB dictator. I used to fear the Red Army but now I see that most of their soldiers were drunk, armed with inferior weapons and poorly trained. The best thing Russia produced was the KGB which still runs Russia.

My wife does not ask for Russian TV or movies. Never celebrates Russian holidays and has adapted well to living as an American. She understands...I married her, not Russia.

What a shame. I find the difference in our history and culture and language to be stimulating and interesting. I certainly hope my wife never gives up her heritage and cuture. I certainly hope we keep our place in Ukraine and we go there often, even more often than we do now. It is a country with a lot of "texture" and I always have and always will enjoy ebery moment I spend there. I feel I say this without any loss of loyalty or interest in my own country. I hope my home will always be bi-tri-quad-lingual. I have no problem that our home language is 80% Russian, Alla and the boys get plenty of English and now that Alla is TEACHING English (how do you like that VV? The former pinko-commie is teaching AMERICANS to speak English ! Actually you ought to be thrilled...yes? Not only can she "speak American" she can teach "American")

Maybe I am just old, but I have found that if you make the inevitable an enjoyable part of your life you will be much happier. If doing things for your family and children are your SOURCE of fun and enjoyment, you never have ill feelings. My wife's culture is part of our relationship, I cannot ignore it, I am glad it is enjoyable for me.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I've got a great idea -

NO MORE REPORTING in the RUB forum.

Whenever MODs stop by they usually do so to interject a quip about this or that, not to actually moderate something here on the forum. Only when you guys started tattle-telling on each other for calling names and saying mean and hurtful stuff did we start having threads locked and people getting booted. Time was when the men on this forum were men and we didn't need to call mom every time johnny said something mean about us.

If I wanted to read petty arguments and name calling, I'd head over to Off Topic where that ####### is abundant.

If you guys have problems with each other or problems with mods, that's your business. Take it elsewhere. Or, fine, hash it out here on the RUB forum but for goodness sakes, quit involving the mods.

Except Canadians. We should be able to report them. And limeys. They are really the same as Canadians and most of them are moderators anyway. Yeah, that's it.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I wouldn't take offense to mart assuming that someone on the RUB forum is male, because 95% of the time, he'd have been right. It'd be like walking into a gay bar and being mad that someone thought you were a homosexual.

#######. One time I walked into a club here in Burlington and thought I HAD HIT THE JACKPOT! Nothing but women there. Turned out it was some kind of monthly Lesbian gathering. Damn. I coulda' turned any of them back to the straight and narrow, mind you, but they were ugly. I figure some of them were miscounted by the wildlife dept. as bear and moose

[slim 1,514]

In general, ok. But in the case of this thread, nobody reported it.

Maybe nobody reported this particular thread, but were we on the mods' radars before the recent rash of reporting?

I know you and charles! have your little battles going on, but prior to just a few short months ago there was no actual modding. Charles! got mad, took his ball and went home, but that's a possibility when you play with mods. Sometimes that's going to happen because you chose to play with mods.

Crying to mom after a mod did what mods do isn't going to solve the problem.

[mox 298]

Maybe nobody reported this particular thread, but were we on the mods' radars before the recent rash of reporting?

There was one mod on duty at the time on the whole board. He chose to hang out in this thread. You're preaching to the choir my friend, but the starting point is to remove moderators who act in bad faith.

Crying to mom after a mod did what mods do isn't going to solve the problem.

If this is directed at me, I didn't do any crying. I knew my actions would result in a suspension (at the minimum), and I did it anyway. I've said as much.