I married a woman, not a country

[Martyshk 137]

Choosing the K-1 because it is "fastest" is not the best route for all people (as we see often with the "What do you mean my wife/husband can't work?" posts) The CR-1 has advantages in this area, but takes longer and not everyone needs the advantages it offers. I presume that adults of marrying age can make the right choice for themselves. If they make the wrong choice, I presume they can deal with the mistake. If they can't deal with their mistakes...I really don't care.

Exactly, Gary.

Again, we chose K-1 because it is the fastest in terms of getting to be together. I can handle financial side of it until she gets EAD and finds a job, I am not concerned with her not making any money for a while, I do ok, and I've accounted for that when we filed for K-1.

To each its own. That's why this is a circular argument.

[Martyshk 137]

Fact: I married my wife in Russia in her hometown, with her family and friends...and in the Russian tradition. Fact: the rest of you supposedly wife honoring, Russo-centric, swinging diks didn't, or will not. Yet you try to claim the high ground because you rent Russian movies and send flowers on communist holidays. Big deal.

You are like a broken record. No matter what you write, it always reads the same: "I am better than all of you, now get off my lawn".

[mox 298]

Fact: I married my wife in Russia in her hometown, with her family and friends...and in the Russian tradition. Fact: the rest of you supposedly wife honoring, Russo-centric, swinging diks didn't, or will not. Yet you try to claim the high ground because you rent Russian movies and send flowers on communist holidays. Big deal.

LMAO. So you "honored" her culture and traditions one time, and that's enough for you. You did your duty, you choked down the bile swelling in your throat as you participated in a "Communist" ceremony, and hell you probably remind her of that Every.Single.Day.Of.Her.Life. Good job comrade, you get the gold star.

[visaveteran 1]

LMAO. So you "honored" her culture and traditions one time, and that's enough for you.

The day of marriage is about as big and important an event as there is in ones life IMO. I chose the high road for this major event in our lives. Sorry, IWD just doesn't mean much in the greater scheme of things...now does it?

The CR-1 runs close to the time to get a K-1 so the time factor argument is bogus. So why not do it right?

Edited March 3, 2010 by visaveteran

[Martyshk 137]

The day of marriage is about as big and important an event as there is in ones life IMO. I chose the high road for this major event in our lives. Sorry, IWD just doesn't mean much in the greater scheme of things...now does it?

The CR-1 runs close to the time to get a K-1 so the time factor argument is bogus. So why not do it right?

I don't know about you, but I could not imagine marrying her and then just leaving her to wait for god knows how long.

Everyone is different.

Again, you are up on your high horse.

I am glad it worked out for you. Is it because you married in Russia that you spew bile about everything Russia-related now? I mean there has to be a cause and effect.

I can't write down my assumptions here without violating TOS and you hitting that report button over and over, but... It doesn't make sense.

Your posts about how much you hate everything Russian and then you got married in Russia to respect traditions....

[mox 298]

The day of marriage is about as big and important an event as there is in ones life IMO. I chose the high road for this major event in our lives. Sorry, IWD just doesn't mean much in the greater scheme of things...now does it?

The CR-1 runs close to the time to get a K-1 so the time factor argument is bogus. So why not do it right?

Once again, if it works for you two, and you are happy, then more power to you. If your one single nod to her culture and traditions works for her, then fantastic.

The way we did it worked for us. We are happy. Neither of us regrets that we didn't marry in Russia, neither of us regrets that we filed K1. Explain to me again how this is wrong?

[visaveteran 1]

You are like a broken record. No matter what you write, it always reads the same: "I am better than all of you, now get off my lawn".

No, it's "I am better than you, mow my lawn."

[Martyshk 137]

No, it's "I am better than you, mow my lawn."

Wishful thinking is a b!tch

[visaveteran 1]

Once again, if it works for you two, and you are happy, then more power to you. If your one single nod to her culture and traditions works for her, then fantastic.

The way we did it worked for us. We are happy. Neither of us regrets that we didn't marry in Russia, neither of us regrets that we filed K1. Explain to me again how this is wrong?

Nothing wrong with it...if you can really speak for your wife. I wonder how she'd have felt if you married in Russia?

[mox 298]

Nothing wrong with it...if you can really speak for your wife. I wonder how she'd have felt if you married in Russia?

To my knowledge, all us married RUBers are speaking for our wives. (didn't used to be that way, several wives used to be frequent posters) I take you at your word that your wife doesn't care how much you hate her country and her traditions (oh except for that one tip-o-the-hat) because she's not here to back you up.

My wife would have loved to marry in Russia. I would have loved to marry her in Russia. We talked about it (as you must have done with your fiancee), and for a variety of reasons jointly decided to marry in the US.

This notion that we somehow respect our wives culture less because of where we married is just plain silly.

[visaveteran 1]

To my knowledge, all us married RUBers are speaking for our wives. (didn't used to be that way, several wives used to be frequent posters) I take you at your word that your wife doesn't care how much you hate her country and her traditions (oh except for that one tip-o-the-hat) because she's not here to back you up.

My wife would have loved to marry in Russia. I would have loved to marry her in Russia. We talked about it (as you must have done with your fiancee), and for a variety of reasons jointly decided to marry in the US.

This notion that we somehow respect our wives culture less because of where we married is just plain silly.

I'll take you at your word.

And the notion that sending flowers on IWD is manifestly important is just plain silly.

The real question is, for me, how far will someone go to honor and support his wife? For some it's renting movies and buying flowers, for others it's getting married in Russia.

[SMR 368]

The day of marriage is about as big and important an event as there is in ones life IMO. I chose the high road for this major event in our lives. Sorry, IWD just doesn't mean much in the greater scheme of things...now does it?

The CR-1 runs close to the time to get a K-1 so the time factor argument is bogus. So why not do it right?

This argument fails simply because you have assumed that all Russians want to get married in their hometown in an Orthodox ceremony. For personal reasons I don't want to get into, my wife didn't want that. We flew her mother and brother out for the wedding. You seem to be assuming that just because this was "the high road" for you, everyone else made a bad choice by not doing it. That is ridiculous.

If you want to talk about timelines, you need to take into consideration a lot of other facts. For us, for instance, the important timeline issue was the time from our engagement to the time that we could be living together permanently. I didn't have the money to simply quit my job so I had to spend most of my time in the US, with only short vacations to see my fiancee. CR-1 would mean that at the get-go, we would have to spend several months planning the wedding. Then we could file. On top of that, the time between filing and receiving the visa is longer for CR-1. Time from filing to green-card is comparable between the two paths (if you get married right after entry and then file AOS on the K-1 path). However, time from filing to entry is less on the K-1. So for us, going K-1 shaved 4-5 months off of the timeline issue that mattered to us (time from engagement to living together permanently). Of course, predicting how long things will take is impossible, but that is the way we figured and that's why we went K-1.

I realize I twisted some of the things you said around. Point is, you can twist anything around to claim that someone is a Cretin. You seem to be stuck on flowers on IWD. I'm not quite sure why. You also seem to have digressed from your original point. Are you better than everyone else because you have squeezed the Russian culture out of your wife and made her a true American, or are you better than everyone else because you more genuinely embraced your wife's culture? You change back and forth between the two so fast I can't keep track.

[Martyshk 137]

Are you better than everyone else because you have squeezed the Russian culture out of your wife and made her a true American, or are you better than everyone else because you more genuinely embraced your wife's culture? You change back and forth between the two so fast I can't keep track.

That's the thing for me too. Either choose something and stick to it or don't complain. Since one day you hate everything and another you are an avid advocate of getting married in Russian.

For SMR and I, all of this hits a bit closer to home than for the rest, I believe.

Like I said before, it's more like our wives are marrying this country, rather than us marrying her country (in my case, it's my country in a way too)

So, VV, decide ####### you wanna stick up for first, then run with it

[mox 298]

The real question is, for me, how far will someone go to honor and support his wife? For some it's renting movies and buying flowers, for others it's getting married in Russia.

Your mistake is thinking that these things are quantifiable. As in, you get 5 billion points for marrying in Russia, negative 5 billion points for marrying in the US, and 0 points for giving flowers on IWD. These things are not quantifiable. They are what you and your SO make of them. Your relationship, no matter how head-shaking it seems to me, works for the two of you. Giving flowers on IWD, no matter how head-shaking it seems to you, works for us. Deal with it or don't, but no one way is better or worse as long as you're both on board with it.

[visaveteran 1]

Your mistake is thinking that these things are quantifiable. As in, you get 5 billion points for marrying in Russia, negative 5 billion points for marrying in the US, and 0 points for giving flowers on IWD. These things are not quantifiable. They are what you and your SO make of them. Your relationship, no matter how head-shaking it seems to me, works for the two of you. Giving flowers on IWD, no matter how head-shaking it seems to you, works for us. Deal with it or don't, but no one way is better or worse as long as you're both on board with it.

I know you're savvy enough to see that I've been exaggerating to make a point. I'm always painted as the anti-Russian guy so I turned the tables.

Things may not be quantifiable but behavior is observable...and comparisons can be made. I hear so much about supporting ones wife by renting movies, buying flowers, going to a Russian store...pretty small gestures versus getting married in Russia.