Deciding not to have child/ren

[Peikko 1,575]

these expectations are hard to meet sometimes when u happen to have totally different perspective as one grows older..... however, there's also a part that u wish u can grant their every wishes yet a question of "what about me?" thing... i don't deny the fact that like any pi families, we are a close-nit thou they haven't had much influence on overall life i have lived or choices i made.... its about everyone i know...that.... .... bcoz i finally got hitched at the ripe old age- they feel that am racing againts a time bomb (which is literally true at 36,actually 37 this 2010 ) therfore the nagging question is ... are we there yet? ... i say NO ! ...then next, why? or why not? ... maybe never..... and goes on...

i do admit that... this nagging question.... sometimes affects that decision whether its right or ... if i would look back and wish i had...

The biological clock is a powerful thing. However, ultimately you must make the decision that you and your partner want to live with, not the one that you believe fulfills family expectations. I doubt you would regret having children, should you have them but it will change the dynamic of your marriage, and your life which you should be prepared for. If you are wondering at all if you would regret not having them when it becomes too late to have them, then it might be a good idea to go over again your reasons for not wanting children, and what it is you think you will regret if you do not.

[Susita 175]

Its annoying to have family or friends nag about having kids! I have been married for about a year to my husband and all my family members are expecting me to have a kid soon; cause why else would we get married right? At least in my family's point of view!

I learned that no matter what, my family is going to have something to nag about. If I had decided NOT to have kids, I would have gotten nagged at for that. Now that I've passed their magical number of "2," I'm getting nagged for that.

I got nagged for marrying a guy from another country, I get nagged about my career decisions, nag nag nag...

Families nag. It's what they do... and it's freakin' annoying.

There definitely are cultural differences. I'm sure Luis's family will ask us when we're having another one

[alienlovechild 75]

1. correct..maybe age is a factor. 36 now... hence they r pushing really hard ... but how bout bcoz am not into it?

Your choices are already diminishing as female fertility increasingly drops after age 35.

[mawilson 2,133]

Much more complex than what? I didn't post anything about family dynamics, I simply said that having respect for is not the same as feeling guilty about, nor should it be. I am quite sure this person loves her parents and they love her, but loving them should not mean feeling bad about herself should she draw a different conclusion as to what is best in resepect of having children in her life, than what is 'culturally normal'.

I am also not quite sure what is so peculiar to Filipinos about loving ones family - I am entirely sure I love mine and vice versa, and as far as I am aware that's fairly normal among British people. Meaning the world of course could demand that one places ones family above oneself in decisions which should be properly made at the individual level, which is not something I admire, or think is particularly helpful.

[FinnLove 0]

I'm almost 46, and do you know how many people ask me this question ALL THE TIME? I want to slap them! My daughter's graduating from high school! My coworker just asked me today if we were going to have a baby. #######? I told him I didn't really feel like spending all my free time in a fertility clinic...then I just said I couldn't have children anyway. ha! I think that'll be my answer from now on. I'm going to enjoy my time alone with my hubby! I mean, I've waited for him for 22 years...I'm not crazy!

[JSVP08 3]

I'm almost 46, and do you know how many people ask me this question ALL THE TIME? I want to slap them! My daughter's graduating from high school! My coworker just asked me today if we were going to have a baby. #######? I told him I didn't really feel like spending all my free time in a fertility clinic...then I just said I couldn't have children anyway. ha! I think that'll be my answer from now on. I'm going to enjoy my time alone with my hubby! I mean, I've waited for him for 22 years...I'm not crazy!

maybe i should starting using this phrase

...to this day... the nagging has stop... they see how busy we are travelling whenever we can and we both love outdoor activities- a newly born wouldn't fit in right now. ...or maybe never.

Edited August 13, 2010 by JSVP08

[DEDixon 39]

i say bravo to not having kids. the world is a sh#t hole so i'd feel guilty bringing kids into this f'd up mess. people have kids to give themselves a life while never thinking that the kid has to navigate through the f'd up world. 3 cheers for not having kids!

[slim 1,533]

How do u answer nagging questions from family, relatives and friends that you have no plans yet to have a child? or maybe not planning to have one at all?

I simply say, "Look. You know how crazy I am. You're starting to see how crazy she is too. So, what they heck do you think our kids would be like? No. We've made up our minds that we're not going to have any crazy kids anytime soon."

Why is it that when one is married, people always assume the next best thing is to have a child?

Because people are stupid and they want you to be stupid too.

i have never imagine myself being tied with all the responsibilities of raising one. Is this a sign of weakness? or its a result of what i might have been through? such as having raised and lived in poverty... or having lived independently so long that iam scared of being threaten by such?

Or perhaps you're making a very smart decision.

right now, the decision is no. it may change later who knows....

That's probably the best answer to give 'em. No for now.

Anyone there who considers not having a child? or is it just me? Or anyone who decided not to have one and change her mind later and what have changed that decision?

My wife and I are firmly against reproducing at this time. Maybe someday, but definitely not now.

[Ban Hammer 14,182]

My wife and I are firmly against reproducing at this time. Maybe someday, but definitely not now.

but you still have to stay in practice.

[Staashi 371]

My son was a huge surprise to us and fortunately he is happy and healthy, but my doctor has told me that there is just no way that I can have another. Ok - I'm cool with that, and I'm grateful for my sweet little boy. I was advised after my son was born that my health would be in serious danger if I had a second baby. What gets me though is how many people ask me - "When are you going to have another?" I have to tell them - I can't have anymore: doctor's orders. These idiots are like: have you sought out a second opinion? #######!!??!! What part of my doctor said I can't have anymore don't you understand? What part of I'm risking my life and death would be imminent don't you understand?

Sometimes, people should truly just mind their own situations.

[sachinky 465]

Having respect for ones family does not include being riddled with guilt for making a perfectly valid decision.

Clearly you are not from an Indian family. We do guilt very well.

[sachinky 465]

I'm 23 years old. I don't want kids NOW or EVER, for that matter. May be I'll change my mind ten years from now, may be I won't.

Yesterday, I was doing laundry and there was a kid there with brown skin and black hair. An old gentleman there asked me if that was my son. I was like, 'God, NO!'

I love cute cuddly babies. It's weird because I always wanted to have kids as a teenager, a big family since I don't have any brothers and sisters but now that I'm married and kids are potentially in the picture, I don't want any. We're too young, we have too much to do, and we're definitely not financially secure. It'd be just irresponsible of us to have kids right now. I am unsure if I could ever dedicate my life to the cause of another human being. I like my own time and space. Call me selfish. I want to travel with my husband, I want him all to myself.

Plus, I'm Indian, and the thought of raising ABCDs (American born confused desis) steeped in cross-cultural identity-crisis is scary. I grew up with uncles, aunts, cousins, big festivals and the thought of raising one child here all alone saddens me. Would they ever even see their own grandparents (especially my parents?) I don't want a babysitter raising my child and so it would have to be a time where we are financially comfortable enough so that I could quit my job. I don't think I'm cut out for sitting at home all day either.

Uff, I don't know, I'm confused. So I'll stop now.

Edited August 13, 2010 by sachinky

[JSVP08 3]

but you still have to stay in practice.

.... definitely charles!!

[JSVP08 3]

My son was a huge surprise to us and fortunately he is happy and healthy, but my doctor has told me that there is just no way that I can have another. Ok - I'm cool with that, and I'm grateful for my sweet little boy. I was advised after my son was born that my health would be in serious danger if I had a second baby. What gets me though is how many people ask me - "When are you going to have another?" I have to tell them - I can't have anymore: doctor's orders. These idiots are like: have you sought out a second opinion? #######!!??!! What part of my doctor said I can't have anymore don't you understand? What part of I'm risking my life and death would be imminent don't you understand?

Sometimes, people should truly just mind their own situations.

the song goes.... what part of NO that u dont understand?

... having said that its a matter of life and death for u and still insist on 2nd opinion... whooa!! thats pushing too much and i agree on the last words.

on the lighter side, u have been blessed with @ least one.

[JSVP08 3]

I'm 23 years old. I don't want kids NOW or EVER, for that matter. May be I'll change my mind ten years from now, may be I won't.

Yesterday, I was doing laundry and there was a kid there with brown skin and black hair. An old gentleman there asked me if that was my son. I was like, 'God, NO!'

......

I love cute cuddly babies. It's weird because I always wanted to have kids as a teenager, a big family since I don't have any brothers and sisters but now that I'm married and kids are potentially in the picture, I don't want any. We're too young, we have too much to do, and we're definitely not financially secure. It'd be just irresponsible of us to have kids right now. I am unsure if I could ever dedicate my life to the cause of another human being. I like my own time and space. Call me selfish. I want to travel with my husband, I want him all to myself.

Plus, I'm Indian, and the thought of raising ABCDs (American born confused desis) steeped in cross-cultural identity-crisis is scary. I grew up with uncles, aunts, cousins, big festivals and the thought of raising one child here all alone saddens me. Would they ever even see their own grandparents (especially my parents?) I don't want a babysitter raising my child and so it would have to be a time where we are financially comfortable enough so that I could quit my job. I don't think I'm cut out for sitting at home all day either.

Uff, I don't know, I'm confused. So I'll stop now.

i like kids but for some reasons.... i like only the borrowed moments. i have never imagined myself tied up with my own .... selfish? (like u said) a lil bit ..maybe but... id rather follow on how i feel about it now rather than... try to deal with it later when i knew from the beginning that ...its not gonna work well. .....

hey ur still young.. got so much time to think about that ..so go... explore life and the world. you may change ur mind down the road and thats cool too.... its also good to know that u think aheadddd....of the kids welfare before plunging into it. kudos!