Serious advice needed

[helpless1 0]

Hello Everyone,

I have had a really bad experience with my marriage and I need some serious advice. I married my wife 3 years ago. I met her through online matrimony site and after couple of months of communication we decided to marry. Just before I married her, I had come to realization that she is extremely possessive and a huge control freak. So before I married her I said to her that this relationship wont workout and she said if you dont marry me my father will beat me or I will committ suicide. So finally, I thought that maybe she'll come around or change her possessive and control freak behavior after marriage and go married to her. But after 3 years of marriage exactly opposite has happened. She has become more and more possessive, jealous, competitive and an absoulte control freak. If I dont agree with whatever she has to say, she threatens me by saying that she will derogate,degrade and defame me and my family members in the public and in front our family friends. She always says that people will always believe what a "helpless" woman says and she uses this tactic in bullying me and doing whatever she wants.

I have spent thousands of dollars for her visa sponsorship, her plane tickets and have taken her to so many places for vacations. I spend money on her education as well. But no matter how much I do for she has absolutely no value for my efforts. Even after doing so much she complains that I dont do anything for her. I know every person has complaints about something or the other in life, but she is at a completely different level. No matter how much anyone does for her, she can never be satisfied. Following are some examples of her behavior:

1] She would hear about swine flu and then immediately start believing that she has swine flu sympotms

2] If my father is having chest pain, next day she will start complaining of having "heart attack" symptoms

3] If I am having a stressfull day at work and share my thoughts about it with her, she will immediately develop symptoms of stress and depression

4] If my grandfather, who was suffering from brain tumor, needed to be seen by a doctor she would start complaining about severe headaches and wants to get her brain scanned for a tumor

You get the idea so far?....

Here are some other examples:

1] Often times I have to stay late at work as we are short staffed and end up working on the weekends as well. For her, this translates into me cheating on her!

2] If I talk about a female co-worker or any other female in my acquaintance, that also translates into me cheating on her!

3] Just because some couple has just had a baby, then "we" must have a baby as well and that too ASAP.

4] If I mow the lawn for a few hours and say that I am tired, immediately her response would be that what you do is nothing compared to what her father would do because he'd be mowing the lawn by his "hand" rather than the lawnmower..

5] If someone else has work from home job, then I must also have a work from home job....

6] If she is unable to get a job offer, then that means I must be doing something so that she doesnt get a job and keep her home all the time!!!

Again, hope you get the picture.....Anyways, at the moment she has her EAD and Advance Parole and currently waiting to get AOS interview date. I have reached a point, where I cannot even have a normal conversation with this woman. I am so fed up that I dont feel like coming home anymore. She constantly threatens me that if I dont goto the greencard interview with her, she will start spreading rumors about how "bad" I am to any and every person that I know. Constantly threatens that the "authorities" will always believe a woman's version of the story even if its completely false. I have tried numerous times to explain to her that our relationship is not working out and that I want a divorce. But she refuses to divorce and her reason for not giving the divorce is that "she loves me". I want you all to please think about the hell I am living in with this woman and give me your honest opinion about what you would do in such situation?

Thanks!

[sjr09 155]

Hello Everyone,

I have had a really bad experience with my marriage and I need some serious advice. I married my wife 3 years ago. I met her through online matrimony site and after couple of months of communication we decided to marry. Just before I married her, I had come to realization that she is extremely possessive and a huge control freak. So before I married her I said to her that this relationship wont workout and she said if you dont marry me my father will beat me or I will committ suicide. So finally, I thought that maybe she'll come around or change her possessive and control freak behavior after marriage and go married to her. But after 3 years of marriage exactly opposite has happened. She has become more and more possessive, jealous, competitive and an absoulte control freak. If I dont agree with whatever she has to say, she threatens me by saying that she will derogate,degrade and defame me and my family members in the public and in front our family friends. She always says that people will always believe what a "helpless" woman says and she uses this tactic in bullying me and doing whatever she wants.

I have spent thousands of dollars for her visa sponsorship, her plane tickets and have taken her to so many places for vacations. I spend money on her education as well. But no matter how much I do for she has absolutely no value for my efforts. Even after doing so much she complains that I dont do anything for her. I know every person has complaints about something or the other in life, but she is at a completely different level. No matter how much anyone does for her, she can never be satisfied. Following are some examples of her behavior:

1] She would hear about swine flu and then immediately start believing that she has swine flu sympotms

2] If my father is having chest pain, next day she will start complaining of having "heart attack" symptoms

3] If I am having a stressfull day at work and share my thoughts about it with her, she will immediately develop symptoms of stress and depression

4] If my grandfather, who was suffering from brain tumor, needed to be seen by a doctor she would start complaining about severe headaches and wants to get her brain scanned for a tumor

You get the idea so far?....

Here are some other examples:

1] Often times I have to stay late at work as we are short staffed and end up working on the weekends as well. For her, this translates into me cheating on her!

2] If I talk about a female co-worker or any other female in my acquaintance, that also translates into me cheating on her!

3] Just because some couple has just had a baby, then "we" must have a baby as well and that too ASAP.

4] If I mow the lawn for a few hours and say that I am tired, immediately her response would be that what you do is nothing compared to what her father would do because he'd be mowing the lawn by his "hand" rather than the lawnmower..

5] If someone else has work from home job, then I must also have a work from home job....

6] If she is unable to get a job offer, then that means I must be doing something so that she doesnt get a job and keep her home all the time!!!

Again, hope you get the picture.....Anyways, at the moment she has her EAD and Advance Parole and currently waiting to get AOS interview date. I have reached a point, where I cannot even have a normal conversation with this woman. I am so fed up that I dont feel like coming home anymore. She constantly threatens me that if I dont goto the greencard interview with her, she will start spreading rumors about how "bad" I am to any and every person that I know. Constantly threatens that the "authorities" will always believe a woman's version of the story even if its completely false. I have tried numerous times to explain to her that our relationship is not working out and that I want a divorce. But she refuses to divorce and her reason for not giving the divorce is that "she loves me". I want you all to please think about the hell I am living in with this woman and give me your honest opinion about what you would do in such situation?

Thanks!

Yeah I get the idea right up to! "Just before I married her, I had come to realization that she is extremely possessive and a huge control freak. So before I married her I said to her that this relationship wont workout and she said if you dont marry me my father will beat me or I will committ suicide". Sorry you did not get the idea

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Are you asking for relationship advise? If so, I have none.

From the immigration side of things, once you make a decision whether to stay married or not; you will have several options. But none until you make that decision.

[helpless1 0]

I am asking, can she force me to goto the greencard interview with her?

Are you asking for relationship advise? If so, I have none.

From the immigration side of things, once you make a decision whether to stay married or not; you will have several options. But none until you make that decision.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Of course she cannot force you to do anything, #######. You are an adult.

edited to add: however, if you do not show up for the interview and she is granted permanent residence, you are on the hook since you signed the Affidavit of Support.

[milimelo 4,226]

You could go to the interview and then tell the IO you want to pull the I-864. That kills the green card option and you're off the hook. Not sure how your wife would react to this.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

You could go to the interview and then tell the IO you want to pull the I-864. That kills the green card option and you're off the hook. Not sure how your wife would react to this.

[insert bad joke here]

[Y's_habibitk 2]

echoing what Len said, she cannot FORCE you to do anything, but it sounds like she has a pretty strong manipulitive hold on you.

Anyone who threatens suicide if you dont marry them needs some serious therapy to get anywhere near having a healthy relationship.

Decide what you want to do with the marriage and then you can look at your options for the interview.

start documenting what she says with dates and times... if she is threatening to say you abused her, start writing that down..like NOW. this may be your only defense if she tries to play dirty.

good luck.

[Brother Hesekiel 2,235]

Nobody deserves to live in hell. I would divorce her ASAP and then move on with my life and not worry about her anymore.

[grinchus 11]

Nobody deserves to live in hell. I would divorce her ASAP and then move on with my life and not worry about her anymore.

OMG totally agree! And as far as the threats to defame your family, I'm sure people will consider the source when choosing who to believe. End it now or else you're in for a world of hurt staying with such a person. She sounds mentally unstable and in need of a lot of help. Staying with you in a crazy marriage is not doing either of you any good.

[walls1010 3]

You could go to the interview and then tell the IO you want to pull the I-864. That kills the green card option and you're off the hook. Not sure how your wife would react to this.

good one

helpless1, divorce is the only option you had to be out in hell.

[Chris_Жанна 11]

Sounds like you know what you want to do. If this is hell, and marriage is forever you have 3 choices.

A. Work it out with her and get some kind of counseling.

B. Divorce

C. Kill her with a shovel And bury her (with lime) in a remote location that only you know.

The choice is yours

[Chris_Жанна 11]

Sounds like you know what you want to do. If this is hell, and marriage is forever you have 3 choices.

A. Work it out with her and get some kind of counseling.

B. Divorce

C. Kill her with a shovel And bury her (with lime) in a remote location that only you know.

The choice is yours

*LYME*.....It's late.

But, limes make for tastier corpses.

[Lancelotte25 1]

She's not just a freak, she's insane and immature in so many ways.

[DrissandAmy4ever 0]

sounds to me like she is an attention seeker. she obviously needs something to do with her time. i dont promote divorce but if she refuses counseling maybe that's your only option. i love the comment about going to the interview and pulling the plug..hee hee...that would blow her mind.