Stress causing strain

[Mandi+Ryan 1]

I read a thread a while back about running out of things to talk about with your SO. We have run out of things to talk about which brings up another thread I read about fighting with your SO. We get to where we have nothing to talk about, then we start fighting, which results in yelling and insults, then moves on to the silent treatment for a long time, then going to bed mad at each other (sometimes we make up). I don't get as angry as he does, and when I do get angry I get over it quick, because I love him no matter what.

With that said, the distance is putting more stress on our relationship. We're still very much in love now as we were before. Even more, but it's putting a strain on our relationship.

So, any advice as to what we can do to help the time pass? Or what topics we can talk about? We've exhausted all topics to where even "how was your day?" has no effect. And the "romance" sometimes doesn't work for us either. We have talked about everything, so we don't have much left to learn about each other except the physical aspect.

[Peter Miami 1]

Try talking about current events, news, what he things about a certain topic so that both of you have a form of debating without arguing.

Good luck,

Peter Miami

[Meliss 0]

My favorite question is always - What would we do if we won the lottery, a million dollars! Opens up the conversation, as well as plans for the house when I get there! Good luck and chin up because think about the effort you are putting into this relationship- it makes for a solid strong foundation. More than most people work for to be in a relationship. Smile, it will happen.

[Jaylen Brit 1]

Well we talk about chuff all regarding important issues a lot fof the time - its just 'ooh did u see..' or 'what was work like, what happened'..or movies..or what the kids are doing..what the weather is like..pretty much anything really - plans for the furture is a good one - we have plenty of those, most of which will never see the light of day due to time and finances but its nice to talk about 'what we'd like in an ideal world..or eventually'

We just share our day even if it was a boring day really I'm sure he has no 'real' interst in hearing about me going shopping but he listens all the same - and I don't really understand his job, but some of the stories about co-workers are funny and its a connection with his 'world', you know?

We talk about posts on VJ, or one of the other boards we admin, (and any issues there) or server problems, or the fact I can't (don't want to..hehe) understand php!

What else..er...PC games we'd like to play, places we'd like to go on holiday to, with the kids AND when they are all at their respective absent parent's location (kid free time! yay!), me driving, him getting new car..

And we've known each other 5 years - so obviously neither one of us can STFU for any length of time

[one...two...tree 2,762]

It's also important to have a life outside of each other, socially. That holds true even when you are together. You both can't be EVERYTHING to each other - that's not healthy. I'm guilty of it as much as anyone here, but the modern convenience of talking through a computer has really isolated us from real human interaction. We all need to pull away from this soul-sucker every now and then and interact with the physical world, no matter how scary it is out there.

[snz1802 0]

We have also had this problem, I have found that if you have a heart to heart talk with your fiance about the distance and the fact that the distance is what is causing the strain and the the distance is what is causing the lack of conversation, this should help alot. Then, don't bring up the fact that you don't have anything to talk about anymore, just go with the flow. If you don't have much to talk about one day, so what, you probably will the next. Don't be so hard on yourselves, look at what you are trying to accomplish and what you will have accomplished once this process is finished.

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

We have also had this problem, I have found that if you have a heart to heart talk with your fiance about the distance and the fact that the distance is what is causing the strain and the the distance is what is causing the lack of conversation, this should help alot. Then, don't bring up the fact that you don't have anything to talk about anymore, just go with the flow. If you don't have much to talk about one day, so what, you probably will the next. Don't be so hard on yourselves, look at what you are trying to accomplish and what you will have accomplished once this process is finished.

Agree, realize it is the distance discuss that and head off to do something different, rather than sit there with nothing to say. Sometimes I read him magazine articles, or local news whatever to get a topic going. A year and a half of this, I will tell you there are many times we sit in silence doing something else, it is just the idea he is on the other end makes me content. Often times I fall back on VJ since he doesn't come here, it gives us new topics to discuss.

[CarolineM 0]

MAybe it's just me, but Stewart and I never run out of things to talk about...Maybe it's cause I talk endlessly and he doesn't have to do any talking ha.

I don't think you can rely on others to tell what to talk about...or else it's like you've got a script.

[irishgirl73 1]

This immigration ####### can get on anyone's nerves. I would call my man & start complaing about the wait, about us being apart, or asking him about this form/that form & he stopped me dead in my tracks one day. All he said was "hello love-how are you today?". It made me realize that there has to be other things to talk about other than USCIS.

Just remember that you love eachother-that is why we are all going through all this.

Now I just ramble on for hours about anything & everything

It's also important to have a life outside of each other, socially. That holds true even when you are together. You both can't be EVERYTHING to each other - that's not healthy. I'm guilty of it as much as anyone here, but the modern convenience of talking through a computer has really isolated us from real human interaction. We all need to pull away from this soul-sucker every now and then and interact with the physical world, no matter how scary it is out there.

good point

but vj is so addictive-I can't stop

[babybunny 2]

we talk about chit on VJ.. lol

and we talk about the future. we dont run out of anything to say.

least I dont.

[YnaYeBa0808 0]

we talk about chit on VJ.. lol

and we talk about the future. we dont run out of anything to say.

least I dont.

yes shon and i always talk about chit... OH CHIT! hahahhahaha! ooooh shon you meant S/o! sorry! hahaha HUGGS

to answer the other question you dont HAAAAAAAAAAAAVEEEEEEEEE to talk everyday you know? go get something to do, like a past time and then the next time you talk then you can talk about the new hobby that you have acquired...

and if you Really must talk to your S/O everyday just ask how their day went, and if you cant think of anything else to ask then end the conversation at that... id rather hang up in good terms than get into stupid fights over nothing to begin with...but then again thats just me...

Edited July 14, 2006 by YnaYeBa0808

[chri'stina 190]

When there wasn't a lot to talk about or we couldn't think of anything, I'd just start asking endless details about every aspect of his life, his childhood, his relatives, etc and I'd tell him about mine. We never had nothing to talk about, just sometimes not as much. I'd tell him about my classes(I was still in college then), teachers, assignments, work stories, stuff that would maybe be boring for some but we liked hearing details about eachothers' daily life.

Oh, and we did talk every day! Unless he or I was on a trip or unable to for some other reason. We didn't like going a day without talking.

Also wanted to add...near the end of our visa process, we definitely felt the annoying feeling of just wanting to be together. No more chatting online, no more long distance phone calls!! Just normal life. And at those times sometimes our conversation would just be "I really hope you're here soon..." "Me too" "Miss you" "miss you too" "I'm sick of having to chat online everyday and spending so much money on phone cards", etc and such even for a couple hours...moping together, not saying much, but still there for eachother.

Edited July 14, 2006 by stina&suj

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Everybody seems to skirt around one form of phone conversation - what a friend calls 'Poon Six'.

How can that ever go stale?

Edited July 14, 2006 by Steven_and_Jinky

[almaty 19]

we talk about the house...the dogs..cat..squirrels..bird..anything.,,and sometimes just are quiet...neither one, goal is to entertain the other...

[babybunny 2]

Everybody seems to skirt around one form of phone conversation - what a friend calls 'Poon Six'.

How can that ever go stale?

whats poon six?

we talk about the house...the dogs..cat..squirrels..bird..anything.,,and sometimes just are quiet...neither one, goal is to entertain the other...

last night we were talking about the goat in the background.

cute baby goat 2 months old. ..

he was letting the goat sample some Orange Fanta..