My wife doesn't like to have sex or approach me for sex ?

[k12009 0]

Again, what does SHE say about all this? Does she feel that her voice counts too?

She said she dont know what is wrong never had this issue before I use to see her Every 90 days for they past years

1 to 2 weeks visit.

[Jauque 1]

Again, what does SHE say about all this? Does she feel that her voice counts too?

She said she dont know what is wrong never had this issue before I use to see her Every 90 days for they past years

1 to 2 weeks visit.

All of this moving around, having trouble getting her SS# can be very stressful. Maybe stress in just putting her out of the mood.

Making a big issue of it just adds to the stress and cas associate it with guilt. Once you go there its hard to go back. Maybe try backing off for a few weeks until everything stablizes and then instead of 'asking for it' ask if you can talk about it instead and then don't get angry or try and make her feel guilty but rather ask her what her expectations in the bedroom are.

[Ellie-and-David 38]

Again, what does SHE say about all this? Does she feel that her voice counts too?

She said she dont know what is wrong never had this issue before I use to see her Every 90 days for they past years

1 to 2 weeks visit.

An alternative method of birth control is a little premature at present. Most forms of hormone based birth control have a settling in period and during that time sex drive can be severely effected. In my opinion you have a few options open to you:

1 - Wait it out for a period of 3 months. When I started taking the pill at 18 I had very similar symptoms as your wife. On top of this I had issues controlling my temper, cramping and other symptoms. When I went to see the doctor he told me to wait it out for a period of adjustment. For me microgynon never worked and I had to come off it. Of course this waiting it out period requires you to be supportive of your wife during this adjustment period. So you are going to have to suck it up and go without sex.

2 - Come off the pill immediately. Allow her body to go back to normal and start looking at alternative methods of control. Unfortunately all methods of birth control hold a risk of side effects. If your wife still doesn't want to have sex with you once her hormones have rebalanced, you have problems unrelated to birth control.

Start by trying to be super supportive of her. Ask her what she wants to do. Provide her with the means to research alternatives. At the end of the day this is happening to her as well. On top of having no sexual desire, she probably walks around all day feeling very unwell and the extra pressure you are placing on her is going to make these symptoms worse, not better.

She needs to see a doctor if she is going to change her method of contraception and unfortunately whether you want too or not, your going to have to pay to see someone.

Remember - this is about her too.

[DanielParul 50]

After our baby was born I decided to go for a BC pill. It messed me up too. Major mood swings, weight gain and loss of sex drive. I only took them for 10 days and stopped. Decided to go for non harmonal IUD.

Talk to her, maybe the pill she is taking is not the right one for her. All those extra harmones can do that. If this is the reason then it will still take some time for the effects to wash out once she stops or changes the pill. All the best.

[Kurt y Dora 1]

Uhh, seems like the topic of sex should have been worked out well before marriage. Unless she is Muslim - in which case any premarital sex (for women) is supposed to be a BIG NO NO. However, I know a few guys engaged to Muslim women and what the women present (or pretend) in public is different then behind closed doors.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Since this thread was moved from the Off-Topic forum, I have gone through and removed the most egregious (means extreme or outrageous) off topic comments. Please do not continue to post any more off-topic comments and keep your responses relevant to the discussion.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Hi, Help

Just got married 1 month now. K1 My wife doesn't like to have sex or approach me for sex ?

Don't know what the problem is don't know what to do. I cant live like this some days I don't know if I should go home

she is piss off at what I don't know.

That is why the American men marry foreign women. And you thought it was because we liked exotic accents?

HUH Think he picked the wrong one dearie, this American woman is all about the SEX

What country is he from? Do we know?

Maybe he is hung like Bosco and she is scared ??

Can't be true, stop spreading rumors.

[NArocks 13]

But seriously ( ) what country is your wife from? Then maybe women from there can help you get a handle on the sudden mood change.

15 users reading right now

[so2008 0]

Sorry to hear that, I would monitor her behavior for sometime and make my decision accordingly, do not let love blind you be wise. As much as we do not want to believe, many people in US got married just for the paper forgot about people coming from overseas.

[Old Dominion 26]

Having no health insurance is not a good reason for her to see a good doctor, in my humble opinion. At most, it will cost $100. With so many generics on the market, a U.S.-approved birth control medication could cost no more than $4 per month (Wal-Mart's price for most generics). Once she gets her EAD and SSN, you can add her to your employer coverage.

my wife still has not added me in her emplyer coverage.she says it will cost a lot of money.is she telling truth

Yes, she is probably right, although some employers provide some percentage of the cost of having family coverage. Last I knew, the full cost of having coverage for a couple, with a decent plan, was $10,000 versus about $4,000 for employee-only. Many employers will contribute all or part of the cost of the employee's insurance, but none toward the other $6,000.

[Old Dominion 26]

Having no health insurance is not a good reason for her to see a good doctor, in my humble opinion. At most, it will cost $100. With so many generics on the market, a U.S.-approved birth control medication could cost no more than $4 per month (Wal-Mart's price for most generics). Once she gets her EAD and SSN, you can add her to your employer coverage.

my wife still has not added me in her emplyer coverage.she says it will cost a lot of money.is she telling truth

Yes, she is probably right, although some employers provide some percentage of the cost of having family coverage. Last I knew, the full cost of having coverage for a couple, with a decent plan, was $10,000 versus about $4,000 for employee-only. Many employers will contribute all or part of the cost of the employee's insurance, but none toward the other $6,000.

[thongd4me 69]

If she won't talk open up to you - the only options are counselling or divorce.

This response gets my vote.

Why?

I didn't have sex for more than 7 years while married to a woman who had her own problems

which resulted in her being irrationally angry and totally frigid. In the tradition of the men in

my family I stuck with her for much longer than I should have, thinking my good example

would make her come to her senses and see that I wasn't the enemy.

She refused counseling, but when the school suggested counseling for the kids and

the therapist got us in a room together, she just blamed blamed and blamed and

said she'd never do that again.

Therapist: "I can't do anything without the cooperation of the patient."

More than 10 years later we were divorced, but the kicker was that in NY State

I couldn't put the reason for the complaint as not getting sex because not having

sex for more than 5 years in NY is considered "condonation" - the victim has no

legal reason to complain!!!

End of story. :ranting:

[Nikki'T 0]

You said your sex life was very good before she came here and you visited her every 3 months...wow...from those amount of visits I gather that you love your finance very much. Moving here could be having a negative affect on her mentally, give it some time and above all be patient with her. On the flip side of that if things doesn't improve then you will have some hard decisions to make before moving forward with this process.

Edited August 11, 2009 by Nikki'T

[thongd4me 69]

You said your sex life was very good before she came here and you visited her every 3 months...wow...from those amount of visits I gather that you love your finance very much. Moving here could be having a negative affect on her mentally, give it some time and above all be patient with her. On the flip side of that if things doesn't improve then you will have some hard decisions to make before moving forward with this process.

I wonder if the OP is going to revisit this or are we just shooting the breeze...

There was another one on the Philipino board that was terminated many posts after the OP

said that he was giving up... "Serious questions about sex" I believe it was. Another King of deNile.

Yeah with the ex, before we married, there WAS sex in the relationship.

Love is what ye be looking fer matey, said the pirate before he walked tha plank.

As I've said before, you're doomed (both of ya) if you use sex as a weapon or a bargaining chit.

As Kevin Bacon said,

"Keep the fighting clean and the sex dirty."

Edited August 11, 2009 by thongd4me

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Having no health insurance is not a good reason for her to see a good doctor, in my humble opinion. At most, it will cost $100. With so many generics on the market, a U.S.-approved birth control medication could cost no more than $4 per month (Wal-Mart's price for most generics). Once she gets her EAD and SSN, you can add her to your employer coverage.

my wife still has not added me in her emplyer coverage.she says it will cost a lot of money.is she telling truth

My wife came to the USA on a k1 visa went to apply for SS card they told us have to wait 3 weeks to see if a card comes.

After 3 weeks went back and apply SS office said her immigration status has to be verify with us immigration and this could take up to 10 weeks. Went back after 3 weeks the told us the same thing still waiting.

You married a foreign woman and she doesn't put out????????? This just isn't right! You could have married an American woman and not had sex with her twice a day and she would already come with an SSN

You messed up the SS number. My wife had her SSN 16 hours after arriving (K-1) Apply for the SSN the day after she arrives in the name exactly as in the passport. Now you have to wait for her green card. I added my wife and two K-2 children to our insurance immediately after marriage and the children had no SSN's. No problems.