straight talk about sex

[bulaklak 0]

Why not? ,it's his personal life and it's his choice; and he have the right to express or ask any advice here as long as he is comfortable with it.. unless there is a rule about it on Not to post such a personal issue.

the o.p. post his personal issue because he's wondering and wanted to know if the behaviour of his wife is normal or there might be something to do with the cultural thing. he didn't critized his wife.

I don't think his wife was exposed too much,,,he didn't even post her picture here. not even a name.

It is just not very adult behavior, to expose your sex life online. Really, are you THAT thick?

I'm not sure by that,,,but if you think his post is too much for you're taste, I guess you should stop coming and reading his post. ( his post are for adults only) edit:

I repeat, If you think his post is too much for your taste, I guess you should stop coming and reading his post here.

Why not? ,it's his personal life and it's his choice; and he have the right to express or ask any advice here as long as he is comfortable with it.. unless there is a rule about it on Not to post such a personal issue.

the o.p. post his personal issue because he's wondering and wanted to know if the behaviour of his wife is normal or there might be something to do with the cultural thing. he didn't critized his wife.

I don't think his wife was exposed too much,,,he didn't even post her picture here. not even a name.

It is just not very adult behavior, to expose your sex life online. Really, are you THAT thick?

I'm not sure by that,,,but if you think his post is too much for you're taste, I guess you should stop coming and reading his post. ( his post are for adults only) edit:

You poor, poor "woman".... -- apparently you were not raised within the limits of good manners and composure. Oh well, some are raised by wolves.

That's your opinion my dear.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Why not? ,it's his personal life and it's his choice; and he have the right to express or ask any advice here as long as he is comfortable with it.. unless there is a rule about it on Not to post such a personal issue.

the o.p. post his personal issue because he's wondering and wanted to know if the behaviour of his wife is normal or there might be something to do with the cultural thing. he didn't critized his wife.

I don't think his wife was exposed too much,,,he didn't even post her picture here. not even a name.

It is just not very adult behavior, to expose your sex life online. Really, are you THAT thick?

I'm not sure by that,,,but if you think his post is too much for you're taste, I guess you should stop coming and reading his post. ( his post are for adults only) edit:

I repeat, If you think his post is too much for your taste, I guess you should stop coming and reading his post here.

I repeat: the fact that you were raised with no concept of personal decency is not my fault -- we come from very, very different worlds.

and don't call me dear. I don't let the help address me like that.

[bulaklak 0]

'*Len*' wrote

the fact that I'm raised with no concept of personal decency is not my fault -- we come from very, very different worlds.

[Ban Hammer 14,302]

Why not? ,it's his personal life and it's his choice; and he have the right to express or ask any advice here as long as he is comfortable with it.. unless there is a rule about it on Not to post such a personal issue.

the o.p. post his personal issue because he's wondering and wanted to know if the behaviour of his wife is normal or there might be something to do with the cultural thing. he didn't critized his wife.

I don't think his wife was exposed too much,,,he didn't even post her picture here. not even a name.

It is just not very adult behavior, to expose your sex life online. Really, are you THAT thick?

hey you two take it to a room to find out.

[thetreble 19]

We often laugh or seriously discuss, with our friends and family, these kinds of personal issues we have in our lives.

If I wanted real advice, I'd get it from people who know me, my relationship, and people I can trust.

The OP should be talking to his wife about this, first and foremost, not someone like me who has no insight into their relationship and who doesn't know them.

It, in fact, is a very personal subject that none of us should be giving advice on from a computer screen.

[Rocky_nBullwinkle 6]

The OP should have not used this forum to air his dirty laundry. I imagine this matter to be subject for discussion with Dr. Phil or maybe even with Dr. Ruth!

Anyway, Brian, I believe your wife might not care much for you, unless some traumatic experience befell her in the past. For instance, as you have posted in a previous thread, your wife's parents died in a ferry boat accident when she was very young and this event could have given her a devastating blow in the noggin.

At any rate, you can always file for divorce on the grounds of cruel and inhuman treatment and indignities that make your life intolerable.

Or irreconcilable differences or the wife not being able to comply with her marital obligations.

[Nagishkaw 510]

and some by coyotes.

[almaty 19]

and some by badgers

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Why not? ,it's his personal life and it's his choice; and he have the right to express or ask any advice here as long as he is comfortable with it.. unless there is a rule about it on Not to post such a personal issue.

the o.p. post his personal issue because he's wondering and wanted to know if the behaviour of his wife is normal or there might be something to do with the cultural thing. he didn't critized his wife.

I don't think his wife was exposed too much,,,he didn't even post her picture here. not even a name.

It is just not very adult behavior, to expose your sex life online. Really, are you THAT thick?

I'm not sure by that,,,but if you think his post is too much for you're taste, I guess you should stop coming and reading his post. ( his post are for adults only) edit:

I repeat, If you think his post is too much for your taste, I guess you should stop coming and reading his post here.

I repeat: the fact that you were raised with no concept of personal decency is not my fault -- we come from very, very different worlds.

and don't call me dear. I don't let the help address me like that.

Sister Len!

[thetreble 19]

someone's gettin' sassy!

[bulaklak 0]

Len wrote:

I thought this was a joke. Why oh why would people post such personal stuff online??? Come on!

charles wrote:

don't be judgemental! or else i'll tell everyone about your love affair with starbucks coffee!

Len wrote

poor, poor me.... --apparently I'm not raised within the limits of good manners and composure. Oh well, some are raised by wolves.

Edited July 28, 2009 by lotus101

[thongd4me 69]

It's interesting to note that the originator of this thread has "already left the building" so to speak,

while the debate rages on.

I don't know if the question has been brought up regarding how long did he know her.

We've all made mistakes in life. One of mine was getting married to someone who, with 20-20 hindsight,

was no more than a green card scam despite the fact we ended up with 2 kids. She basically hated her

mom and attached herself to me so that she wouldn't be subject to her mom hooking her up with one

of her friends' sons. The mistake I made was not getting to know her as well as I should and ignoring

the danger signs despite the fact we were sexually active. My advice, also with 20-20 hindsight, is to

get to know intimately what's between the ears before you get to know what's between the legs.

My Thai fiancee and I didn't talk about sex for a long, long time but just concentrated on getting

to know each other, our families, jobs, with numerous pics to support all of that on both sides.

About 5 months after we met online, she invited me to come visit but I declined, not because

I didn't think she was special but because I thought it was too early (and I didn't have a valid

passport at the time). Three months later I accepted her offer to visit and we finally met

about 14 months after meeting online. By that time we both knew each of us had a healthy

attitude towards the horizontal cha cha and when we met it was like meeting a long lost

spouse and a new exciting lover, all at the same time. I just had dumb good luck and it looks

like you had some bad luck but the key is not to skirt the issue and confront it head on.

Communication has always been both of our strong points and it seems that both of you have

your work cut out. The fact that you left this thread indicates that you've already given up so

maybe it's time to get that annullment. That's what I should have done the first week of my

marriage but I was foolishly optimistic to think that by being kind to her and supportive, she

would finally see that I was in the friend camp and not the enemy.

You HAVE to ask the potentially embarassing questions. Only YOU know what they could be,

but for example, was she abused/raped or was a sister or close friend hurt in that way?

I communicate better with my fiancee (both online and in person) better in 1 month than I

did with my wife in over 20 years of marriage. I suspect you have only the best intentions,

but there is something in your approach that is causing or enabling this reaction. You may

be entirely innocent, but that doesn't help the situation if she is not responding.

"What we have here is a failure to communicate." - Paul Newman

[bulaklak 0]

I think the o.p. will not giving up soon, perhaps he STILL hoping that he can change her. she may be will change but also,there is a big posibility she will NEVER change. so, the o.p. must decide for himself whether he want to stay with her without it, or find someone else who will satisfy and make him happy.

edit: I hope he will find the solution to their marriage

Edited July 28, 2009 by lotus101

[thongd4me 69]

I think the o.p. will not giving up soon, perhaps he STILL hoping that he can change her. she may be will change but also,there is a big posibility she will NEVER change. so, the o.p. must decide for himself whether he want to stay with her without it, or find someone else who will satisfy and make him happy.

I hope he will find the solution to their marriage

I don't believe anyone has ever succeeded in changing anyone else unless the changee is in diapers.

No relationship is 100% satisfactory, but where my fiancee & I are concerned, I think we both say

"what you see is what you get." One can try to influence the other, but they can only change themselves.

There are areas where she excells and where I want to follow this good example and there are other

areas where she wants to follow me. That's give & take. The follower has to WANT to follow.

I had 20+ years of "hoping she would change" (wife) and she never did, not by anything I said nor by

my example of being supportive and non-threatening. She interpreted my strength to be apathy. because

I didn't go down to her level of verbal abuse. I was guilty, however, of holding too much in that I

should have let out in some way.

If he doesn't let it out he won't get to her. She may not even be conscious of why she is behaving this

way (frigid, self conscious, fearful) but to her it seems normal and natural and to him it's a nightmare.

The worst thing that could happen is for her to play the "lets have kids" card. Been there, done that.

I thought it would change her for the better, mellow her out, but instead she used the kids as a weapon.

He may not regret having kids, but will definitely suffer the dysfunction that ensues if things aren't resolved.

He may have done himself a service by not posting any more, because the answer lies with him and her, not us.

The classic shrink/patient dialog is:

shrink: "Tell me what you think and how you feel."

patient: "I need answers doc and I need them now."

shrink: "You have to tell me your story and by doing so reveal the best course of action, I don't have any answers."

I've logged a lot of time in therapy (wife refused both for herself & kids, but when she finally

tried going, wanted to exclude me from the process). Naturally they gave up after a short time.

Never has any therapist suggested an answer that didn't come from me first. Even if I was thinking

it I couldn't say it or admit it.

He just helped bring it out.

[muñequita linda 0]

I think the o.p. will not giving up soon, perhaps he STILL hoping that he can change her. she may be will change but also,there is a big posibility she will NEVER change. so, the o.p. must decide for himself whether he want to stay with her without it, or find someone else who will satisfy and make him happy.

I hope he will find the solution to their marriage

I don't believe anyone has ever succeeded in changing anyone else unless the changee is in diapers.

No relationship is 100% satisfactory, but where my fiancee & I are concerned, I think we both say

"what you see is what you get." One can try to influence the other, but they can only change themselves.

There are areas where she excells and where I want to follow this good example and there are other

areas where she wants to follow me. That's give & take. The follower has to WANT to follow.

I had 20+ years of "hoping she would change" (wife) and she never did, not by anything I said nor by

my example of being supportive and non-threatening. She interpreted my strength to be apathy. because

I didn't go down to her level of verbal abuse. I was guilty, however, of holding too much in that I

should have let out in some way.

If he doesn't let it out he won't get to her. She may not even be conscious of why she is behaving this

way (frigid, self conscious, fearful) but to her it seems normal and natural and to him it's a nightmare.

The worst thing that could happen is for her to play the "lets have kids" card. Been there, done that.

I thought it would change her for the better, mellow her out, but instead she used the kids as a weapon.

He may not regret having kids, but will definitely suffer the dysfunction that ensues if things aren't resolved.

He may have done himself a service by not posting any more, because the answer lies with him and her, not us.

The classic shrink/patient dialog is:

shrink: "Tell me what you think and how you feel."

patient: "I need answers doc and I need them now."

shrink: "You have to tell me your story and by doing so reveal the best course of action, I don't have any answers."

I've logged a lot of time in therapy (wife refused both for herself & kids, but when she finally

tried going, wanted to exclude me from the process). Naturally they gave up after a short time.

Never has any therapist suggested an answer that didn't come from me first. Even if I was thinking

it I couldn't say it or admit it.

He just helped bring it out.

Nice analysis of the interconnected elements, Dr. Phil!