Do I stand a chance?

[john_and_marlene 162]

I am sorry that he got burned. But it is not healthy or fair to become suspicious of every one else on account of one person.

I am suspicious of you on your account, just based on the below info. YOU posted:

my time line is:

-got married in April 2003 in my country.

-ex-husband applied for K-1 visa in May 2003

-got K-1 and K-2 Visas in June 2004.

-came to USA in Oct 2004

-got conditional green cards in June 2005

-my daughter was sent back home because of the unsafe environment in July 2005

-divorce filed by husband, as I did not have filing fees in Oct 2005.

-I signed the divorce papers in Nov 2005 and came back to my country.

-divorce decree awarded by court in Jan 2006, my lawyer represented me at the court.

No. I think you are misunderstanding me. Probably because of the missing information.

We got here in Oct 2004. At that time it was just me , my daughter and my then husband.

His son got back from UK end of January 2005. For the first couple of months he did not get into any drugs or porno stuff and his friends were nice boys.

Then he made friends with junkies, got into drugs and pornogrpahy, breaking in the house with his friends in early morning hours and other stuff. That started happening around April/ May. And things went bad pretty quickly. That was when I really felt that my daughter was not safe there.

You say his son got back home at the end of Jan. '05 and didn't start doing drugs and/or watching porno until April or May of that same year. So basically, you and your daughter stayed in that "unsafe" environment throughout the whole month of June, which coincidentally is the month you got your GCs in, then exactly a month later (July) you sent your daughter back home, but already with a GC in hand.

If it was so "unsafe" and "dangerous" to live in the same household before you both got your GCs; why did you then wait until AFTER you got your GCs to leave?

dmartmar,

While occasionally you do have an acute perception of possible underpinnings, in this case, *if* an alien was only intent upon tolerating a union/relationship until receiving a green card, and once in his/her trusty hands,promptly move to terminate the marriage, why on earth would the alien move out of the country? Wouldn't "down the street" have achieved your alledged objective?

I don't think he looks at the positives of any case, he only points out individual conditions that support his suspicious mind. I must say that in many posts similar to this, there are no positives, but that is not the case here.

[Boiler 43,622]

I am sorry that he got burned. But it is not healthy or fair to become suspicious of every one else on account of one person.

I am suspicious of you on your account, just based on the below info. YOU posted:

my time line is:

-got married in April 2003 in my country.

-ex-husband applied for K-1 visa in May 2003

-got K-1 and K-2 Visas in June 2004.

-came to USA in Oct 2004

-got conditional green cards in June 2005

-my daughter was sent back home because of the unsafe environment in July 2005

-divorce filed by husband, as I did not have filing fees in Oct 2005.

-I signed the divorce papers in Nov 2005 and came back to my country.

-divorce decree awarded by court in Jan 2006, my lawyer represented me at the court.

No. I think you are misunderstanding me. Probably because of the missing information.

We got here in Oct 2004. At that time it was just me , my daughter and my then husband.

His son got back from UK end of January 2005. For the first couple of months he did not get into any drugs or porno stuff and his friends were nice boys.

Then he made friends with junkies, got into drugs and pornogrpahy, breaking in the house with his friends in early morning hours and other stuff. That started happening around April/ May. And things went bad pretty quickly. That was when I really felt that my daughter was not safe there.

You say his son got back home at the end of Jan. '05 and didn't start doing drugs and/or watching porno until April or May of that same year. So basically, you and your daughter stayed in that "unsafe" environment throughout the whole month of June, which coincidentally is the month you got your GCs in, then exactly a month later (July) you sent your daughter back home, but already with a GC in hand.

If it was so "unsafe" and "dangerous" to live in the same household before you both got your GCs; why did you then wait until AFTER you got your GCs to leave?

dmartmar,

While occasionally you do have an acute perception of possible underpinnings, in this case, *if* an alien was only intent upon tolerating a union/relationship until receiving a green card, and once in his/her trusty hands,promptly move to terminate the marriage, why on earth would the alien move out of the country? Wouldn't "down the street" have achieved your alledged objective?

I had the same thought when I first saw this post, but decided on the benefit of doubt for this very reason.

[dmartmar 1]

dmartmar,

While occasionally you do have an acute perception of possible underpinnings, in this case, *if* an alien was only intent upon tolerating a union/relationship until receiving a green card, and once in his/her trusty hands,promptly move to terminate the marriage, why on earth would the alien move out of the country? Wouldn't "down the street" have achieved your alledged objective?

Then why on earth would the alien want to return to the US?

[Sweetgirl 0]

dmartmar,

While occasionally you do have an acute perception of possible underpinnings, in this case, *if* an alien was only intent upon tolerating a union/relationship until receiving a green card, and once in his/her trusty hands,promptly move to terminate the marriage, why on earth would the alien move out of the country? Wouldn't "down the street" have achieved your alledged objective?

Then why on earth would the alien want to return to the US?

Hi! My God! What are you talking about here?

I absolutely disagree with you about the Leila's intention to get married for the Green Card.

I can tell you why would she wanna go back to the U.S. As she said that she is having the very difficult situation in her home country and especially her little daughter future is gonna be unpredicted under these terrible circumstances going on in her country.

Her home country is against her and her innocent daughter and actually ,as far as i know, in the Arabic countries women are treated not very good by the men, and women are not allowed to professionally succed there as well and especially that she got divorced and came back to her home country everyone and not just men are gonna be negative to her. She is facing a very difficult situation from the psychological and emotional point of view.

Yes ,she has made a little mistake by marrying that abusive american guy also as you basically cant really know who are you dating to until you marry them and thats when the real personality comes up bad or good,depends,but it doesent mean that she has to suffer emotionally from his bad actions and incase of divorce to be returned back to her home country.

The marriage was entered in good faith and thats what matters.Who cares further?

Its basically none one elses business. She absolutely didnt commit any fraudulent act.

We are here for to help her and not to judge her.

Laila,you should come back to the US as soon as possible .As if you overstay a year ,you might have problems in the US customs.

Best Wishes.

Sincerely.

[pj1959us 0]

She absolutely didnt commit any fraudulent act.

Excluding being married in her country, applying for a K-1 and marrying again in the US, of course.

But, as has been said, none of our business and since we shouldn't wish ill will, then the best of luck to she and her child. Sorry that you have had such problems after trying to rebuild your life and hope that issues are resolved for you.

[Donna A 4]

i have a question. if u have a child from a previous marriege why didnt they harass u after that divorse but they are now?

[laila 0]

i have a question. if u have a child from a previous marriege why didnt they harass u after that divorse but they are now?

I had to face the stigma and isolation before too, after my first divorce. But it was not so strong because:

-my father was alive then and he was my support. And did not let any one within the family say or do any thing negative to me or my daughter.

- my daughter was very young then, so she did not face or suffer from the stigma.

-that marriage was arranged by my family, and over the years my family could see for themselves how much I wa s going through. So my family did not blame me for it not being a success. They blamed themselves.

In case of my second marriage and divorce, I had so much more problems because:

- It was my choice. And honestly I had known him for 3 months only prior to marriage, and he was long distance, living in USA.

- My daughter is now much grown up and feels every slight and every slurr very very much.

- My father (God bless his soul) is no longer here to protect us.

- Second divorce ( even though I did not ask for it nor file for it) is , according to my family and others I know is the worst thing that can happen to a woman. They think since I chose to marry this man, so I must be at fault, and must be condemned.

As for marrying him first and then applying for K-1 visa. That decision was not mine. It was my ex-husband's. I did not know any thing about US Immigration laws at that time. So whatever he said I believed and agreed to.

Edited July 15, 2006 by laila

[dmartmar 1]

This is the first case I've ever heard of where the abuser, not the abused, walks out of the marriage and files for divorce.

[laila 0]

This is the first case I've ever heard of where the abuser, not the abused, walks out of the marriage and files for divorce.

Yes I should have been the one to walk out on him. But I did not want a second divorce. And I wanted us to work on our marriage so that it would be a happy marriage.

It is very hard for an outsider to understand the dynamics of a couple's relationship, and what goes on within a house and why. There is a lot more I don't want to reveal. But it was me who walked out after I found that his family who lives here , specially his mother and his sister-in-law are way too involved and interfering and want him to divorce me. Like they had want him to divorce his previous wives. He had been threatening to throw me out of the house. He kept telling me that he plays dirty. So I just told him that I don't play dirty, and I won't stoop to his level. And I saught help from an NGO and walked out. The reason I did not file for divorce was that I did not have money to do so. The reason I did not fight him in the court was that I had heard from his family and himself, how he had made his ex-wife number two suffer in the court. I did not want any of that.

Dmartmar, you will not understand this. So please go on with your staunch belief that I married my ex-husband for green card. And that I used him.

I don't have the energy or even the reason or rationale it to explain it to you. Be happy!

[dmartmar 1]

Laila,

just let me point out the amount of times you contradict yourself in your posts, then tell me if I have reasons to believe that you only entered into marriage fraudulently. Shall we begin?

1st, you say this:

Here is my brief story. I got married to a US citizen, after a whirlwind romance in my country.

Although we were legally married, he applied for a K-1 visa for me and a K-2 for my daughter from a previous marriage, saying it would take less time for us to get to the USA.

But then, you say this:

In the case of my second marriage and divorce, I had much more problems because:

-It was my choice. And honestly, I only had known him 3 months prior to marriage. He was long distance, living in the USA.

Then...

I think that if they ask me why I stayed outside the USA for so long, I would be able to answer satisfactorily. But if they ask me about my marriage, husband or current address, I would have a hard time coming up with answers that are neither lies, nor compromise my case either. I hope they won't ask any questions at all and just wish me luck. Oh, how I wish it would be as easy and simple as that!

If your marriage was truly bona fide like you say, then there shouldn't be anything to be paranoid of, nor worrying about either. Just be honest, tell the truth, make sure that your answers and/or story adds up and last but not least, pray to God that your ex-husband's marriage fraud allegation has no bearing on your case.

Of the two below reasons, which is really the one behind you wanting to return to America?

Is it this one?

And had my daughter and I not faced any stigmatizations, I would not have thought about going back to the USA.

Or is it this one?

"...but I was studying for my USMLE exams, had enrolled in the Kaplan course, filed all exam fees with the ECFMG and still have all paperwork related to that."

And yet again, more conflicting statements! While the three below posts show just how poor you claim to have been:

As for income tax in 2005, I had no income in 2005, neither here in the USA, nor anywhere else. While married, I was a stay-at-home wife, per my ex-husband's orders.

-Divorce filed by husband, as I did not have the filing fees in Oct. 2005.

As for the divorce proceedings, I got nothing. One reason being that my lawyer was lousy. All she did for a $1,500 retainer (paid by the NGO), was make a few phone calls to my ex-husband's lawyer, answer a few of my calls, fax me a document and go to court in January 2006 for the final hearing, when I was no longer in the USA.

These other three seem to counter-claim them!

As for ties to the USA, I still have my bank account in the USA.

So, I paid a heavy price in terms of monetary loss, mental torture, emotional trauma and now, social stigmatization in my country.

I also have affadavits from the NGO, which helps victims of domestic abuse and helped me throughout the period of my divorce, from the time my husband threw me out of the house, until I returned to my country.

Why I went back to my country after the divorce? It is a long story, but like I said before, at that time my daughter had already returned to Pakistan, because of the unhealthy and in fact, dangerous environment there at home. And I could not arrange to send for her and join me in the US after my divorce.

Ok, so my questions are:

1. Where did you get the money to send your daughter back home?

2. Where did you get the money to bring your daughter back to the US?

3. Where did you get the money to send yourself back home?

4. Legal Aides DO NOT charge individuals for their services. Legal Aides get paid by the Agency they work for and don't get paid $1,500 for a divorce case. Hell, why are you even complaining about the retainer fee, when it wasn't even you who paid it? How do you even know this, when it is confidential info?

5. What do you mean you paid a heavy price in terms of monetary loss, if you had no money?

I also have affidavits from the NGO, which helps victims of domestic abuse and helped me throughout the period of my divorce, from the time my husband threw me out of the house, until I returned to my country.

As for my husband's abusive behaviour and lousy treatment, I had to call the police twice. He was careful not to hit me, for he said that if he did, it would be held against him. But all other abuses could not be seen, nor proved, so it was ok.

So how do you intend to use the VAW Act and re-enter the US, when/if there were no signs of physical abuse on you, nor any other abuses could be seen, nor proved? Seems then to me as if your domestic violence allegations were all falsely fabricated and that the NGO "helped" you back 'em up.

But NOW ladies and gentlemen, HERE'S THE KILLER POST! Read the CAPITALIZED SENTENCES!

It is very hard for an outsider to understand the dynamics of a couple's relationship, what goes on within a house and why. There is a lot more I don't want to reveal. But it was me who walked out, AFTER I FOUND OUT THAT HIS FAMILY WHO LIVES HERE, especially his mother and sister-in-law, are way too involved and interfering and want him to divorce me. Like they had wanted him to divorce his previous wives. He had been threatening to throw me out of the house. He kept telling me that he plays dirty. So I just told him I didn't play dirty and wouldn't stoop down to his level. And I sought help from an NGO and walked out. The reason I did not file for divorce was that I did not have money to do so. The reason I did not fight him in court was b/c I had heard from his family and himself, how he had made ex-wife number two suffer in court. I did not want any of that.

So Laila, are you here in the US or in Pakistan?

And I'm pretty sure you are aware that a USC divorcing his/her immigrant spouse only strengthens a domestic violence restraining order for green card purposes.

Dmartmar, you will not understand this. So please go on with your staunch belief that I married my ex-husband for green card. And that I used him.

Yes, I DO understand this. I was in your husband's shoes about 8 mos. ago, also with an Argentinian MD who had the same plans you currently have. Matter of fact, you and her must be siblings. She did the exact same things you're doing and saying.

Edited July 15, 2006 by dmartmar

[Boiler 43,622]

He has a point...

[diadromous mermaid 36]

dmartmar,

If your hypothesis is true, then laila would have to be rather a slick and well-informed alien to plan the marriage around her immigration needs. The marriage prior to K-1 and a subsequent departure for a lengthy period whilst divorcing, would not be the MO of an alien that had it all carefully planned out. In fact, it's more akin to an alien "bungling" what could have been quite an easy process.

My suspicion is that she was naive and uninformed of proper immigration protocol, made some choices that were not in her best interests and is now trying to make the best of a situation. There's nothing fraudulent about that. And to add just one more consideration, she passed USCIS muster in the AOS stage. Why are you digging for something that apparently did not seem to be germane in her adjustment process?

Laila,

just let me point out the amount of times you contradict yourself in your posts, then tell me if I have reasons to believe that you only entered into marriage fraudulently. Shall we begin?

1st, you say this:

Here is my brief story. I got married to a US citizen, after a whirlwind romance in my country.

Although we were legally married, he applied for a K-1 visa for me and a K-2 for my daughter from a previous marriage, saying it would take less time for us to get to the USA.

But then, you say this:

In the case of my second marriage and divorce, I had much more problems because:

-It was my choice. And honestly, I only had known him 3 months prior to marriage. He was long distance, living in the USA.

Then...

I think that if they ask me why I stayed outside the USA for so long, I would be able to answer satisfactorily. But if they ask me about my marriage, husband or current address, I would have a hard time coming up with answers that are neither lies, nor compromise my case either. I hope they won't ask any questions at all and just wish me luck. Oh, how I wish it would be as easy and simple as that!

If your marriage was truly bona fide like you say, then there shouldn't be anything to be paranoid of, nor worrying about either. Just be honest, tell the truth, make sure that your answers and/or story adds up and last but not least, pray to God that your ex-husband's marriage fraud allegation has no bearing on your case.

Of the two below reasons, which is really the one behind you wanting to return to America?

Is it this one?

And had my daughter and I not faced any stigmatizations, I would not have thought about going back to the USA.

Or is it this one?

"...but I was studying for my USMLE exams, had enrolled in the Kaplan course, filed all exam fees with the ECFMG and still have all paperwork related to that."

And yet again, more conflicting statements! While the three below posts show just how poor you claim to have been:

As for income tax in 2005, I had no income in 2005, neither here in the USA, nor anywhere else. While married, I was a stay-at-home wife, per my ex-husband's orders.

-Divorce filed by husband, as I did not have the filing fees in Oct. 2005.

As for the divorce proceedings, I got nothing. One reason being that my lawyer was lousy. All she did for a $1,500 retainer (paid by the NGO), was make a few phone calls to my ex-husband's lawyer, answer a few of my calls, fax me a document and go to court in January 2006 for the final hearing, when I was no longer in the USA.

These other three seem to counter-claim them!

As for ties to the USA, I still have my bank account in the USA.

So, I paid a heavy price in terms of monetary loss, mental torture, emotional trauma and now, social stigmatization in my country.

I also have affadavits from the NGO, which helps victims of domestic abuse and helped me throughout the period of my divorce, from the time my husband threw me out of the house, until I returned to my country.

Why I went back to my country after the divorce? It is a long story, but like I said before, at that time my daughter had already returned to Pakistan, because of the unhealthy and in fact, dangerous environment there at home. And I could not arrange to send for her and join me in the US after my divorce.

Ok, so my questions are:

1. Where did you get the money to send your daughter back home?

2. Where did you get the money to bring your daughter back to the US?

3. Where did you get the money to send yourself back home?

4. Legal Aides DO NOT charge individuals for their services. Legal Aides get paid by the Agency they work for and don't get paid $1,500 for a divorce case. Hell, why are you even complaining about the retainer fee, when it wasn't even you who paid it? How do you even know this, when it is confidential info?

5. What do you mean you paid a heavy price in terms of monetary loss, if you had no money?

I also have affidavits from the NGO, which helps victims of domestic abuse and helped me throughout the period of my divorce, from the time my husband threw me out of the house, until I returned to my country.

As for my husband's abusive behaviour and lousy treatment, I had to call the police twice. He was careful not to hit me, for he said that if he did, it would be held against him. But all other abuses could not be seen, nor proved, so it was ok.

So how do you intend to use the VAW Act and re-enter the US, when/if there were no signs of physical abuse on you, nor any other abuses could be seen, nor proved? Seems then to me as if your domestic violence allegations were all falsely fabricated and that the NGO "helped" you back 'em up.

But NOW ladies and gentlemen, HERE'S THE KILLER POST! Read the CAPITALIZED SENTENCES!

It is very hard for an outsider to understand the dynamics of a couple's relationship, what goes on within a house and why. There is a lot more I don't want to reveal. But it was me who walked out, AFTER I FOUND OUT THAT HIS FAMILY WHO LIVES HERE, especially his mother and sister-in-law, are way too involved and interfering and want him to divorce me. Like they had wanted him to divorce his previous wives. He had been threatening to throw me out of the house. He kept telling me that he plays dirty. So I just told him I didn't play dirty and wouldn't stoop down to his level. And I sought help from an NGO and walked out. The reason I did not file for divorce was that I did not have money to do so. The reason I did not fight him in court was b/c I had heard from his family and himself, how he had made ex-wife number two suffer in court. I did not want any of that.

So Laila, are you here in the US or in Pakistan?

And I'm pretty sure you are aware that a USC divorcing his/her immigrant spouse only strengthens a domestic violence restraining order for green card purposes.

Dmartmar, you will not understand this. So please go on with your staunch belief that I married my ex-husband for green card. And that I used him.

Yes, I DO understand this. I was in your husband's shoes about 8 mos. ago, also with an Argentinian MD who had the same plans you currently have. Matter of fact, you and her must be siblings. She did the exact same things you're doing and saying.

[laila 0]

Laila,

Ok, so my questions are:

1. Where did you get the money to send your daughter back home?

2. Where did you get the money to bring your daughter back to the US?

3. Where did you get the money to send yourself back home?

4. Legal Aides DO NOT charge individuals for their services. Legal Aides get paid by the Agency they work for and don't get paid $1,500 for a divorce case. Hell, why are you even complaining about the retainer fee, when it wasn't even you who paid it? How do you even know this, when it is confidential info?

5. What do you mean you paid a heavy price in terms of monetary loss, if you had no money?

Yes, I DO understand this. I was in your husband's shoes about 8 mos. ago, also with an Argentinian MD who had the same plans you currently have. Matter of fact, you and her must be siblings. She did the exact same things you're doing and saying.

To answer your questions briefly:

1. I sold some of my jewellary at desi jewellary store to get money for our one way ticket back to our country when things got very bad. If you know desi culture you would know that we women are given 22- K gold jewellary by our family at the time of our marriage which has good resale value.

At that time we had not reached the stage of divorce but I was sick of his abusive and humiliating behaviour, his son's drug use, and his mother and sister-in-law's efforts to destroy our marriage.

My husband then asked me to come back, to patch things up. I had told him at that time that I would just sign the papers if he would mail them to me. But he wanted me to come back. So I went back alone. Hoping things will improve. For my return ticket he sent me that much amount.

2. Things did not improve, they became worse. For going back home again after signing the divorce papers two months later, I borrowed money from a friend here.

3. The legal fee was no confidential matter. The contract was signed b/w me and the lawyer and it mentioned clearly that the NGO was paying the retainer. Why am I complaining about the lousiness of the lawyer? Because she was supposed to help me. At the time that my husband was trying to pull the very earth from under me she did nothing. Did not file a single petition. did not return my calls for days. Did not give me good advice. I know nothing about the legal system of USA. And I did not know what to do. I knew that my ex-husband was adept at using and abusing the system, judging from his past court battles, of which I knew nothing at the time of our marriage.

4. The heavy price I paid? Is money the only language you understand? I paid a heavy price in putting myself and my daughter in such an environment which nearly drove me insane. which took all my confidence away . All my self esteem too. And which caused me so much ridicule upon return to my country. Is that not a heavy price?

As for my studying for USMLE. That was my ex-husband's idea. Not mine. He forced me to do that, because he wanted the future earnings of a doctor here. And for that he was willing to make the investment in terms of USMLE fee.

If you have really been in my ex-husband's shoes then I feel true sympathy for your ex-wife.

[dmartmar 1]

dmartmar,

If your hypothesis is true, then laila would have to be a rather slick and well-informed alien to plan the marriage around her immigration needs.

Hypothesis, when I used the OP's own words to prove my point? I'm just anxiously waiting to see how "laila" responds.

The marriage prior to K-1 and a subsequent departure for a lengthy period whilst divorcing, would not be the MO of an alien that had it all carefully planned out. In fact, it's more akin to an alien "bungling" what could have been quite an easy process.

Hell, my ex-wife was being counseled all along by an immigrations atty. in Argentina, but so was I, here in the US.

My suspicion is that she was naive and uninformed of proper immigration protocol, made some choices that were not in her best interests and is now trying to make the best of a situation. There's nothing fraudulent about that. And to add just one more consideration, she passed USCIS muster in the AOS stage. Why are you digging for something that apparently did not seem to be germane in her adjustment process?

It sure seems that way to me as well, but why contradict and change her story so many times?

In other words; why lie?

[Donna A 4]

really i feel sorry for you the way ur family and friends are treating you. i just cant understand why they cant see that sometimes marrieges just dont work.

i know its hard to change people and they way they think. just be strong and do what u have to do.