MY LIFE IS AWAFUL IN AMERICA

[Nikita2Charles 31]

Como Vai,

I am sorry to hear you are going through this difficult situation, Your peace of mind is SO MUCH BETTER than the Green card, don't worry about it, Coming from Brasil it might be a difficult situation to even think of divorce but THINK of your well being. it's difficult at time adjusting to a new environment, a new country, but if you are not getting the support from your husband it can even get worse being homesick, As you said your family suspected his behavior was changing, but the love you have for him BLIND YOU from seing what was happening. I don't know the immigration effect for CRI, GO BACK TO MARRIAGE Counseling, If that doesn't work GO BACK TO BRASIL, then he might realize he can't take you for granted, why he went through that whole process only be be acting like a Jerk.

Um Beijo!

Edited March 9, 2009 by Nikita2Charles

[Fizz 1]

maybe i am missing something here but i dont see signs of abuse. did he hit you? i think you said he did not. after seeing you emailing other men he got angry and accused you of cheating. i dont see that as any type of abuse. it may be jumping to conclusions but i dont see it as abuse. then later you look at his phone and see text messages from a girl. you seem to jump to a conclusion that he is cheating on you. so basically you both did the same thing.

there definitely seems to be a communication problem. before just giving up on the relationship do you think it would be wise to try some type of counseling together?

[Monica&Isha 0]

I'm sorry to hear that. This is so sad. I think we all are scared of this happening to us. Long distance relationships are very complicated. We wait one year to be together and so many things have changed by the time we get there...

But I agree with the people who said your peace of mind is more important than the greencard. I know it is hard because you have already left all things back in your country. But at least there you have family and people to support you emotionally. It is a good idea to look for a church while you're in California, not only catholic, but there are other churches such as baptist that have specific services and missions with immigrants. They very often have people to help you with the legal part and the emotional part too.

God bless you!

[Johnny G 0]

Hello,

It may help if you two give time and separate for a little bit and see what happen. You have the right to be happy. I am sure you can change your status from CR1 to IR1.

Just something I noticed in your title. I guess you meant (United States of America) when you put only AMERICA. If you were born in Brazil then you are an American cause you were born in the American Continent.

[miss g 1]

Hello,

It may help if you two give time and separate for a little bit and see what happen. You have the right to be happy. I am sure you can change your status from CR1 to IR1.

Just something I noticed in your title. I guess you meant (United States of America) when you put only AMERICA. If you were born in Brazil then you are an American cause you were born in the American Continent.

omg is now the tme to be pedantic.. we understood what she meant.. why do people have to try and teach grammar and syntax on here.. missed your calling in life?

anyways im sorry to hear about your problems. i think you need to find out from the friends what is up id ask

[Ginger cat 3]

Hello,

It may help if you two give time and separate for a little bit and see what happen. You have the right to be happy. I am sure you can change your status from CR1 to IR1.

Just something I noticed in your title. I guess you meant (United States of America) when you put only AMERICA. If you were born in Brazil then you are an American cause you were born in the American Continent.

omg is now the tme to be pedantic.. we understood what she meant.. why do people have to try and teach grammar and syntax on here.. missed your calling in life?

anyways im sorry to hear about your problems. i think you need to find out from the friends what is up id ask

i am sorry but he is right to correct. it's like for kids, if we do'nt say them if we don't correct them, they will never know how to speak correctly.

DANG!

I am all for this.

and i am not an english speaker.

[miss g 1]

theres a time and place for everything.. when someone's life is falling around them in tatters there's no need..

if youre not an english speaker why are you writing in english?

[Cuchita 1]

Marriage is a lottery you play and don't know if you will win, if you think you don't know the person quite well then don't get engaged and married!.

The problem I see here is that the guy married her because he felt bad dumping her after all this time!. So my advise to all girls reading this is that the green card won't bring you happines, if you think the guy doesn't love U anymore, just don't force him to marry you. Plus if you don't have any close relatives you can count on here in the USA then don't come.

Take care,

[Johnny G 0]

Hello,

It may help if you two give time and separate for a little bit and see what happen. You have the right to be happy. I am sure you can change your status from CR1 to IR1.

Just something I noticed in your title. I guess you meant (United States of America) when you put only AMERICA. If you were born in Brazil then you are an American cause you were born in the American Continent.

omg is now the tme to be pedantic.. we understood what she meant.. why do people have to try and teach grammar and syntax on here.. missed your calling in life?

anyways im sorry to hear about your problems. i think you need to find out from the friends what is up id ask

You are funny!! I guess you got the point. Good job!!

[DanielParul 50]

theres a time and place for everything.. when someone's life is falling around them in tatters there's no need..

if youre not an english speaker why are you writing in english?

People forget that english is not the first language for almost half of the people on VJ. Some don't even speak the language, let alone be correct when they do.

[Whippy 0]

I am very sorry to hear of your troubles

I hope this does not sound cold but I would suggest gathering copies of these e-mails (and anything else you find) from this other gal in case you need to use it as evidence in court.

[NANDA 0]

Querida....if you wanna talk in Portuguese...send me a e-mail.

Eu sinto muito que vc esteja passando por isso.

Nao me acho capaz de dar nenhum conselho sobre as leis...mas posso ajuda-la a encontrar ajuda.

Big hug, NANDA

[Carlos and Jocel 2]

Hello, all...

I´m wrting to get some help... I got in US in the end of january, and since then, my experiencce isn´t well. I am feeling very lonely and have no one that is able to understand me. Here is a short context of my relationship:

We met almost 6 years ago in my country,

Six months later, I moved in with him in California, in a tourist visa. I stayed there legal for almost 2 years, then I had to move back to my country , but we never ended up our relationship. After 2 years, we married and after that, I waited for my green card approval for a year.

While I was in my country, I lived in my bedroom, without going out and never hanging out with my friends... I juste worked, went to college and came home to wait for his call. He never lived with me. Just visited me every 2 months... it was very pleasent and we had great love to each other. my family loves him to death and his family came to visit me in my country. They do love me too. However, during the course of the Visa journey, I realized that he didnt have any interst on the visa situation even paying a lawyer to help me... and I didnt have anyone to share my steps- acomplkishments like NOA1, NOA 2... NVC... Interview.... I felt very lonely.

In this meanwhile, we had our first marriage anniversary and he forgot... he never called me. His mother called me, but he forgot.

I started getiing so frustrating because i had to deal with the pressurew by myself... my family were pretty scared wacthicn it, and one time, they asked kevin if he really wanted me... he was upset and felt insulted... one month before my interview appointment being schedule, I fell ill and I had nobody to share my deeply sadness, even with him calling me many times a day.

time went by, and I got my interview. I was all alone. And went I told him (so excited) that I have passed , He said, "OH, Okay! Good! I ´m very happy". Then, I thought I would meet him imediatly, and he setup my flight to US for 3 weeks later... he said he need time to set up some things for my arriaval: HE MOVED OUT FROM HIS OLD APARTMENT SUDDENLY AND DIDN GIVE A CHANCE TO CHOSE OUR HOME.

I was hurted, and had nobody to share. I felt terrible bad and didnt know what to do... I knew things werent right.

I landed in US, he picked me up with the coldest flower buquet ever....I was weard... I couldnt pretend every thing was fine, because it wasn´t.

The days went buy, and I tryied my best to make that workout, even, with no words from him about the real problem: there was something it wasn´t right, and both of us knew it. Then, by the time I started getting to know his new friends, things even more weard strated happening: most of them avoided talking about my husband´s past especially because they all were neighborns in the old apartment. They avoided showing me pictures, they made weard faces when by accident somebody mention any thing about him going out to parties and etc. Just to mention: I WOULD´NT HAVE ANY PROBLEMS WITH HIM GOING OUT TO PARTIES IN THIS 3 YEARS WHILE I WAS GONE, SINCE HE HAD SHARE THAT WITH ME, AND NOT PRETEND HIS PAIN WAS SAME LIKE MINE. So, I eventually caught evidences he had a way funnier life then I...

Another weard thing happened also: he started getting into my e-mails and MSN and getting very jeoulous about my friends talk, and especially with my guy friends who I most of the time chat by internet because I was not social in my country at all. He became very aggressive morally, he yeal at me, he accused me of cheating him, he almost hit me..he used very bad words , things I never heard in my whole life. he humiliated me in front of my friend who was visiting me. he said painful words. and I never had done wnything bad to him. I never dated anyone, I never flirted, I never even got out of my room for 3 years.

So, he kept me humiliating me for 4 days straight.. and on the 5th, I told him I wanted to leave him. He freaked out, and trying to do everything was possible to changed my mind. Same day, He went out, acctually inveted me to go meet another friend, but there wasnt atmosphere for me, os course, and I said no, you go. He came back home, 3 am, extremely intoxicated screaming I was the love of his life. We ended up making up.

The next morning, his blackberry bipped, he didnt woke up, so I went to answer his phone, then I saw there was a woman message, I mean, over 20 txt message from him invitinmg her to go out with him same night after I said no, and 3 pictures of a girl in his file.

So, my heart was deeply hurted... I so myself in bed, shocked... frustrated, even more humiliated... This man almost hitted me after accusing me of having affairs with no eveidences of anythings, just because I have guy friends as any other person... and now, I caught pictures, chats...

WHAT ELSE DO I NEED, MY GOSH....

I dont know what to do... I have know idea how much a divorce would complicate my GREEN CARD SITUATION SINCE I AM CR1 and I am living with him only for a month...

If I divorce him, what is going to happen with me... Will I be forced to come back to my country....

I read something that for me to file for a divorce in California, I would be permanent residence for at leats 6 months.....

Please, anyone, help me.

@@@ THAT'S BAD AND YOU ARE IN VERY BAD SITUATION. IF YOU KEEP LETTING HIM DO THAT TO YOU, WORST MAY YET TO COME. DON'T LET THAT GUY ABUSE YOU PHYSICALLY OR MENTALLY OR EMOTIONALLY, IT IS NOT WORTH IT TO LIVE YOUR LIFE LIKE THAT. SOME WILL RECOMMEND COUNSELING AND SOME MOVE ON. THOSE 6 YEARS YOU HAVE BEEN IN AND OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP MAY HAVE AFFECTED THE RELATIONSHIP ITSELF.... YOU NEED TO ASK YOURSELF... IS IT WORTH THE PAIN TO LIVE LIKE THAT EVERYDAY...? ONLY YOU CAN MAKE THAT DECISIONS... THERE ARE SOME AGENCY THAT MAY BE ABLE TO HELP YOU !

[Ban Hammer 12,842]

theres a time and place for everything.. when someone's life is falling around them in tatters there's no need..

if youre not an english speaker why are you writing in english?

because it's english only outside of the regional forums.

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

theres a time and place for everything.. when someone's life is falling around them in tatters there's no need..

if youre not an english speaker why are you writing in english?

ARE YOU SERIOUS! Of all the things to say!