Fiance Relationship Issues

[CanuckmeetsYank 0]

Hang in there, and remember, you are a man, who tends to often think in facts and very logic based patterns, you are dealing with a woman who tends to often think first with emotion, and here the greatest emotion is the seperation from the person she loves....

Or it could just be that this whole process is overwhelming for her..and what is the point of going over it point by point everytime you talk to eachother...it wont change the fact that this is a waiting game. Once things start moving again she will take more interest I am sure. If you get caught up in the facts you loose sight of why you are doing all this....just my opinion. Maybe you should try being a bit more sensative about the whole thing. I am sure she feels as though her life is in limbo much like the rest of us...waiting to hear when you got the okay to move your life and start over, and when you will be together again.

[meauxna 15]

Maria&Robert,

My husband has his interview and oath to become a US citizen next month.

For the past 4 years, he's signed where I showed him, studied what I gave him and smiled and gave fingerprints when asked.

He's also one of THE most detail oriented people I've ever met, is a native English speaker and was eager to move to the US.

Immigration just became my department. He is interested, but in the Event Days. Filing a form, attending an interview, passing a POE, those are the landmarks he pays attention to. He doesn't know from a NOA even though he has received many. I was/am simply, more interested.

There is no *one* way to do any of this. You may be overwhelming yourself with responsibilities in all this, taking care of everything, and aren't feeling supported by her. She might be feeling like nothing is happening that's leading her toward being with you, but isn't interested in the details.

I've got no advice, just another perspective to share. Good luck.

Edited June 12, 2006 by meauxna

[jen&darcy 0]

You'd be surprised at just how much immigrants do know about US visa processes, even moreso than American citizens themselves!

Let's play the devil's advocate game, using your case as an example.

Think about this for a second: of all the men that were available in Argentina when you first met your fiancee, she picked you, an American citizen, who just so happened to be there on vacation. Do you really think she had no knowledge that marrying a US citizen equals a Green Card? I mean, c'mon. Everybody in the whole wide World knows that!

Why are you 'dmartmar' always so negative?

Back to the original post on this topic, I can relate. My fiance just popped on here last week to say, 'hello'. Frankly, I am surprised he remembered the website's name. He doesn't really want the details either. He just wants to know what he needs to fill out, time and place for the interview. Its not that he doesn't care he just gets confused with everything that is going on in this every confusing process.

Edited June 12, 2006 by jen&darcy

[Alex+R 0]

I have the same problem! Sometimes it makes me a bit angry. I feel like while we are JUST about to file this thing, and this whole IMBRA/shifting-function-of-service-centers issue is happening right now, that it is a BIG deal, and he will just say "Ok, but I don't have to send anything else in the mail do I?" GRR.

I feel like I have to do all the worrying about this, and he just says "well, if it's too much work just move here and we'll get married here." Which, because of my impending grad school, is not exactly practical. I know he means well, and is doing what he can, but sometimes I wish he were thinking about this stuff half as much as I am, because then maybe I would be only going half as crazy!

Anyway... I feel your pain!

[Razor 0]

You'd be surprised at just how much immigrants do know about US visa processes, even moreso than American citizens themselves!

Let's play the devil's advocate game, using your case as an example.

Think about this for a second: of all the men that were available in Argentina when you first met your fiancee, she picked you, an American citizen, who just so happened to be there on vacation. Do you really think she had no knowledge that marrying a US citizen equals a Green Card? I mean, c'mon. Everybody in the whole wide World knows that!

It takes two to tango if your fiancé "picked" you for a green card I feel sorry for you. my fiancé has asked me to move to her country to live there.

Edited June 12, 2006 by Razor

[Kajikit 65]

I can't get your fiance to you any faster... but here's a suggestion to help stop the money-haemmorage and to keep you in touch. My fiance spent a FORTUNE keeping in phone contact with me and then he found the globaltalk phonecard at phonecardsforsale.com , which we still use to talk to my family. It says that the rate to Argentina is 1.6c a minute...

As for your original question, my fiance wasn't interested in the actual process of getting me there -all he really wanted to know were the big things, like my medical and interview...

[Anna Sif 0]

It seems the general situation here is that there's usually one "VJer fan/paperwork organiser/Visa expert" in the couple (in my case, it's me) who takes care of the details and the other, while interested, leaves the bulk of the work to the "expert".

That's definitely my case, i did all the research, prepared the papers and sent them to my fiance with (literally) yellow post its explaining where to sign (+ another note reminding him to peel off the post-its before sending the petition!!), but that's becuase i am a bit of a control freak and an organiser and i enjoy doing it. And my man is only too happy to let me do it!

But going back to your post, I think you should talk to your fiancee about it if it bothers you, if you want her to get more involved in the proccess, and defintely about your finantial situation and why you can't go visit her at the moment. From what you say: doesn't she work? Maybe she could try to find a job and help cover the costs of a flight?

[hockeygal 0]

i did all the research, prepared the papers and sent them to my fiance with (literally) yellow post its explaining where to sign (+ another note reminding him to peel off the post-its before sending the petition!!)

That is exactly what I did. I even told him to count 7 signatures, or he missed something.

[Brandon225 0]

It seems to me that your fiancee should be a little bit more understanding, it seems ridiculous to pay her cell phone bills when she can just as easily use a home phone...from the situation you described, it does seem as if she may be after other things. My fiancee is Colombian, and while she has never done even the smallest thing to make me suspect she is after anything but my love, I do realize there are women that are after such things. (She has described some of the comments her "friends" have made) As for the process itself, I have explained to her, and she has done her on research as well. She lives with her parents and rarely asks me for anything. If anything, I am talking her into taking some money. I think once and a while you should take a step back from your relationship and take a different point of view, because love can often cloud your judgment. While Argentina is an awesome country, obviously there arent as many opportunities. I dont think you can compare the situation to someone in the U.K. because the U.K. is a developed country with much of the same opportunites in the U.S.

Just my two sense.

Brandon

[Karen_L 1]

i did all the research, prepared the papers and sent them to my fiance with (literally) yellow post its explaining where to sign (+ another note reminding him to peel off the post-its before sending the petition!!)

That is exactly what I did. I even told him to count 7 signatures, or he missed something.

LOL! I did that too. It's not that I think my fiance' is stupid or incompetant... but if we lose the visa because he didn't sign his name properly... I'll kill him! lol

[pnd629 0]

Yep I am the USC and she is the beneficiary.

due to the cost of paying still for everything on her side and my side and also paying like crazy to stay in constant contact and for her cellphone bills and for her leisure money

I often worked two jobs in 05 and 06 and still it wasnt enough.

It is none of my business--but why are you paying for her cell phone and giving her leisure money???

How did this woman pay her bills before you started sending her money?

I think your fiance needs a lesson in economics. There is more than the visa process that she doesn't understand.

[Maria&Robert 0]

Thanks very much everyone for all the help and advice.

I really wasnt sure what to expect as to whether or not there is anyone else dealing with any ........mmm.......resentment (maybe thats too strong a word) over some of the balances of the relationship in this long distance fiance foriegn visa marathon that we are all running in.

I first posted here to vent a little bit of one of the many emotions I, and we all go through day to day during this process. Maybe I got carried away during complaining because over all, all in all, honestly, I love my fiance and cant believe Ive found someone like her in life. Im glad I was smart enough to see in her what is really there, and now that I see it Id be a fool to let her go. So I will fight forever for this.

Ill shed some light on why my fiance is 1. not currently working and 2. is not after a green card.

My fiance isnt a player type at all. Like me, due to events from the past, relationships and loyalty are not a game. I wouldnt be with someone for so long that I did not believe in completely in every way. She is the same way.

She was raised by her aunts and grandparents and idolizes her grandmother and family and is stuck to her grandmothers side like a barnicle. And she is fiercely loyal and would defend her loved ones at all costs.

We've considered, and have tried, living in Argentina. But, without a DNI card, and with not much luck for me in freelance English Teaching over there we decided to give it a try in the United States.

The kind of person who would marry someone for a green card is someone who is looking to get ahead at all costs. My fiance is not. This whole moving to America thing is very daunting for her, she is only doing it because she loves me so much and is so fiercely loyal that she would put her self in this a situation so that we could be together.

My fiance may be a little bit depressed at times, she is dying for us to finally be together and begin a family. For me, sending money to her is the least I can do. It is hard to find work down there and the conversion rate is so huge softens the blow quite a bit.

My only true qualm is that money is exactly what has kept us from reuniting for so long. Ive stretched my heart and soul and mind and self to limits Ive never known exist within me, for this relationship in this last two years. Its been an adventure. Its sometimes very difficult but I imagine that if I can survive this and if she can survive this it will have been worth the trouble and heartache and the wait.

The mind blowing thing is that that Maria and I are just one of maybe thousands of couples experiencing the same thing. Its an amazing, humbling thing. Good luck to all of us. Woooohooo!!!!

[meauxna 15]

Well, im doing the best I can and the best I ever have done in my life, this year, since July 05, to get everything worked out for me and my fiance.

Hold the farm.

You say this, but you've just said that you were in Argentina?

Did you never see this?

http://buenosaires.usembassy.gov/family_ba...immigrants.html

"US citizens legally residing in Argentina and some US citizens marrying resident Argentines may file a petition at the US Embassy in Buenos Aires."

Or this?

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...custom&page=dcf

It would certainly be a money-saver.

[ssica_molanay 0]

I have been with Jamal for just over a year we just began this process in May but before that i had a divorce to get through . at first try the judge denied me a divorce. In all that i learned about him it was so hard for him to be far and not be able to help to not even be able to emotionally support me here. although he did his best being far. We made an agreement knowing it would be a long time till we are together forever we decided to not talk about it. i would do the papers here and he would get ready what he needs there and just when there is news we would discuss it. Otherwise we will just spend our nites talking about anything and everything else just so as not to focus on how hard and lengthly the process is. As far as the green card thing Jamal won something like a lottery to come here before we met he turned it down before meeting me he never thought of living here. I have three little girls who we agree would benefit more being raised here then in Morocco which is the only reason he is coming here

[Maria&Robert 0]

Well, im doing the best I can and the best I ever have done in my life, this year, since July 05, to get everything worked out for me and my fiance.

Hold the farm.

You say this, but you've just said that you were in Argentina?

Did you never see this?

http://buenosaires.usembassy.gov/family_ba...immigrants.html

"US citizens legally residing in Argentina and some US citizens marrying resident Argentines may file a petition at the US Embassy in Buenos Aires."

Or this?

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...custom&page=dcf

It would certainly be a money-saver.

I really appreciate your fervor man. Its great. Unfortunately that family based immigration petition doesnt include fiances. The reason we chose k1 over k3 is because i had heard many times that while k3 is basically a garantee of a visa, the wait is much much longer.

I dont think I knew about that family based immigration at the time that I was there in Argentina. I was there in 2004 from Jan-May and in 2005 from April- July. It would have been a great option to get married there and get the family based immigration in order to be together while waiting, but I dont think we knew until towards the end of my last stay there we wanted to be together so much that even long distance couldnt daunt us.

Hmmmm. It may not be bad idea to consider this tho in case things dont work out with this fiance visa. Maria is reallly having a hard time, she really is. Im not entirely sure that she can endure another 4 or 5 months. If push comes to shove maybe flying down there and gettingmarried and then going for this would be an option. Thanks man im going to look into this.

Hopefully this Fiance Process will give us a break soon tho, for all of us, if so, it would be better to just go ahead and finish it once and for all.

I have been with Jamal for just over a year we just began this process in May but before that i had a divorce to get through . at first try the judge denied me a divorce. In all that i learned about him it was so hard for him to be far and not be able to help to not even be able to emotionally support me here. although he did his best being far. We made an agreement knowing it would be a long time till we are together forever we decided to not talk about it. i would do the papers here and he would get ready what he needs there and just when there is news we would discuss it. Otherwise we will just spend our nites talking about anything and everything else just so as not to focus on how hard and lengthly the process is. As far as the green card thing Jamal won something like a lottery to come here before we met he turned it down before meeting me he never thought of living here. I have three little girls who we agree would benefit more being raised here then in Morocco which is the only reason he is coming here

Thats good ssica, I hope this goes quickly as possible for you. You sure can learn alot on this forum its been a huge blessing. Man what a trip long distance relationships are. It shows alot of character and strength about the people who are able to get through this and are willing to be together at all costs.