Restored!

[sereia 0]

so happy for you two!!!! i look forward to hearing more great news in the future!

[rheanick 42]

I'm happy for you guys!!!

God do answer prayers!

[DEDixon 39]

Valsu said:

After speaking with her about everything, she told me that if I find another place for my mother to live, she promses to come home--since they cannot get along. I have gladly already made those arrangements prior to our discussion, and was able to give her that good news. My mother will be in her own place on 12/13/2008, and I was hoping to have my wife home by then.

This time my wife was very calm, and cried a little. I explained to her how much I love her, and I asked her straightway if she truly loved me and wanted to come home? She told me she loved me very much, and wanted to come home, and did not want to be deported away from her family. She confessed that the original reason she left was because she could no longer trust my mother after certain situations, and was going to wait for my mother to leave before coming home.

So all that crying was because of your mom? She said nothing about the miscarriage folks, it was all because of mom.

As I was reading, I really really really wanted to be convinced that she would not return to her old ways, but I seriously doubt it. All the crying and screaming is how she deals with her troubles so get ready for more. No matter what is bothering someone there really is no excuse for a 35 year old to be acting like a 6 year old.

I bet she wouldn't throw her mom out of the home to make you happy.

I went back and forth on this as I read each post. I was feeling sorry for her then I was feeling sorry for you.

Since all of this is because of your mom, I do not see the marriage lasting. Get rid of your mom and you are dealing with a wife and a mom who will resent each other forever. Oh man, I feel sorry for you!

[Valsu 1]

Valsu said:

After speaking with her about everything, she told me that if I find another place for my mother to live, she promses to come home--since they cannot get along. I have gladly already made those arrangements prior to our discussion, and was able to give her that good news. My mother will be in her own place on 12/13/2008, and I was hoping to have my wife home by then.

This time my wife was very calm, and cried a little. I explained to her how much I love her, and I asked her straightway if she truly loved me and wanted to come home? She told me she loved me very much, and wanted to come home, and did not want to be deported away from her family. She confessed that the original reason she left was because she could no longer trust my mother after certain situations, and was going to wait for my mother to leave before coming home.

So all that crying was because of your mom? She said nothing about the miscarriage folks, it was all because of mom.

As I was reading, I really really really wanted to be convinced that she would not return to her old ways, but I seriously doubt it. All the crying and screaming is how she deals with her troubles so get ready for more. No matter what is bothering someone there really is no excuse for a 35 year old to be acting like a 6 year old.

I bet she wouldn't throw her mom out of the home to make you happy.

I went back and forth on this as I read each post. I was feeling sorry for her then I was feeling sorry for you.

Since all of this is because of your mom, I do not see the marriage lasting. Get rid of your mom and you are dealing with a wife and a mom who will resent each other forever. Oh man, I feel sorry for you!

You're very right. Turns out the miscarriage is what started her depression initially, but she left due to indignation toward my mother. Sadly enough, she probably would throw her own mother out, as they didn't seem to have the best of relationships either. My wife grew up with her aunt, instead, and does not have much respect for "mothers" in general.

As for our marriage, I have learned that the wife must come first--even over things as severe as when she's uncomfortable with a live-in mother-in-law. There are many things I could have done differently to serve as "preventive" maintenance, and things might have not gotten so out of hand. Of course, it is hard to notice things such as this until after the messes have been made when you're unsavy, and you can look back with hindsight.

Either way, I now know how to deal with the challenges ahead due to MUCH preparation and counseling. I will have patience with her, and there's a chance they will not resent each other forever, although in the short-term, it's inevitable that will be the case.

God restored our marriage through prayer, and I'm sure He can restore their friendship through prayer as well. Such things at this point must be taken one step at a time.

For as long as I love my wife appropriately as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it; and then honor my father and mother so my days might be long on the earth, then perhaps in time I can be the bridge that restores the gap between them with God's guidance.

If that fails, then my wife and children must still come first irregardless, and I will save my marriage before I will save their friendship by all means. I will just love them both, and if they manage to get along down the road, I'll just consider it an added bonus.

One thing that will help dramatically is when and if my wife begins listening to the same counseling I've received--not to mention the marriage sermons from Dr. Jeff Owens. Any couple who listens to 10-20 hours of that material can seriously revolutionize their marriage and behavior even if they have what they "think" is a great marriage already--it will only be made stronger.

By the way, I set my mother up with guidance and counseling to help her with the situation she's in, and with her very own behavior as well. There's been a remarkable change in her attitude, and when she moved out, she did so willingly, and understands why it must be so. She's trusting in God to provide for her financially. I'm just waiting eagerly to hear some great report, such as a raise at her work or such.

I will say, though, I'm certainly aware of the challenges ahead, and I do not plan to take them lightly at all. Trying to confront them at every angle. God will provide.

Edited December 14, 2008 by Valsu

[Valsu 1]

Dr. Jeff Owens had materials that dealt with mothers of married couples, and the appropriate place and behavior for "in-laws" when concerned with marriage. I recommend those sermons as a gift for any couple having difficulties with their in-laws.

http://www.owenspublications.com/

Visit that link, and don't miss out on the counseling this man offers! Anything you buy from there is well worth every penny spent. Do it! Especially if you have problems raising obediant children. You should hear the methods he has on child rearing.

Amazing Godly material!

[AngelSaint 0]

There is always a miracle if we will surrender everything to God and let God move in the midst of our circumstances. I am Happy for you both.. God has always been faithful..Put GOD in between your relationship...

[Valsu 1]

There is always a miracle if we will surrender everything to God and let God move in the midst of our circumstances. I am Happy for you both.. God has always been faithful..Put GOD in between your relationship...

Yes, indeed. Some folks will never understand this until they do it.

By the way, I found a "whois" profile for Dr. Owens as well.

http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Great%20Men..._jeff_owens.htm

[Beautiful_years 0]

Enjoy the bliss!

[sasha414 0]

thats good to hear Valsu, praise be to GOD

[DEDixon 39]

Valsu said:

You're very right. Turns out the miscarriage is what started her depression initially, but she left due to indignation toward my mother. Sadly enough, she probably would throw her own mother out, as they didn't seem to have the best of relationships either. My wife grew up with her aunt, instead, and does not have much respect for "mothers" in general.

Okay, I bet she wouldn't throw her aunt out for you.

Well you know how she acted before so first sign of, it if she returns, let her go man. You might deserve someone who acts like she does, but your kids do not.

Your mom seems like a really nice person. I never read anything about her screaming, crying or yelling. She was helping you out with your children before the wife came along and all seemed good. How could anyone not get along with your mom? Is your mom really that bad? Is she a trouble maker? Someone, one of them, has to be a trouble maker so which is it?

Valsu said:

.....because my wife said because she is from the Philippines, she was use to living with family (mother, siblings, etc), and she was really close to my mother and wanted her to stay with us.

You are an extremely unlucky dude! After living with so much family, the one person who you pick to live with, she can't stand. WOW! It wasn't a cousin, an uncle or aunt, a brother or sister, but your mom of all people she suddenly can't take your mom. It appears you've left out a lot about your mom. Tell us what she did for this woman to hate her so. I would imagine a story just as compelling about your mom as your wife since your wife find her unbearable to be around.

I fear a lot after all I've heard. Financially, you are a mess and your new wife can't wait to have a kid which means whenever she gets employed, it will be disrupted and then the kid ends up in day care so she can go back to work, but day care isn't cheap so the financial drain continues to get deeper and deeper. The number one reason for divorce is financial. If you don't focus on your finances together and agree on a budget before having a baby, the marriage will be as messy as the finances. She blew up because you couldn't buy furniture, what when she can't buy food?

[bratikicks 0]

I and my husband been following your thread from your super long story ,to your follow up and now you happy ending story.

and based from your story we learned something out of it.we also have discussions about that ,what if it happend to us what we gonna do????you know questions like that....

especially now that i am pregnant and having a baby soon by the end of january....cuz i read about your wife's miscarriage and son and so forth...(sorry to hear that)

anyway we both glad you already back into your arms again fixing everything now...hope it wont happend again.................

wish u all the love and very fruitful years to come....keep trying till u have a baby...........

advance merry xmas....and hopefully this gonna be your precious gift this xmas,i know how u really wanted to see your wife again.

Edited December 14, 2008 by bratikicks

[JVKn'CVO 11]

I wish you the best as you continue to work on your marriage.

Saludos,

Caro

[bratikicks 0]

I need to read your previous posts before replying.. Anyway, I am happy to hear that everything is falling into it's proper place. The lessons you have learned would make of you better individuals hence better partners. Good luck and may GOD bless both of you.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...0&start=200

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=166427

[melusine 5]

I feel so uncomfortable with all that god stuff around....

I rather stick with the facts, but anyway... when will be the hearing ?

[RDDIXON 0]

I feel so uncomfortable with all that god stuff around....

I rather stick with the facts, but anyway...

when will be the hearing ?

Completely unnecessary and off topic.