wow I hoped I would never be here

[morocco4ever 63]

You have so much stress in your life. I am sure it would do you a world of good to take a break from everything visa related. Just don't make any rash decisions without a clear head. My heart is breaking right now because I know how hard things are for you right now.

[Rover 2]

Hi,

I am from Morocco, and if he really said

"a lot of Moroccans are prejudice of Americans after 911 and would not be kind to me and he could not stand for that. ."

that is not true, that is a big RED FLAG, he does not want to be with you, it looks like he is trying to use you just to get here.

Good Luck.

Edited October 28, 2008 by Rover

[Martiniolive 0]

I just talked to him tonight and he explained it this way: Life will be really hard for us in morocco. He said some people do like americans but many do not and it will be dangerous for me there. He actually said it would be dangerous for both of us there. He said first of all he would not be able to work and would have to be with me all the time to keep me safe. Than he said if anything bad happened to me he would be punished and held responsible because the government is so protective and cares alot about americans. He also said because everyone will know I am an american it will be dangerous for both of us and because there is no public displays of affection allowed and it is very strictly controlled we would have to watch our every move in public so as not to be reprimanded. I do remember when I first arrived at the airport after being apart along time we were walking to the car and we could not stop from sharing a very quick kiss on the way thru the parking lot. I mean we did not even stop walking but a policeman told my husband to stop that! My husband told him I was his wife but he said well kiss your wife inside so people will not see it! So he might be right. We are usually in rabat or meknes. So not sure if they are worse but...that is how he feels. He has a brother that works at the ploice dept. and another one is a military police and I think a secret police or somethng so maybe they know more about it? He says we will have no problem going to the UK instead if we need to. But on the UK forum everyone told me it would be very hard. My husband says he has a cousin that will sponsor us both. I am exhausted

Hi,

I am from Morocco, and if he really said

"a lot of Moroccans are prejudice of Americans after 911 and would not be kind to me and he could not stand for that. ."

that is not true, that is a big RED FLAG, he does not want to be with you, it looks like he is trying to use you just to get here.

Good Luck.

[nickoftime 0]

Give him the benefit of the doubt and love him enough. I think he's hurting as much as you are and probably more because he might feel like he failed you when his visa was denied. I can understand why you feel exhausted and confused as to why he won't like you to live in his country. What you really feel is understandable and could be expected from someone who is really in love. But maybe, it will also be good if you would look at things from his perspective. I bet he is as confused and as exhausted as you are. I bet he feels so insecured and might be scared of what will happen to your relationship with him. If he's not the type that says what he feels, it is more likely that he would rather keep to himself his frustrations over the visa denial and his separation from you. Add also the fact that he lost his job in anticipation of the visa. He lost some things important to him, too and if he's depressed, I think it is but expected. Now that your husband feels weak,should you not be strong for him? Instead of doubting him, should you not focus on encouraging him?

I am sorry if my position is different from others. I wish you and you hubby the best.

[Martiniolive 0]

No Nick you have good points. I think you are correct and thanks for your message. Good perspective

Give him the benefit of the doubt and love him enough. I think he's hurting as much as you are and probably more because he might feel like he failed you when his visa was denied. I can understand why you feel exhausted and confused as to why he won't like you to live in his country. What you really feel is understandable and could be expected from someone who is really in love. But maybe, it will also be good if you would look at things from his perspective. I bet he is as confused and as exhausted as you are. I bet he feels so insecured and might be scared of what will happen to your relationship with him. If he's not the type that says what he feels, it is more likely that he would rather keep to himself his frustrations over the visa denial and his separation from you. Add also the fact that he lost his job in anticipation of the visa. He lost some things important to him, too and if he's depressed, I think it is but expected. Now that your husband feels weak,should you not be strong for him? Instead of doubting him, should you not focus on encouraging him?

I am sorry if my position is different from others. I wish you and you hubby the best.

[Imua 0]

No Nick you have good points. I think you are correct and thanks for your message. Good perspective

Give him the benefit of the doubt and love him enough. I think he's hurting as much as you are and probably more because he might feel like he failed you when his visa was denied. I can understand why you feel exhausted and confused as to why he won't like you to live in his country. What you really feel is understandable and could be expected from someone who is really in love. But maybe, it will also be good if you would look at things from his perspective. I bet he is as confused and as exhausted as you are. I bet he feels so insecured and might be scared of what will happen to your relationship with him. If he's not the type that says what he feels, it is more likely that he would rather keep to himself his frustrations over the visa denial and his separation from you. Add also the fact that he lost his job in anticipation of the visa. He lost some things important to him, too and if he's depressed, I think it is but expected. Now that your husband feels weak,should you not be strong for him? Instead of doubting him, should you not focus on encouraging him?

I am sorry if my position is different from others. I wish you and you hubby the best.

I am so sorry you are going through this Martini... Believe me I have had all the same feelings you are experiencing now, especially what you said in your original post about being afraid because you are too old to have kids... I could have written that, it really nags at me sometimes, adoption is not as easy as these guys think unless you have $$$(mine has also said we can adopt)... If I were you though I would take the advice of some other people here and not jump to any quick conclusions, give him the benefit of the doubt... I think the biggest factor is that he gave up his job and you would need to quit yours in order to move there so both of you would be out of work in a poor country...possibly you could teach English but usually that does not pay a lot... then if you want to come back to the USA you will need a co-sponsor for the I-864, assuming you are not independantly wealthy and need to find a job upon arrival. Think everything through carefully and PRAY - my thoughts are with you....

[Ban Hammer 12,880]

[Justin and Masako 0]

Hi Martini,

I am sorry to hear that you are having a rough time. I think all couples do sometimes. I know that we have had our fair share of rough times and the separation can be very difficult. I tend to keep my fears and worries to myself so that I don't worry my wife and make her sad. I always try to smile and encourage happy thoughts for her even if I am worried about VISA things or money things or whatever. I never have doubted that I love her though. It maybe that he was just trying to keep from worrying you so much. I don't know him of course, I am just using myself as an example. But I truly hope that he was just trying to protect you from being so worried. And sometimes when we are that worried and scared and exhausted from the stress and it is difficult to say anything or even know what to say other then "I love you". I would echo some of the others and say not to rush to a decision. If time and money allow go and visit him and have some time together. That might make you both feel a bit better and give you more strength to continue on. If you decide to continue it may help to think of it as a temporary setback. Just start looking at what you need to do to be together and a start doing it. That may make you feel better as well. Also it never hurts to aim some of that anger towards USCIS and NVC. They do cause most of the frustrations after all.

Good luck to both of you and I hope everything turns out for the best!

[polo.comm 0]

I just wanted to drop by and say I have just come back from; living with my husband in Morocco.There is 3 weeks we are back in the states and I lived there with him for 3 yrs.The things he is explaning arent necessarily the truth.I am not saying he is lying , just saying he is under the wrong impression.We where living in a large city but traveled alot and I never had any problems, alone or with him. We held hands and hugged and never where reprimanded but of course there where also alot of moroccans doing the same.I wish u luck and hope everything works itself out.

[Martiniolive 0]

Justin! Hi....I am so happy you and Masako are finally 2gether I feel better this morning now that we finally discussed alot. Thank god I listened to so many on here's advice. I swear I hung onto every word everyone said for dear life . Thanks everyone. WOW It was like a crisis hotline for me yesterday.

It seems that what my husband does is he cuts to the bottom line when talking to me. Like instead of saying "I thought alot about us living in morocco and asked around and what I decided is that it will be very bad for us here for alot of reasons so I think it is best for us to try the UK or wait for our USA visa longer and whatever..." he actually says "we can't live in morocco, we won't have a good life here".

How can I train him to add more thoughts???? Is there a class for that? Or maybe a way for me to stop trying to figure out what he means so I won't get it all wrong? An Un-missunderstanding class. Or Dicifering (spelling) what your spouse is thinking or really means 1A. Filling in the missing links of your spouses conversation. God! What can I do???? If he was here in the flesh I could probably see his face and understand more but it's hard this way. And it does not get easier because i always think It won't happen again and it does. Well *deep breath* thanks everyone!!!!!

[Martiniolive 0]

Polo where did you live????????? Which part? We always got in trouble a bit in Meknes where my husabnd lives. But it is real conservative there and actually he spends most of his time there. He is really always worried about being respectful of others so he might be overly worried about it. Thats what I think. I really think he listens to others too much. If we lived there I do not think it would be bad. I think people he talked to have worried him telling him worse case senarios! I can take care of myself I can be a Biotch if I have too LOL. But no matter. If he is going to worry that much it isn't worth it. It's just I loved the culture there so much and want more of that in my life. I really want to have a place there somday to spens mos at a time. Maybe I will go without him (kidding) Thanks for the info.

I just wanted to drop by and say I have just come back from; living with my husband in Morocco.There is 3 weeks we are back in the states and I lived there with him for 3 yrs.The things he is explaning arent necessarily the truth.I am not saying he is lying , just saying he is under the wrong impression.We where living in a large city but traveled alot and I never had any problems, alone or with him. We held hands and hugged and never where reprimanded but of course there where also alot of moroccans doing the same.I wish u luck and hope everything works itself out.

[sereia 0]

I've traveled all around Morocco in depth (including Meknes and Rabat) with just another American girlfriend and we NEVER had problems.

You know my husband feels similar to you about the whole protection thing. In certain areas of Casablanca when I would be with him men would oogle and say awful things to me in Arabic (that I demanded my husband translate). People also steal things a lot in Casa but I've never witnessed it first hand. They're protective more than they need to be!

But hey, people things like that in Europe and America too!!!

As far as PDA thing...we've held hands everywhere we went and never had a problem. We've kissed at the airport, stolen kisses on streets, and never had a problem. *shrug*

I'm glad you two are communicating better though! Hope it works out for the best.

[Cmehat 0]

I must say, when you doubt how much your 'true love' loves you, then that's your sign right there. I always say love is consistent and this doesnt feel consistent to me. I really wish I could've said that you should give it another try. I'm east indian and of course, pakistan, and afghanistan and all the countries that have majority of muslims, are next door to India. Even though, I'm born in Canada, I definitely know how the culture works.

By the sounds of it, this man is not putting love first. If you don't mind me asking, how did you guys meet and how well do you know him and where did u meet? You don't have to answer but it would really help me understand your situation just a bit more.

It's very common to hear these type of stories but I would really kneel down and pray and ask for an answer. But bottom line is, love is forever, and you need to trust eachother. If you don't trust one another, there is no relationship. I would even try to see if you can talk to the interview and see why exactly he failed the interview. From what I hear, they arent that hard to pass? IF your relationship is TRUE to heart...they can see it right through you

[nunyab 0]

Martini....first of all {{{{{{{{hugg}}}}}}}} any time you wanna talk you know i am here. You know in your heart what is best... and God does as well...

be calm, breath, talk, pray, just my suggestions then do and don't question yourself. My heart goes to you sister which ever way you decide

[morocco4ever 63]

I must say, when you doubt how much your 'true love' loves you, then that's your sign right there. I always say love is consistent and this doesnt feel consistent to me. I really wish I could've said that you should give it another try. I'm east indian and of course, pakistan, and afghanistan and all the countries that have majority of muslims, are next door to India. Even though, I'm born in Canada, I definitely know how the culture works.

By the sounds of it, this man is not putting love first. If you don't mind me asking, how did you guys meet and how well do you know him and where did u meet? You don't have to answer but it would really help me understand your situation just a bit more.

It's very common to hear these type of stories but I would really kneel down and pray and ask for an answer. But bottom line is, love is forever, and you need to trust eachother. If you don't trust one another, there is no relationship. I would even try to see if you can talk to the interview and see why exactly he failed the interview. From what I hear, they arent that hard to pass? IF your relationship is TRUE to heart...they can see it right through you

What are you basing the above bolded statement on?