wow I hoped I would never be here

[Martiniolive 0]

After my husband had his bad interview he was very sad. Sad because he felt his interviewer saw him as a criminal out for a visa, and that she was prejudice against him because of his being muslim..but (he did not mention) he was sad because it meant we would not be together soon. I comforted him and reassured him (like a supportive wife) but I wondered why not being together soon did not weigh higher on the list. As we discussed our options it became clear that (though he had always said he wanted to be with me together no matter where even in space) he did not really desire to live with me in his country Morocco. He said he never actually thought it would come to that. He thought we would get the visa eventually for him to come to the USA. Eventually and another suprise for me was that the man who could not wait for me to come to morocco the first time...was now willing to wait as long as it takes if it means coming HERE. I am really confused about how to take this. He always says we share a true love but as ROMANTIC as that sounds...True love for me means we are together no matter where. And asap! I waited 16 mos so far and visited 2 times in his country but I want to be together!!!! Maybe I am wrong to be so impatient, but because I always believed him when he said we could be together ANYWHERE....to me that time is now. I felt we could live in morocco together until we can come together here to the USA and at least be together waiting. But he made it clear he felt It would be too difficult for us there. He said alot of moroccans are perjudice of americans after 911 and would not be kind to me and he could not stand for that. He said I am too nice and they would know I am an american. He said I would get bored being alone while he worked and I would not find a good job there. He had alot of valid reasons it's just not what I was believeing from the start. Now I am second guessing alot of things he said we will do. Like stay together forever. Adopt a child if it becomes important to him to have one someday because I can not have more children? I am older than he is too so will that rise up to bite me? Is this a true love? I love his family. I believe they love me but it is he and I who are married. They are HIS family. They will accept whatever. They thing is he says we can try to go to the UK as an alternative but I asked on the uk forum and it looks like it will be really difficult at best so I don't feel hopeful. Alot of you here have said (which may be true) that we still have a chance to reverse the decision because we are a CR1 marriage visa and it just may take another year possibly less, but it is not so much that idea that makes me unwilling to wait as it is the question "what am I waiting for"? Possibly a husband that said alot of things just to please me and not have me believe that he pretty much wants a visa to come here. More than he wants me. I have tried to write him a dozen letters telling him how I feel but at the end of each one It becomes more clear to me that he wants to come here to leave his country and not to live with me anywhere necessary. I am disposable. I am not as important as I believed I was to him. I told him I never wanted another divorce (I was married before) but I feel like I have no choice. If he was honest and said I want to have a better life by leaving my country and going to the USA and I need to marry you to do it so we can tey to make a life together, but if that does not work, I will not want to stay married to you because I want that more than I want you. I would probably have passed. And I guess that is not much incentive to be honest is it. I now think that his interviewer could see more than me. I was jaded by what I wanted to believe. He will text me that he loves me always and I am his wife forever. But I don't believe those words because we are not together and can't have a marriage living seperately. Not a good one. I am sorry this is long. I just need to get it out so it is real to me .

Wow you guys this is going to be harder than I thought...I let myself really love him. Pray for me...I am strong but this is really hard.

[LaL 418]

[R de la R 2]

After my husband had his bad interview he was very sad. Sad because he felt his interviewer saw him as a criminal out for a visa, and that she was prejudice against him because of his being muslim..but (he did not mention) he was sad because it meant we would not be together soon. I comforted him and reassured him (like a supportive wife) but I wondered why not being together soon did not weigh higher on the list. As we discussed our options it became clear that (though he had always said he wanted to be with me together no matter where even in space) he did not really desire to live with me in his country Morocco. He said he never actually thought it would come to that. He thought we would get the visa eventually for him to come to the USA. Eventually and another suprise for me was that the man who could not wait for me to come to morocco the first time...was now willing to wait as long as it takes if it means coming HERE. I am really confused about how to take this. He always says we share a true love but as ROMANTIC as that sounds...True love for me means we are together no matter where. And asap! I waited 16 mos so far and visited 2 times in his country but I want to be together!!!! Maybe I am wrong to be so impatient, but because I always believed him when he said we could be together ANYWHERE....to me that time is now. I felt we could live in morocco together until we can come together here to the USA and at least be together waiting. But he made it clear he felt It would be too difficult for us there. He said alot of moroccans are perjudice of americans after 911 and would not be kind to me and he could not stand for that. He said I am too nice and they would know I am an american. He said I would get bored being alone while he worked and I would not find a good job there. He had alot of valid reasons it's just not what I was believeing from the start. Now I am second guessing alot of things he said we will do. Like stay together forever. Adopt a child if it becomes important to him to have one someday because I can not have more children? I am older than he is too so will that rise up to bite me? Is this a true love? I love his family. I believe they love me but it is he and I who are married. They are HIS family. They will accept whatever. They thing is he says we can try to go to the UK as an alternative but I asked on the uk forum and it looks like it will be really difficult at best so I don't feel hopeful. Alot of you here have said (which may be true) that we still have a chance to reverse the decision because we are a CR1 marriage visa and it just may take another year possibly less, but it is not so much that idea that makes me unwilling to wait as it is the question "what am I waiting for"? Possibly a husband that said alot of things just to please me and not have me believe that he pretty much wants a visa to come here. More than he wants me. I have tried to write him a dozen letters telling him how I feel but at the end of each one It becomes more clear to me that he wants to come here to leave his country and not to live with me anywhere necessary. I am disposable. I am not as important as I believed I was to him. I told him I never wanted another divorce (I was married before) but I feel like I have no choice. If he was honest and said I want to have a better life by leaving my country and going to the USA and I need to marry you to do it so we can tey to make a life together, but if that does not work, I will not want to stay married to you because I want that more than I want you. I would probably have passed. And I guess that is not much incentive to be honest is it. I now think that his interviewer could see more than me. I was jaded by what I wanted to believe. He will text me that he loves me always and I am his wife forever. But I don't believe those words because we are not together and can't have a marriage living seperately. Not a good one. I am sorry this is long. I just need to get it out so it is real to me .

Wow you guys this is going to be harder than I thought...I let myself really love him. Pray for me...I am strong but this is really hard.

Living in a poor country, it is going to be hard for you. He is true about the facts of you being bored at home, and you are not going to find a job. Also, the quality of life is different than in your country. Why you don't take a 6 months trip there (if you can afford that) and see how is life there. It is not the same go there and spend a couple of weeks than spending 6 months. Then you can take a decision. Don't rush your decision about your marriage.

[caybee 21]

I'm sorry you're going through this. You are the only person who can decide what to do, and you know your husband better than anyone here, so I just pray you will make the best decision for your circumstances.

One thing though...I'm well aware that there are people for whom the visa is more important than the spouse, and I can't know whether that's true in your case or not. But one thing is certain: the two of you have been hit by an unexpected setback, a huge disappointment for both of you. You may not be your true selves at this moment. You may not be at your best communication-wise because you are in the midst of a crisis. My only advice would be perhaps to give things a little more time for the dust to settle. This is not a decision that necessarily has to be made right this moment, unless you think there's a chance the consulate could reverse its decision immediately and he could decide to make the trip before your mind was settled, putting you on the hook for the I-864 when you were still uncertain of his motives.

I wish you all the best in working through a very painful and confusing time.

[adiiann 163]

Be strong, if there's true love exist in your relationship, you could think what is better for both of you. Widen your thoughts, and see his perspective, then compare it to your own perspective, after that make an analysis. Maybe you could find answers to your questions.

[sereia 0]

Excuses, excuses, excuses. I'm tired of all the psycho-analysis. Morocco would be tough. Yes, ma'am it would be. But who is he to tell you that you can't handle it there? If he loves you and wants you, he'd tell you to come. End of story. Who loves his wife and DOESN"T want her to come live with him while they wait for the visa if that is an option? He would be thrilled to have you, even knowing how difficult it might be there for you.

From your wording, it sounds like he wants the visa here, and you were his ticket to get it. And now that its not looking like he's going to get it, he wants to move on. So why don't you move on first? You are a beautiful woman and can find someone in America who doesn't need to use you for a visa. A man who loves you for the woman you are, not what you can give.

I don't mean to be harsh but I'm sick of all the excuses everyone gives. Oh he must be depressed. Oh he must be this, that, the other. If he loved you, he would tell you to come.

I really wish you the best in whatever decision you make. I hope that he isn't using you. I hope that you make whatever decision is best for you. *hug*

[*JG* 2]

I think if you are having doubts, you need to really sit down and listen to what that inner voice is telling you. Never doubt your own intuition.

[carpe diem 2]

Excuses, excuses, excuses. I'm tired of all the psycho-analysis. Morocco would be tough. Yes, ma'am it would be. But who is he to tell you that you can't handle it there? If he loves you and wants you, he'd tell you to come. End of story. Who loves his wife and DOESN"T want her to come live with him while they wait for the visa if that is an option? He would be thrilled to have you, even knowing how difficult it might be there for you.

From your wording, it sounds like he wants the visa here, and you were his ticket to get it. And now that its not looking like he's going to get it, he wants to move on. So why don't you move on first? You are a beautiful woman and can find someone in America who doesn't need to use you for a visa. A man who loves you for the woman you are, not what you can give.

I don't mean to be harsh but I'm sick of all the excuses everyone gives. Oh he must be depressed. Oh he must be this, that, the other. If he loved you, he would tell you to come.

I really wish you the best in whatever decision you make. I hope that he isn't using you. I hope that you make whatever decision is best for you. *hug*

I don't know... It is a lot for someone to give up everything and live in a poor country under difficult circumstances. It took my husband a while to get comfortable with the idea that I would give up a great job in a wonderful city in Europe close to my family and start all over again in the US... for him. Yes presumably it's different when you're married (we weren't at the time) but I can see that if the OP's husband views this as possibly a temporary setback he doesn't want his wife to uproot herself. It is also entirely possible that the OP's husband has doubts and that he feels it's not fair for him to encourage her to move if he doesn't know where this is going. And yes, it is possible that he was primarily concerned with getting a GC, and her moving to Morocco doesn't get him closer to that goal.

I agree with the posters who tell you not to rush anything right now. Perhaps you should have a conversation with your husband to find out precisely what lies behind his reservations about you moving to Morocco. Don't accuse him of using you for the GC, but just tell him that if he has doubts about the relationship he should express them so you can both try to work things out and make decisions on the basis of honest information about how you both stand in this marriage. If you feel comfortable doing it in these scary economic times, see if you can take a leave from work and go to Morocco for a few months. But, don't do anything radical too soon.

Good luck and I hope you will work things out!

[cdn_in_wa 1]

I think if you are having doubts, you need to really sit down and listen to what that inner voice is telling you. Never doubt your own intuition.

I agree.

Writing your issues out here helps you think them through. But no one here knows the whole situation the way *you* do.

It's always helped me to share my concerns, but in the end, it was when *I* made the choice, to follow through or not, based on my intuition that I've felt I got it right.

[rachbel 2]

After my husband had his bad interview he was very sad. Sad because he felt his interviewer saw him as a criminal out for a visa, and that she was prejudice against him because of his being muslim..but (he did not mention) he was sad because it meant we would not be together soon. I comforted him and reassured him (like a supportive wife) but I wondered why not being together soon did not weigh higher on the list. As we discussed our options it became clear that (though he had always said he wanted to be with me together no matter where even in space) he did not really desire to live with me in his country Morocco. He said he never actually thought it would come to that. He thought we would get the visa eventually for him to come to the USA. Eventually and another suprise for me was that the man who could not wait for me to come to morocco the first time...was now willing to wait as long as it takes if it means coming HERE. I am really confused about how to take this. He always says we share a true love but as ROMANTIC as that sounds...True love for me means we are together no matter where. And asap! I waited 16 mos so far and visited 2 times in his country but I want to be together!!!! Maybe I am wrong to be so impatient, but because I always believed him when he said we could be together ANYWHERE....to me that time is now. I felt we could live in morocco together until we can come together here to the USA and at least be together waiting. But he made it clear he felt It would be too difficult for us there. He said alot of moroccans are perjudice of americans after 911 and would not be kind to me and he could not stand for that. He said I am too nice and they would know I am an american. He said I would get bored being alone while he worked and I would not find a good job there. He had alot of valid reasons it's just not what I was believeing from the start. Now I am second guessing alot of things he said we will do. Like stay together forever. Adopt a child if it becomes important to him to have one someday because I can not have more children? I am older than he is too so will that rise up to bite me? Is this a true love? I love his family. I believe they love me but it is he and I who are married. They are HIS family. They will accept whatever. They thing is he says we can try to go to the UK as an alternative but I asked on the uk forum and it looks like it will be really difficult at best so I don't feel hopeful. Alot of you here have said (which may be true) that we still have a chance to reverse the decision because we are a CR1 marriage visa and it just may take another year possibly less, but it is not so much that idea that makes me unwilling to wait as it is the question "what am I waiting for"? Possibly a husband that said alot of things just to please me and not have me believe that he pretty much wants a visa to come here. More than he wants me. I have tried to write him a dozen letters telling him how I feel but at the end of each one It becomes more clear to me that he wants to come here to leave his country and not to live with me anywhere necessary. I am disposable. I am not as important as I believed I was to him. I told him I never wanted another divorce (I was married before) but I feel like I have no choice. If he was honest and said I want to have a better life by leaving my country and going to the USA and I need to marry you to do it so we can tey to make a life together, but if that does not work, I will not want to stay married to you because I want that more than I want you. I would probably have passed. And I guess that is not much incentive to be honest is it. I now think that his interviewer could see more than me. I was jaded by what I wanted to believe. He will text me that he loves me always and I am his wife forever. But I don't believe those words because we are not together and can't have a marriage living seperately. Not a good one. I am sorry this is long. I just need to get it out so it is real to me .

Wow you guys this is going to be harder than I thought...I let myself really love him. Pray for me...I am strong but this is really hard.

hi ,

Am so sorry to read this , But if your man has a job in Morocco and doesnt want you to come that means he doesnt want you nor loves you , he just want to move and better his life . his saying :He said :alot of moroccans are perjudice of americans after 911 and would not be kind to me and he could not stand for that. . tha is not true at all, Moroccans love americans, asians, jewish and all humain beings, the only creature we hate is a man with a double face just like your man. am so sorry but it is the reality gazing at herself in a Mirror.

[Martiniolive 0]

I do not think he cares what I decide. We are not talking to each other. I told him by text where I am with it all and he just says he loves me. But he is not trying to stop my from divorcing. I feel that he just does not want to feel responsible for making that dicision and is leaving it to me. I am just going to stop the petition at this point. I really do not feel confident about out future based on our comunication. But I need the proper forms to stop the petition and the rules governing it also.

[Martiniolive 0]

yes he did have a good job in morocco. he quit it because he really thought he was coming here. And He used to always say morocco is full of nice people etc...only now he says the oposite so you may be correct. Thank you.

After my husband had his bad interview he was very sad. Sad because he felt his interviewer saw him as a criminal out for a visa, and that she was prejudice against him because of his being muslim..but (he did not mention) he was sad because it meant we would not be together soon. I comforted him and reassured him (like a supportive wife) but I wondered why not being together soon did not weigh higher on the list. As we discussed our options it became clear that (though he had always said he wanted to be with me together no matter where even in space) he did not really desire to live with me in his country Morocco. He said he never actually thought it would come to that. He thought we would get the visa eventually for him to come to the USA. Eventually and another suprise for me was that the man who could not wait for me to come to morocco the first time...was now willing to wait as long as it takes if it means coming HERE. I am really confused about how to take this. He always says we share a true love but as ROMANTIC as that sounds...True love for me means we are together no matter where. And asap! I waited 16 mos so far and visited 2 times in his country but I want to be together!!!! Maybe I am wrong to be so impatient, but because I always believed him when he said we could be together ANYWHERE....to me that time is now. I felt we could live in morocco together until we can come together here to the USA and at least be together waiting. But he made it clear he felt It would be too difficult for us there. He said alot of moroccans are perjudice of americans after 911 and would not be kind to me and he could not stand for that. He said I am too nice and they would know I am an american. He said I would get bored being alone while he worked and I would not find a good job there. He had alot of valid reasons it's just not what I was believeing from the start. Now I am second guessing alot of things he said we will do. Like stay together forever. Adopt a child if it becomes important to him to have one someday because I can not have more children? I am older than he is too so will that rise up to bite me? Is this a true love? I love his family. I believe they love me but it is he and I who are married. They are HIS family. They will accept whatever. They thing is he says we can try to go to the UK as an alternative but I asked on the uk forum and it looks like it will be really difficult at best so I don't feel hopeful. Alot of you here have said (which may be true) that we still have a chance to reverse the decision because we are a CR1 marriage visa and it just may take another year possibly less, but it is not so much that idea that makes me unwilling to wait as it is the question "what am I waiting for"? Possibly a husband that said alot of things just to please me and not have me believe that he pretty much wants a visa to come here. More than he wants me. I have tried to write him a dozen letters telling him how I feel but at the end of each one It becomes more clear to me that he wants to come here to leave his country and not to live with me anywhere necessary. I am disposable. I am not as important as I believed I was to him. I told him I never wanted another divorce (I was married before) but I feel like I have no choice. If he was honest and said I want to have a better life by leaving my country and going to the USA and I need to marry you to do it so we can tey to make a life together, but if that does not work, I will not want to stay married to you because I want that more than I want you. I would probably have passed. And I guess that is not much incentive to be honest is it. I now think that his interviewer could see more than me. I was jaded by what I wanted to believe. He will text me that he loves me always and I am his wife forever. But I don't believe those words because we are not together and can't have a marriage living seperately. Not a good one. I am sorry this is long. I just need to get it out so it is real to me .

Wow you guys this is going to be harder than I thought...I let myself really love him. Pray for me...I am strong but this is really hard.

hi ,

Am so sorry to read this , But if your man has a job in Morocco and doesnt want you to come that means he doesnt want you nor loves you , he just want to move and better his life . his saying :He said :alot of moroccans are perjudice of americans after 911 and would not be kind to me and he could not stand for that. . tha is not true at all, Moroccans love americans, asians, jewish and all humain beings, the only creature we hate is a man with a double face just like your man. am so sorry but it is the reality gazing at herself in a Mirror.

[mergee 0]

You know your husband oh not so well but its for you to decide. Just think of this, while we're waiting for my interview , i told my fiance to come here in the Philippines first to spend just a little time because the most important thing for me is to be with him. Love is being together wherever! Sorry to say this, He wants the visa more than you and the Consul Officer is really good at reading minds. You are beautiful and well its easy to say this, but a second divorce is better than being used!

[Martiniolive 0]

Yes...thank you. And happy that you found a true love

You know your husband oh not so well but its for you to decide. Just think of this, while we're waiting for my interview , i told my fiance to come here in the Philippines first to spend just a little time because the most important thing for me is to be with him. Love is being together wherever! Sorry to say this, He wants the visa more than you and the Consul Officer is really good at reading minds. You are beautiful and well its easy to say this, but a second divorce is better than being used!

[sara..... 371]

im sorry

u know ur situation better than anyone else on this forum but it could be he is feeling a failure and is feeling very rejected by this immigration process........plz give it sometime and allow urselfs to come to terms with what has happened its never good to make a judgment in pain.......both of u r feeling a lot of pain right now plz just give it time and if u both feel the same after that then do what u have to do......................