Step son's problem

[onlyou07 0]

Im not a newb here but this is just my new Id...anyway this is a post which i never think of i will post here in this forum...i came here in the US almost 2 years...things was so good and happy for me but not for so long...back to about 5 or 6 months ago my husband couldnt go to work because his foot hurts and i have to pay all the bills to keep everything in the house...i had to work 3 jobs and never home....thats fine to me then cause i love to work anyway but the big pro here is i just realised that he love his son more than me...look i dont want to talk bad about anybody but i only said the true...his son who is 17 years old now and never be responsible for whatever hes doing...stole my money and always went thru my personal without asking me and called me all kind of names in the public...and watched porn movie in front of me and smoke. He even stand right in the middle of the house and said its not my house while my family was here and ect....and his mom who just got out of jail a few months ago keep calling over and talked to my husband about their kids....i dont mind but she doesnt need to call seem like everyday....i talked to my husband so many time about these and he talked to his son but nothing ever change...anytime he came over...we fighted and things are getting worst each day....and his ex said she doesnt mind to go back in jail but if she have to then she will have me to go with her because i dont treat her son right and all kind of threathen she said to me....and now that my husband said he got divorced before and he doesnt mind to do it again....after all ive done for him?it just isnt fair for me....my family and friend sent money to me seem every week to help me out cause im the only one who is working and dont make enough ....i live in a small town....he said he just married a wrong person....how can he can open his mouth and said that to me?i never done a thing....he dont do nothing a day but play game and wait for me to bring food home and expect me to pay all the bills....but when im sick he never come to me and ask if im ok or nothing and i stil had to go to work....he never admit wrong things that his son did to me because he said its just the way American teenage...he doesnt care how i feel...nothing....and he ever want to have kid with me because he said i cant even handle the one we've got right now?why?he is not my real kid and i still took care of him before and loved him like my brother in my family....but then they all turned around and treat me so bad....i am only 22 years old but cant ever enjoy my life since i came here....now i got a good job offer from my best friend in the other States and i wanted to go....cause i think maybe time without me next to me he will realise that his life is nothing without me....im so lonely in this country and want to go home but i cant atleast right now because i dont know what to tell my family when i go back there and no one ever get divorce in my family's history....i love him....so much but he ddoesnt know it and repsect my love...i know it will hurt me so bad if i have to get a divorce with him but if things keep going this way and never change then i know i will have to be strong....cause i have my own life and i need to take care of my self too..i just have no one to talk and share things with....if you guys have any idea then im appreciate alot....thanks for reading.

[maliciant 7]

The situation with the son is rough, but he's almost as old as you are, not all teenagers are like that but it's not your job to change him now, and getting respect in any way is unlikely, a few years from now he'll probably be a whole different person towards you. The rest of your story doesn't sound a whole lot more promising, best of luck no matter how you choose to handle the situation.

[*JG* 2]

Everything about that situation is just wrong.

[onlyou07 0]

i tried my best you know but i couldnt change him its not my resonsible anyway but i still done the best i can for my own family....i meant im not like that when i was as his age....i grew up with my grandmum and im soon realised that i cant be bad or i will ruin my life...i never been to think that my husband being so unfair to me like this...and nothing can change that boy since his own grandmum doesnt like him niether...i dont mind to work and pay the bills but i just feel like they dont worth it anymore

[desert_fox 32]

What's the big attraction here??? What's the hook???

Why are you still hanging around??

[Paul's Mrs. 0]

Wow this is a tough one. The only advice that I can share is that I have had a bad relationship previous to this one. I was treated bad and was constantly disrespected. What I learned from my hubby is that behavior like that is not normal. You should not take it and it is not worth it. Life is prescious. Time is prescious. You are only 22 and as easy as it sounds for me to tell you to leave, I know it is not that easy. Be strong and know that you still have your full life ahead of you. Drama hurts. Be strong and try to look at the bigger picture. Find a girlfriend. They are always good at putting things into perspective. Also, your family just wants what is best for you. Maybe talking to your grandmum might help you decide. It's all your choice but know that things can be better. Be strong and good luck.

[bhajishah 4]

Have your own kid together and with the 17 yo he needs to cut the cord and let him be a grown man..i often miss and baby my kids..but i send them on thier way back to thier own houses ..and never they come before my marriage..You r man is wrong..he needs to ger a computer job if his foot hurts..sound like they are both red neck losers. Tell him straighten up and be reponsible for his house or your OUT OF THERE!!!!

[maliciant 7]

What's the big attraction here??? What's the hook???

Why are you still hanging around??

Culture.

What happens if you move out, you are the bread winner, will he try to get you back or will he just ignore that? You are being treated unfairly and it sounds as if your husband isn't working hard enough to try to resolve the issues, seperation may be enough to encourage him to take you more seriously, otherwise when in rome... get a divorce like most american's would do if put in your situation.

[Sprailenes 47]

That's a lot to be dealing with at the age of 22 and I don't think you're old enough to handle it.

The son sounds like he's a angry, I mean wouldn't you be? His mom was in jail, his dad remarries someone almost as young as him. It doesn't give him a right to treat you this way, but it does give you insight into his mind a little. Children are a product of their environment and it sounds like his is and has been unstable.

With that being said, I think you should probably get out of that place. I usually tell people to try to work it out, but there's just too many issues there and you're not going to be able to change them. Besides, you're 22 years old, you have a whole life to live. You don't to be living one like this.

Try to find someone to talk to, many places offer free counseling and there are women's shelters if you don't have anyone around to talk to, and they have people who are trained to listen. I would also maybe look at your options of getting out of there and start coming up with a plan. Get a lawyer and all that stuff.

Edited October 17, 2008 by Sprailenes

[mellowgeorge 1]

Did you know about the crazy family situation before you got married to the man? If you did, I'm sure you thought that you can handle it but you don't have to. Believe us when we say that you are being taken advantage of. I know it's hard and embarrassing, but you should walk away from this situation.

You are still young and you have a long future ahead of you. If you alone can keep the whole household afloat, I'm not worried that you'll be fine on your own. Yes, the stigma will be there and will always will but you'll be happier.

Good luck.

[JenT 0]

Everything about that situation is just wrong.

That pretty much sums it up for me too....

[sara..... 371]

wow im gonna be 22 in a few months and i have to tell u i would not be WILLING to handle something like that ur a much better person than i am cuz i prolly would have already dropped kicked him.........disrespect from a child is wrong on all levels and why is his father allowing him to watch porn? where is his responsibility to his child as his father where is he when he needs to correct him?

what did his mom just get out of jail for is she a person that uses drugs if she does could explain why the child is out of control........but is still no excuse for it after a person is as old as he is he can make right and wrong choices and sounds to me like all his choice to date are wrong........im sorry for ur problems and i hope that things improve for u no one should have to live life like that i will put u in my prayers

sara

[raymaga 25]

Staying in any relationship out of guilt or shame is never a good enough reason.

If you are not being respected, loved and supported by your spouse (and his family), you should not be there. Life is way too short to end up in a relationship at your young age that is totally negative.

Get out, move on, and learn from this relationship. You deserve better at your young age because you have a whole lot of living to do still.

Best wishes to you.

[onlyou07 0]

Thanks for yall's suggested...no i never know this mess before i got married him...even when i first came here his son wasnt like that at all... and things been changed since his mom got out of jail (not a first time but so many time cause drugs)...my husband dont believe whatever i told him about his son...cause he said he just saw in his eyes but he dont see all the things his son did while he was not next to me....i tried to talk and work it out cause marriage dont mean a game to me...but nothing can help....everything i said are wrong and all the things his son did are right and even his ex....he just got up and walked away while we still havent finish yet....doesnt care how i feel...he just never remember who always help him out....back to the time when he just quited his job till now...we had such a hard time....his kids came over....we ran out of food...late on the bills...his kids ran away back to their nanny....only me stay and helped him out but now he refused it and he need his kids more than me....he said if he knew my real personal he would never married me but i told him the same thing....his brother is very nice and know whats right and wrong....i dont mind to work hard and help him out but only when i feel he is worth it n if i still can feel his love to me but right now theyre all gone...nothing left inside me now but i only feel sorry for him cause i know he will live a bad bad life after i live...he dont work now and can hardly afford to get his own food (dont even count his kids)....im leaving to be with a friend of mine in the other States soon and maybe file for a divorce later....i only have my grandmum who raised me and taught me ....i just dont want her to know all this or she will worry so bad about me since she's too old now to know all these shock...im not a cruel but i want to see how can he survive after i leave.

[mellowgeorge 1]

Your husband (and I use the term loosely now) will probably have a very very difficult time when you leave, as I'm sure you already know. He will probably try to ask you to come back after he realizes how much he needs you.

This is where it gets tricky, if you come back and he does change his ways, this might be the beginning of a new, better chapter in your lives together. Now if you go back and he doesn't change his ways, now he will make it harder for you to leave. He might be very strict, even verbally and physically abusive to gain dominance over you. This is worse than the position you are in currently because now you are going to be treated like a slave or a prisoner.