Dealing with Delays

[Jaci 0]

I know the recent snafu with IMBRA has caused delays for some of us, and also concerns for new petitioners, perhaps uncertain how to proceed. There are many of us affected by other delays as well, stuck in AR or other "black holes", where we are delayed for an indefinite period of time.

Most of us are so used to having at least a modicum of control over our lives, and as difficult to accept as it is that we will have to wait in the first place, additional unspecified delays seem intolerable. Still, many of us have faced them, or are facing them, and are determined to carry on best we can.

So, how does one go about doing that?

In my experience, it is completely natural for people to experience varying degrees of any of the following: anxiety, sorrow, loneliness, anger, frustration, helplessness, and depressed feelings. Those feelings are real, and have real causes. Having no control over one's circumstances, while still being responsible for holding it all together, is a recipe for stress and stress related illness. This is a real and unavoidable circumstance that we are all, at times, put through by our fabulous immigration system. However, we can minimize the damage to our psyches by accepting that while all this is true, and that life may in fact be unfair, there are other equally true and valid perspectives one can take on the situation, which are potentially of great benefit psychologically, physically, and for the health of the relationship at stake.

One way or another, most of us are determined that we will build a new life together with our loved one, no matter what. If it happens sooner, or happens later, somehow it WILL happen, and it will be SWEET.

We have every right to be embittered by the inefficiency (and sometimes outright errors) of the system. But at the same time, focusing on that bitterness does nothing for your heart, your health, your sanity, or your relationship. Wanting to ensure your future, you are trying to do things the proper and right way, but don't let the many pitfalls of that "right way" steal your happiness, because it doesn't have to. Staying connected with your loved one helps a lot, even if you're crying on each other's virtual shoulders. Sharing your hopes, dreams, and even fears and sadnesses can still bring you closer together, even when you're far apart, and it serves as a reminder that the reason you subjected yourself to all this in the first place is because you were lucky enough to find someone worth going through all of this for, or you certainly wouldn't be doing it.

That lump in your throat when you find out things aren't going your way,...it's temporary. (For those of you thinking... yeah but I've had it for such a long time... I understand, but bear with me) In that day, when you are finally reunited, as many have said here at VJ, you won't be focused on the pain and frustration of the waiting and uncertainty you suffered through to get there. I think it's important to keep your eye on the prize, remind yourself that "this too, shall pass". And not only will it pass, but something good will come out of it.

[Ladylethal 12]

This past week I´ve been through a depression level, I cry all the time, I can´t sleep, etc. I spend my entire day looking for info on the IMBRA law and this thing is driving me nuts.

I think I could handle waiting if I knew something was being done and that my petition was being viewed at all. It´s this lack of info and knowing nothing is happening in USCIS that´s killing me. ´Cus I know that once they restart processing, there´s still A LOT of cases ahead of me, when I were so close to being adjudicated ourselves.

[meauxna 15]

I miss you, Jaci...

Hope you are doing well & hi to Ciprian!

[aussiewench 9]

Very well written Jaci

[Aymerlu 3]

This past week I´ve been through a depression level, I cry all the time, I can´t sleep, etc. I spend my entire day looking for info on the IMBRA law and this thing is driving me nuts.

I think I could handle waiting if I knew something was being done and that my petition was being viewed at all. It´s this lack of info and knowing nothing is happening in USCIS that´s killing me. ´Cus I know that once they restart processing, there´s still A LOT of cases ahead of me, when I were so close to being adjudicated ourselves.

I'm right there with you! In the past 3 months I have started having panic attacks, chest pain, I either want to sleep all day or I can't sleep at all, lost 2 sizes (but hey....this is OK! ) Everyone tells me I need to calm down, that everything will happen in time, but I am honestly getting tired of those remarks. There are some of us that is able to handle a lot of stress, I used to be able too, but I am not. Since March the embassy in Cairo has emailed us 4 times telling us he is approved and he will have his visa shortly and 5 saying that they need to do more checks! It's like it's almost a game with them and it's putting us on an emotional roller coaster.We all just want to be with the one we love. I know that one day this has to come to an end. I've been told that we will look at this time apart and say "oh....that wasn't too long," but I can tell you now, I'll never be saying that.

[rebeccajo 14]

My friend Jaci offers some very sound advice.

And in her usual unselfish manner, she won't list her many woes here. The tenor of her post is only to console those suffering now.

I however, will openly tell the new members here that most of you have not, nor will you, experience the type of troubles in your journey to be with your loved one that she has suffered. Her visa journey is now over three years in length. She has been treated to the cruelest of tricks this system can offer. It's not easy for her - somedays she falls off the path of the very wisdom which is her foundation. But yet she perseveres.

She goes on because she believes not only that she is stronger than the system. She knows her love for Ciprian is worth it all.

[Jaci 0]

This past week I´ve been through a depression level, I cry all the time, I can´t sleep, etc. I spend my entire day looking for info on the IMBRA law and this thing is driving me nuts.

I think I could handle waiting if I knew something was being done and that my petition was being viewed at all. It´s this lack of info and knowing nothing is happening in USCIS that´s killing me. ´Cus I know that once they restart processing, there´s still A LOT of cases ahead of me, when I were so close to being adjudicated ourselves.

I'm right there with you! In the past 3 months I have started having panic attacks, chest pain, I either want to sleep all day or I can't sleep at all, lost 2 sizes (but hey....this is OK! ) Everyone tells me I need to calm down, that everything will happen in time, but I am honestly getting tired of those remarks. There are some of us that is able to handle a lot of stress, I used to be able too, but I am not. Since March the embassy in Cairo has emailed us 4 times telling us he is approved and he will have his visa shortly and 5 saying that they need to do more checks! It's like it's almost a game with them and it's putting us on an emotional roller coaster.We all just want to be with the one we love. I know that one day this has to come to an end. I've been told that we will look at this time apart and say "oh....that wasn't too long," but I can tell you now, I'll never be saying that.

Actually, I believe you ARE being made to wait too long. So am I. Nothing will change that after the fact. My point, simply, is that while nothing will make what is wrong right, at some point, all this is certain to end.

Edited May 29, 2006 by Jaci

[rebeccajo 14]

I know that one day this has to come to an end. I've been told that we will look at this time apart and say "oh....that wasn't too long," but I can tell you now, I'll never be saying that.

The pain WILL fade once its over.

But you should never forget the journey. It's lessons are too costly to waste.

[Carola 0]

Jaci, I have fallowed your case since the very beginning and I know what you and Ciprian are enduring. You have all my sympathy and admiration. You're such an inspiration for many of us in this site.

And yes as reccabajo says once everything is over you will not feel the pain anymore... you will value your love more but you won't forget the journey.

Edited May 29, 2006 by Carola

[Ladylethal 12]

I really must laugh now. I´m trying to collect any info I can on IMBRA, right? So I went ahead and e-mailed some immigration attorneys to see if they had anything to say in behalf of their clients or give me any clues at all.

If you read his reply to my e-mail you´ll see they´re just worried in getting clients.

"Laura,

The new IMBRA law has not affected the K1 visa petitions we have filed. The K1 petitions we have filed at the VSC since March 6th are being approved in appx 20 days from the receipt dates."

I won´t even add the rest but it´s a huge e-mail telling me how sucessful they are and how much it´d cost.

[babybunny 2]

we have been in the AR black hole for 9 months and 3 days. we have not been suffering illenesss or depression. the best way we cope with this mess is keep really busy. there are good days and bad days. we just keep our eyes on the day we finally reunited.

[Vagina Journey 0]

I really must laugh now. I´m trying to collect any info I can on IMBRA, right? So I went ahead and e-mailed some immigration attorneys to see if they had anything to say in behalf of their clients or give me any clues at all.

If you read his reply to my e-mail you´ll see they´re just worried in getting clients.

"Laura,

The new IMBRA law has not affected the K1 visa petitions we have filed. The K1 petitions we have filed at the VSC since March 6th are being approved in appx 20 days from the receipt dates."

I won´t even add the rest but it´s a huge e-mail telling me how sucessful they are and how much it´d cost.

[Ladylethal 12]

I can´t help but think what his clients are thinking of him if that´s what they´re telling the clients that had petitions returned.

[almaty 19]

I miss you, Jaci...

Hope you are doing well & hi to Ciprian!

i miss you too sister jaci....

[Jaci 0]

we have been in the AR black hole for 9 months and 3 days. we have not been suffering illenesss or depression. the best way we cope with this mess is keep really busy. there are good days and bad days. we just keep our eyes on the day we finally reunited.

(Shonjaved)

I can always count on you to keep a brave face. Glad to hear it Shon, you guys are SOOO overdue.

I miss all you guys too. We're doing ok. I hope to see more of you soon.

Jaci

edit typo

Edited May 30, 2006 by Jaci