How do YOU cope?

[Salaciouslady 0]

500$ phone bill...fighting....phone sex....Cry....Laugh.....it will eventually be over

[frali 2]

I think with time things start to improve and you kind of get used to the idea that they are not there.

Staying positive and looking to the day you will be together again always helps.

[Sabr 0]

I know the hurt I feel is intensified because my wife just went back to Ukraine and the wound is still fresh from losing her by my side until this process is finished. Was feeling kind of ok today, then just going to the local grocery store (where we used to shop) this avalanche of pain and emotions just crushed me.

Then I think of the others here at VJ, who have been waiting for months and months ... and my heart sincerely goes out to you. To go through this kind of pain for so long has to effect you emotionally, physically and mentally.

I know that some of the pain might ease up a little as time goes by and 'regular' life, going to work, etc. goes on ...

But I was just wondering what advice or tips can some VJ members offer who had a long wait or are still going through the process ... How did/do you cope without being with your most precious one?

Peace,

I wont lie to you. This process is tough sledding.

Do you know your wife's language? I'm learning the language of my wife now and we are working on translating some short stories together. If God will that we should have children they will be bi-lingual. Also I truly wish someday to have a conversation with my wife's Mother, Father and family without the need of a translator.

Also,

I don't see the harm in planning to go there to my wife's country to live if at the end of the day, may God forbid it, we exhaust all possible avenues for her to come here. In my case I would apply to teach English in her country which is about the only job open for Americans in her country. So in the meanwhile I make preparations and will soon enroll in some English teaching courses here in the States. I would much rather bring my wife here as the economic conditions in her country are very hard and we would be very poor there. Also, for me to go there would be a one way trip since God only knows how I would ever raise the money for a plane ticket home.

I continue to study the visa process and legal codes. In short, time is on my side. Its something I seem to have plenty of now so I better take advantage of it. Working lots of overtime also. We need the money.

Look at it this way,

Every day that passes is a day that you are closer (not farther away) to being united with your other half.

So don't give up even if your a$$ falls off.

[Tim & Cai 15]

I think with time things start to improve and you kind of get used to the idea that they are not there.

Staying positive and looking to the day you will be together again always helps.

This step does have an end. Ours took 10 months of being apart including preparation time. That truly was the hardest thing I have ever been through but I truly think it has made our relationship stronger.

God Bless.

Tim & Maricar

[crismar 0]

Staying busy helps, my wife and I both work. I call her at lunch everday then we talk when we both get from work at night. Skype is a godsend! Skype to go even better.. cheap phone bills make and having the ability to call her at any moment makes me feel like she is right here with me or waiting for me at home. Imagining the everyday things we will do together get me excited. I used to complain about the whole process and it really got me down for awhile.. Now we just laugh it off and count the days. Stick in there, your love is made stronger by all this lame process. It'll make a good story for the kids and I'm sure we'll all have fond memories of the days when we'd stick by the computer or phone for hours.

Also, unlike most other relationships you get a real opportunity to know your other half really really really well... since all you can do is talk, think of it as a preparatory stage.

In the end, though.. I'm really ready for to get here so we can start our life together. Hopefully just in a few weeks now we'll get that interview if all go wells with NVC.

[SteveColo 0]

I wanted to send out a HUGE thank you to all who contributed to this thread. I know that we'll make it through this whole screwed up system, but to share with so many others going through the same exact thing, it helps to know that I'm not alone. We spent 3 hours on Skype today ... and even though it can't replace being together, that program is truly a godsend

Lindsay - when you were talking about your husband, you were describing me to a 'T'. Ksenia seems to do such an amazing job of seeing our future and has no worries about being back together. She does miss me very much, but thankfully her family is close to give her support. I however have that same 'live in the now' mentality that husband has. I guess this whole process will be a 'learning' experience as well.

Once again ... a big thanks to everyone ... I really appreciate it! My hope and wishes are that you all are reunited with your love as soon as possible.

[nimche 8]

O' I forgot.

The BIG BIG BIG thanks goes to SKYPE and Skype's family.

4 years ago when we got married we had those phone bills start off $400 and then new phonecards came and then we moved down to $200and then skype came in we move to $60 for the whole year. Plus wify needed a computer and internet account for month but still worth the money.

We can talk for hours and anytime we want.

And, SteveColo, you get a thanks too! For creating this thread so we can share more common thing here. That is the spirit of a nice family.

God bless you all!!!

[Olego 0]

Steve,

I found that a combination of two thought patterns works really well. The first is noticing and celebrating every good thing that happens. It's a practical approach to positive thinking: if you're having a good day, but have a brief conversation that makes you smile, note that and realise that even in this situation, you're able to experience joy--so there really are ups after downs.

The second pattern in a step-up from the first one: encourage these positive situations by communicating incredibly frequently: send text-messages, short e-mails, long e-mails, chat on Skype for 3-30 minutes before work and after work. Every reply that you get will become a good thing, a reminder that although both of you are going through this, you're in love and it's all worth it. You'll start looking forward to these interactions, and will start smiling despite the distance.

Good luck, it's really hard, but both of you will get through it, and enjoy undiluted happiness thereafter! :-)

[Brad and Vika 129]

Communicate daily, call, write, text. Share as much as you can. Travel to see her as often as possible. Good Luck!

[Reallyfrustrated 0]

Steve -

Your situation has absolutely blown me away. I can't for a minute fathom how you must deal from day to day. And it is not my purpose to dig at your wound, but to spend the year waiting and waiting for the visa petition to reach the embassy interview day and to then have everything crumble around you. OMG!!!! God Bless you my man! You are so much stronger than any one I have encountered her on VJ. As the saying goes, everything happens for a reason. I know it sounds trite, but somehow you will gain from this.

[stevai 0]

Hello, I'm a new member. I just found out about this website last night and frankly made me a little bit down. I was expecting we can come together after my planned visit next December but now I don't think it's possible.

We've been blessed though with her being here for 1.5 years and my quick naturalization process. Now we are just waiting for NOA2 and the rest of it, but it will take probably at least 6 months.

Let me pray for you that have to go through all this miseries. Please pray for me also if you believe since I think He listens if you are praying for other people.

[Shpat_Argjira 0]

So noone really masturbates but me?

Aint that a bi1tch?

[sasha414 0]

So noone really masturbates but me?

Aint that a bi1tch?

[gogo 6]

you should go visit her then.. We believe we will be together soon, and that allows me to fight with the government.. we barely just got approved now and hopefully we will be together soon.. 500+ days with not even an approval is a big hurdle to overcome.. so if there are problems later on we encounter, we will just think how hard it was to just be together and not argue with each other..

[MrsRowe 2]

The hurt is most fresh just after separation but then somehow it's not okay but you manage. Sometimes however i miss my husband intensely but we talk a lo on the phone and sometimes i do need him near but i try to make it through.