caught fiance going to having accounts with porno chats

[having doubts 0]

I just arrived here in the US. We are not married yet but right now, I don't know if I would still want to go through this. I met all his family and they seemed to be warm and I love them. The problem is I caught my fiance having account in a paid porno chat site and when I checked it using his log in details, he even have some credits left, it was only .0322+ so it meant he really used up all the credits on it till there were a few loose dollars left .

There was one time he left the pc open and all his emails was in full view. I don't know what came over me, I know I don't have any business snooping and checking but I did and I don't know now if I am grateful I did because I found out sooner or to be really really sad because this has cast a negative light on what was supposed to be a new and enjoyable life together.

While checking his emails, I also read some letters from his co-workers saying how he/she misses him. I don't know if it was a girl or not because there was only an email address on display. He replied the email but he deleted his reply in the sent folder so I don't know what was it. I also found two emails he sent to two different girls and the emails was full of lewd contents. Sad thing is, those email exchanges just a month before my arrival here which means he's been actively flirting (probably with co-worker) or sex cyberchattin with others even though I am about to come here.

I have given him full trust. I came with all the hope that he is the man he presented himself to be... How can I trust a person like this. I don't know.. i am just so angry right now.. i feel like I have been cheated. maybe it will be better to just pack and go back home.

[chadherm 0]

I am so sorry to hear that. Have you talk to him about this?

[brnidokiegurl 0]

seems alot of this going on lately, talk it over with him, try to resolve and then make your best decision on how you see life in the future

[NickD 202]

I just arrived here in the US. We are not married yet but right now, I don't know if I would still want to go through this. I met all his family and they seemed to be warm and I love them. The problem is I caught my fiance having account in a paid porno chat site and when I checked it using his log in details, he even have some credits left, it was only .0322+ so it meant he really used up all the credits on it till there were a few loose dollars left .

There was one time he left the pc open and all his emails was in full view. I don't know what came over me, I know I don't have any business snooping and checking but I did and I don't know now if I am grateful I did because I found out sooner or to be really really sad because this has cast a negative light on what was supposed to be a new and enjoyable life together.

While checking his emails, I also read some letters from his co-workers saying how he/she misses him. I don't know if it was a girl or not because there was only an email address on display. He replied the email but he deleted his reply in the sent folder so I don't know what was it. I also found two emails he sent to two different girls and the emails was full of lewd contents. Sad thing is, those email exchanges just a month before my arrival here which means he's been actively flirting (probably with co-worker) or sex cyberchattin with others even though I am about to come here.

I have given him full trust. I came with all the hope that he is the man he presented himself to be... How can I trust a person like this. I don't know.. i am just so angry right now.. i feel like I have been cheated. maybe it will be better to just pack and go back home.

I would tend to break it off as your guy is an idiot leaving all that garbage on his computer for anyone to see, could be he wanted you to see it depicting signs of some kind of a mental illiness.

We all have a past, I mean if our parents didn't already prescribe whom we would get married to, we have to look around and meet lots of people of the opposite sex, well for most people anyway. I always respected my wife's privacy and when we were getting serious, we elected not to talk about our past, after all, we just met. She did bring her notebook with her, typical with all the programs and data on drive C, what mess, she got a worm that was evasive and asked me to look at it. Was such a mess, decided to reformat and reload windows, but looked for any important data she may want to save. Did find stuff from her previous encounters, asked her if she wanted to me save those. But from the dates, all stopped within two months after we met. Guys were mostly after her, but she found the best one, LOL, teased her about that. In our case this worked out well.

I did add a backup drive to her computer and set up her programs to store her data in that drive and means to backup that data in her main drive, then I copied all of our e-mails to her drive and photos I had on my computer. Of course she met other men, many as a matter of fact, so did I, but women for me. As an element of trust, gave her my passwords and free reign to my computer. This actually took place after we were married. And granted, was a bit nervous when I found those old files, but she didn't even know how to delete them

Now if I found files like you did, don't know what will happen, how can you be the only true one if he is carrying on with others? Perhaps it's good you did find them before hand, and regardless of what he says, how can you trust him? My wife and I agreed that from the time we met and got engaged, that our lives would be an open book for each other, that is the way it should be.

[NickyMcMillan 0]

I don't know if I would feel too much alarm yet with the porn...as the account had almost no credit. If he had just added credit that could be one thing. Maybe with you so far away until recently that was his outlet? If that was his only outlet for sexual frustration then I wouldn't be too worried, as long as he wasn't continuing to use the XXX website as a substitute for intimacy with you.

It's hard to say about the emails etc with co workers. It sounds like you didn't open up the emails?

Not trying to be disgusting, but what exactly were the lewd comments pertaining too? It wouldn't surprise me that someone coming from a different culture such as yourself might see things one way and the USC might see it another. I'm not saying that it is right or wrong, but just saying in your cultural background it might be something that is considered lewd while in the US it isn't. However, I would definitely have a talk with him...however be careful how to approach it. Maybe just bring up some of the cultural differences and how you expect to be treated and spoken too. If he is a good guy he should treat all women with the same level of respect as he would treat his wife.

[We_Destiny 1]

Sorry this has happened but, virtual porn might mean that he was being faithful and practicing abstinence in your abscence. Virtual sex and flirting are not an affair. The question to ask is now that you are here, is he still doing it?

[BUHOK 0]

I just arrived here in the US. We are not married yet but right now, I don't know if I would still want to go through this. I met all his family and they seemed to be warm and I love them. The problem is I caught my fiance having account in a paid porno chat site and when I checked it using his log in details, he even have some credits left, it was only .0322+ so it meant he really used up all the credits on it till there were a few loose dollars left .

There was one time he left the pc open and all his emails was in full view. I don't know what came over me, I know I don't have any business snooping and checking but I did and I don't know now if I am grateful I did because I found out sooner or to be really really sad because this has cast a negative light on what was supposed to be a new and enjoyable life together.

While checking his emails, I also read some letters from his co-workers saying how he/she misses him. I don't know if it was a girl or not because there was only an email address on display. He replied the email but he deleted his reply in the sent folder so I don't know what was it. I also found two emails he sent to two different girls and the emails was full of lewd contents. Sad thing is, those email exchanges just a month before my arrival here which means he's been actively flirting (probably with co-worker) or sex cyberchattin with others even though I am about to come here.

I have given him full trust. I came with all the hope that he is the man he presented himself to be... How can I trust a person like this. I don't know.. i am just so angry right now.. i feel like I have been cheated. maybe it will be better to just pack and go back home.

Don't jump into conclusion right away. Talk to him, tell him how you feel, give him a chance. Observe, after the talk if nothing happens then decide. We can only give you suggestions but in the end it's still your decision. Hope this will be ironed out soon....

Edited September 7, 2008 by BUHOK

[ladybee 0]

Please dont get married

[raphandarrin 0]

I agree in full with you, NickMcMillan, I'd also see the porn account as a way to escape his loneliness without you, you can look his history in the website(most likely they have one) and see when it was the last time he had money in, I do believe in some cultures it's unacceptable or really offensive for one to look up porn even while without their SO, I wouldn't jump to conclusions not being sure of when he did it last and why he did it, also it's up to you to judge if online chat/flirting/cybering would be considered cheating, specially you being way, I'm really sorry that happened but try to work through this.

About the e-mails, you don't give much details but as said before it might be a cultural thing, I often tell my friends how much I love them and miss them, even though we are not having an affair or anything, so please keep your mind open for what you might get as an answer coz it might not be as bad.I'm not saying he is right and you are wrong but talk it through, that woulg give you his point of view and may be help you understand why he did it.

He might feel invaded once you bring it up, since you were looking over his personal stuff, so refresh your mind and try to be as calm as you can, don't start pointing fingers at him and don't judge before he explains himself, I know both of you had been through a lot before you got here and it would be awful to have this grow bigger than all of your good moments and experiences together.Good luck!

I don't know if I would feel too much alarm yet with the porn...as the account had almost no credit. If he had just added credit that could be one thing. Maybe with you so far away until recently that was his outlet? If that was his only outlet for sexual frustration then I wouldn't be too worried, as long as he wasn't continuing to use the XXX website as a substitute for intimacy with you.

It's hard to say about the emails etc with co workers. It sounds like you didn't open up the emails?

Not trying to be disgusting, but what exactly were the lewd comments pertaining too? It wouldn't surprise me that someone coming from a different culture such as yourself might see things one way and the USC might see it another. I'm not saying that it is right or wrong, but just saying in your cultural background it might be something that is considered lewd while in the US it isn't. However, I would definitely have a talk with him...however be careful how to approach it. Maybe just bring up some of the cultural differences and how you expect to be treated and spoken too. If he is a good guy he should treat all women with the same level of respect as he would treat his wife.

Edited September 7, 2008 by raphandarrin

[Yaads 0]

Sorry this has happened but, virtual porn might mean that he was being faithful and practicing abstinence in your abscence. Virtual sex and flirting are not an affair. The question to ask is now that you are here, is he still doing it?

That is totally a matter of opinion. Many people would view that as being unfaithful/having an affair.

Like others have suggested talk to him and see what he has to say about everything. Communication is one of the most important aspects to a successful marriage. Don't make any decisions either way until you have gotten all the facts. I hope you can get this resolved.

[richo 0]

FYI: Online affairs can now be considered as proofs of infidelity in courts.

[yankee 0]

I don't know if I would feel too much alarm yet with the porn...as the account had almost no credit. If he had just added credit that could be one thing. Maybe with you so far away until recently that was his outlet? If that was his only outlet for sexual frustration then I wouldn't be too worried, as long as he wasn't continuing to use the XXX website as a substitute for intimacy with you.

It's hard to say about the emails etc with co workers. It sounds like you didn't open up the emails?

Not trying to be disgusting, but what exactly were the lewd comments pertaining too? It wouldn't surprise me that someone coming from a different culture such as yourself might see things one way and the USC might see it another. I'm not saying that it is right or wrong, but just saying in your cultural background it might be something that is considered lewd while in the US it isn't. However, I would definitely have a talk with him...however be careful how to approach it. Maybe just bring up some of the cultural differences and how you expect to be treated and spoken too. If he is a good guy he should treat all women with the same level of respect as he would treat his wife.

I agree with this answer. Part of coming to USA is embracing the culture. Take the benefit of the doubt. Take also into account the great Love and great achivements involve great risk plus don't let a little dispute injure a great realtionship. Think your happy times and compare the current situation and if it is worth to make a decision to go home.

Hope goes well with you and your husband.

[We_Destiny 1]

Sorry this has happened but, virtual porn might mean that he was being faithful and practicing abstinence in your abscence. Virtual sex and flirting are not an affair. The question to ask is now that you are here, is he still doing it?

That is totally a matter of opinion. Many people would view that as being unfaithful/having an affair.

Like others have suggested talk to him and see what he has to say about everything. Communication is one of the most important aspects to a successful marriage. Don't make any decisions either way until you have gotten all the facts. I hope you can get this resolved.

Yeah and my post was my opinion. I cannot and was not trying to speak for anyone else.

[Completely 3]

I just arrived here in the US. We are not married yet but right now, I don't know if I would still want to go through this. I met all his family and they seemed to be warm and I love them. The problem is I caught my fiance having account in a paid porno chat site and when I checked it using his log in details, he even have some credits left, it was only .0322+ so it meant he really used up all the credits on it till there were a few loose dollars left .

There was one time he left the pc open and all his emails was in full view. I don't know what came over me, I know I don't have any business snooping and checking but I did and I don't know now if I am grateful I did because I found out sooner or to be really really sad because this has cast a negative light on what was supposed to be a new and enjoyable life together.

While checking his emails, I also read some letters from his co-workers saying how he/she misses him. I don't know if it was a girl or not because there was only an email address on display. He replied the email but he deleted his reply in the sent folder so I don't know what was it. I also found two emails he sent to two different girls and the emails was full of lewd contents. Sad thing is, those email exchanges just a month before my arrival here which means he's been actively flirting (probably with co-worker) or sex cyberchattin with others even though I am about to come here.

I have given him full trust. I came with all the hope that he is the man he presented himself to be... How can I trust a person like this. I don't know.. i am just so angry right now.. i feel like I have been cheated. maybe it will be better to just pack and go back home.

I would tend to break it off as your guy is an idiot leaving all that garbage on his computer for anyone to see, could be he wanted you to see it depicting signs of some kind of a mental illiness.

We all have a past, I mean if our parents didn't already prescribe whom we would get married to, we have to look around and meet lots of people of the opposite sex, well for most people anyway. I always respected my wife's privacy and when we were getting serious, we elected not to talk about our past, after all, we just met. She did bring her notebook with her, typical with all the programs and data on drive C, what mess, she got a worm that was evasive and asked me to look at it. Was such a mess, decided to reformat and reload windows, but looked for any important data she may want to save. Did find stuff from her previous encounters, asked her if she wanted to me save those. But from the dates, all stopped within two months after we met. Guys were mostly after her, but she found the best one, LOL, teased her about that. In our case this worked out well.

I did add a backup drive to her computer and set up her programs to store her data in that drive and means to backup that data in her main drive, then I copied all of our e-mails to her drive and photos I had on my computer. Of course she met other men, many as a matter of fact, so did I, but women for me. As an element of trust, gave her my passwords and free reign to my computer. This actually took place after we were married. And granted, was a bit nervous when I found those old files, but she didn't even know how to delete them

Now if I found files like you did, don't know what will happen, how can you be the only true one if he is carrying on with others? Perhaps it's good you did find them before hand, and regardless of what he says, how can you trust him? My wife and I agreed that from the time we met and got engaged, that our lives would be an open book for each other, that is the way it should be.

I agreed with Nick.. Your lives past or present should be open book.. Eveone has past and you have to share this... Past is very important to face the future.. Me and my husband do not have a problem about TRUST, I have told him my past and he told me his past.. He gave me all his password to his personal accounts even I did not ask for it.. I believe on him and trust my instinct..

Talk to him..nothing can be resolve in talking..

Edited September 8, 2008 by Completely

[NickD 202]

What's missing from the OP on all this, is the previous commitments they made to each other before she arrived, how long was their relationship, and how many times they saw each other. That really leads to the question, do you really know the person you are about to marry? And the key word is doubts!!!

The law makes marriage easy, but you cannot believe the rats in the legal system that make a very nice living if you have to get a divorce. After my first marriage, meditated on all the doubts I had with some strange believe the Holy Spirit would come down and correct those, ha, he or she went the other way.

One sure sign of finding the right one, that urge to keep on looking is completely gone, so why is this guy still looking, teasing, flirting, or whatever you want to call it? Another gloomy event is while the woman is suffering in the labor room having the guys baby, he is out playing around instead of being with her. Have to keep in mind that over 50% of the present marriages end up in divorce.

Should be no doubts in a relationship and thou shalt covet thy owns wife. These are just some things to think about, it's your life.