caught fiance going to having accounts with porno chats

[having doubts 0]

Sorry if it took me a long time to reply and acknowledge all the inputs that have been offered here but I want everyone to know that I appreciate all of it: good or bad, negative or positive.

Right after I posted my original post we had a serious talk. We have been in this relationship for 3 years so the emotional investment has been deep enough not to just let go right away.. added to that is the very warm reception that I have been receiving from his entire family. If we are to break everything off right there and then, it won't only hurt us both but hurt both his family and my family as well.

For others this might be a foolish thing to do but I have given him a chance, I love him enough to give him another chance. Right now we have started going for counseling, we just had our first session with the counselor earlier where we laid down everything... If my 90 days will be up and we could still not find complete healing then I will just pack my things and go back home... but right now we are really working on it in the best way we can and he has been doing his best also to save our relationship.

I don't want to elaborate any further. Thank you very much again to everybody who took time to give their valuable advice. God bless you all.

Edited September 12, 2008 by having doubts

[Y's_habibitk 2]

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Edited September 12, 2008 by Y_habibitk

[Sprailenes 47]

Sorry if it took me a long time to reply and acknowledge all the inputs that have been offered here but I want everyone to know that I appreciate all of it: good or bad, negative or positive.

Right after I posted my original post we had a serious talk. We have been in this relationship for 3 years so the emotional investment has been deep enough not to just let go right away.. added to that is the very warm reception that I have been receiving from his entire family. If we are to break everything off right there and then, it won't only hurt us both but hurt both his family and my family as well.

For others this might be a foolish thing to do but I have given him a chance, I love him enough to give him another chance. Right now we have started going for counseling, we just had our first session with the counselor earlier where we laid down everything... If my 90 days will be up and we could still not find complete healing then I will just pack my things and go back home... but right now we are really working on it in the best way we can and he has been doing his best also to save our relationship.

I don't want to elaborate any further. Thank you very much again to everybody who took time to give their valuable advice. God bless you all.

Its not a silly thing, because in your heart you know what you are doing is right.

No one has the right to judge you about your decision either. All the best and I really do hope you guys pull through this.

[miss g 1]

I found his porn "stash" i got upset and gave him a hard time about it and then i thought about it..i realised that its normal, alot of guys are into that and I dont want to be in a relationship where someone has to hide stuff or feel "shame" its better that they are looking at porn then going out and recreating those scenes..

[DanielParul 50]

Thats not silly! You had a serious talk with him and he wants to save the relationship too. You both have taken the right step. Wishing you all the best. Hope it works out for you

[Carlawarla 1]

Sorry if it took me a long time to reply and acknowledge all the inputs that have been offered here but I want everyone to know that I appreciate all of it: good or bad, negative or positive.

Right after I posted my original post we had a serious talk. We have been in this relationship for 3 years so the emotional investment has been deep enough not to just let go right away.. added to that is the very warm reception that I have been receiving from his entire family. If we are to break everything off right there and then, it won't only hurt us both but hurt both his family and my family as well.

For others this might be a foolish thing to do but I have given him a chance, I love him enough to give him another chance. Right now we have started going for counseling, we just had our first session with the counselor earlier where we laid down everything... If my 90 days will be up and we could still not find complete healing then I will just pack my things and go back home... but right now we are really working on it in the best way we can and he has been doing his best also to save our relationship.

I don't want to elaborate any further. Thank you very much again to everybody who took time to give their valuable advice. God bless you all.

I'm so happy to hear you're in counselling. I truly hope that things get worked out between you two. I'm so glad you talked to him.

I found his porn "stash" i got upset and gave him a hard time about it and then i thought about it..i realised that its normal, alot of guys are into that and I dont want to be in a relationship where someone has to hide stuff or feel "shame" its better that they are looking at porn then going out and recreating those scenes..

You realized it's normal and a lot of guys are into that? Says who? Stop rationalizing his behaviour. There is also a close relationship between viewing pornography, fantasizing about "scenes", getting aroused to that, and then acting on those fantasies.

[miss g 1]

Sorry if it took me a long time to reply and acknowledge all the inputs that have been offered here but I want everyone to know that I appreciate all of it: good or bad, negative or positive.

Right after I posted my original post we had a serious talk. We have been in this relationship for 3 years so the emotional investment has been deep enough not to just let go right away.. added to that is the very warm reception that I have been receiving from his entire family. If we are to break everything off right there and then, it won't only hurt us both but hurt both his family and my family as well.

For others this might be a foolish thing to do but I have given him a chance, I love him enough to give him another chance. Right now we have started going for counseling, we just had our first session with the counselor earlier where we laid down everything... If my 90 days will be up and we could still not find complete healing then I will just pack my things and go back home... but right now we are really working on it in the best way we can and he has been doing his best also to save our relationship.

I don't want to elaborate any further. Thank you very much again to everybody who took time to give their valuable advice. God bless you all.

I'm so happy to hear you're in counselling. I truly hope that things get worked out between you two. I'm so glad you talked to him.

I found his porn "stash" i got upset and gave him a hard time about it and then i thought about it..i realised that its normal, alot of guys are into that and I dont want to be in a relationship where someone has to hide stuff or feel "shame" its better that they are looking at porn then going out and recreating those scenes..

You realized it's normal and a lot of guys are into that? Says who? Stop rationalizing his behaviour. There is also a close relationship between viewing pornography, fantasizing about "scenes", getting aroused to that, and then acting on those fantasies.

Thats a bit harsh dont you think.. yes i found his stash but then again, I found my ex's stash too and he never cheated, and you can find a correlation between anything if you really want to. I dnt know where you're from maybe its a cultural thing but in alot of places in Europe we get that stuff on TV for free.. its not a big deal, I think you always have to be reflexive in a relationship, there are always going to be things about your partner that you might not like its only a problem if you make it. i can live with him watching porn.

[Sprailenes 47]

Sorry if it took me a long time to reply and acknowledge all the inputs that have been offered here but I want everyone to know that I appreciate all of it: good or bad, negative or positive.

Right after I posted my original post we had a serious talk. We have been in this relationship for 3 years so the emotional investment has been deep enough not to just let go right away.. added to that is the very warm reception that I have been receiving from his entire family. If we are to break everything off right there and then, it won't only hurt us both but hurt both his family and my family as well.

For others this might be a foolish thing to do but I have given him a chance, I love him enough to give him another chance. Right now we have started going for counseling, we just had our first session with the counselor earlier where we laid down everything... If my 90 days will be up and we could still not find complete healing then I will just pack my things and go back home... but right now we are really working on it in the best way we can and he has been doing his best also to save our relationship.

I don't want to elaborate any further. Thank you very much again to everybody who took time to give their valuable advice. God bless you all.

I'm so happy to hear you're in counselling. I truly hope that things get worked out between you two. I'm so glad you talked to him.

I found his porn "stash" i got upset and gave him a hard time about it and then i thought about it..i realised that its normal, alot of guys are into that and I dont want to be in a relationship where someone has to hide stuff or feel "shame" its better that they are looking at porn then going out and recreating those scenes..

You realized it's normal and a lot of guys are into that? Says who? Stop rationalizing his behaviour. There is also a close relationship between viewing pornography, fantasizing about "scenes", getting aroused to that, and then acting on those fantasies.

Thats a bit harsh dont you think.. yes i found his stash but then again, I found my ex's stash too and he never cheated, and you can find a correlation between anything if you really want to. I dnt know where you're from maybe its a cultural thing but in alot of places in Europe we get that stuff on TV for free.. its not a big deal, I think you always have to be reflexive in a relationship, there are always going to be things about your partner that you might not like its only a problem if you make it. i can live with him watching porn.

In Canada we have this channel called Showcase and after 9:00 pm its basically no holds bars tv.

Damn I miss that channel.

Edited September 13, 2008 by Sprailenes

[Mrs.Walker 0]

I just arrived here in the US. We are not married yet but right now, I don't know if I would still want to go through this. I met all his family and they seemed to be warm and I love them. The problem is I caught my fiance having account in a paid porno chat site and when I checked it using his log in details, he even have some credits left, it was only .0322+ so it meant he really used up all the credits on it till there were a few loose dollars left .

There was one time he left the pc open and all his emails was in full view. I don't know what came over me, I know I don't have any business snooping and checking but I did and I don't know now if I am grateful I did because I found out sooner or to be really really sad because this has cast a negative light on what was supposed to be a new and enjoyable life together.

While checking his emails, I also read some letters from his co-workers saying how he/she misses him. I don't know if it was a girl or not because there was only an email address on display. He replied the email but he deleted his reply in the sent folder so I don't know what was it. I also found two emails he sent to two different girls and the emails was full of lewd contents. Sad thing is, those email exchanges just a month before my arrival here which means he's been actively flirting (probably with co-worker) or sex cyberchattin with others even though I am about to come here.

I have given him full trust. I came with all the hope that he is the man he presented himself to be... How can I trust a person like this. I don't know.. i am just so angry right now.. i feel like I have been cheated. maybe it will be better to just pack and go back home.

Sorry to say this, but girl get your papers and then leave his ###. If it is a relationship worth saving then try to save it.

Edited September 13, 2008 by Mrs.Walker

[HannahP 119]

You realized it's normal and a lot of guys are into that? Says who? Stop rationalizing his behaviour. There is also a close relationship between viewing pornography, fantasizing about "scenes", getting aroused to that, and then acting on those fantasies.

Um, can you cite your sources? Or are you just making stuff up? (Which I suspect that you are.)

Look. I think whether he's /truthy/ about the matter is what counts. My husband has always been open about his porn viewing habits. Sometimes, we watch porn together. Mostly he has his /porn stash on his computer. I'm not upset about it; I've never asked him to stop. (But if I did ask him to stop, I know that he would. Trustiness. Truthiness. See the correlation?) It's something that many men do. It's something that many /women/ do. I read erotica, personally. Pics don't do it for me. He thinks my erotica habit is hot. I tease him about his porn habits. (Lesbians?! C'mon. Soooo typically man-ish. I'm sure Charles! would agree.)

I imagine that it can be embarrassing to first be "found out." Kind of like when your parents catch you masturbating that first time? Especially if you have a particularly odd kink. I think what's important is how the guy owns up to the situation. I don't trust liars. And neither should you.

[beejay 123]

may you do what is best and most healthy for you.

good luck and hope you are able to figure things out.

[Carlawarla 1]

You realized it's normal and a lot of guys are into that? Says who? Stop rationalizing his behaviour. There is also a close relationship between viewing pornography, fantasizing about "scenes", getting aroused to that, and then acting on those fantasies.

Um, can you cite your sources? Or are you just making stuff up? (Which I suspect that you are.)

Look. I think whether he's /truthy/ about the matter is what counts. My husband has always been open about his porn viewing habits. Sometimes, we watch porn together. Mostly he has his /porn stash on his computer. I'm not upset about it; I've never asked him to stop. (But if I did ask him to stop, I know that he would. Trustiness. Truthiness. See the correlation?) It's something that many men do. It's something that many /women/ do. I read erotica, personally. Pics don't do it for me. He thinks my erotica habit is hot. I tease him about his porn habits. (Lesbians?! C'mon. Soooo typically man-ish. I'm sure Charles! would agree.)

I imagine that it can be embarrassing to first be "found out." Kind of like when your parents catch you masturbating that first time? Especially if you have a particularly odd kink. I think what's important is how the guy owns up to the situation. I don't trust liars. And neither should you.

I've actually retired, from having worked for 25+ years in this area, and I really don't have time right now to link sources that I don't even know is online. My sources are in my head as far as people go and I can cite from all the published articles I have back home in a boxes in Canada. The research I either conducted or was a participant in, and my extensive teaching, training, mentoring, and day to day working, in this field.

Edited September 15, 2008 by Carlawarla

[morocco4ever 63]

Personally I think viewing porn is a matter between the couple. To some it is a way to spice up a life. To others it is totally forbidden. No one should decide this for others. I refuse to conduct my marriage in a way that others find acceptable or unacceptable. It is private. This poster and her husband have a right to decide between the two of them what is right and wrong for them. I don't recall her saying anything about having cyber sex with others while they were together, just that he views porn. Am I wrong?

[Carlawarla 1]

Personally I think viewing porn is a matter between the couple. To some it is a way to spice up a life. To others it is totally forbidden. No one should decide this for others. I refuse to conduct my marriage in a way that others find acceptable or unacceptable. It is private. This poster and her husband have a right to decide between the two of them what is right and wrong for them. I don't recall her saying anything about having cyber sex with others while they were together, just that he views porn. Am I wrong?

I believe in the very first post on page one that the OP mentioned something about "cyberchattin".

Your comment about viewing porn is a matter between the couple, I think everyone on here concurred with that, however the OP didn't know about his inclination towards pornography, nor his emails to other women. So, if it's between the couple, and one person doesn't agree with the others viewing habits then I guess there has to either be some kind of disagreement, or perhaps the couple could benefit from counselling.

I would suggest that the poster asking for advice on this forum would suggest that she doesn't think it's "right". Hence, she was unsure whether to marry him.

No one here made any decisions for the OP. How could anyone? People were voicing their opinions, because that's what the OP was asking for.

Edited September 15, 2008 by Carlawarla

[zqt3344 21]

Go back home now and do not do it, you are going to get scammed and put through the works girl if you stay and marry this person! What he did is not normal for someone in love and in process of getting engaged and married! Think about it, better you find out now than after you are married and miserable. Good luck.

I just arrived here in the US. We are not married yet but right now, I don't know if I would still want to go through this. I met all his family and they seemed to be warm and I love them. The problem is I caught my fiance having account in a paid porno chat site and when I checked it using his log in details, he even have some credits left, it was only .0322+ so it meant he really used up all the credits on it till there were a few loose dollars left .

There was one time he left the pc open and all his emails was in full view. I don't know what came over me, I know I don't have any business snooping and checking but I did and I don't know now if I am grateful I did because I found out sooner or to be really really sad because this has cast a negative light on what was supposed to be a new and enjoyable life together.

While checking his emails, I also read some letters from his co-workers saying how he/she misses him. I don't know if it was a girl or not because there was only an email address on display. He replied the email but he deleted his reply in the sent folder so I don't know what was it. I also found two emails he sent to two different girls and the emails was full of lewd contents. Sad thing is, those email exchanges just a month before my arrival here which means he's been actively flirting (probably with co-worker) or sex cyberchattin with others even though I am about to come here.

I have given him full trust. I came with all the hope that he is the man he presented himself to be... How can I trust a person like this. I don't know.. i am just so angry right now.. i feel like I have been cheated. maybe it will be better to just pack and go back home.