visa to travel together but son does not want to come

[Blues Fairy 0]

why dont you offer the boy something to look forward to here in Us..for example car once he is 16?

You can always "buy"manipulative kids...

...which will teach them to be even more manipulative.

[aspettando 0]

why dont you offer the boy something to look forward to here in Us..for example car once he is 16?

You can always "buy"manipulative kids...

...which will teach them to be even more manipulative.

Exactly...

[slim 1,514]

Thank you all for your kind answers. Yes, the boy is being manipulative and his reasons are childish (he has a new friend ). However he is not stupid and eventually he will try to come. When and how are the questions. If after six months, I don't think I will be able to go through this again. I believe, the best is for him to come now, get his green card and then decide what to do. If I were in charge ... let's not get there. Thank you again for your kind and informative answers.

Let's get there..... you are going to be in charge, right? (Or, at least partly in charge in conjunction with his mother.) So, why not put your foot down and after discussing it with the mother "make" the kid come here?

I know it's a tough situation (got some step-parents mysefl, very interesting family dynamic at work there, trust me!) and there's really no easy way to do it. However, I have to be one of the hardliners and say that at 15, it's not really his decision to make, it's your fiancees. Have her make a decision and then stand by her in supporting (and enforcing) it.

But, like AKDiver said, it's not such a bad thing to leave a step-kid behind. (Provided the mother isn't going to be crying all day about it.) 15y/o boys eat a lot too, so consider that carefully.

Bottom line, let the mother choose and then support her choice.

why dont you offer the boy something to look forward to here in Us..for example car once he is 16?

You can always "buy"manipulative kids...

Excellent point!

You could also point out that after living in America and getting educated here (and then making all that money) he could have his choice of "new friends" when he returns home later. Having American money and being fluent in Russian, he'd have a limitless supply of new friends on any fiancee site out there!

Plus, with that accent, he's probably going to have a pretty easy time making "new friends" here as well.

And avoiding getting the mandatory @$$ beatings in the military for two years probably isn't such a bad perk of moving to the U.S.

You could always try the "man to man" approach. You know, sit down over a beer (he's Russian, it's OK) and talk about your past mistakes and his new opportunites, all the things you wish you would've done that he now has the opportunity to do..... all the while making it sound like something other than "dude, don't p!$$ off your mom or make her upset, I like nailing her once in a while and if you don't come here that's going to really mess it up for me. Please man, do it for me!"

On second thought, stick to the free car, it's good.

Good luck!

[Brad and Vika 129]

I have an acquaintance from Odessa that married an American guy, and only one of her two kids is here. Her son (who was thirteen at the time), came permanently with mom while her daughter (sixteen), came only long enough to get her residency approved. Now I am probably messing up some terminology here, but once her status was squared away she moved back to Ukraine and stayed with grandparents to attend university. I recollect that it took less than a year. Daughter has to return to the US periodically to maintain her status, but she actually lives there. I don't know if this works any more, but it probably solves a bunch of problems for you.

[payxibka 10,044]

I have an acquaintance from Odessa that married an American guy, and only one of her two kids is here. Her son (who was thirteen at the time), came permanently with mom while her daughter (sixteen), came only long enough to get her residency approved. Now I am probably messing up some terminology here, but once her status was squared away she moved back to Ukraine and stayed with grandparents to attend university. I recollect that it took less than a year. Daughter has to return to the US periodically to maintain her status, but she actually lives there. I don't know if this works any more, but it probably solves a bunch of problems for you.

It only works until someone puts the pieces together.... It will be some day at a POE when she attempts entry and the CBP officer takes the green card or when they need to remove conditions.....

[slim 1,514]

She's not technically doing anything wrong.....

[payxibka 10,044]

They can aggregate.....

Maintaining Permanent Residence You may lose your permanent residence status if you commit an act that makes you removable from the United States under the law in section 237 of the Immigration and Nationality Act. If you commit such an act, you may be brought before the immigration courts to determine your right to remain a Permanent Resident.

You may be found to have abandoned your permanent resident status if you:

* Move to another country intending to live there permanently.

* Remain outside of the US for more than one year without obtaining a reentry permit or returning resident visa. However in determining whether your status has been abandoned any length of absence from the US may be considered, even if it is less than one year.

* Remain outside of the US for more than two years after issuance of a reentry permit without obtaining a returning resident visa. However in determining whether your status has been abandoned any length of absence from the US may be considered, even if it is less than one year.

* Fail to file income tax returns while living outside of the US for any period.

* Declare yourself a “nonimmigrant” on your tax returns.

[peejay 327]

My stepdaughter did not want to come here either. We put in for the K-1 and K-2 while she was 17 years old and still in high school (or their equivalent of it). She graduated and my wife sent her to Belgorod, Russia with some money to go to the university there. She stayed in Belgorod with some girls and their mother that my wife and stepdaughter met in Belarus. Their grandmother was my wife's neighbor in Baranovichi. Anyway, she partied away the money and the mother of the girls got tired of her not contributing. My wife found out later that she just squandered the money away and never even tried to enter the university. She wore out her welcome with the girl's mother and my wife had to wire more money so she could come back home to Baranovichi. My stepdaughter was broke. Hoo boy...was my wife pissed off at my stepdaughter.

As the date for the interview in Warsaw approached my stepdaughter still did not want to come to the USA. My wife was going to just give her their flat to live in and leave her in Belarus. After all, my stepdaughter was already 18 years old and finished with school. Not only that, but my wife couldn't force her to come to the USA because she was an adult.

Then at the last minute she decided she wanted to come with mama. It kind of put my wife's travel plans behind schedule because then she had to sell the flat, furniture, and their possessions before they left.

In our case, my wife and stepdaughter do not have relatives in Belarus. My stepdaughter was born there, but all of their relatives live far away in Russia where my wife was born. My stepdaught isn't real close to them and has only met them a few times. So I think it finally dawned on my stepdaughter that she would be totally on her own without mama to bail her out when she got in a jam.

Of course my stepdaughter boo-hooed and missed her friends for several months, but she eventually met new friends here in Houston. My wife and stepdaughter went on their first trip back to Belarus in March of this year after living in the USA for 4 years. My wife told me that my stepdaughter was bored a lot of the time because a lot of her old friends were working, had husbands, babies, etc. and had no time to hang around with her. My stepdaughter couldn't wait to get back "home" to Houston. Go figure that out!

Anyway, that is our story.

I don't know what advice to give, Aspettando. At some point the boy will age out and miss out on being able to reside in the USA as a permanent resident on a K-2 through his mom. After that your wife would have to become a US citizen and apply for him to come over as an adult relative. That could take many, many years of waiting. Better for the boy to come while it is easy for him to do so. That is...if he really wants to live in the USA. Maybe the boy will change his mind later. Who knows? Even if the boy decides to live in Russia forever, your wife can still travel to see him or he can travel to the USA on a tourist visa. That may be the way it turns out. America isn't for everyone. Russia may be his destiny. Good luck & best wishes.

[Satellite 1]

It only works until someone puts the pieces together.... It will be some day at a POE when she attempts entry and the CBP officer takes the green card or when they need to remove conditions.....

I have rather silly but technical question. How do the POE entry officers know how long you have been out of the country when you are returning on a Greencard? No one swipes your card or enters that data upon leaving the US, based on my wife's personal experience here. They do ask you how long was your trip, but there is no real way to verify it and what would trigger them to get suspicious if you said I was gone two weeks rather than say 50 weeks?

[aspettando 0]

Again I would like to thank you for your very informative answers and for the advise. I have an update. I spoke to my future stepson, he with soda and I with piwo, and I explained to him the importance of getting the green card. We agreed that he will be here for one year to get his AOS and to finish his second high school year and then we will evaluate the whole thing for his mother to decide what to do. His grandparents (Masha's parents) would take care of him with our financial support.

Once I heard that our generation is the last one to hope for our parents approval, and also the first one to also hope for our children's approval. Probably a philosophical, sociological, psychological, but definitely not very logical an issue. I am a hardliner. I don't believe in bribes for children although one can argue that bribes are the lubricant that makes the wheels of XXI Century turn. I spoke with him the way I speak with my daughters: these are the issues, this is what is good for you, take it or leave it. I didn't promise him a car or even the last model of the skate boards that he loves so much. Yet, he would have to work hard in school. Our house, our rules.

Again, I know that you offered me your most sincere advise and I want to thank you very much for it.

Javier B)

[Brad and Vika 129]

It only works until someone puts the pieces together.... It will be some day at a POE when she attempts entry and the CBP officer takes the green card or when they need to remove conditions.....

I have rather silly but technical question. How do the POE entry officers know how long you have been out of the country when you are returning on a Greencard? No one swipes your card or enters that data upon leaving the US, based on my wife's personal experience here. They do ask you how long was your trip, but there is no real way to verify it and what would trigger them to get suspicious if you said I was gone two weeks rather than say 50 weeks?

And a regulatory one. If a kid stays in Europe to attend University, how is that child considered to "reside" where the college is? If I live in Idaho and go to school in Texas, I am not a resident of Texas. This is true no matter how much of the time I spend in Texas. Same result if study is in the UK or Mexico. I realize that Ukraine is actually a separate country (so please, no one point it out here) and not in another state, but I think the intent to reside there if momma is here would be really hard to prove.

Edited July 15, 2008 by Brad and Vika

[eekee 182]

It only works until someone puts the pieces together.... It will be some day at a POE when she attempts entry and the CBP officer takes the green card or when they need to remove conditions.....

I have rather silly but technical question. How do the POE entry officers know how long you have been out of the country when you are returning on a Greencard? No one swipes your card or enters that data upon leaving the US, based on my wife's personal experience here. They do ask you how long was your trip, but there is no real way to verify it and what would trigger them to get suspicious if you said I was gone two weeks rather than say 50 weeks?

And a regulatory one. If a kid stays in Europe to attend University, how is that child considered to "reside" where the college is? If I live in Idaho and go to school in Texas, I am not a resident of Texas. This is true no matter how much of the time I spend in Texas. Same result if study is in the UK or Mexico. I realize that Ukraine is actually a separate country (so please, no one point it out here) and not in another state, but I think the intent to reside there if momma is here would be really hard to prove.

But if you're a CITIZEN of Ukraine and going to university there, I think that might be a different case.

[akdiver 3]

And a regulatory one. If a kid stays in Europe to attend University, how is that child considered to "reside" where the college is? If I live in Idaho and go to school in Texas, I am not a resident of Texas. This is true no matter how much of the time I spend in Texas.

Define "live in Idaho". What does that mean? If you pack your car, move your #### to Texas, find a place to live, and get your mail there - isn't that living in Texas? What difference does it make what you do with your time during the day, whether it is go to school, go to work, or go next door to bang the MILF that sit at home all day watching soap operas? How are you not a resident of Texas? By the way - as much as Texas sucks - becoming a resident there is not a bad idea, since they have no state income tax.

[peejay 327]

And a regulatory one. If a kid stays in Europe to attend University, how is that child considered to "reside" where the college is? If I live in Idaho and go to school in Texas, I am not a resident of Texas. This is true no matter how much of the time I spend in Texas.

Define "live in Idaho". What does that mean? If you pack your car, move your #### to Texas, find a place to live, and get your mail there - isn't that living in Texas? What difference does it make what you do with your time during the day, whether it is go to school, go to work, or go next door to bang the MILF that sit at home all day watching soap operas? How are you not a resident of Texas? By the way - as much as Texas sucks - becoming a resident there is not a bad idea, since they have no state income tax.

Texas don't suck as much as you do.

If you can't say something without an insult or relavent to the topic...STFU!

[Brad and Vika 129]

And a regulatory one. If a kid stays in Europe to attend University, how is that child considered to "reside" where the college is? If I live in Idaho and go to school in Texas, I am not a resident of Texas. This is true no matter how much of the time I spend in Texas.

Define "live in Idaho". What does that mean? If you pack your car, move your #### to Texas, find a place to live, and get your mail there - isn't that living in Texas? What difference does it make what you do with your time during the day, whether it is go to school, go to work, or go next door to bang the MILF that sit at home all day watching soap operas? How are you not a resident of Texas? By the way - as much as Texas sucks - becoming a resident there is not a bad idea, since they have no state income tax.

It does matter how you spend your time, if you are a STUDENT. Students attend class in states (and countries) other than those where they reside all the time. For that matter, people live and work in countries other than those where they reside all the time. For example, if you work in the UK for a year, you still owe US income tax, with some exceptions, because you are considered a US resident. And a student from say, Germany can go to a state school in New York for four years and still pay out of state tuition, unless they take steps to establish residency. Residency is a sort of legal fiction that sometimes has little to do with where you are getting your mail. That is I think why the daughter of my acquaintance could live in Ukraine most of the year without having a problem. What I know for sure is that she had been doing it for three years without our government ruling that she was no longer a resident of the US.