christian and muslim family

[mohamed and trina 0]

hi everyone sorry to post another nonsence post.well me and my fiance are having problems right now in the middle of breaking up.we were talking about having children in the future.and the hard thing for me is i cant handle the thought of if i have a boy he can marry any religion.but if i was to have a girl that she cant marry a non muslim.well please forgive me for saying i have a hard tme to believe why that is.it sounds kinda sexist.i know alot of people must believe the same thing.all i asked of him was to let our children be free.let them choose their own religion.and marry who they love weather christian,muslim,just believers of God.its turning into a battle everytime we talk about that.so today i think we broke up and its so hard for me esp after almost 3 years.why is it muslim men dont allow free will to their children.why cant they choose what they want to be.i would love my children to grow up and do their best and be happy and free.and there is alot of good muslims and christians.but when you tell your daughter you cant marry a christian that kinda sounds like we are bad.mena i am asking for comfort and friends right now since you seen my last post and i am taking it so hard.why does religion have to be so hard.and my mom and him used to be close.now she dont even know what to say to him no more.and neither do i because i dont know how o handle.i also wanted to let my future children learn both religions.thats not so bad is it.thats a wonderful thing.also my mom did hurt his feelings and mine.she said if you bring the children up in a muslim way they will go to hell.and that hurt me,and i know it did him to.she says the only way to heaven is through jesus christ.thats what we was taught.i really didnt think any religion that believed in God would go to hell.esp the muslims how wonderful and good kind hearted people they are.so tell me friends what can i do.do i say good bye or is there another way to have a common ground.please help

[AlHayatZween 2]

Hi Trina,

i have read some of your other posts and i'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time. Yes, religion and religious upbringing can be very complicated when no one is ready to be open-minded and accepting. i do believe that marriages between different cultures and religions are possible, but there has to be mutual respect and understanding. As for children, i think for all of us, we can only do our best to raise our children the best we can and pass down the beliefs that are important to us. But in the end, he or she--whether raised Christian, Muslim, Buddhist-- will choose to marry the person they want to marry.

You seem to be in a very difficult situation with your fiance and family. i wish you luck and i'm sending you my prayers.

Hang in there,

hz

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

I'm sorry you both broke up.

Looking at the past thread and reading what you wrote here it's better to move on, but who am I to judge?

Only you can decide for yourself.

Time for some TLC of Trina. I know you've written me of your love for horses so maybe take a trip to visit them and rekindle your love there. Reawaken who you are.

Best wishes in processing the break up.

Edited May 22, 2008 by Olivia*

[shekspair 0]

Sorry you are having a hard time to understand this fact. In Islam .........we speak of all religions(muslim ,jewish christian). However, in jewish and christian, they do not speak of Islam, being that it came after these two. All 3 believe in the one God, so they are alike in this manner. But, no where does it say in Christianity to marry a muslim, but in Islam it says a son can marry any religion. If he chooses to , he is to respect their right to their religion. But, if a christian man marrys a muslim woman, he doesn't know her rights as a muslim, cuz it says nowhere in the bible these rights. But, in the Quaran, it allows a christian wife to have all her rights in following her own religion. but neither jewish or christians cover these right to have other religion followed . And this is why Islam doesn't allow the muslim woman to marry out of muslim cuz it doesn't allow her to have her rights to follow her own religion.Hope this helps you in your decision. May God/Allah be with you .

[mohamed and trina 0]

thank you all for your comments but i am still confused why men get to marry who they want to but the women canot.its so onesided and not so fair.what if she falls inlove with a christian man will she be condemned.u cant help who you fall in love with can you.so why be punished.may God bless you all

[shekspair 0]

hi trina

no its not punshment its respecting her and you need to know if she grow up knowing her rights and her religon thats will never be a problem to her or apunshment

hope u feel better trina

[SaadBell 0]

[Zee Bee 61]

Hi Trina.

I am sorry you are going through this. I know it is not easy to have these discussions with your fiance expecially since you are so far away from each other, but better to find out now than to get into a worse situation.

I just want to point out that your fiance's feelings about children and their upbringing may not just be religious but also cultural and family based as well. For each example that you gave there are people who would agree and disagree. Remember, religion is as diverse as the people who practice it.

[Aymsgirl 0]

I just wanted to stop by and tell you that I am thinking about you. I hope whatever decisions you make they are the best for you. May God bless you!

Tasha

[sereia 0]

sorry to say this...but better now than later when you're already married and have those kids. *hugs*

[howdydoodle 0]

Hi Trina, I just came upon this old topic looking at your profile.

My wife is a Muslim and I'm a Cristian, we got married in Texas last year, we thought about having children but we decided not to since I'm 50 and she's 40. We both already 2 children from each side, not living with us, so our marriage was based on the fact that we loved each other keeping religions aside.

We love, trust and respect each other. I have even accepted to pray to GOD in Arabic, and have made the effort to try tp follow some of her daily prayers, not only because I believe in GOD but it also makes us happy, keeping our relationship strong.

Since our marriage is not legaly recognized in Egypt, I'm open to possibly convert to the Muslim religion, although we are not planning to live there but it will make it stressful for both of us to go there on vacation.

I don't believe that by us being of different religions, and especially since she a Muslim woman, that we are going to be punished by GOD.

[IAMX 3,055]

I'd say you both need to compromise. I was in a previous relationship with a person who was heavily religious and her religion was far too overbearing. I was too quick to come to her side, she didn't want to compromise in return. If one isn't flexible, they'll find their relationship is going to end in disappointment. Having similar beliefs is good, but only for those who have no ability to compromise. Being too stringent in religion (taking it too literally) is, to me, like having one's head in the sand and will ruin experience, overall.

[Mommy2ZaidnSalma 11]

trina..Dont look at it from a sexist stand..

Lets see if this makes sense...

If a muslim man marries a christian women, than the children would be muslim (in ME countries) bc the kids follow the father..so then when those kids marry. if a muslim women married a christian man, the children would follow the father, making them christian, so you would have 3 generations of different religions. this is not accetable in ME countries..

so it is allowed for the man bc his kids would always be muslim...

And i dont even think this is just a ME following, my father is catholic, my mother lutheran, my bros, sis, and i were raised catholic, bc they believe in following the fathers religion also..it is an old school way to think, but, religous conflicts cause many strains on marriages, and i think using this method is better...knowing what your getting yourself into before its too late..

[IAMX 3,055]

And i dont even think this is just a ME following, my father is catholic, my mother lutheran, my bros, sis, and i were raised catholic, bc they believe in following the fathers religion also..it is an old school way to think, but, religous conflicts cause many strains on marriages, and i think using this method is better...knowing what your getting yourself into before its too late..

I agree only with the bold here, as was the case with me in a previous relationship, but merely because religions tend to be a strain in and of themselves in terms of narrow-mindedness and inability to compromise. There are plenty of people who are capable of adapting without being so grossly demanding in terms of their subjective beliefs. Focusing on those differences will get a person nowhere in any relationship, because it should be about what one has in common that allowed them to fall in love in the first place.

[Sabr 0]

hi everyone sorry to post another nonsence post.well me and my fiance are having problems right now in the middle of breaking up.we were talking about having children in the future.and the hard thing for me is i cant handle the thought of if i have a boy he can marry any religion.but if i was to have a girl that she cant marry a non muslim.well please forgive me for saying i have a hard tme to believe why that is.it sounds kinda sexist.i know alot of people must believe the same thing.all i asked of him was to let our children be free.let them choose their own religion.and marry who they love weather christian,muslim,just believers of God.its turning into a battle everytime we talk about that.so today i think we broke up and its so hard for me esp after almost 3 years.why is it muslim men dont allow free will to their children.why cant they choose what they want to be.i would love my children to grow up and do their best and be happy and free.and there is alot of good muslims and christians.but when you tell your daughter you cant marry a christian that kinda sounds like we are bad.mena i am asking for comfort and friends right now since you seen my last post and i am taking it so hard.why does religion have to be so hard.and my mom and him used to be close.now she dont even know what to say to him no more.and neither do i because i dont know how o handle.i also wanted to let my future children learn both religions.thats not so bad is it.thats a wonderful thing.also my mom did hurt his feelings and mine.she said if you bring the children up in a muslim way they will go to hell.and that hurt me,and i know it did him to.she says the only way to heaven is through jesus christ.thats what we was taught.i really didnt think any religion that believed in God would go to hell.esp the muslims how wonderful and good kind hearted people they are.so tell me friends what can i do.do i say good bye or is there another way to have a common ground.please help:crying:

Peace be with you Trina,

Going into a marriage with people of other religions can cause these types of clashes. You might try explaining to your hubby that in the United States we are not under any kind of Islamic family law. Therefore irregardless of what you wish for your children in the end it will be their decision whom to marry. So its all moot.

I as a Muslim, chose to marry a Muslim woman with the hopes we could avoid these clashes. Not to say interreligious marriages are impossible but if this type of marriage is entered it will inevitably call for both husband and wife to bend some least it become lop-sided. Both of you I see are finding this out.

Its true that according to Islamic law, rules, guidance a Muslim man is allowed to marry a Christian woman but according to the ijma of the Ulemah (consensus of the scholars its very much discouraged). Can you see why?

In any case I wish you peace and happiness in the future.

S.