Frustrated, angry, and hurt...

[jelti 0]

A couple weeks ago, my supervisor at work asked me about the process of moving Aidan to America and getting married. He seemed genuinely interested, so I told him the whole story. The fees, the forms, the time apart, the plane tickets, the tears, everything. I usually don't go into any major details when people ask about this process, but this time I did. *shrug* I guess I just felt like telling the whole scoop. Normally, I don't even bring up anything about this whole process unless asked.

Anyway, fast forward to today. My supervisor came into my office (and don't get me wrong, my supervisor is an awesome boss, I have no beef with him) and said he had to ask me something. I thought it was about work and said ok. So he goes into this big story about how he has a friend who's "really into the immigration thing". He said he and his friend were on the topic, so he told his friend all about his employee whose husband is from Ireland (me), and how difficult it was to get him here. He told him about the fees, the forms, the time apart, the plane tickets, and the tears. He basically told this friend the exact story that I told him. Cool, I thought. Maybe people will start to become more aware of legal immigration.

Turns out it's not so cool. This friend then proceeeded to tell my boss how his employee (me) was majorly exaggerating, and that the process wasn't nearly as drawn-out as I was making it to be. He basically told my boss that I was lying, and for what purpose, he did not know. And the way my boss was presenting this information to me suggested that he believed his friend.

My mouth must have dropped open, and I don't know how many seconds passed before I was able to gather my thoughts and speak. When someone basically accuses me of something, I seem to go into a very mild form of brain-shock. I stutter, fumble for words, and seemingly look guilty. I tried to say that this totally wasn't true, that if there was an easier way to get Aidan here, rest assured we would have done it like that! I wanted to tell him how much we suffered being apart from each other, how so many other people that I know (here on VJ!) suffer being apart from each other. How expensive this all was, how we couldn't afford to adjust Aidan's status, how we wondered if we could afford bills/groceries/gasoline. I wanted to scream at him for making it seem like I was untruthful when I told my story...

But I couldn't. I couldn't because I was too busy fighting back tears and angry words. And I thought to myself...why bother. He wouldn't understand anyway...no one that hasn't gone through this could possibly ever understand.

[TracyTN 237]

Is your supervisor sure that whomever he talked to knows about MARRIAGE and/or family visas? And why is this person such an expert? Did they go through a process? If so, what was it? Employment based, student based? You have to compare apples to apples, not apples to oranges.

It sounds like someone has their wires crossed. I would ask more questions before I allowed someone to call me a liar. What gall.

[Ban Hammer 12,867]

A couple weeks ago, my supervisor at work asked me about the process of moving Aidan to America and getting married. He seemed genuinely interested, so I told him the whole story. The fees, the forms, the time apart, the plane tickets, the tears, everything. I usually don't go into any major details when people ask about this process, but this time I did. *shrug* I guess I just felt like telling the whole scoop. Normally, I don't even bring up anything about this whole process unless asked.

Anyway, fast forward to today. My supervisor came into my office (and don't get me wrong, my supervisor is an awesome boss, I have no beef with him) and said he had to ask me something. I thought it was about work and said ok. So he goes into this big story about how he has a friend who's "really into the immigration thing". He said he and his friend were on the topic, so he told his friend all about his employee whose husband is from Ireland (me), and how difficult it was to get him here. He told him about the fees, the forms, the time apart, the plane tickets, and the tears. He basically told this friend the exact story that I told him. Cool, I thought. Maybe people will start to become more aware of legal immigration.

Turns out it's not so cool. This friend then proceeeded to tell my boss how his employee (me) was majorly exaggerating, and that the process wasn't nearly as drawn-out as I was making it to be. He basically told my boss that I was lying, and for what purpose, he did not know. And the way my boss was presenting this information to me suggested that he believed his friend.

My mouth must have dropped open, and I don't know how many seconds passed before I was able to gather my thoughts and speak. When someone basically accuses me of something, I seem to go into a very mild form of brain-shock. I stutter, fumble for words, and seemingly look guilty. I tried to say that this totally wasn't true, that if there was an easier way to get Aidan here, rest assured we would have done it like that! I wanted to tell him how much we suffered being apart from each other, how so many other people that I know (here on VJ!) suffer being apart from each other. How expensive this all was, how we couldn't afford to adjust Aidan's status, how we wondered if we could afford bills/groceries/gasoline. I wanted to scream at him for making it seem like I was untruthful when I told my story...

But I couldn't. I couldn't because I was too busy fighting back tears and angry words. And I thought to myself...why bother. He wouldn't understand anyway...no one that hasn't gone through this could possibly ever understand.

i cannot understand why your boss would put you on the spot like that. and not cool at all. chin up

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

A lot of people go through this process without much thought or effort. They have lawyers or they just get lucky. I have a friend who went to his adjustment interview with his K1 wife without any evidence at all and got approved anyway. He didn't know he had to take any and the officer didn't seem to care. If I asked him how the process is, he'd say piece of cake no problema.

[mercuryroad 0]

wonder why he brought it up........does he think you want some more vacation time or something like that? strange

[jelti 0]

wonder why he brought it up........does he think you want some more vacation time or something like that? strange

That's why I'm so upset...I mean, does he think I was telling the story to get bonuses or something? Gimme a break! I just thought he was genuinely interested.

[Fuzzness 2]

that person accusing you of lying is clearly a chopf!ck and a troll

[Sister Fracas 5]

that person accusing you of lying is clearly a chopf!ck and a troll

I don't know why this struck me as funny..... I've never thought of someone IRL being a troll...heehee....

But yeah, they are...OR, like Tracy said, perhaps they were uneducated about marriage based visas and think they are as easy to get as student/work visas.

[Mand 1]

I know when I moved here, everybody thought that because I was marrying a U.S. citizen that I automatically got a Green Card. I don't think it's too widely known the hoops we have to jump through...and shame on your boss for making you feel bad!!

[Fandango 1,439]

People are so stupid sometimes....

[mercuryroad 0]

wonder why he brought it up........does he think you want some more vacation time or something like that? strange

That's why I'm so upset...I mean, does he think I was telling the story to get bonuses or something? Gimme a break! I just thought he was genuinely interested.

My boss was really leary as well. He doesn't like me taking off a week at a time and in a couple weeks I will be doing it for the 4th time in 6 months. He doesn't say much about the process or ask too many questions. His concern is about the work being done. I can tell he is skeptical though hahahaha

Who knows what this "friend" said......maybe something about time off or things they have heard.....otherwise I don't think your boss would have brought it up.

Probably worth having a chat with your boss now that you have had a chance to collect your thoughts. I never let stuff like that slide and confronting them makes them think twice about doing it again.....plus they gain some knowledge.

[MrsBruce5 0]

You're so right.

Blame it on ignorance and forget about it...no one has a clue unless they're knee deep in it.

I have had ppl ask me the stupidest questions-even insinuating that the reason why my husband is not here is by choice.

I don't even talk about it anymore, as it really seems no one really gives a rat's a** about things when they're done legally. Perhaps your boss' friend simply heard of all the gray areas-those are the stories you hear more about than the legal ones anyway...

Most ppl that I have spoken to think all you have to do is get married and the immigrant has "automatic citizenship"-it makes me laugh to hear the ignorance considering I have spent 9 days with my husband since November.

As I said, you're right. No one has any idea of what this all entails.

Be a duck and let it roll off. If you don't it'll stick to you and weigh you down.

-Rose

[TracyTN 237]

My boss is from Ireland, and she came here on a work visa. I outlined the fiance visa process for her, and she was surprised at the differences, though thought it was good that you can get LPR earlier as a spouse.

[Fandango 1,439]

Just tell your boss 'yeah, i'm lying...I'm actually choosing to live apart from my husband'

DUMBASS!

[Nessa 23]

I agree with you, nobody could ever understand what it is to go through this process, unless they have to go through it. It's very hard, and i avoid telling people too much detail, because they think things are easy, that i'm making a big deal and that me or my fiance could come up with an easier, cheaper, faster solution if we wanted, which is not true. Just an advice, keep it to yourself, and when you need to talk to someone about it, talk to the people here on VJ.