k-1 gone bad I want her out asap

[pokernut 0]

ok thanks for the many responses... I will give you the details... I met my fiance in october of 2006 in person.

So it has been much more than 16 months that she has lied to me. To address the age issue. I was apprehensive about the age difference and I thought that was something we had talked about enough that I was ok with it. NO i am not an old perv looking for that. I am a person like anyone else who wants to love someone and be loved in return. If you want more information, I have a medical condition that makes sexual activity low on my list of things to do. I have had diabetis for several years and had this condition a long time without treatment. One of the affects of this condition is erectile dysfunction, so Im not motivated by sex. I have a very low sex drive. My fiance broke up with me about three months into our relationship. I wasnt happy about that. I heard she had a boyfriend and I confronted her about that and she said it wasnt serious. Well I moved on and then a month or so after that she asked me to take her back. I did take her back, but I was very skeptical. I asked her hundreds of times did she really love me? I told her to just be honest with me and I would help her. I could help her get a work visa as she has a skill that is in demand in the usa.

So I have sent money not only to her but for the support of her family for the last 12 months since we got back together. When she arrived here she treated me as a "friend" I went to kiss her simply goodnight the first night, as i know she had a long flight and she would not even kiss me. I ask how is it that someone loves you and they wont kiss you? She said to give her time. Well ok... maybe so.. but I think there would be some level of affection. I recorded

the chat as I have already said, and she clearly tells her friends that she doesnt love me and also that she doesnt even intend to marry me? It seems she thought she could come here and just get a job. She doesnt seem to understand

the process at all. After a lot of talking, I finally got her to admit that she does not love me and that just came here to work and to help her family.

So I guess I have to spend some more money to send her back. She got me to believe that she really loved me even though my gut feeling told me that she didnt. Lesson to be learned i guess. My fault in this as it has been pointed out that this is my second k-1 visa, is that quite honestly i am a lonely person and I have set myself up for these problems. I have to work on myself and use much better judgement in the future. I am too willing to believe someone because I want to be in a happy loving relationship. So yes Im pretty stupid..

Im not concerned with contacting immigration.. When I posted this earlier, I was just frustrated and wanted this behind me. Ive had a lot of expenses lately and problems. My income qualified to bring her here. I just have to get caught up a little bit. I do love her, and Im mostly just very sad. It is because that I was burned on a previous k-1 fiance, that I have been much more willing to see the truth for what it is. Its possible to let love overlook things in hopes that it will get better. Im happy that im healthy enough now to just face the truth and the facts and take appropriate action. I am not vengefal. I dont wish her any harm or bad things. I just want to focus on things I have to do. Im upset that this has caused me to burn my second k-1 visa. I love the culture of her people and I love the people of her country. Someday I will move there. I wish her the best, but I want to get this over with and thats why I posted that like I did.

thanks for listening

[Jesse and Hema 2]

ok thanks for the many responses... I will give you the details... I met my fiance in october of 2006 in person.

So it has been much more than 16 months that she has lied to me. To address the age issue. I was apprehensive about the age difference and I thought that was something we had talked about enough that I was ok with it. NO i am not an old perv looking for that. I am a person like anyone else who wants to love someone and be loved in return. If you want more information, I have a medical condition that makes sexual activity low on my list of things to do. I have had diabetis for several years and had this condition a long time without treatment. One of the affects of this condition is erectile dysfunction, so Im not motivated by sex. I have a very low sex drive. My fiance broke up with me about three months into our relationship. I wasnt happy about that. I heard she had a boyfriend and I confronted her about that and she said it wasnt serious. Well I moved on and then a month or so after that she asked me to take her back. I did take her back, but I was very skeptical. I asked her hundreds of times did she really love me? I told her to just be honest with me and I would help her. I could help her get a work visa as she has a skill that is in demand in the usa.

So I have sent money not only to her but for the support of her family for the last 12 months since we got back together. When she arrived here she treated me as a "friend" I went to kiss her simply goodnight the first night, as i know she had a long flight and she would not even kiss me. I ask how is it that someone loves you and they wont kiss you? She said to give her time. Well ok... maybe so.. but I think there would be some level of affection. I recorded

the chat as I have already said, and she clearly tells her friends that she doesnt love me and also that she doesnt even intend to marry me? It seems she thought she could come here and just get a job. She doesnt seem to understand

the process at all. After a lot of talking, I finally got her to admit that she does not love me and that just came here to work and to help her family.

So I guess I have to spend some more money to send her back. She got me to believe that she really loved me even though my gut feeling told me that she didnt. Lesson to be learned i guess. My fault in this as it has been pointed out that this is my second k-1 visa, is that quite honestly i am a lonely person and I have set myself up for these problems. I have to work on myself and use much better judgement in the future. I am too willing to believe someone because I want to be in a happy loving relationship. So yes Im pretty stupid..

Im not concerned with contacting immigration.. When I posted this earlier, I was just frustrated and wanted this behind me. Ive had a lot of expenses lately and problems. My income qualified to bring her here. I just have to get caught up a little bit. I do love her, and Im mostly just very sad. It is because that I was burned on a previous k-1 fiance, that I have been much more willing to see the truth for what it is. Its possible to let love overlook things in hopes that it will get better. Im happy that im healthy enough now to just face the truth and the facts and take appropriate action. I am not vengefal. I dont wish her any harm or bad things. I just want to focus on things I have to do. Im upset that this has caused me to burn my second k-1 visa. I love the culture of her people and I love the people of her country. Someday I will move there. I wish her the best, but I want to get this over with and thats why I posted that like I did.

thanks for listening

You don't have to pay for her return flight. She will get deported, which is free of charge to you.

More importantly, though, don't be vengeful or anything. Just try to keep your spirits up.. And for what it's worth, don't head for the K-1 route any more, as you've discovered that might not be a good fit for you. Just work on being satisfied with being independent for now, and let pieces fall into place later if they may. Perhaps you can even work on your health issues and start improving physically, just to feel better about yourself as well... I wish you the best.

[angie007 0]

You aren't sending back bad food at a diner...THIS IS A HUMAN BEING FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!!

You make me sick.

This is exactly what my reaction was when I first read this topic, but I later read the OP's second post and I changed my opinion. IF what the OP is saying is true and his fiancee has deceived him in order to gain entry into this country, then she is the one who should be labeled 'sick' and 'disgusting'. People like that are the exact reason why so many of us here are having to endure the emotional hardships that we are.

If true, then not only did she commit fraud, but did so with a total disregard for the feelings of another human being. I would hope that she would be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law and permanently banned from entering the US again. I can't imagine how I would feel if I found out that my fiancee had been lying to me all along.

All we know about this case is what little the OP has chosen to tell us, so, I will refrain from making any judgements.

To the OP: If this is your second K1 gone bad, please, try to learn from your mistakes. You are making us all look bad.

CORRECT!!!!

[angie007 0]

At first this was all the information I had and I reacted to it, then I saw the second post about the scam, etc.

Still, no matter what this person has done, they are still a human being, you can't just ship her back like she's damaged merchandise you ordered from a store, doesn't work that way.[/color]

How does it work, Laura? The issue is that if she has conned an American citizen to gain entry to this country, how would you propose to reverse the situation? Do you believe she should remain?

I don't know what should be done, I don't think she can be "sent back" and him possibly get billed for it later.

It just seems so...cold.

Have they talked about it?

How about open communication?

How about finding out the truth instead of simply relying on seeing some chat logs to friends.

The OP has given such little information, perhaps I shouldn't have commented but it upset me to see those words.

Until the OP comes back with further information I'll just keep my mouth shut.

I guess it boils down to me not understanding how people can ask someone to marry them when they hardly know them at all.

It doesn't SEEM cold Lau, it IS cold.

But some folks on VJ seem to think that you can dispose of foreign peoples like you discard old socks -- more power to them.

"Can they bill me for it?" I'm sorry man, but your language is more telling than what you tell us she has done.

Peace out.

This is ridiculous! The OP suggested that he didn't have the money right now. He isn't shirking his repsonsibility. Give him some slack, people!

And if it is true that this woman deceived him into a relationship for immigrant benefit alone, she is breaking immigration law. Does she deserve more consideration that the "host" or "victim" she preyed upon?

[athena_ny 1]

ok thanks for the many responses... I will give you the details... I met my fiance in october of 2006 in person.

So it has been much more than 16 months that she has lied to me. To address the age issue. I was apprehensive about the age difference and I thought that was something we had talked about enough that I was ok with it. NO i am not an old perv looking for that. I am a person like anyone else who wants to love someone and be loved in return. If you want more information, I have a medical condition that makes sexual activity low on my list of things to do. I have had diabetis for several years and had this condition a long time without treatment. One of the affects of this condition is erectile dysfunction, so Im not motivated by sex. I have a very low sex drive. My fiance broke up with me about three months into our relationship. I wasnt happy about that. I heard she had a boyfriend and I confronted her about that and she said it wasnt serious. Well I moved on and then a month or so after that she asked me to take her back. I did take her back, but I was very skeptical. I asked her hundreds of times did she really love me? I told her to just be honest with me and I would help her. I could help her get a work visa as she has a skill that is in demand in the usa.

So I have sent money not only to her but for the support of her family for the last 12 months since we got back together. When she arrived here she treated me as a "friend" I went to kiss her simply goodnight the first night, as i know she had a long flight and she would not even kiss me. I ask how is it that someone loves you and they wont kiss you? She said to give her time. Well ok... maybe so.. but I think there would be some level of affection. I recorded

the chat as I have already said, and she clearly tells her friends that she doesnt love me and also that she doesnt even intend to marry me? It seems she thought she could come here and just get a job. She doesnt seem to understand

the process at all. After a lot of talking, I finally got her to admit that she does not love me and that just came here to work and to help her family.

So I guess I have to spend some more money to send her back. She got me to believe that she really loved me even though my gut feeling told me that she didnt. Lesson to be learned i guess. My fault in this as it has been pointed out that this is my second k-1 visa, is that quite honestly i am a lonely person and I have set myself up for these problems. I have to work on myself and use much better judgement in the future. I am too willing to believe someone because I want to be in a happy loving relationship. So yes Im pretty stupid..

Im not concerned with contacting immigration.. When I posted this earlier, I was just frustrated and wanted this behind me. Ive had a lot of expenses lately and problems. My income qualified to bring her here. I just have to get caught up a little bit. I do love her, and Im mostly just very sad. It is because that I was burned on a previous k-1 fiance, that I have been much more willing to see the truth for what it is. Its possible to let love overlook things in hopes that it will get better. Im happy that im healthy enough now to just face the truth and the facts and take appropriate action. I am not vengefal. I dont wish her any harm or bad things. I just want to focus on things I have to do. Im upset that this has caused me to burn my second k-1 visa. I love the culture of her people and I love the people of her country. Someday I will move there. I wish her the best, but I want to get this over with and thats why I posted that like I did.

thanks for listening

You don't have to pay for her return flight. She will get deported, which is free of charge to you.

More importantly, though, don't be vengeful or anything. Just try to keep your spirits up.. And for what it's worth, don't head for the K-1 route any more, as you've discovered that might not be a good fit for you. Just work on being satisfied with being independent for now, and let pieces fall into place later if they may. Perhaps you can even work on your health issues and start improving physically, just to feel better about yourself as well... I wish you the best.

No offense to you, Jesse G, but given the current illegal immigration situation, what makes you think ICE will actually deport her? Solid evidence of fraud will open an investigation, but as she hasn't yet incurred any real immigration benefits (K-1 means nothing if unmarried and I-94 is expired), but he says he's not interested in contacting immigration. And deportation may be "free of charge" to the petitioner, but it's not the taxpayers.

If the OP is willing to buy a plane ticket for her to go back, I say go for it.

[Devkpaik 1]

Hey,

In terms of lecturing him, i don't think it's our place. I don't agree with what he said, as he could have phrased it better, however if she is one of those idiots that is just using him for his american citizenship, then he's right, she doesn't deserve to be here. I am sure we can all sympathize that if youir loved one was not interested in being with you at all, but only wanted to get to America, that you'd feel the same was as him. Yes he could have used different words such as "send her back" to express what he was saying, but he is human, he has emotions, and he is probably feeling like s***.

Now, pokernut, you either filed for a K-1 after only knowing her for a little bit, or you are just naive and cannot see when someone is deceiving you. I find it hard to believe that she put on such a great facade to the point where you truly believed she loved you and was able to disguise her true reasons for being in the US.

I am sorry that it turned out this way, but this is a prime example of someone abusing the K-1 visa, and this is a prime example of WHY we all have to wait so long for our visas, because some people just only want to scam/manipulate someone just so they can become a PR in he United states.

Edited March 17, 2008 by littleasianman7

[pokernut 0]

it took me 8 months before i filed the k-1 .. yes my gut feeling said get out of this.. no I didnt listen.. She finally convinced me that she loved me, but she didnt have it in her to carry it out when she got here. She thought i was so dopey, I would just do anything for her no matter what, and im sure i added to that by sending her the money that i sent her all this time.

Hey,

In terms of lecturing him, i don't think it's our place. I don't agree with what he said, as he could have phrased it better, however if she is one of those idiots that is just using him for his american citizenship, then he's right, she doesn't deserve to be here. I am sure we can all sympathize that if youir loved one was not interested in being with you at all, but only wanted to get to America, that you'd feel the same was as him. Yes he could have used different words such as "send her back" to express what he was saying, but he is human, he has emotions, and he is probably feeling like s***.

Now, pokernut, you either filed for a K-1 after only knowing her for a little bit, or you are just naive and cannot see when someone is deceiving you. I find it hard to believe that she put on such a great facade to the point where you truly believed she loved you and was able to disguise her true reasons for being in the US.

I am sorry that it turned out this way, but this is a prime example of someone abusing the K-1 visa, and this is a prime example of WHY we all have to wait so long for our visas, because some people just only want to scam/manipulate someone just so they can become a PR in he United states.

[pokernut 0]

just out of curiosity.. when she goes back to her home country, would this affect how long she would have to wait to file a work visa?

[athena_ny 1]

just out of curiosity.. when she goes back to her home country, would this affect how long she would have to wait to file a work visa?

Depends on what type of work visa and if she has any skills she'd get a work visa for. Work visas are a bit harder to get than a lot of other visas.

[CraigCam 0]

pokernut,

I want to apologize for the comment I directed towards you at the end of my post. It was based on the tone of your original posts that gave me the impression that maybe you were taking the K1 visa process lightly. I can imagine how terrible you must feel now without everyone adding to your pain.

Anyone who says that they have never had their judgment clouded by love is not being honest with themselves or has never been in love. I am sure that you can look back now and see the signs that should have alerted you to the real situation, but hindsight is 20/20. You seem like a sincere person who just wants what we all want.

Try not to be discouraged. Things happen for a reason and there is always a lesson to be learned. Don't let this one go to waste. It sounds like you know what you need to work on and that may be just learning how to be alone and comfortable with yourself. That way when your heart is trying to tell you something is not right, you can have the strength to walk away.

The best thing you can do is put this behind you and move on without hanging onto any negative feelings. Keep your head up. You will find true love when the time is right, or maybe I should say true love will find you.

[Jason-Sasha 1]

Man, I see an awful lot of hatred beig spewed in this topic. The "moral superiority" of some of these repliers makes me want to vomit! People's you dont know the situation. The guy is asking for info. Is that not what this board is for? Check all that "judgemental attitude" at the damn door!

-Samby

Perfectly said!

[Jason-Sasha 1]

Man, I see an awful lot of hatred beig spewed in this topic. The "moral superiority" of some of these repliers makes me want to vomit! People's you dont know the situation. The guy is asking for info. Is that not what this board is for? Check all that "judgemental attitude" at the damn door!

-Samby

Sorry but I'm unable to do that.

This site IS personal....I can't be supportive and just say "Sorry about your luck!" when I feel so strongly on a subject.

It sucks this happened and I agree...if she really did do this, shame on her.

If not, well the rest speaks for itself.

I agree with CraigCam as well.

At first this was all the information I had and I reacted to it, then I saw the second post about the scam, etc.

Still, no matter what this person has done, they are still a human being, you can't just ship her back like she's damaged merchandise you ordered from a store, doesn't work that way.

Yeah right. Let's just be really gentle with her and kindly ask her to leave. We're an ultra liberal nation. Why not? ........Nonsense.

Yes, ship her out as if she was damaged goods. She lied and cheated the government to be here. That's breaking the law. She used this guy to gain entry. But, I do have to say shame on him for not really seeing this coming. Surely there were warning signs.

[Corey-Mariya 14]

This has already happened to him before! This is his fault for being stupid! You should know when your ireally in love!

[Corey-Mariya 14]

She had another boyfriend? Would not kiss him good night? i bet when they were together 16 months ago they never even made love? is this guy retarded?

[Jason-Sasha 1]

This has already happened to him before! This is his fault for being stupid! You should know when your ireally in love!

Well, in his defense, he is human and looking for love. He obviosly had some idea this may happen, but he took the chance anyway. I don't have much sympathy but I can relate to the human need. And if he really loved her, he's going through many different emotions right now. He's hurt, he's stressed, and he's mad. That's natural. I would want her out immediately as well. Why should she get to spend 3 glorious months on vacation, while his heart has been broken? But why should we grieve for him when he kinda set himself up? Well, good luck to you Pokernut. Heal your wounds, throw her out, and do something that makes you happy.